Title: Secret Door
Chapter 1:The Bet
AN: So, I had writer's block. In order to fix that little problem I just made myself sit down and start writing. Then a cute fluffy plot bunny on crack hopped my way…so this fic was born. Sometimes I fear for my sanity…then I remember it's already gone, so why worry?
"You remember that little bar tucked away in the fifth district?" Striped hat titled dangerously to the side, Urahara peered blurrily towards his drinking companion.
"Mmmhmm. They had some good food." Yoruichi propped her elbows on the low table. "Not being able to go there might be the worst thing about getting exiled. Plus that bartender was cute."
Urahara snorted. "Anybody looks cute when their giving out free sake. 'Sides, he was married."
Golden eyes narrowed and Yoruichi sat up a bit. "No he wasn't."
"Uh huh." Urahara tipped back his drink nonchalantly, watching the emotions play across her face.
"Nu uh," was her smart reply.
"Wanna bet?" Urahara's eyes sparkled in a way that would have set alarm bells off in Yoruichi's mind had she been sober.
She rolled her eyes. "Che, it's not like we can go and ask him."
"Why not?"
She stared at him for a few minutes, wondering if he had finally lost the rest of his marbles, not that he had many left to lose. "You know, that little problem of being exiled? Ringing any bells?"
Urahara waved one hand in the air dismissively. "You think I don't have a back door into the Seireitei? What kind of evi- I mean, modestly handsome genius would I be?" He stood from the table and left an open mouthed Yoruichi behind.
"I…wha…Wait a second!" she jumped up from the table and downed the sake that was left in her cup before catching up with the crazy ex-captain.
Said crazy ex-captain was standing in front of that had a sign stating 'Dangerous Experimental Chemical Experiments. KEEP OUT! This means you, Jinta.' Chains crisscrossed the door four times with a large padlock holding them together in the middle.
Urahara was digging in his coat pocket. "Now where is that key?"
"Are you telling me…that you've had a way into the Seireitei…THIS ENTIRE TIME?" A vein was starting to pulse violently in her forehead.
Urahara seemed nonplussed by her reaction. "Yes, why?"
She took a deep breath and tried to remember that this was her best friend, she'd known him forever, she should at least get the whole story before she poked his eyeballs out with something rusty and sharp.
"Why is it then, when we had to go rescue Repunze- er Rukia from the Tower, you made us go through the paper-mache' art project you called a gate!"
Urahara shook his head. "Rukia couldn't be Repunzel, she doesn't have the hair." His face grew smug as he pulled a large silver key ring from his inside pocket. "Ah, found it!"
"You didn't answer my question." Yoruichi hissed through clenched teeth. "We almost died because the cleaner was running that day you know."
Urahara shrugged this off as he inserted the key into the lock. "Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. Besides those kids needed some toughening up." He looked sideways at her and gulped. "Uh, maybe I owe you one?' he asked hopefully.
"You know what, you just moved up a few spots on my list of 'People I Need to Kill'."
He pulled the chains from the door. "How many spots?'
"Fifteen."
"Damn," he opened the door, revealing a vast darkness. "If I buy you lunch can I get it reduced to five?" He smiled charmingly. She was not impressed.
She finally sighed. "It better be a damn good lunch."
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Mayuri was sitting in his bathroom applying white face paint and singing.
"I feel pretty…oh so pretty….I feel pretty and wit- AHHH!" His screech of surprise caused the two people that just emerged from his linen closet to clap hands over their ears.
"Ah, Mayuri. Long time no see. We're just passing through, don't mind us." Urahara smiled at the flabbergasted captain, before winking and striding out the door, a slightly horrified looking Yoruichi on his heels.
"Kiseke, was he…"
"Yes. Now was it left, right, left to get to the main entrance or right, left, right?"
"But…he was singing…"
"Yes, he likes to do that in his spare time. You should hear him sing opera; good set of lungs on that guy. Now this doesn't look right…"
Yoruichi shook her head to rid her mind of the image of Mayuri singing opera and looked at Urahara dubiously. "You don't know where we are?"
He scoffed at her before looking around with a very lost look on his face. "Of course I know where we are, we are in the twelfth division."
She smacked him upside the head, knocking his hat askew. "I realize that you idiot. How the hell do we get out of this maze?"
"Er, this…way, I think." He ducked as her fist swung for his head again.
They both froze as alarm bells started ringing and a voice announced. "INTRUDERS! ALERT! INTRUDERS!"
Urahara looked mildly disappointed. "Ya know, I really thought Mayuri wouldn't squeal on us." He eyed the far wall on his left. "No helping I guess" Thirty seconds later a giant hole appeared in the wall and the two flash stepped out into the sunlight.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Do you know why we were summoned?" Shunsui half asked, half yawned to Ukitake as they strode into the meeting hall.
"I do not know. I believe it has to do with the commotion I heard coming from twelfth earlier." He looked around the mostly full hall. Only Mayuri and Toshiro were absent besides the captain commander himself; and then Ukitake remembered the tenth division captain was currently in the living world.
Ukitake took his place in line and rolled his eyes discretely as Shunsui dipped his hat forward and seemed to be sleeping on his feet. There were quiet murmurs echoing off the walls. No one seemed to know exactly why they had been summoned to an emergency captain meeting.
The doors were flung open and Yamamoto ambled in followed by a highly agitated Mayuri. The murmurs stopped as the old man took his seat.
"Captain Kurotsuchi, will you please explain why you requested this meeting?"
All eyes turned to Mayuri.
He took a deep breath before stating matter-of-factly, "We have intruders in the Seireitei."
AN: Nah, that's not the end, just felt like stopping. It'll get updated eventually…I hope. BTW, my birthday is tomorrow and my boyfriends coming up to see me instead of the other way 'round so I'm doubtin' OS will get updated till Thursday, sorry guys. Now I gotta go clean my room,
Cya,
chica