Author's Note: The scene of our team staring at the bodies of the AU team really stuck in my mind...

Quantum Lament

Rodney scrubbed his hands hard across his face, the skin feeling oddly numb from fatigue. He reached for his cup of coffee only to find maybe a couple fingers of ice cold sludge left. He downed it anyway – made no difference to him. After a few stretches to get the kinks out of his neck and loosen his tight shoulders a bit, he went back to the alternate Rodney's data pad. It was well past midnight, and he really should be sleeping, but now that they were no longer in danger of being lost through the folded fabric of space he wanted to go over the data entry by entry. He was almost done – only one entry left – and then he could get a few hours of shut-eye before…. He glanced at his watch. Breakfast.

Rodney cued up the last entry and was slapped awake by a sudden adrenaline rush. He recognized his own handwriting in the scrawl across the screen. Whereas his was normally cramped and on nearly ruler straight lines, this was a loose, crooked scribbling. But still recognizable and readable. Rodney picked the pad up and started to pace as he deciphered the mess.

"Last jump damaged power … systems on emergency only. Temperature dropping steadily … should be stabilizing soon. (Something) drive room shielded … better chance for heat retention. Food ran out three days … MRE's only lasted ten on emergency rations. So hungry. Ronon shared … didn't let Sheppard know. He was first … go. Laid down fell asleep that's it done game over."

Rodney stopped in the middle of his lab, his throat tight and eyes hot. He'd been spared the sight of the discovery of the alternate team, and when he finally saw them they were space blanket covered, well, lumps and it didn't really register. "You big, stupid, lumbering, stupid …." Rodney's whispered insults just trailed off, his eyes glued to the screen. The writing was getting even sloppier now, more spaced apart and uneven.

"Teyla sang. Not loud … peaceful. I think it … a lullaby. She slept after. Sheppard fought … cussed really. He gave me some of … food, too. God damn him. Fell asleep few minutes … still twitching, fighting. Fucking sonuvabitch … John. Best friend …. Never seen him … so peaceful. So tired. Need to close eyes … bit. Katie … give l'il Mer my …."

The tail of the y trailed off the screen.

Rodney didn't know when he sat down in the middle of the room, or when the tears started streaming down his face. Of all the ways to go, hypothermia was actually quite peaceful, but knowing that still didn't ease the ache that filled his chest and made his heart feel like it was going to explode. This Rodney's Katie said yes, apparently. And was Mer a girl or boy? Did that Teyla have a Torren? Or a girl? Ronon…. Damn him. He was supposed to be the big tough warrior. If anything, he should have killed the team and ate them, not sacrifice …. And Sheppard. John ….

Rodney choked back a sob, but the next one hit like a freight train and he doubled over, the pad, seemingly heavy as an anchor, clenched to his chest. He was glad he was the only one present in his lab. He couldn't do this with witnesses. Sheppard told him to leave it, but he just had to cram the damn thing in his suit, risk punching a hole and compromising its integrity. Just had to.

He should have listened and left it. But it was done. Rodney never was that big on hope – it usually just led to utter disappointment in the long run – but deep down in his soul he hoped that when the drive jumped its last jump, it would bring that team back home.

Rodney thought the lights off. Darkness was so appropriate right now.

End Note: If it's any consolation, my eyes weren't dry while I wrote this.