Ok, this has to be the most silliest, pointless, naughty piece of fiction I've ever written. Utter fluff. And completely under the influence of innuendoes. This is dedicated to Sandra, who is responsible for putting the idea in my head. Unfortunately, I didn't get to use the "little Mendy" comment. I would like to apologize to her now, as well. ^^
Please R&R. I live off reviews, whether good or bad. And gosh darn it, people, write more Enchanted Forest stuff, or I might be forced to do something stupid!
Oh, and I promise I'll write another chapter to Another Knight soon. But only if you ask nicely.
A desk is just a desk, but a sword....
By Jess Idres
Summary: Cimorene and Mendanbar just after Searching for Dragons. Silly Fluff, with enough innuendoes to kill someone with. And paperclips.
Mendanbar sat at his desk, fiddling with the wonderful device called a paperclip. Whoever thought up the idea was a genius- not for their original purpose, but the simple joy of bending them out of shape. They were particularly useless in the Enchanted Forest, since parchment was the paper of choice, and sticking notes to various drafts of speeches and such was no problem for one very magically gifted king of the Forest.
He couldn't remember who had brought him a packet, but he had immediately taken it on himself to find out how well he could procrastinate with them.
As if summoned by even the thought of procrastination, Willin appeared in front of the desk, but Mendanbar pretended not to see him. If he could, he'd keep Willin as long as possible, particularly if this had to do with that stupid new rack. Maybe if he offered to use Willin to test it, he'd be left alone for more than few minutes.
Willin politely coughed. Then wheezed. Then, in slightly idiotic curiosity, reached for the box of paper clips. Mendanbar looked up, and the elf quickly drew his hand away. "Yes, Willin, what is it this time." A statement, not a question, for Mendanbar knew the elf too well not to have a list in his own head about what the elf thought was wrong.
"Well, your majesty, I was wondering, since we're ordering a new rack, if we could possibly get some new things around the castle..." The elf went for a thick scroll under his arm.
Mendanbar sighed. "What do you want replaced, Willin? We got plenty of things from the wedding." Mendanbar repressed a grin. There were a couple gifts even Willin didn't know about...but those safely tucked under the royal bed, under lock and key. He made a mental note to read through that Indian book someone had given him, "Kama Sutra" or something of the like....
Willin frowned. "Well, I guess, not that much...a new stove, several new cutlery items, a new desk for the royal study...."
Mendanbar's narrowed and he grabbed the desk protectively. "We don't need a new desk."
Willin looked confused at the King's reaction. "But sir...a few months ago, you were complaining about the stuck drawers yourself. And it will give you a chance to organize-"
Mendanbar stared at the elf with a very, very nasty scowl. "I... am... NOT... getting... rid... of... this... desk!"
Willin let out a small, strangled cry and rushed out of the room. What could possibly cause such a vehement attachment to a battered desk?
-After the Wedding-
Mendanbar tried desperately not to yawn as his brand new father put his ear to sleep. Cimorene was right, her parents were incredibly silly when it came to tradition. He really wasn't looking forward to tonight.
There was a soft touch at his shoulder. He turned and grinned at his lovely wife, who rested her elbows on the back of the chair. "Hey. Is dad talking your ear off?" He nodded, relieved that Cimorene had come to save him. She smiled lightly at her father. "Father? Mother wants to see you about something."
She watched her father's retreating figure before turning back to Mendanbar. "I'm sorry, I should know better than to leave one of them anywhere near you-"
Before she could say anything more, Mendanbar grabbed her by the waist and set her firmly down in his lap. "Mine." He stately simply, and grinned.
"Mendanbar, love, you shouldn't be doing this right now-"
"Mine." He kissed her firmly on the lips.
"Mendanbar?"
"Mine." He hugged her tightly.
"Mendanbar."
"Mine." He began to...fondle.
"Mendanbar!" the last one was a ragged whisper.
Mendanbar stopped, and looked in the eye with an arched eyebrow. "Are your disputing my claim? I was quite sure I had heard otherwise a couple times before..." He grinned a rather goofy grin, obviously pleased with himself, and her, if his hands were any indication.
Cimorene laced her hands with his and gently pulled them off her chest to her waist. "I'm quite sure those are still mine. They are still attached to me, after all, and I think you'd look rather silly with them. And don't forget that officially those incidents where you might have staked claim never existed. Or would you like to explain to my parents why their darling daughter wasn't a virgin on her wedding night?"
Mendanbar grumbled. "No thank you. I think your father dislikes me as it is. Particularly since Kazul is still alive and I'm not very knightly."
Cimorene looked at him with feigned innocence. "But sir, you use that mighty broadsword so well!"
"All King of the Enchanted Forest need to be good with the sword, Cimorene-"
She cut him off and leaned in with a feral grin on her face. "Not that broadsword, dear." To emphasize her point, she shifted her position in his lap.
Mendanbar's eye grew slightly wider and blush spread across his cheeks. He bit his lower lip, as if in pain. "You do know that you've now rendered it impossible for me to get up now, right? I can't very well be seen in this condition." He looked almost frightened as Cimorene stood up.
She smiled and gave him reassuring pat, abet in the wrong place. "You're king of the Enchanted Forest! I'm quite sure you can think up something to hide that."
He grabbed her arm and pulled her so her ear was next to his mouth. "Or I could just take my wife and transport us somewhere for a quickie..." In an effort to sway her, he nibbled lightly on her earlobe.
She turned her head, promptly ending that venture, and Mendanbar looked slightly hurt because of it. "Aww, I'm sorry, really I am. But we know quite well that you and the term 'quickie' don't mix." She kissed him lightly on the lips then stood up, and nodded slightly at the various family members look their way.
Mendanbar sighed and nodded.
Later that night, much to Mendanbar's delight, the various important members of the wedding party decided that it was time for the two newlyweds to 'retire'. After making a show by throwing Cimorene over his shoulder and yet again emphasizing "Mine!" They withdrew to the royal suite. Of course, every person who could pull weight in the crowd was outside the door, waiting to hear the moment of truth.
Everything went smoothly as could be expected given the circumstances. At the proper moment, Cimorene squealed, pretending to be a maiden, and everyone outside cheered, pretending to believe her.
Mendanbar snuggled into Cimorene's shoulder, an utterly glowing look on his face. After trailing wet kisses up her neck to her lips, he opened his eyes sleepily to take in his wife's grin. "Did I perform to the expectations of my blushing bride?"
Cimorene giggled and swatted him on the shoulder before snuggling closer. "As well as all those times that never happened. Though I think we lost the crowd after the fourth time around. Not everyone has your stamina, dear."
Mendanbar watch as she turned to look up, a thoughtful expression on her face. "What? Don't tell me you're regretting marrying me already." He frowned, and the worry line appeared between his eyebrows.
She flashed him a reassuring smile. "You are so hopeless sometimes, but no, I think I'll keep you. I was actually really comparing all those past times in my mind. And I have to admit, that actually wasn't my favorite."
Mendanbar propped himself up on an elbow. "Really? Maybe it was because we did it in a bed." Cimorene grumbled at that. "If that's so, then where? The Green Glass Pool? Up the tree? Under the dinner table?"
Cimorene shook her head at all of them. "The tree was neat, but I have to say your desk was by far the best. Definitely the desk."
Mendanbar blinked. "Our first time?"
Cimorene nodded. "I mean just the idea of pushing work out of the way. And the tree was actually quite nice, but the bark rubbed us both raw, and I didn't like coming up with excuses on why we couldn't sit down for a day. Under the dinner table we almost got caught twice. I'm pretty sure Kazul knew what went on, not that she's say anything. But your desk, now that was fantastic. And you weren't trying to impress anyone listening in either."
Mendanbar blushed. "I don't want my father-in-law thinking I'm a bad husband or anything." He shrugged. "It's a bit of a guy thing." He curled up closer to her. "So the desk it is. I'm sure if you give me a bit, I can whip an easier spell to get rid of the gargoyle and sound-proof the room. Then we'll see if your opinion isn't being clouded just by first time nostalgia. But for now, I think I need a refresher in how to use my sword, milady." Without further ado, he pounced on top of his bride.
-End Flashback-
Mendanbar sat with the paperclip bent in a thoroughly useless shape. There was no way that he was getting rid of this desk. In fact...
"CIMORENE!"
One can't let a broadsword get rusty.
Please R&R. I live off reviews, whether good or bad. And gosh darn it, people, write more Enchanted Forest stuff, or I might be forced to do something stupid!
Oh, and I promise I'll write another chapter to Another Knight soon. But only if you ask nicely.
A desk is just a desk, but a sword....
By Jess Idres
Summary: Cimorene and Mendanbar just after Searching for Dragons. Silly Fluff, with enough innuendoes to kill someone with. And paperclips.
Mendanbar sat at his desk, fiddling with the wonderful device called a paperclip. Whoever thought up the idea was a genius- not for their original purpose, but the simple joy of bending them out of shape. They were particularly useless in the Enchanted Forest, since parchment was the paper of choice, and sticking notes to various drafts of speeches and such was no problem for one very magically gifted king of the Forest.
He couldn't remember who had brought him a packet, but he had immediately taken it on himself to find out how well he could procrastinate with them.
As if summoned by even the thought of procrastination, Willin appeared in front of the desk, but Mendanbar pretended not to see him. If he could, he'd keep Willin as long as possible, particularly if this had to do with that stupid new rack. Maybe if he offered to use Willin to test it, he'd be left alone for more than few minutes.
Willin politely coughed. Then wheezed. Then, in slightly idiotic curiosity, reached for the box of paper clips. Mendanbar looked up, and the elf quickly drew his hand away. "Yes, Willin, what is it this time." A statement, not a question, for Mendanbar knew the elf too well not to have a list in his own head about what the elf thought was wrong.
"Well, your majesty, I was wondering, since we're ordering a new rack, if we could possibly get some new things around the castle..." The elf went for a thick scroll under his arm.
Mendanbar sighed. "What do you want replaced, Willin? We got plenty of things from the wedding." Mendanbar repressed a grin. There were a couple gifts even Willin didn't know about...but those safely tucked under the royal bed, under lock and key. He made a mental note to read through that Indian book someone had given him, "Kama Sutra" or something of the like....
Willin frowned. "Well, I guess, not that much...a new stove, several new cutlery items, a new desk for the royal study...."
Mendanbar's narrowed and he grabbed the desk protectively. "We don't need a new desk."
Willin looked confused at the King's reaction. "But sir...a few months ago, you were complaining about the stuck drawers yourself. And it will give you a chance to organize-"
Mendanbar stared at the elf with a very, very nasty scowl. "I... am... NOT... getting... rid... of... this... desk!"
Willin let out a small, strangled cry and rushed out of the room. What could possibly cause such a vehement attachment to a battered desk?
-After the Wedding-
Mendanbar tried desperately not to yawn as his brand new father put his ear to sleep. Cimorene was right, her parents were incredibly silly when it came to tradition. He really wasn't looking forward to tonight.
There was a soft touch at his shoulder. He turned and grinned at his lovely wife, who rested her elbows on the back of the chair. "Hey. Is dad talking your ear off?" He nodded, relieved that Cimorene had come to save him. She smiled lightly at her father. "Father? Mother wants to see you about something."
She watched her father's retreating figure before turning back to Mendanbar. "I'm sorry, I should know better than to leave one of them anywhere near you-"
Before she could say anything more, Mendanbar grabbed her by the waist and set her firmly down in his lap. "Mine." He stately simply, and grinned.
"Mendanbar, love, you shouldn't be doing this right now-"
"Mine." He kissed her firmly on the lips.
"Mendanbar?"
"Mine." He hugged her tightly.
"Mendanbar."
"Mine." He began to...fondle.
"Mendanbar!" the last one was a ragged whisper.
Mendanbar stopped, and looked in the eye with an arched eyebrow. "Are your disputing my claim? I was quite sure I had heard otherwise a couple times before..." He grinned a rather goofy grin, obviously pleased with himself, and her, if his hands were any indication.
Cimorene laced her hands with his and gently pulled them off her chest to her waist. "I'm quite sure those are still mine. They are still attached to me, after all, and I think you'd look rather silly with them. And don't forget that officially those incidents where you might have staked claim never existed. Or would you like to explain to my parents why their darling daughter wasn't a virgin on her wedding night?"
Mendanbar grumbled. "No thank you. I think your father dislikes me as it is. Particularly since Kazul is still alive and I'm not very knightly."
Cimorene looked at him with feigned innocence. "But sir, you use that mighty broadsword so well!"
"All King of the Enchanted Forest need to be good with the sword, Cimorene-"
She cut him off and leaned in with a feral grin on her face. "Not that broadsword, dear." To emphasize her point, she shifted her position in his lap.
Mendanbar's eye grew slightly wider and blush spread across his cheeks. He bit his lower lip, as if in pain. "You do know that you've now rendered it impossible for me to get up now, right? I can't very well be seen in this condition." He looked almost frightened as Cimorene stood up.
She smiled and gave him reassuring pat, abet in the wrong place. "You're king of the Enchanted Forest! I'm quite sure you can think up something to hide that."
He grabbed her arm and pulled her so her ear was next to his mouth. "Or I could just take my wife and transport us somewhere for a quickie..." In an effort to sway her, he nibbled lightly on her earlobe.
She turned her head, promptly ending that venture, and Mendanbar looked slightly hurt because of it. "Aww, I'm sorry, really I am. But we know quite well that you and the term 'quickie' don't mix." She kissed him lightly on the lips then stood up, and nodded slightly at the various family members look their way.
Mendanbar sighed and nodded.
Later that night, much to Mendanbar's delight, the various important members of the wedding party decided that it was time for the two newlyweds to 'retire'. After making a show by throwing Cimorene over his shoulder and yet again emphasizing "Mine!" They withdrew to the royal suite. Of course, every person who could pull weight in the crowd was outside the door, waiting to hear the moment of truth.
Everything went smoothly as could be expected given the circumstances. At the proper moment, Cimorene squealed, pretending to be a maiden, and everyone outside cheered, pretending to believe her.
Mendanbar snuggled into Cimorene's shoulder, an utterly glowing look on his face. After trailing wet kisses up her neck to her lips, he opened his eyes sleepily to take in his wife's grin. "Did I perform to the expectations of my blushing bride?"
Cimorene giggled and swatted him on the shoulder before snuggling closer. "As well as all those times that never happened. Though I think we lost the crowd after the fourth time around. Not everyone has your stamina, dear."
Mendanbar watch as she turned to look up, a thoughtful expression on her face. "What? Don't tell me you're regretting marrying me already." He frowned, and the worry line appeared between his eyebrows.
She flashed him a reassuring smile. "You are so hopeless sometimes, but no, I think I'll keep you. I was actually really comparing all those past times in my mind. And I have to admit, that actually wasn't my favorite."
Mendanbar propped himself up on an elbow. "Really? Maybe it was because we did it in a bed." Cimorene grumbled at that. "If that's so, then where? The Green Glass Pool? Up the tree? Under the dinner table?"
Cimorene shook her head at all of them. "The tree was neat, but I have to say your desk was by far the best. Definitely the desk."
Mendanbar blinked. "Our first time?"
Cimorene nodded. "I mean just the idea of pushing work out of the way. And the tree was actually quite nice, but the bark rubbed us both raw, and I didn't like coming up with excuses on why we couldn't sit down for a day. Under the dinner table we almost got caught twice. I'm pretty sure Kazul knew what went on, not that she's say anything. But your desk, now that was fantastic. And you weren't trying to impress anyone listening in either."
Mendanbar blushed. "I don't want my father-in-law thinking I'm a bad husband or anything." He shrugged. "It's a bit of a guy thing." He curled up closer to her. "So the desk it is. I'm sure if you give me a bit, I can whip an easier spell to get rid of the gargoyle and sound-proof the room. Then we'll see if your opinion isn't being clouded just by first time nostalgia. But for now, I think I need a refresher in how to use my sword, milady." Without further ado, he pounced on top of his bride.
-End Flashback-
Mendanbar sat with the paperclip bent in a thoroughly useless shape. There was no way that he was getting rid of this desk. In fact...
"CIMORENE!"
One can't let a broadsword get rusty.