AN: another

AN: another! Well christ, i didn't write whitin a year and suddenly in one night of insomnia i'm getting back in. Still don't know if it's worthing a damn thing but it's sure as hell cool to be able to write again.

It's again in my Ipod Shuffle Challenge

WWE Superstars are still not mine, and it still sucks.

The song belongs to Saliva

In Shannon's POV

The Weight Of The World

Love to be beside you and the way you smell
The way your lips feel and your fingernails.
The way your fingers crawl up my spine,
Though you always make me the last in line.

There's just something about him. I don't quit know what it is. But he can make me do everything he wants by just calling my name.

It's humiliating... But it's more scary than everything else.

Why am I with someone that scares the shit out of me?

...Hell, if i knew...

If i knew, i'd probably wouldn't be laying on the cold floor, the taste of my own blood invading my mouth.

He's... He's special. He's the only one that believed in me, you know? I wouldn't be in the WWE now without him. He cares about me... At least he used to.

When we were young, we would always be together, wreslting, fooling around.

I was sixteen years old when i first realised i was in love with him.

When i finally gathered the courage to tell him, i remember how bright his smile was before he told me he loved me too and gave me my very first kiss.

I carry the weight of the world as the past is unfurled,

but I won't stop to wonder.
Going through this life on my own made me cold as a stone;

I'm a ship going under.

Well, you can say he has changed with time that's for sure!

When he's gone to try to make it in the wrestling world, i missed him so much.

But i was so proud to see him making it, going to WWE, and become everything he had dreamed of becoming. I figured he would probably be a bit different when i'd see him again. But I'd never expected something like...Well, something like THAT.

And I'd tell you this, but I don't know how.
And I'm caving in, and I'm falling out.
And I can't resist, and I can't rebound.
with the weight of the world as the world falls down.

When i finally made it to the WWE, i was so excited with living with my lover again, i never imagined that it would be like this.

First he was the same, the same old Matt Hardy i knew all my life and that i loved more than anything. I came right back to the caring man, the warm bed and the strong arms. I couldn't be happier than that. I was almost always losing, but he continued to take care of me, to heal my wounds, and telling me i would win soon.

Well, it didn't exactly happened like this.

He finally realised i wasn't going to win. All the love, the respect he had for me, turn into hate, into disapointement.

I think that now, he thinks i'm just plainly discusting.

But every time he beats me up.

Every time he insult me and hurt me.

He's becoming the old Matt all over again soon after.

He'll take me in his arms, tell me he's sorry, that he loves me.

... i believed him.

Maybe i still do.

It's the way you thrill me, then pull away.
The way you seem to kill me, a little more each day.
And it's what you're thinking in your twisted mind.
The way your body trembles, when it's next to mine.

So i let him hit all he wants, 'cauz then, he's loving me again. Hating me leads to love me. Or pity me. I'm not quite sure.

I don't care.

I need him to love me. Or at least pretend to.

And even thought it's killing me a little more everyday, i won't go away. I wouldn't never get away from him.

I carry the weight of the world as the past is unfurled,

but I won't stop towonder.
Going through this life on my own made me cold as a stone;

I'm a ship going under.

There's things i wish i could say to him. But i don't know exaclty what.

Or how. Or why?

Anything i could say to him worth shit.

It'll never be enough for him.

I won't confront him either. He loves me. He's doing this for me. 'Cauz i diserve it.

'Cauz i'm the one who worth shit. He's the only one who loves me enough to even care that i'm a piece of crap. He loves me enough to try to make me change.

I'm too worthless to even be able of it. It's not his fault, it's only mine.

And I'd tell you this, but I don't know how.
And I'm caving in, and I'm falling out.
And I can't resist, and I can't rebound.
With the weight of the world as the world falls down.

And I'd tell you this, but I don't know how.
And I'm caving in, and I'm falling out.
And I can't resist, and I can't rebound.
With the weight of the world as the world falls down.

(I feel the weight of the world as it's falling down)
(I feel the weight of the world as it's falling down)
(I feel the weight of the world as it's falling down)
(I feel the weight of the world as it's falling down)

But still... I wish it could be like it was before, i wish i wasn't alone in that hotel room, laying broken and battered, waiting for him to returns 'cauz i'm too pathetic to lift my ass up on my own.

But... I think this is the time i've been the most scared of all...

You see, the thing is, he didn't lift me up after he beated the hell out of me. He didn't hold me. Didn't kiss me. He just... Went away.

Is he coming back? Why didn't he picked me up?

Why didn't healed me?

I guess it's just useless , i don't think i'm gonna be able to stand up ever again anyway...

God, how i wished he would just come back, take me in his arms, and whisper in my ears

' I love you, Shannon'

...

How i wished. But he isn't coming back.

The truth is, no matter how much i still love him and always will.

He doesn't love me anymore.

If he ever did love me at all.

This pain I think about it everyday,
it tells me I'm never gonna get away.
I know it's over, but I can't escape
memories and how to face another day.