Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog in any way, shape, or form.

A/N: XD You KNOW there's something wrong when you mix parody and drama together.

Anyway, I needed a healthy way to take out my frustration on certain peoples who shall remain unnamed. So... I decided to write this. In fact, the idea for the story hit me last night at what felt like 2:00 AM in the morning, and my muses wouldn't leave me alone about it, so I typed it up as soon as I could.

Let's just say this: I found much inspiration from a fic called "My Immortal." Google "worst fanfic ever," and you'll know what I mean.

Enjoy!

"omg sonikku!!1 u lok so kawai in dat outfit! Wear did u get it?"

Sonic gritted his teeth, trying to compose his features before he turned around to greet the voice behind him. When he had gotten a hold of himself, he spun, managing the widest, cheesiest, and slightly sarcastic smile he could. "o hi, Knukels nd Jackie Li!" he greeted, trying not to look nauseated at the sight of the two of them. "I got dis at Hot Topic!" He giggled for good measure. "it's sooooo sugoi!"

Knuckles wore a smile that Sonic would've never thought could possibly appear on his face. "yea, Hot Topic is da best stoer eva! I got dis necklace their." His violet eyes shone with pride as he fingered a gold chain that, Sonic guessed, was supposed to make him look "gangsta." "jacks waz juust showing me sum of her moves. She's so gud at kungfu!" He brushed back his newly aquired red bangs, the numerous rings on his now glove-less hand almost blinding Sonic.

"Jacks" didn't even try to look modest. "aww, its only cos I luv knuckles so much!" She snuggled up to him, purple clashing against red.

Sonic really didn't have the time – or the want – to see them making out in front of him… again. "hey, im rly busy right now, so I'll ttyl, k?"

Knuckles nodded at him, his eyes shining bright. "kay, let's go, jacks!"

Sonic didn't dare let out a sigh of relief until they were out of earshot.

'I can't believe that was me,' he thought with a shudder. He quickly took out a remote, unlocking a car that was waiting patiently for him in the driveway of his house. It beeped in what most others would've taken as a greeting, but what Sonic heard as a laugh.

"Yeah, well, I'm going to be getting rid of you soon," he growled at it, before opening the door and getting reluctantly inside. It wasn't a bad car – actually, it was a sleek, black Mercedez-Benz, customized to the point that even a nuclear missile probably wouldn't be able to crush it. But he didn't want it. He could run circles around this thing.

'Hey, at least I'm not Knuckles.' He shuddered again, thinking of how he had changed. Knuckles and "Jackie Li" (he snorted inwardly at the name) had been living together in an apartment that, up until then, Sonic didn't know Knuckles had owned. However, the Writer…

Sonic's grip tightened around the steering wheel. The Writer had appeared from nowhere, and had taken over the minds of everyone he'd known, including his own. He didn't know how, but he had managed to throw off her control one day, and had been carefully taking note of everything that had changed around him. He was a sort of spy now, he guessed. It had taken him a while to master the language and re-learn his new mannerisms, that was for sure…

He smoothly eased the car out of his driveway. There were a few perks that he had received from the Writer. She liked to exaggerate things, and his speed and reflexes had been sharpened to the point where a bullet seemed to take forever to reach him. He would miss his newfound powers when she was gone, but at least he would free everyone's minds.

As the blue hedgehog merged with the traffic, he couldn't help wrinkling his nose in disgust. Station Square (or, as it was now called, "stashun sqaur") had been turned into a romantic love-fest. Every bench along the sidewalk seemed to be occupied by busy couples, and every billboard blared with advertisements for love potions, romantic getaways, and the Writer's favourite band, My Chemical Romance. 'What I wouldn't give for a Swiffer commercial right now.'

He took a deep breath, calming his nerves as a large castle came into view. It was now the new centerpiece of the city, and had apparently been built overnight. The Writer didn't seem to have much of an imagination though, since it was just a generic look-alike of the castle one would see in Disneyland. The stained glass windows, towering spires, and white marble walls didn't look half as impressive once you got used to it.

A traffic light made him stop the car just before the castle gates. He tapped his finger impatiently. "Come on, hurry up," he muttered, glancing both ways every now and then. He wanted to cross, but it would probably blow his cover. He pulled uncomfortably at his black, sleeveless top. He wanted to get out of these clothes! He felt like he was cosplaying Cloud from Final Fantasy.

"HEY, EVERY1, WE GOT A NU REVIEOW!"

Sonic blinked as everything around him immediately froze. Citizens stopped bustling about their daily routine. Store owners walked out of their stores. Couples stopped snogging (much to Sonic's relief, as some of them looked like they wouldn't mind doing more than that in broad daylight…). Birds stopped flapping their wings mid-flight, hanging in the air as if attached by invisible strings.

A spotlight appeared out of nowhere from the sky (by now, Sonic was used to everything defying the laws of physics), and shone at a lone figure standing on the tip of the highest tower of the white castle.

Sonic narrowed his eyes. It was the Writer's most trusted OC, Startree Helena Illysia Talent (or, as Sonic had secretly dubbed her, S.H.I.T for short). She was a cross between a bat, echidna, and hedgehog. Somehow, she was extremely skinny, yet had curves in all the "right places." Her outfit made her look like a heck of a lot like Sailor Moon.

The overall effect was actually quite hideous, but the guys must've thought differently, because over half of them immediately took out various recording tools, muttering, "o, if only she was my gf," to themselves.

Sonic could only wish. He was the one who was stuck with her.

S.H.I.T cleared her throat, taking out a piece of paper and reading it out loud.

"Dis is from some1 called "u suck."" She giggled. "wat a funny name."

Her crowd immediately broke into hysterics. Sonic joined in. He needed to keep up appearances.

"I have seen many, many good fics in my day, and this is not one of them."

Everyone around her broke out into angry murmurs.

Startree held out a hand, and all noises immediately ceased. Cameras winked, and he was surprised that she wasn't blinded by them.

"Not only are there numerous spelling and grammar errors, but the story has no plot. It reads like a diary, like the petty day-to-day problems of your OC. Speaking of your OC, she is one of the most Mary-Sue characters I have ever encountered. Not only is she overpowered, she has no personality. Nothing of her pops out at me, asides from the fact that it is very impossible for someone to be skinny, and curvy at the same time. Characters are extremely OOC. Knuckles would by no means leave the Master Emerald for a random female, let alone your underdeveloped OC. You need to take this story down and try again."

The following silence was broken by a loud, angry voice.

"FLAMER!" someone yelled. "IT'S A STPID FLMER!"

"yea, Star, every1 knos u r da best! We luv u!"

"STAR, STAR, STAR, STAR!"

Sonic wanted to roll his eyes. 'You have got to be kidding me…'

Star held out a hand, and once again, everyone went silent, spellbound by her. "yes… dis stpid flmer flmed me even tho I sed, "no flmz.""

Everyone shook their heads in disproval.

"I will tok bout dis with my bf, Sonic. We will decid how to get bak at her!"

The citizens cheered, as if she had just announced the cure for cancer.

The spotlight disappeared. Immediately, everyone went on with their routines as if nothing had happened.

The light turned green, and Sonic drove forward. 'Perfect, I don't need an excuse to get in now.'

He parked at the curb, stepping out of his hated car and slamming the door hard enough to make the windows rattle. He threw the keys away as he passed a garbage can. He wouldn't be needing those anymore.

He breezed by security, who all stepped aside (with a few jealous glares) as he passed. He opened the door, and almost ran into Shadow.

Shadow looked down at him coolly, his tight suit making him look somewhat like a butler. "wat r u here to steel my gf agin?" he demanded.

Sonic scoffed, partly for effect, partly to hide a chuckle at his appearance. "she's my gf, sdhadow," he corrected. By now, their "fights" over Startree were pretty much scripted.

"sonikku!" someone behind Shadow yelled. Sonic managed to plaster a huge smile over his annoyed scowl just in time. He pushed past Shadow, opening his arms to hug the disgusting monstrosity tightly.

Star looked up at him with eyes that were much too big. "I missed you sonniku!" she crooned, snuggling into his chest. It took all of Sonic's willpower not to push her away. "r u and shadoiw fiting over me agin?" Her face split into a wide grin, looking positively delighted at the drama.

Shadow had an expression of pure hurt on his face. "I was butt I c dat u luv soinc mor dan u luv me." He was crying now. Tears of blood, actually. 'He can't get any more "emo" than this,' Sonic thought sarcastically.

Shadow turned from them. "CHOAS CONTROLE!" he hollered. In a fancy show of light, he disappeared, leaving a cloud shaped like a broken heart behind him.

"sonniku, did you here dat awful flamer?" she asked immediately, not seeming to care that she had just made Shadow of all people cry. "I waaz so sad!" Her eyes shone with tears, and soon, she was absolutely bawling. "dey sed I was mary-sue! Im not mary-sue, rite? Im a good character! Wat doez dat flamert kno?"

Sonic patted her back, trying to sound soothing. "no, no, u r da best character eva." Chat speak came naturally to him now. "y dunt we go 2 ur room so we can get hert vback?"

She sniffled. "ur da bestr bf, sonniku!" Quickly, she grabbed his hand, half-dragging him to her room. The castle's marble floors and chandeliers had made him gawk in wonder before, but now, he just wanted them gone. It was too glittery.

She pushed Sonic into her room, slamming the door behind him. Even her room was much too grand. Silk curtain, gold window frames, a mirror that took up a whole wall, a separate room for her clothes, a bed that could fit the population of Little Planet and then some, a huge closet called "My MCR stuff"… The Writer absolutely spoiled her.

"sonikku…" she crooned again, sauntering up to him. "i-"

"Stop."

Startree froze in her tracks, looking confused. "wat is it, my darling sonniku?"

Sonic clenched his teeth. "My name is "Sonic," not "Sonniku."

Startree just looked even more confused. "y r u toking so weird?"

"It's called proper English." He took a step towards her, and she stepped back in fright. "Look, Startree, I don't want to hurt you, so just take me to wherever the Writer is, and I'll leave you alone."

The bat-echidna-hedgehog mix widened her eyes in shock. "how-"

"I threw off her control," he answered. His eyes hardened. "It took me a while, but I managed it."

She had backed up until her wings were touching the wall behind her. "sonniku, u-"

Sonic didn't let her finish. His incredible new speed was no match even for her godly powers. He pinned her shoulders to the wall, putting his face as close to hers as possible. "This is the last time I'm asking. Take. Me. To. Her. Now."

"NO! GO AWAY!" There was a bright flash of light, and Sonic felt himself being thrown back. He fell painfully on his bottom.

"Now, now, Star, don't be so rough on him."

Sonic's head snapped up at the voice. There was another girl now, human, perched on the edge of Star's bed. She waved her fingers at him, manicured nails flashing in the light. "You sure are persistent for a video game character." She gave him a chilling smile, revealing pearly white teeth. She brushed back long strands of black hair, smirking at his surprised expression. "Must've been a long time since you heard someone talking to you in proper English, hasn't it?" She laughed. It sounded like breaking glass.

"MOMMY!" Star cried, running up to her. She threw herself around her legs, hugging them tightly. "sonniku was sooo scary, and thir was diz nasty flamer, n-"

"Get off of me, you filthy Mary-Sue."

"m-mommy?" Star asked, looking up at her.

The Writer looked down at her, her face twisted in disgust. "Don't call me that, you thing."

"m-mommy…" Star whispered, staggering backwards in terror.

"Hey, stupid, run!" Sonic yelled, gesturing frantically at her. He tried to take a step forwards.

The Writer turned, smiling pleasantly at him. "Nuh-uh, no men during mommy and daughter talk time."

"To hell with your twisted-" Sonic froze. His eyes widened as he looked down at his feet. He couldn't move.

The Writer gave a satisfied nod, before turning towards Star again. Her smile instantly vanished. "As for you…"

"no, omm-"

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE! RUN!"

"… Disappear."

Star went rigid. Her mouth opened, then turned slack. She fell with a hollow thump onto the floor, her eyes empty. Slowly, as Sonic watched helplessly, something black snaked up her body, and she was melting.

Sonic felt a heavy smell hit his nose. He held it in revulsion. 'Ink?'

Her body eventually melted all the way, and she became nothing but a black puddle on the floor.

"Sheesh, what a waste of perfectly good ink." Sonic turned to the Writer, who was now crouching down beside the murky puddle. She touched the ink lightly with her fingertips, sniffing them with slight interest on her face. "Now I gotta make a new character…"

Sonic struggled with his feet. "Why did you…"

She snorted, flicking away the ink. "Haven't you figured it out by now? I'm a troll."

"A… troll?" he asked in confusion.

The Writer examined her fingernails, looking bored. "Someone who can actually write, but writes crap just for the hell of it."

"Why would you do something like that?" Sonic demanded.

She shrugged. "Takes up the time, I guess. And those… "flames," are actually quite fun to read. People who waste their time trying to fix stories…" She sneered. "Really, what's the point?"

Sonic stared at the dark stain that was spreading along the ground. "You took over my world… just for fun?" he spat.

"Pretty much." She shrugged. "Oh, but I guess I didn't do my job well enough. You're still free from me, oddly enough." She gave him a thoughtful, appraising look, like someone examining an object at an antique store. "I wonder why…"

"The hell should I know," he snarled at her. He pulled his leg as hard as he could, but it was still useless. He had no power against her.

"Oh, Sonic getting mad?" She smirked at him. "Is that OOCness I sense? Maybe I did make my mark on you."

"Who says I'm being OOC?" Sonic bit out. He kept pulling, beads of sweat now appearing on his forehead. "Who wouldn't be mad at you by this point?"

Her eyes glinted. "How about I make you even more mad?" she suggested.

Before he could ask what she meant, she opened her mouth and started reciting.

"Sonic had rarely gotten mad before in his life, but when he did, it gave him a strange sort of new power that burned away inside him. But this time, he wasn't just mad – he was furious. He wanted to rip, to tear, to burn. He wanted everything around him to die! He wanted to smash that mirror and feel the blood collect between his knuckles. He wanted to break the bed in half and use it to demolish the castle. He wanted to see the windows stained red. But he couldn't act on any of it. He was stuck, and he was left with the fiery anger stuck inside of him, eating away at his insides."

Sonic gasped, falling to his knees. He panted, trying to keep his vision from being clouded red, from ripping away at himself just to let out what he was feeling right now. Sweat dripped off his quills, falling like rain beside him.

The Writer looked at him smugly. She approached him, kneeling until they were eye level. "Listen up, Sonic," she said. Sonic couldn't help cringing away from her, even though her breath smelled like mint. "In writing, the author has absolute power. In fanfiction, it's no different, even when what she writes isn't worth jack." She smiled, and he got a close-up of her teeth. "I can do anything I want here, and you can't do a thing to stop me."

"Says you."

Sonic suddenly leapt to his feet, taking the Writer by surprise. With reflexes so quick that even he had trouble keeping up with himself, he grabbed her wrists, bending them painfully behind her back.

The Writer gasped out loud in pain. But then, she turned around, and her eyes were dark with anger. "How did you do that?" she demanded.

"I… I'm not sure." Sonic hesitated a little. "I think that it's because… because your writing has no passion."

The Writer flinched. "What did you just say to me?"

"Your writing… there's not emotion, no passion to what you write," Sonic replied. The realization was slowly dawning on him. "Even when people write just for fun, they do it with some sort of emotion. But you… you're just writing to annoy people, and so, you put no effort into what you do. I guess that's sort of why the flames have no affect on you either… They don't really want to help you. They just want you to pull down your story."

The Writer had stopped struggling, her face blank with surprise. "No… no passion?" Her giggle turned into the ugliest snarl that he had ever heard. "Passion in writing? Absurd!" She was still laughing. "I'll show you, Sonic the Hedgehog!"

Sonic clamped a hand firmly over her mouth. "No, you're done trolling now."

Her eyes rolled in her head in anger.

"Pain knifed him in the stomach, twisting hard. He screamed."

Sonic fell backwards, clutching his stomach. Was he really screaming? It sounded so strange, the long, loud note that bounced off marble and glass. The Writer's mouth wasn't even moving. She was thinking it all.

"He fell onto his knees, despair choking him. His eyes watered, force-feeding him bitter, salty tears. The marble was cold… so cold. But the despair he felt was colder, like fragments of ice piercing his chest. He would never win. He could never win. Not against someone with absolute power."

Sonic didn't think he could take it any longer…

Suddenly, her tone of voice changed. It sounded sweet, airy…

"He could smell something sweet touch his nose, feathering past him like a fairy. He felt calm, peaceful, more than he had ever in his life. He could almost feel the splash of a waterfall pattering his face with watery fingers, quenching his thirst. The light of the chandelier was no longer glaring, but soft and wonderful. It gave him courage."

Sonic stood up, a bit unsteady on his legs. The Writer was leaning against the wall, her face shining with sweat as she panted uneasily.

"Err… are you alright?" he asked. Maybe it was the "courage" thing she was talking about, but he felt a bit… worried.

"Passion…" she whispered softly. She slid down the wall, burying her face into her knees. "Writing with passion… you say it like it's so easy."

Sonic didn't know what to say. Was the Writer's shoulders shaking? She was suddenly very different from the tyrannical, heartless figure that had erased Star without remorse.

"Everyone keeps on telling me that," she said, her voice muffled by a curtain of black hair. "'Hey, you're a good writer, why don't you try writing?'" She sniffed a little. "But I don't know how to be a good writer. I can make things sound beautiful, but they're all empty. It's like… there's no soul in it. So I just… I needed to take my frustration out on something. And I ended up trolling, laughing away because it… It made me feel good that someone was paying attention to what I write."

Sonic stepped forward. "Hey, it's not that bad."

"What do you know?" she snapped. "You're just fodder for us fanfiction writers to pick on."

Sonic shrugged. "I don't know about fanfiction writing, but that last bit you did… The thing with both the pain and happy part… I thought that was pretty good." He winced. "Even if the first one hurt a lot."

She was silent for a moment. "But it's… it's so hard…" Her voice trailed away into despair. "I only did it because I felt so angry at you, and I… I…" She wiped away frustrated tears with the back of her hand, chipping her nails a little on the wall behind her.

Sonic blew out a long breath. "I'm guessing writing isn't an easy thing?"

"Maybe even harder than saving the world." She managed a watery smile.

Sonic hesitated, then put a hand on her shoulder. She didn't move away from him.

"Look, I can see that it's really frustrating, but don't you think trolling… Well, it's not going to make you a good writer any time soon, is it?"

She stayed silent.

Sonic tried again. "If you don't want to write, you don't have to listen to everyone and do it. But I mean… if you're going to try, you should at least write something that will make you proud, right? You don't look very happy with your trolling." He smiled. "If you were happy with your trolling, then I would probably still be under your control, right? And besides, when you felt a powerful emotion from what you wrote… it really affected me. Not like the trolling stuff you did."

"…"

Suddenly, she stood up, sending up toppling backwards. Sonic shot up, eyeing her warily.

She didn't say anything for a long time. Then, she let out a sigh, brushing her hair back with her hand. She looked tired.

"I… and I'm not promising anything here," she added, glaring at him. "I'm going to take a vacation for a while. Do whatever you want here. Blow up the castle for all I care. But… I'm going to be back soon. You better be ready for me when I do. No, don't say anything," she interrupted him when he opened his mouth. "If you say anything, I'm going to change my mind."

She turned around, reaching for the door out of Star's room. She opened it, then paused, her body halfway out. "… I just got told by a video game character," she mused out loud. She smiled a little to herself, looking amused, before walking out and closing the door behind her.

Sonic rushed to the door when the sound of footsteps had disappeared. He threw it open, looking frantically back and forth.

She was gone.

A/N: As you finish reading this story, you notice a large, yellow, and spongy room. Opening the single door leading to it, you happen across azngirlchibi, wrapped up tightly in a straitjacket like a spicy tuna roll. She is rocking in the corner, muttering to herself, "I'm in my happy place... No bad grammar in my happy place..."

O.O All I can really say is... I must've been HIGH. Really high. Off of shampoo or something. Actually, it took me quite a while to type this, since I started laughing after typing the first line XD It totally went against EVERYTHING I've ever written XD I did enjoy nicking the fourth wall every now and then, though. Also, I'm gonna be gone for the next few days, on a mini-vacation. I think I'm leaving on Monday, but I'm not sure... Eh, well, I decided to leave with a parting gift. And I checked this story OVER AND OVER AGAIN for typos, though I'm guessing that as SOON as I put this up, I'm going to find more.

Anyone who gets ALL the obscure references in this story will get an invisible cookie.

Thank a lot for reading this fic!

azngirlchibi