(I have so much other crap going on right now that I SO should not be writing this. Kiddo is a bad girl. /grins/ But seriously, this idea got in my head, and WOULD NOT LET GO. Grrr.

For starters, blame Albert Fish for this entire thing. It's all his fault for being such a disturbing serial killer. Bleh.

As for excessive use of the word 'bloody' as in 'bloody hell', well, even though there's no damned British accents in the show , /which sucks, I love Brit accents, the language probably rubbed off on them. So bloody is a mild swear, sort of like 'dammit'. I don't own Death Note or Pokemon or the Titanic or WHATEVER.

Also, I don't know how old they are exactly; when I wrote this, I couldn't quite put my finger on how old I wanted them to be... so make of their ages what you wish. May be a bit OOC. I'm not quite sure...

And L is at Wammy's and has actually seen the damn kids. I refuse your bit of canon, damn you. Also, Near is a sheep. Like that sheep from Sheep in the Big City, which I loved when I was little.)

"Rooooogeeerrr..." Matt whined, staring up at the caretaker. "You caaaaaaaan't leeeeeeeeave..." The man looked down at the young gamer, who was currently clinging to his leg in what was supposed to justify cuteness.

"Do not drag your vowels out like that, Matt, it's unbecoming. Secondly, I have important matters to attend to; there is a case with my family that requires immediate attention." The redhead stomped his foot.

"Fine! I'm tellin' Meeelllooo!" He shrieked, which was actually a worse threat than it sounded.

"MEEEEELLOOO! ROGER'S TELLIN' ME I'M DRAGGING OUT MY VOOOOWWWEELLLS..." He ran off, presumably to find the young hothead. Roger sighed.

Well, that was someone else's problem. He had to go meet the temporary stand-in for the children's guardian here at the orphanage.

He found her waiting at the gate, a cheerful, plump woman, whose name, as she announced, was Lilly Francis. She was perfectly ready and prepared to meet the children, good golly gosh, gee bloody whiz.

Roger hated her so much.

He comforted himself with the fact that she'd never survive the terror known as Mihael Keehl, also known as Mello, also known as Mel-Mel, and that bitchy kid.

"WHAT IS THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU ABUSING MATT!?" Roger winced. God damn it.

The gamer clung to the blonde, sobbing quietly, which Roger knew was absolutely fake. The woman, he noted, looked terrified.

Mello snarled at Roger, and he saw the smirk that had formed beforehand. Damn it, that brat was in for it later...

"No one tells my Matt what to do but me. That is why he is mine. He's obviously distraught at your sudden departure, Roger, why cause him more anxiety by forcing him into a state of panic? He merely wanted to assuage you from leaving the orphanage, obviously wanting his father figure to stay." There was silence. Mello rolled his eyes, and huffed.

"Separation anxiety, you fucking morons." Lilly pulled herself up in a rage.

"Well, I've had enough of that language! Clean up your act, young man!" And even Roger grinned at that. She was going to be stuck in a living nightmare.

Mello was silent for a second. Matt giggled. And then the blonde opened his mouth.

"Hell shit bloody ass cock fuck you goddamn bitch, I swear to fucking Christ, don't fuck with me."

Matt burst out laughing, and Roger had to give a half-hearted, "Now, now..." before dissolving into very unbecoming giggles behind Lilly's back as she stormed in.

"Near, don't leave your trains in the hallway, L, for god's sake, please get out of the fridge and look presentable, and for god's sake, someone call somebody!" He recited in a monotone, utterly used to this.

Poor Lilly, though. L stared at her with wide-open eyes, and when that boy stared, he stared. She blinked, and turned her head away. Near sat crouched to the floor, and said nothing as Mello snarled at him in passing.

"Well, here's the desk, papers, beware of Mello's bitch-fits—" "HEY!" Roger ignored him. "Keep L out of the kitchen after two in the morning, Matt must go outside for at least ten minutes per day, Near is not allowed to set trains up in the hallway, even if he says it's to keep out burglars. It's not. And make sure the house doesn't burn down. Watari is on call for assistance, but as for everyone else, just handle things as best as you can. See you!"

Roger hauled out of there faster that Mello had thought possible for the old man. He snickered to himself, and unwrapped a new bar of chocolate. The woman glared at him, and hissed, "I am Lilly Francis, and there has been no child I could not handle! I highly doubt you'll be the first, young man!" Mello bit off a section of the bar, and said nothing. He turned on his heel, and stalked out of the office.

Matt shrugged, and bounded after his friend, chattering away in video-game music speak, happily singing gibberish.

"Well, that went well." Near said, noticing the flushed look and triumphant grin on Mello's face. He nodded.

"I suppose." He bent down, and just for the heck of it, knocked over Near's tower of dice, sticking his tongue out, and running away.

"He's so immature..." Near said to himself, pulling into a ball and pouting. Of course, this is when Lilly came out of the office and saw the adorable albino fuzzball that was Near.

"Oh, my poor dearie! Did that awful boy ruin your tower!?" She swept him up into a bone crushing, organ-smooshing hug, which did not exactly thrill the child, but his larynx was crushed, so he couldn't really speak up on his behalf.

"Bweh heh heh." Matt muttered, checking this out from the window. "I almost feel sorry for him." He remarked, nuzzling Mello's cheek and smiling. Mello rolled his eyes.

"I don't. C'mon, it's late, we should grab dinner and head back up here. No sense in doing much while she's out there." His lip curled. "And on Near's side, as well."

Mello and Matt sprinted down to the kitchen, and snagged some fruit and bread; Mello also grabbed the last carton of chocolate ice cream before they darted out again.

The rest of the night they spent up in their own room, their makeshift palace, eating fruit and discussing how they'd take over the world when Mello became L.

They fell asleep as soon as dawn cracked like a soggy yellow egg over Britain, Mello curled protectively over Matt.

"Mhmmm... Mello? Mel?" Matt said softly, pulling himself up. It was about eleven o'clock now, he guessed. Wow, they'd slept late...

"Snrrt. Red lorry. Yellow lorry." The blonde grunted, cuddling closer to Matt's thigh. The gamer rolled his eyes.

"Speaking of lorries, there's a friggin' car outside. And look, some yuppie just got out, too. Wonder if he's here to see L?" Matt told his friend. Mello shrugged, and pulled himself up.

"Dunno. Wanna go down to breakfast?" Matt shrugged, and nodded, following his boy out of the room, adjusting his goggles as they went.

Back in Lilly's office, the man had been let in, and was now sitting across from her, a warm smile on his lips. Smarter minds would've noted it to be false, but Lilly, dreadfully, was just a bit naive and... well, rather thick.

"So, Master Carter, you'd like to adopt?" She said, smiling girlishly at the dapper, middle-aged man in the dignified suit. He nodded, and said quietly, "Yes, and if it's alright with you, may I see the three children you spoke to me about?" She nodded.

"The two rotters will be in the kitchen. My darling Near, however, should still be in his room. I'll go get them!" She said, rising up and bustling off to get the two 'rotters'.

When she found them, she merely barked, "Someone's here to see you," before dashing off to find her 'precious Near'. Mello rolled his eyes.

"Bloody hell, does everyone worship the little sheep? Seriously. He looks like this bloody picture of a bloody sheep I saw that was blind. His eyes are weird as hell." Matt grinned.

"Even if they weren't, they'd never be as pretty as yours, anyways." Both of them stopped short. Mello burned bright red, and gaped at Matt, who looked like he was going to cry.

"Oh, shit, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that, I—" Mello smiled gently.

"So you think I'm ugly?" He joked, but this furthered Matt on the brink of tears. Mello had never really dealt with crying well, so he shook his head, and hugged Matt.

"God, don't cry. That was nice of you. Your eyes are pretty too, you know." Matt looked up at him, eyes shining with tears. They were indeed rather pretty, Mello realized. Like limes.

"Really?" He sniffled, actually crying, unlike last night. Mello nodded. "Really."

The two walked down to the office, finding Lilly and Near both already in it. A man in an inky black suit was waiting for them, a small smile on his face.

"Hello there. You two must be Mello and Matt." He saw the tear tracks on Matt's face, and frowned. "Oh dear, is something wrong?" He reached a hand out to touch Matt, and Mello shrieked.

"Don't touch him!" He snapped, knocking his hand away quickly. The man drew back, and Matt looked relieved. Lilly frowned.

"Apologize to the poor man, right now, Mello!" Mello shook his head. "No!" He screamed, stomping his foot. The man interrupted.

"It's quite alright; in fact, it's expected. He doesn't know me, and doesn't appreciate his friend's space being invaded." Mello stopped short. He nodded in acceptance, and said,

"Right then, who the bloody hell are you?" Even Near smiled behind Lilly's back at this. The man laughed.

"I'm sorry, I'm awfully rude, huh? My name is Clarence Carter. I'm here to take one of you children in for awhile." Mello frowned.

"Fine, take Near." The albino glared at him, and threw a robot in his direction. Mello caught it with ease, and chucked it back at him. Matt had gotten bored in the course of this, and opened his jacket pocket, quickly yanking out a Gameboy.

"Stupid albino sheep-turtle-whatever-the-hell-you-are!"

"...I hate you! You're stupid!"

"Is that the best you got, sheepie!?"

"Go, Charizard! Use Flamethrower!"

Both Mello and Near glared at Matt, who stuck his tongue out at them, and the arguing revved up again.

In this commotion, Lilly shoved them out of the office, and turned to Clarence. He stood still for a second, and then smiled.

"I believe I'll have Mello."

About an hour later, the tearful boy was packing his bags. "I don'... I don' wuh-wanna go... Mattie! Mattie, they're makin' me go..." Mello was in tears like Matt had never seen him. Mello never cried. Ever. Not like this.

Matt decided that the soft, quiet weeping, that horrible, reedy, almost musical keening, was the saddest thing he'd ever heard. Ever. It was so pleading and lonely that Matt wanted to cry as well, but he knew that he had to stay strong for Mello.

"Please, please, come here." Mello collapsed into his arms at the sound of that gentle command, and Matt held him. "It's going to be okay. You're not leaving forever, remember? Just until Roger gets back. We'll sort this all out when Roger gets back. And if not, I promise I'll come and kidnap you back to live with us." Mello nodded tearfully, face pressed into Matt's chest.

There was a gentle tap at the door, and Matt let go of Mello long enough to open it.

Both L and Near stood there, with miserable expressions on their faces. L went over to the young blonde, and knelt next to him. Mello was shaking now, crying like the world was ending. L stroked his hair, and waited until Mello gave a shuddering breath and said,

"I don' wanna go! Don't make me go! I WANNA STAY HERE!" Mello wailed, shaking his head. L nodded, continuing to stroke Mello's hair, and finally whispering,

"It'll be okay. If you're good, I promise as soon as you get back, I'll make you my successor. Okay?" Mello nodded, but not even that would cheer him up.

Near, the small quiet child, shook his head, and patted Mello's head. "Don't cry. It'll be okay! You'll come back..." Mello sat up. He shook his head, and smiled a bit.

"Even you, Near, huh?" Near nodded, and without warning, hugged Mello tightly. Mello almost recoiled, but he readjusted himself, and leaned into the hug.

"Okay. I'll come back. See you later?" The other three boys hugged him tightly, and Mello grasped at them, savoring the moment.

"Uh-huh."

Mello held L's hand as they walked down the steps, Matt clutching his other one. Clarence was waiting at the bottom of the steps, with that smarmy grin on his face. Matt hissed at him angrily as they approached.

He took Mello's wrist, and pulled insistently. L and Matt both refused to let go for a moment, and Clarence frowned.

"Don't fear, young ones! He'll be back!" Clarence said cheerfully, before dragging Mello away.

It was quiet for two terrible minutes. Just that horrible empty silence.

It took the sight of the car driving away with Mello, precious Mello, in the backseat to start Matt screaming.

And it was only going to get much worse. Much, much worse.