Misunderstandings

Sequel to Bathtub…

Summary: "Sometimes I wonder if Neji-ni-san doesn't need therapy." SasuHina

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't bitch.

Misunderstandings

You might be wondering why Neji's jaw is hitting the solid parquet of the Hyuuga training room and his eyes are widened to an unknown extent. You might be pondering about the fact why Hinata is looking innocently at him while holding a kunai holder and Sasuke glaring at her cousin while holding a kunai who is stuck in the said kunai holder. Well do not be afraid because an explanation is at order in this rather weird sequel for one of my most viewed one-shots. Let me tell you the tale of the perverted and quite curious cousin, the sweet heiress and the cocky avenger. Déjà vu anyone?

-- TSOH's story --

It was a good day for the chocolate-headed Hyuuga genius, not only did he prove he was the dominant one in his team, bought the newest Icha Icha Paradise bonus edition and beaten his annoying youthful teammate the umpteenth time this month but he had also successfully hidden his newest purchase rather cleverly for his youngest cousin, Hanabi. Damn little brat always tried to read his beloved 'babies', yes Neji had a nickname for his collection of Icha Icha Paradise. The white-eyed male was strolling leisurely passed the training room inside the huge Hyuuga compound, relaxed and with his hands inside the pockets of his creamy baggy sweater until something peculiar caught his attention.

"It's too big, Sasu-kun. It'll never fit…"

Neji heard his cute adorable not to mention innocent cousin Hinata moan softly at her company. Sasuke Uchiha, the Sasuke Uchiha, the emo-ish dark and pure evil Sasuke Uchiha had been coming around a lot. The raven-headed avenger claimed he wanted to 'help' Neji's sweet Hinata train and become stronger.

"Pssh, yeah." Neji thought furiously. "He just wants to get in her pants, like every other sensible male in Konoha. 'Cept for Naruto… But he isn't sensible nor smart nor as handsome as me."

Somebody has an enormous ego today… Although what the indigo-headed maiden said sparked his interest and Neji crept closer towards the paper sliding door with huge curiosity. His cream-hinted white eyes looked from side to side in the case someone was watching him. The prodigy swore that if Sasuke was doing x-rated stuff with HIS little cousin, heads were going to roll and in Sasuke's case other reproductive limbs as well.

"Don't worry, Hinata-hime." Insert an inhuman growl from Neji… "It'll fit just perfectly, it was crafted for it."

The chocolate-headed male had to prevent himself from ripping the paper door apart and storming into the room. Then Neji realized in what for a position he could observe Hinata and the blasted emo avenger. His lovely cousin with only that big sweater of hers on while the rest of her clothing articles could be discarded all over the training mats. Sasuke's pants thrown uncaring over one of the weapon installments. Neji would be blind if he interrupted this awful scenario.

"But Sasu-kun…" She whined, Neji heard her shift slowly, hoping it would be away from the lustful avenger. "What if it gets stuck?"

Somehow the older cousin had a feeling he read this scene somewhere before in one of his many Icha Icha Paradise books and he prayed to every god in the sky that his delightful cousin would make it out as a virgin. Neji was running behind on a few details such as Sasuke taking Hinata on the counter, Hinata getting dirty with the avenger on the dresser and of course everyone's favorite, the couple making love in the Hyuuga library. Unknown to these facts the not so smart prodigy was still hoping his cousin wouldn't lose her innocence.. Well not to Sasuke anyways but more to himself… 'Cause he's selfish like that.

"Hina-hime, it won't get stuck… Just trust me, okay?"

The charcoal-eyed avenger stated with a stoic voice, Neji could imagine the opaque-eyed girl was getting doubts. He could also imagine that a certain part from the Uchiha was enormous, but Neji was sure his size could beat Sasuke's any day. Just like Tsunade's breasts would rule the universe someday.

"Okay… I trust you, Sasu-kun. Are you going to push it in now?"

The chocolate-headed prodigy felt like a hurricane of anger raged inside his body and once again felt the need to prevent himself from disrupting the surreal scenario. Hinata-sama would never voluntarily have sex with someone as disturbed and just plain insane as the emo avenger, now would she? Poor naïve Neji, in what kind of fairytale world is he living? Doesn't he know every woman in the village would have sex voluntarily with Sasuke Uchiha? Even some boys wanted to screw the avenger senseless but that's why our loveable Sharingan-user has sharp and pointy objects underneath his pillow. Amongst other reasons…

"Are you ready, Hina-chan?"

Neji now had the sudden urge to see a councilor or his hentai-collection of Hinata, both would have a healing affect on his warped mind. Just for torment, an image of Sasuke crawling on top of a whimpering and afraid certain indigo-haired girl jumped into his thoughts and Neji was off to pervert land. Something in his pants got really excited for some twisted reason and he secretly wondered if he really didn't need therapy.

"Yes, you need therapy, Neji-ni-san." Blinking with his opaque orbs, Neji looked around until he saw his little brat, uhm, cousin Hanabi, standing in front of him with a sly smirk.

"Was I thinking up loud again?" The Hyuuga prodigy asked at the tiny version of his utmost favorite and most sexy cousin in the whole wide ninja world. So far being a closet pervert.

Hanabi nodded, while in response the eldest just grunted with a small pout on his features. His good day seemed ruined by the mental thoughts of Hinata doing kinky stuff with one of his many arch rivals and Hanabi being extremely witty on him. He pondered on the thoughts if Kami hated him and wanted him to suffer for all eternity. Let me answer this question with an eerie smile; No, Kami doesn't hate you, he just likes to torment you.

"That's how I lost to Naruto, right?" Another nod served as the reply to Neji's question, whose face fell. Cheer up Neji-kun, things could get worse.

Lost in his thoughts, Hanabi poked her cousin's ribs and scurried off just in case her older relative would get mad at her and Jyuuken her ass. If so, her dreams of becoming a top model were down the drain. Now who said the Hyuugas didn't have ambition? However, Neji's pondering was interrupted by his innocent cousin's moan.

"Sasu-kun… You should push it harder."

Oh no, that perverted Uchiha didn't. Mentally Neji snapped his fingers and shook his hips a little. This was just like chapter 14 from Taka flirt tactics number 5, special edition with unseen material. The white-eyed Hyuuga pushed his right ear against the paper sliding door and put a lock of his chocolate long hair behind his left, hoping to get a better 'view' on the situation his beloved cousin was currently enrolled in.

"I'm pushing, I'm pushing."

A trickle of blood was running down Neji's nose, but he wasn't able to stop listening because quite frankly this was kind of a turn on for the perverted prodigy. Hinata would be shocked if she knew her cousin listened to, and watched, oh and read, not to forget deal in, pornographic, what this scenario surely was, merchandising. Once again the sight of a sweaty Hinata underneath a horny Uchiha jumped right back into his thoughts. This was even better than smutty fan fiction about him and a personal harem. Neji only wished he was that flexible in real life as well. He should ask his youthful team mate for yoga lessons.

"Harder, Sasuke-kun, harder!"

"God woman, how hard do you want it?"

And so the chocolate-headed Hyuuga was twitching lightly while trying to for come a blood waterfall dripping out of his nose, sometimes Neji wished his cousin wasn't that bloody hot. Notice the bad pun with the blood, hehe. The busy duo was switching positions again and now more than ever Neji had to restrain the urge to slam the door open and watch them… Halt them, the opaque-eyed ninja corrected, halt them. He was so going to hell to pay for his vices.

"Sasu-kun… I think it's stuck."

"You are kidding me, right?"

Gulping down some saliva, the eavesdropping Jounin thought about what Hiashi would do to the raven-headed Sharingan-user. His bet was on skinning him alive, slowly decapitating him and feed his internal organs to the mice in the basement. Somehow Neji felt like smiling at the perspective.

"Uhm… Hina-chan… You're right, I can't move it out!"

Performing an anime-fall even Naruto would be proud of, Neji scrambled back to his feet and pushed his head against the door again. He dusted some sand off his creamy sweater and heard Sasuke or Hinata move backwards, clearly without much success. He figured that he should aid his beloved cousin because the prodigy disliked the fact that the damned Uchiha was attached to her in a way he couldn't. Plus, Hinata lost her virginity faster than him. Neji should have the 'talk' with her once, he was desperate to learn some new things.

"Sasu-kun, what are we going to do now?"

"Pretend it never happened?"

Neji snorted at the stupid plan Sasuke came up with, wiped away the blood from underneath his nose and whispered with a lot of sarcasm in his voice:

"Hiashi-sama surely won't notice that your extension cord is inside her plug, baka."

"Whose extension cord is inside whose plug, Neji-kun?"

It was official, this day has crossed the boundaries of growing worse. Next to him was the head of the Hyuuga clan, clad in a dark brown kimono and a frown decorating his features. His piercing orbs were glaring right into the opaque ones of the prodigy and he pushed his back against the paper wall in fear. (Somehow Sasuke and Hinata still don't hear them.)

"Hi-Hiashi-sama! Well, it's a quite funny thing, really… You see, there was this guy, we'll just name him… Pasuke and he, well, he kind of did something with this girl named… Pinata and well…"

"Neji, don't get your panties all up in a bunch and do something productive."

Sighing, the chocolate-haired and downright terrified Hyuuga muttered a low 'hai' towards his uncle and waited for him to stalk right past him. If Neji didn't realize the trouble his admiring cousin was in, he would've laughed because of Hiashi's interesting choice of words. After the leader of the most notorious clan in Konoha had disappeared out of sight, Neji almost instantly eavesdropped on the opaque-eyed girl and her quite unusual lover again. He just doesn't know when to quit, now does he?

"Can't you pull it out in one swift movement? I told you it was too big, Sasu-kun."

That was the so-called last drop that made the bucket flood. Mentally preparing himself for the arousing, not to mention horrid scene he was about to witness, Neji put his hand on the paper sliding door. Exhaling one more time, the brave prodigy slammed the door open only to allow himself to see Hinata and Sasuke… Insert exciting background music.

-- Back to the Intro part! --

"Okay, what are you doing with my…" Neji blinked and stared at the scenario he absolutely didn't expect. "Kunai?" So far for the arousing scene. Don't we just all love sexual assumptions who turn out so completely wrong?

"Teme, help Hina-chan pull, we're trying to get this damned kunai out." Charcoal-colored pools glared at the chocolate-headed prodigy while his jaw was hitting the floor. Hinata merely blushed at her cousin's interruption.

"Is… Is that Hiashi-sama's jewel encrusted kunai, the one he received from the Sunagakure delegacy?" The words dripped out of his mouth while his whole body was in a state of paralyzing shock.

"No shit, Sherlock." The avenger cockily replied, his fingers wrapped around the handle of the kunai. The indigo-headed maiden tried to aid the avenger in getting the kunai out of the obviously wrong holder.

"You… You are in such a big mess." Her opaque orbs traced the tension on her cousin's features and she seriously thought he was able to pass out on them any moment soon.

"Neji-ni-san?" Hinata left Sasuke alone with the mess they made and steadily walked over towards her older relative with a frown on her features.

"So.. You weren't… You didn't…" Cold black orbs glanced at the prodigy with a skeptical feeling inside them, he wondered what the hell was wrong with the stoic Hyuuga.

"Did what, Neji-ni-san?" The heiress asked with worry in her voice, she never witnessed her adoring cousin in a state of shock before. Walking up to him, he nearly pulled her in a smothering hug.

"Hinata-sama," One of his hands slipped inside of his pockets, while his eyes never left her stunning features. She gasped when she noticed what he fumbled into the palm of her right hand. "Always have safe sex."

Sasuke twitched slightly at the sight of Hinata clenching a Durex condom in her fist, while Neji spun around and stalked out of the room, making the avenger ponder about the fact if the prodigy really lost it. Her milky stones just glanced at the rubber object in her hand, stared blankly at the retreating frame of her obviously insane cousin and back at the condom again.

"Well…" The Uchiha started confidently, "We'd better not let the condom go to waste." He lifted both of his ebony eyebrows in a seductive matter, making her giggle sweetly.

"Sometimes I wonder if Neji-ni-san doesn't need therapy." Sasuke shrugged, dropped the jewel-encrusted weapon, suddenly halted caring whether Hiashi would be pissed or not and got up his two feet.

"Who cares about him? Didn't you mention something about a new study desk? Let's 'try' it out." She played with one of her indigo locks and nodded quickly, stuffing the condom into the pocket of her lavender miniskirt.

Meanwhile with Neji…

"I will never have sexual thoughts about my cousin and the Uchiha again. I will never have sexual thoughts about my cousin and the Uchiha again…" He rocked back and forward on top of the comfortable mattress of his bed. Hanabi just eyed him wearily, her finger tapping gently on her cheek.

"I knew Neji-ni-san would lose it one day. No more naked pictures of Hinata-nee-chan for him anymore." With that, Hanabi skipped off to her own bedroom, because she found a very interesting book in her cousin's nightstand she was just dying to read.

Review to make this sanity-deprived girl happy. (You know I have no ounce of sanity left after this, right? Right?!)

Happy birthday, Sasuke!