Disclaimer: Not mine. Just borrowing the sexy, sexy playground. (Sorry, can't help it.)

Author's note: Apologies for the delay. I fought this one in a hard way (but good). The continuity is more emotional than story-oriented.

II. Tilt

by onescape

(Keiki. You always say too little.)

To deal with this new Queen has been a constant balancing act, the threat of failure always imminent at the edge of Keiki's consciousness. There is a thread that connects him to his Queen at all times, delicate and invisible, that he believes must be kept at a certain length to remain dormant and unharmed. Unharmful, too.

Not too close - he tends to feel their affinity too keenly sometimes, and fears the day she might, as well. She must find her own way first, she must learn to stand on her own and only then will she be able to stand with him; not the other way around. She is always, always on his mind as it is; Keiki pledges to himself not to watch over her every hour of the day, even though it unsettles him, knowing she is somewhere in the palace, so close, yet out of his sight. (The Queen finds his behaviour curiously skittish around herself; but then, what does she know of kirin? Very little; and Keiki does seem to be somewhat special. She learns to think of him as a lingering shadow in the hallways, one that appears only when she is messing up badly.)

Not too far - because she is young and brash and she knows so little; their connection is strung too tight for him to bear and he needs her like he needs air to breathe. Keiki tentatively offers a visit to Mt. Hou preceding her blessing by the heavens. Just the two of them for once, they take walks through the places of his youth, and he lets Lady Gyokurou tell her stories of the things he cannot speak himself. He watches her from the corner of his eye, allowing himself a measure of closeness for once; flooded with quiet joy in the rare moments when her face mirrors understanding. (The Queen remembers their trip to Mt. Hou fondly, yet with mild confusion, since it does not match anything she thought she knew about her kirin. She learns to regard it as something of a character blip - it was the day of her coronation, after all.)

He wavers between self-indulgence and reproach; a natural fascination and apprehension driven by logic. This act requires all of Keiki's strength and concentration. So much so, that for months on end he does not notice much of anything else.

"Did you know - " A pause. "But you must not tell anyone else. Promise me."

"Of course, Your Highness."

"I told you not to call me - nevermind." Hushed, secretive. "Did you know that, supposedly, kirin in the presence of their ruler feel a bliss that cannot be suppressed, or resisted? That they cannot stay away?"

"Oh. No, I didn't, of course. And you were told this by - ?"

"Indirectly, yes. It certainly doesn't look that way, does it?"

"Youko."

"Yes?"

"That does seem like an awfully private thing to share. Especially for the taiho."

"You really think so?" Uncertainty colours her voice.

Chiding: "You-ko! It does sound very much like when someone falls in love, doesn't it."

"That's ludicrous." A sigh. "Well, perhaps I shouldn't have..." A short, startled laugh follows. This is utterly unconnected, he knows, but Keiki can't help but feel the sound resonate within, can't rid himself of the warmth that her laughter, however terrible, brings forth without fail. "Rakushun, how would you know?"

An unexpected silence.

"I do." Unapologetic.

In the crushing moments of even more silence that follow, Keiki accepts that this is the punishment for his lack of control. He should have passed that door and not looked back. Now any semblance of intimacy he could have conjured up in his mind is no more. Now he knows and the knowledge burns bright and painful in his mind and makes him feel weaker inside than the stench of blood surrounding his Queen constantly. Instinct presses him to flee that place, and this time he does submit.

Those in the room do not hear his steps measure the hallway in a manner more frantic than ever.

(Afterwards, Youko is somewhat alarmed by the renewed distance between them - she truly thought things were looking up after the rebellion in Wa Province. Feeling somewhat guilty, though not entirely clear on why, she prods and inquires doggedly for weeks, and is baffled by his insistence that, for once, it has nothing to do with her qualities as a ruler, since she knows Keiki couldn't lie to her to save his life.)