I am half.

So I'll write a poem to make myself feel better, and whole.

Phychedelics

so those psychedelics didn't work

and she furiously jabs her phone,

translucent eyes blazing

static hazing

amazing

she needs to go make a drug deal so

im left alone,

with you

and its awkward at first but

you need coaxing out of your shell

youre beautiful as hell

smell

of aftershave and stale wine

and we talk as the freezing polarity

melts in my mouth

so we get in your red pickup and drive away

to sit in a circle and smoke

and i want you

and i need you

but i hardly know you

and theres a strange dark man who wants to

sell us a radio for crack money

he calls me your boyfriend

and he blunders into the darkness once we refuse

so we tear ourselves away

for a year and a day

to the land where the bongtree grows

where lakes shine silver

with premature 4th of july fireworks

my bike doesn't work anymore

but I can make it work

with the power of body motion

and were back in that familiar place

you have a cigar

so we smoke it

(naturally)

outside and discuss

why everyone makes a fuss

about taking drugs and sex and lust

and everything inbetween

im picking grass blades

because eternity

is a lot of grass blades

and im throwing at you

and its sliding into place

fast

too fast

and before i know it

were liplocked

arms around you

i can finally wrap myself in you

and you can finally lay down

and look at the pinprick stars

and smell the aftershave and stale wine

that is you

do you

want to go upstairs

fuck yes

literally

so heres where my memory gets fuzzy

because that familiar comfort song is playing

and youre saying

are you sure

are you sure

yes im fucking sure

ive never been so fucking sure in my fucking life

ok

and it is pushing pressure penetration

breaking in

breaking out

and it hurts but

not as much as that car crash

and then pain dissolves into pleasure

and i can see your sweatglisteninglistening face

above me

golden brown

your cats are staring

because theyve never seen anything

quite like this

before

im trying to make noises

thatll please you

make you horny

yknow?

but all i can manage is

ffffff

and

aaaaa

(nothing really)

but youre so fucking gorgous

that i dont care

and i think theres something about sex

the fusion

the informality

the pain smeared with euphoria

its like being off your face

and im getting high because

your dick is shoved so far in me that

it feels like its found the place it was made to fuck

and im having sex

for the first time

and i ask if

youre finished because

it really hurts

still

but youre not

so you keep going

and

then you release

and throw yourself next to me

kiss my cheek

run fingers through my hair

but were not through yet

because

i want it in my mouth

so i put it in my mouth

and it makes me gag

and it doesnt make me kinky

because

theres a penis in my face

and its intimidating

and dry

so you say

lets take a shower

and the ocean breeze

is sure to please

we nearly freeze

(were naked remember)

and youre slippery

and so am i

so we get out

of the shower

and then

i look at you and say

you have pretty eyes

because its true

(and now this poem is winding down)

because its four in the morning

and light is filtering through your blinds

we must be out of our minds

so we do it one more time

and then we slot into eachother and

go to sleep

itll be fun

i promise