Selfishness

In which Misa and L learn that it's ok to be selfish.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of their respected characters. …Did you think I did?

--

It was five in the afternoon. L was eating his strawberry shortcake and working, when he noticed Misa standing up, off her bed, suddenly and leaving her room. "Now where could she be going?" He wondered to himself, as he shortly suspended the consumption of the cake. "She doesn't have a modeling or acting job, plans with friends, or a date with Raito-kun." He suddenly felt a pang of jealously toward his first friend for reasons he did not know. Should he feel this way?

To keep his mind off his newfound mysterious jealously and as his craving for sugar increased, he looked down at the cake to find that the big red strawberry on top of his cake was missing. He also felt a presence beside him. He sighed as he turned to side as right side. Sure enough, Misa was there, grinning, with the strawberry, dangling by the leaves, between her teeth.

He pretended to jump in surprise. "Misa-san, you scared me." He said in his usual tone. "Liar. Misa knew that Ryuzaki-san knew that Misa was behind Ryuzaki-san." She then turned away from the strange man, so he could not see her face.

"Where's Raito-kun?" she asked, trying to keep her voice from slipping into worried, scared and depressed state. L felt the same surge of jealously he had felt before, but maintained his usual drone. "I'm not sure. Raito-kun just suddenly stormed off without saying a word. I asked him to get me some sweets as he went off, so he should come back sometime," L replied, "I've never seen him that angry before." "Oh…I see…" Misa visually was down now and very upset about something. "Sorry," L added, sensing her mood, offering her the lollipop he was going to eat after the cake, in an attempt to cheer up.

She gave a small smile to L and politely refused the candy. "It's ok. Misa knows it's not Ryuzaki-san's fault that Raito-kun is angry." She had regained her happy-go-lucky personality that she used to cloak her sadness. She really didn't want to see L sad for some reason. It always seemed to worry him but for something else as well. She remembered the lollipop that he offered her, suddenly. "Oh, thank you very much, Ryuzaki-san. You are a very sweet person."

L, who had turned to face the computers once more, smiled a smile, both small and sad. He could see through that happy persona. She was clearly upset about something that had to do with Raito, but she is trying to get through it by herself. Besides, L knew that it wasn't the time or place to press her of such details, so he played along with her game.

"It was nothing, Misa-san, but do you think you could return the strawberry to me?" L replied, hopeful that she would do as he asked. "No, Misa had it in her mouth…unless…"

"Misa-san, that wasn't what I…" "Ryuzaki-san is a pervert!" Misa exclaimed, interrupting and teasing L, like a child would another child. "He wants to indirectly kiss Misa Misa!"

"…" It was now pointless to try to get Misa to give the strawberry back, so he decided to continue eating the cake, as if the strawberry never existed, even though he didn't like the idea. Misa ate the strawberry, happy that she won the battle with L, but Raito…

She sighed, licked the strawberry's juice off her fingers and, now bored, stared at the back of L's head with a "hmph". She sat on the edge of L's bed and rested her elbows on her knees and chin in her wrists.

It was times like these she really admired L. Sure, he sat weirdly, ate sweets more than one thought humanly possible, had no social life, and looked like a creepy stalker, but he was a good person, a kind, warm, and nice person. Nothing like Raito.

"Raito…" she whispered as tears welled up in her eyes. They fell down her cheeks as she tried to make little to no noise so L wouldn't notice her crying. However, she sobbed loud enough for L to turn around toward her. "Dammit. He saw," Misa thought as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

She turned away from him to tell him that she wanted to be alone. L, concerned for Misa, got the lollipop she had previously refused and slipped off the chair with the silence and grace of a jaguar. He walked slowly toward Misa with the same silence and grace as before. He stopped at her, looked down for a moment, and sat as he always had, before her, offering the lollipop. Misa again refused the treat that was once again offered to her.

"Misa-san…" L asked, in a calm and gentle voice "…Is something wrong?" He figured that it would be best to be as blunt as possible, to pretend that he did not know the source of her crying. She sniffled, "I…It's Raito-kun. He has been so…oh! I don't know lately. I just feel that…that he doesn't love me the way I love him." she sobbed, "He's been so cold and mean to me. I…"

However, before she could finish she broke down once more, cupping her face in her hands. "Misa-san…" L was at a complete loss for words. "Misa-san…did you have a fight with Raito-kun?" She nodded a couple of times. He looked at her for a few moments, as he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He offered this to Misa, who accepted this.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki-san." Misa said to L as she wiped her face with the piece of cloth. "He has been so kind to Misa. Thank you so much" she said with a little bow as she returned the handkerchief, which was pocketed, but tears still streamed down her face.

"No, it's ok," L knew nothing about comforting a woman, but he knew that they were human and must be treated with respect. He scratched the back of his neck in unease and smiled in awkward, yet also kind way. "I am a gentleman, after all," he stated in a slightly matter-of-fact way that was still gentle, almost as if to poke fun at it, to make Misa laugh.

Misa smiled a little at L. He was so sweet. Maybe what he said to her once was true, 'Sweets make a person sweeter.' She will have to consider eating more sweets. L, sensing her feeling a little better, got up and said "Well, I'll get back to work now." "NO!!" she yelled as she grabbed his arm. L looked, positively confused by her actions.

"Please…may Ryuzaki-san stay here for a little bit longer?" Misa was obviously very scared to be alone at the moment. Was this Raito's fault? "Of course," L reassured her with a smile, as he sat down beside her, with his legs over the edge of the bed. (This part did shock Misa a little.)

L predicted that it would be just be just talking, at most, holding her hand to help her speak about her problem, however the super model had other ideas. Immediately, after the genus sat down next to her, she glomped him so tightly it felt as if she cut off his circulation and broke down onto his chest. "Ryuzaki-san!!" she cried as she leapt into his arms.

L, not accustomed to human contact on this level, stiffened at her touch, but after a moment, hugged her back. His hug was clumsy and awkward, but he wanted to protect her.

L surprised Misa. He was very thin, almost as if he barely ever ate. She could feel her own hands touching her elbows. However, she could also feel that he was not weak. She felt firm and strong muscles in his chest and arms. He was also…very warm. She blushed a little and nuzzled deeper into his chest. L's arms were awkward, but warm, protecting, inviting, and full of emotion. Much warmer than Raito's hug, when he promised to be her boyfriend. Raito…

Misa withdrew from the hug. L slowly released her. Misa sat like a child rubbing her eyes, that were no longer crying, with the back of her hands as L got up on the bed crouched on it as he usually does, biting his thumbnail. Nether of them had a word to say. They just stared at each other, until L said, "Misa-san, I must work."

Misa pouted. She couldn't say that she wasn't expecting this, but she wanted to talk with L more. But maybe…"Misa understands, but could Ryuzaki-san listen to Misa as she talks?" L considered this for a moment. "I don't see why not." He answered as he slid off the bed and walked toward the computers. "I suppose I can multi-task for Misa-san. She is quite the conceptionist." He got in his chair and called Watari to ask for a different of slice cake. Misa blushed a little at his compliment.

Misa was glad that L was there to listen to her. She was so happy. She was about to start, however, she was interrupted by Watari knocking at the door. L got the door and took his cake from Watari, thanked him, and closed the door. Misa noticed he was holding two cakes. "Ryuzaki-san is such a pig," Misa thought as she closed her eyes, with a sigh.

"Misa-san?" She opened her eyes. L was standing before her, offering her one of his slices of cake. "Would you like one?" They were both strawberry shortcakes. She took one and L strode back to his chair. She ate the cake, but left the strawberry. She put the plate aside. L ate his cake delicately and typed his report. He noted that the sun was setting in Tokyo city.

"Ryuzaki-san, you're too kind to Misa." "It's nothing, Misa-san." L said. "Misa-san is a beautiful and intelligent lady who must be treated with proper respect and gentle words." "No, Misa is not beautiful or intelligent enough for Ryuzaki-san's kind words." Misa knew these words were not true, but if Raito…

"Yes, yes she is." L typed the last word of his report for Soichiro and turned to face her, in utter-most seriousness. "Misa-san is a very charming and bright young lady." "No, she isn't" Misa yelled, tears welling up in her eyes. "If Misa was as smart or pretty as Ryuzaki-san says, Raito-kun would acknowledge that in her."

She buried her face in her hands once more. L felt the same pang of jealously he has been feeling every time she mentioned Raito's name or when he was thinking about Raito and Misa together. "Why was…" It hit him as fast and hard as dodgeball. "This feeling…"

"…Misa-san," L thought and weighed his words carefully. "Why would Misa-san want to stay with some who obviously doesn't love you? Dammit, I shouldn't of said that…"

Misa looked thoughtful and took sometime for her to think over answer. Finally, when she spoke, her voice was so low, he almost fell off his chair while leaning toward her. "… I … I don't know…" L was surprised. He was expecting a loud outburst from her, "defending her love".

All of a sudden, she broke down. Large tears stained her white and black lacy dress and her cheeks, as loud gasps and sobs erupted from her throat. She repeated her answer, only much louder this time.

L nearly tripped when he jumped out of his chair to go to Misa. He quickly got on the bed and embraced her with even more intensity than before. He wanted to protect her even more than before. He wanted to her face, smile, everything about her.

"Misa-san, why should you stay with Raito-kun when he obviously doesn't care about you?" "I…promised to help him…Support him." Misa said, quietly. Her voice was shaking and broken. She buried her face into L's shoulder. L felt his shoulder getting wet, but he didn't care about that.

"Misa-san needs to think for herself sometimes. Do what makes you happy every once and a while." L spoke in a gentle voice as if coxing a scared little puppy to take some food. "But Ryuzaki-san, that is self…"

"Misa-san," L raised his voice to get her attention, but lowed his voice when he saw her scared expression. He let go of her, cupped her cheeks in his hands, and gently turned her head to her. He studied her tear stained face as he spoke to her. "… It's all right to be selfish every once and a while." He thought for a moment. "It's kind of like sweets…for most people."

Misa giggled a little at his joke. He smiled. Hearing her giggle was just made him feel so…. light. He lowered his hands to hers and held them. "There … does Misa-san feel better now?" L asked, gently and kindly. Misa smiled and nodded "Yep, she does. And it's all thanks to Ryuzaki-san." "It was nothing, Misa-san." L started, however Misa interrupted him before he could say another word.

"It was not 'nothing', Ryuzaki-san. Misa hasn't felt this much comfort since before her parents died." Her parents… How many years has it been? She had lost count, but she could still feel the dull ache in her heart. She missed her parents dearly, but she was fine now.

However, Misa noticed the uncomfortable shift in L's position when he heard the word "parents". "Does Ryuzaki-san have his parents?" she asked, innocently. She recognized the shift, the shift to attempt to dull the sharp jab into the heart; she used to do the same thing herself.

L did not know what to do. Should he pretend not to hear her or should he tell her a lie? "Ryu-za-ki-san," Misa said, somewhat playfully, emphasizing each one of the kanji to form his alias, while tapping his nose. She made his train of thought stop to a grinding halt. "Please don't act like Misa is stupid. Besides, wasn't it Ryuzaki-san that said that she was not stupid?"

She said this with playful malice; not enough to be mean but enough to make her point across. L sighed. She could tell whether he was lying or not. She might as well know. He smiled sadly, "Right, Misa-san is a lady who may, very well, know the truth." He replied, his voice almost shaking.

"That's good. Misa wants Ryuzaki-san to trust her the way she trusts him." Misa said, happily, blushing a little. Misa spoke the truth. She truly wanted Ryuzaki to trust her, ever since they became friends.

However, she really did not know why. "Oh my--, could it be…" "Misa-san, thank you." L smiled, sadly. He was glad that Misa trusted him, but he knew the easy part was over; the most painful part was just beginning.

"Misa-san…my whole family was… incinerated by a housefire when I was just a little child…I … I was the only one… who got out… alive." L closed his eyes and reflected the memories of his family. His siblings and cousins playing with him, his mother, aunts, and grandmothers giving him homemade cookies and cakes, his grandfathers telling stories to him, his uncles taking him on camping, hunting or fishing trips, his father… He lowered his head. The memories were so painful to him.

Warmth, all of a sudden, was all around him. He looked up, as color rose to his face. Misa was hugging him, as strong as he had done for her before. "Oh … I'm soooooo sorry to hear that. Only my mother, father, and brother were killed when she just entering middle school. The killer didn't even touch my extended family." She said, softly and gently.

She knew the pain would never go away, but L spoke as if he had hidden this all this information since the incident. Misa knew she was treating on thin ice now. She must walk with caution.

"Losing your whole family must have been so painful compared to my tragedy." "…" L closed his raccoon-like eyes, wrapped his arms around Misa tighter and buried his face into her shoulder, as she had done earlier. It was so painful to him. He never told anyone else this before Misa, the second friend he has ever had. It was strange, but he really had not felt this safe for the longest time…ever since…then…

Misa felt her shoulder getting wet. She could not believe it. L was crying. He was seriously crying. It appeared that he mastered the ability to cry silently, for the only noise that he made where small gasps of air and tiny, little sobs, barely even audible. The only motion he made was slight shaking and his shoulders moving up and down, so slight that she had to almost strain her eyes to see them moving and really feel for it.

She tightened her embrace around L, the world's best, and most unfortunate, detective. "Poor Ryuzaki-san," Misa thought, as she stroked L's raven black hair, comforting and thoughtful. "He hid all this pain, all this sorrow, for so long. Just to appear tough and strong… or, maybe, for something else. But what?"

"…Ryuzaki-san? …" Misa started, to get his attention. "…" L stopped crying, to hear Misa speak. "Why did you hide this all this time?" "…How did you know that I was hiding…that?" he asked, in such a small voice, that she almost asked him to speak up.

"I can tell by the way you said your words." Misa explained, "The way you mouthed and paused showed that you never told anyone about his family." Why did she really notice this particularly? "…Why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

"…I…didn't want to be a burden. …It would slow people down…to look after me. That would be…selfish for me ask that." L looked down. He felt so ashamed of himself. Here he was, asking his one of only friends for comfort for something that happened a long time ago. He was so pathetic.

Immediately after having L's response sink-in, Misa let go of L. She grasped his shirt by the collar and forced L's head up to look at her. Misa studied L's tear-stained face and air of panic, while he studied her expression of rage and annoyance. He tried to look away from Misa, but every time his eyes were not focused on her, she would force his head back up again.

"Ryuzaki-san is contradicting himself." She almost yelled this in his face. "Ryuzaki-san said earlier to Misa that it was alright to be selfish sometimes…" L could not keep his eyes off Misa any longer. "Misa-san…" He started to say, but Misa continued her rant. "He said that, but he's not taking his own advice. He should think about himself every once and a while."

She thought for moment. "It seemed that Ryuzaki-san would enjoy to be selfish the most." "…What?" L was confused at her statement. "Ryuzaki-san compared selfishness to sweets. He eats so many sweets that he must be very selfish." Misa put some humor into her voice, to humor L as he had done earlier. He caught this and smiled a little.

Misa was right. Perhaps, he should complain more. Misa let go of him. L rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, similar to how a child would. Misa inwardly squealed. He just looked so adorable! She hugged him again, confusing L a bit.

"Does Ryuzaki-san feel better now?" Misa asked, clearly not angry with L any more. "Yes…yes, he does. Thank you, Misa-san. That…put a lot off my chest." "You're welcome, Ryuzaki-san." Misa let go of L. "Whenever you need something, Misa will be there." Misa stretched liked a cat and laid her body on L's lap. "For you and only you, Ryuzaki-san." Misa said this very playfully. L's face flushed a little, but had no other reaction.

"What about Raito-kun?" L hoped that the answer would be something along the lines of… "Who is this Raito?" Misa asked with playful and fake ignorance. L laughed with her. He wanted that answer. He did not want Misa to say she loved Raito any more.

He spied her plate with the untouched strawberry. An idea came to mind. "Misa-san, your strawberry…" "Oh, thank you, Ryuzaki-san!" Misa exclaimed, as she picked up the fruit. She bit into the red, seeded berry, leaving only the end with the leaves.

L watched Misa bite the fruit with fascination. "…How does it taste?" "It's really sweet, Ryuzaki-san. I'm sure that you would love it." Misa replied, moving the strawberry into her cheek, to store it, so she could talk to L. "…May I taste it?" L asked, innocently. "It's in my mouth, Ryuzaki-san!" Misa laughed, then coughed a little; the strawberry almost choked her when she laughed. It was still whole, surprisingly.

L smirked and, without warning, launched himself toward her. L's weight pulled her down, belly up, on the bed. His lips covered hers in a passionate kiss. Misa was first surprised, but after a few seconds, she kissed him back, returning his love. The kiss was sweet and had real emotion behind it, unlike the kisses Raito gave out, like free samples at the supermarket. They felt…good. L's hands fell to her waist as Misa's arms rose to wrap around his neck. It was clear now; they loved each other.

L licked her lips, requesting entrance in her mouth. She accepted and opened her mouth. Her tongue greeted L's as his slid into Misa's mouth. Their tongues danced around each other. Misa moaned into L's mouth. She just loved L so much.

After a bit, L's tongue moved away from Misa's. He broke away from the kiss and stood up from the bed. Misa, suddenly, remembered the strawberry, as she sat up. However, she noticed something was wrong.

When she tried to eat the strawberry, she found that it was gone. "Looking for this?" L had a triumphant smirk on his face. Misa looked up and gasped. Between his forefinger and thumb, was the strawberry Misa had in her mouth. He popped it in his mouth, bit it, and swallowed, grinning.

"Ryuzaki-san, that was unfair, taking advantage of a woman like that." Misa pouted. She was really looking forward to that strawberry, too. "Ah, but didn't Misa-san steal a strawberry from me?" "…Oh, yeah." "I guess this makes us even." L said, as he turned away from Misa, to go back to his computer and chair.

"So, Ryuzaki-san faked the kiss to steal the strawberry from Misa." Misa said this with a little spite, because she needed to know if L was just playing with her emotions. She was pretty disappointed too; she wanted the kiss to be real, from his heart, not his mind. L turned his chair to look at her, looking very serious indeed. "…Misa-san, if I wanted just the strawberry, I would of applied a different tactic." That was the only thing he could of to say to her. He hoped his point would come across to her.

Misa gasped and flushed in happiness. It seemed that it did. "That means that Ryuzaki-san really cares about and loves Misa, right?" L's face turned a bright cherry red as he fumbled over his words. It seemed that his composure was finally lost at this question. "Y-yes, a-as a way o-f s-speak-ing, Misa-s-san."

Misa walked up to L and gave him a peck on the cheek. L had a silly expression that looked both flustered and happy. Almost as if he melted, the moment Misa's lips touched his cheek. Misa giggled and L smiled. She wrapped her arms around his neck in a sort of embrace to his back, as L sat, his chair blocking her chest from touching his back. Her head rested on his shoulder.

"…Ryuzaki-san?" "Hmm? What is it, Misa-san?" "...Could you keep this a secret from everyone, especially Raito-kun?" "Of course," smiled L. He thought for a beat and added, with a smirk, "How else could you be only mine?" Misa laughed. "That's pretty selfish, Ryuzaki-san." "Ah, but isn't it ok to be selfish?"

L's comeback was playful and egotistical, as was the air around him. His arrogant expression was practically begging for another kiss. A deeper kiss. Misa saw the signs and turned L's head toward her. She kissed him, even more passionate than the one before, full of love for the strange man before her. He returned her love with the same intensity. L and Misa ate at each other's lips, as if they haven't eaten in days.

L turned his chair and shifted the way he sat to face Misa. She got onto his lap and deepened the heated kiss. As they broke for breath, Misa whispered, after taking a couple deep breaths, "Of course," into L's ear. Her hot breath tickled his ear. Seconds, after her whisper, her tougue went for the kill. L groaned; he could not resist Misa's temptations any longer…

--

It was three in the morning when Raito finally stormed back to the room he and L shared. "Here." Raito said, gruffly, as he tossed a box of store-bought assorted doughnuts to L. "Thank you, Raito-kun." L said, with his impassive drawl. He paused the game of chess he was playing with himself to open the pack and take out a glazed doughnut. He consumed it, while thinking of his 'opponent's' next move.

Raito sighed as he slumped down, tired, in L's swivel chair. The chair spun around a couple of times, under his weight, but he didn't care. "Damn you, Misa. If you weren't so annoying, I wouldn't be gone until three a.m and I would be asleep by now."

Raito thought this to himself, because he didn't feel like talking to L. Actually, he never felt talking to the unfit, crooked and unkempt man. He was Kira, so therefore L was his enemy. Yet, L considered him 'his first friend.' He inwardly laughed at this strange turn of events, as he turned his head to watch L play his game.

L was doing well (lol I made a funny :3) , making moves, from both sides, in less than thirty seconds. He seemed to be in a good feeling. "Well, someone is in a good mood," Raito said to L, with more spite than friendliness. However, L chose to ignore the spite. "Of course, I am, Raito-kun," he said with a small smile, as he licked the sugary glaze off his fingers. His response surprised and, somewhat, angered Raito.

"Should I ask what made you so happy?" L's smile turned mysterious, as picked up a powdered sugar donut from the box. "Raito-kun wouldn't understand, even if I did tell him." This confused Raito, who decided not to press any further. Asking L something he did not want to exposed, was like asking an idiot for directions; you would never get anywhere. Man, he was pissed.

"Where's Misa?" Raito demanded. It was not that Raito was concerned for the annoying actress; Raito still need Misa for Kira stuff, so she couldn't commit suicide just yet.

L looked up to see Raito, his smile faded and his face turned serious. "Why would Raito-kun care?" Raito glared at him "Don't play games with me, Ryuzaki!" L looked at Raito for a few seconds and continued his game. "Amane Misa, better known as Misa Misa to her fans,…has been long since asleep in her room. Any normal person would be," as he moved his black 'opponent's' pawn to take his white bishop.

Raito decided not to respond to L's answer with a rude comment that was spinning around in his head. Instead, he asked another question about Misa.

"Did she cry herself to sleep?" with some humor in his voice. Of course, she would. He'd even bet half of his life for Ryuk's shinigami eyes on it.

L felt the sudden urge to kick Raito, right after question made it to his ears. Nonetheless, he resisted it and again smiled mysteriously at Raito "You would be surprised. You should also apologize to Misa-san as well." L looked back down as he licked the white powdery sugar off his fingers. Raito narrowed his eyes. L was hiding something; Raito could tell.

"…Whatever." Raito was tired and needed sleep. However, he noticed something on the base of L's neck. His pale, light deprived, skin had some red color to it. …It was probably a bug bite; the mosquitoes were biting that time of year.

Raito closed his eyes to rest himself. Pretty soon, he was fast asleep. L looked up at the sleeping young man on his chair for a second and then continued his game. He grabbed a cake donut and shook his head a little. "Poor Raito-kun," he thought as he put down his white knight in front of his 'opponent's' black king, smiling a little. "He's too selfish to realize what he has until it's gone."

--The-End--

Author's Comments:

Phew. –Lies on laptop in fatigue- uuuuesghl A week's worth of work done and my first completed long L/Misa fan fiction. Yaaaaaay! I really like this one. Hooray! This fanfiction was inspired by other L/Misa fanfictions, so I am sorry if some of the material sounds like you heard it before. I really tried to make it as original possible. I'm also not satisfied with the wording still…oh well. I changed the words around before the release, so I'm somewhat more satisfied with wording now.

I fell in love with this pairing as soon as I realized that liked Death Note. (It even tops my now second favorite pairing: Edward/Winry from Fulllmetal Alchemist!) As you can see, I do not like Raito/Light at all. (Please don't kill me, Raito/Light fans. I respect your opinions, but I don't agree with at least one of them.) That's why I didn't make him appear toward the very end and he was a jerk then .

I don't think L ever said to Misa "Sweets make a person sweeter." I read it in a fanfiction and I liked the idea, and it fit, so…yeah. Also, please don't ask me if "conceptionist" is even a word. My grandmother came up with it, when I asked her for another word for "idea-person". On a different note, I finished this over a spring break road trip with my grandparents on my mother's laptop. It was fun. (This time 'round, I saw the Natural Bridge in VA, Monticello, Cherokee NC, and the Outerbanks. :3)

Please R+R. No flames, please. I know I'm a horrible writer, so please don't lower my confidence as a writer. Constructive criticism is accepted and considered, though. I had fun typing this so, I hope you had fun reading it. –Bows Japanese style- Thank you very much for reading.