Say it Right

Rating: M/MA

Summary: After three years together Usagi is looking for something more from Mamoru. Will Mamoru be able to step up to the plate in time or will he lose her to another willing to give her what she desires most?

Notes: Reviews make me want to update faster.

Chapter One: The Problem (With love)

"…All of what I feel I could show you tonight."

Nelly Furtado

­­­It was a perfect spring afternoon; that's all Usagi Tsukino could think.

Outside, on the city streets of Tokyo, people walked slowly to their destination and children played jovially in the parks without a care in the world. However, hidden sixteen stories above the city of Tokyo, inside the apartment of one Mamoru Chiba, a different scene was taking place.

Panning past door # 1612, past the front entry way of the apartment toward the living room, and past the pile of discarded books scattered across the coffee table and living room floor, past the empty kitchen, past the long hallway to the master bedroom to spy two figures laying on the bed; completely engrossed in one another and oblivious to the outside world.

Here on the sixteenth story of Tokyo Towers, tucked away from the rest of the world was heaven on earth. This was the place that Usagi lay, pressed into the bed by her boyfriend. His mouth was fervently searching hers and his hands trailing up and down her semi nude torso which was still clad in a white lace bra.

"Usako…"

Her name rolled off his tongue in a needy whisper as he cupped her breast then tweaked her right nipple. She scarcely thought he knew, he even said it, which pleased her all the more as she arched her back bringing herself flush against his hand. His instant reaction was to pull her in closer and deepen the kiss; his tongue twisting out of his mouth to meet hers.

It was a rare moment for the pair; Usagi noted.

Mamoru wasn't usually this amorous. He generally maintained a tight control on his passions in-front-of and behind closed doors, but somehow Mamoru and Usagi ended up in this precarious position and Usagi wasn't planning on letting it slip through her hands. On the contrary, Usagi was completely prepared to take this opportunity as far as he would allow her.

"Mamo-chan."

His name came out as a moan when he broke their kiss to trail kisses down her jaw and to that 'one' spot on her neck that sent shivers down her spine. The sensation electrified her down to the core and drove her to want and need more.

With an instant surge of adrenaline and heat, Usagi shifted them so that she was now straddling Mamoru's hips and bent down to kiss him. For a moment Mamoru seemed very responsive to the turn of events and even brought his hands down to her hips to steady her. One hand even managed to snake its way up the back of her skirt and lightly skim over her panties. However, when he felt her core press down intimately against his pelvis he hissed and then stilled as if he was suddenly made aware of exactly what was happening.

Usagi pretended as if she didn't notice and moved from kissing his lips to his jaw all the while using her hands to unbutton his shirt.

"Usagi"

This time her name didn't come out as a needy whisper. She silenced him with a quick kiss before continuing with her mission. She made it down to the fourth button before he tried again.

'Usagi… wait"

His hands moved up to still hers. Sighing, Usagi pulled back to look at him; disappointment evident in her sky blue eyes as he shifted himself so their hips were no longer in contact. She knew what was coming next.

"We should slow down."

Defeated, Usagi slowly rolled off him to go find the shirt from her school uniform which had been haphazardly tossed on the floor. She put it on wordlessly, as Mamoru nervously re-buttoned his shirt. He wouldn't dare look in her direction until she was fully covered.

It drove Usagi crazy.

How was it, Mamoru could go from hot and heavy to cold and distant never ceased to amaze her. Beyond that how, he could ever think they need to slow things down after over three years together was -for lack of a better word- complete bullshit.

If anything, Usagi thought they needed to speed things up. She had tried to explain this to him many a time before, but somehow the words never seem to come out right and he always asserted that when the right time came they would 'consummate' their relationship and they would enjoy it all the more because they took their time. Of course, Usagi wouldn't know whether or not that was true, because unlike him she was still a virgin.

"Are you ok?"

It took him a few moments to gather up the courage to look at her and ask. Usagi debated telling him 'No' instead she told him what he wanted to hear.

"Yeah, I am fine."

The lie rolled off her tongue easily enough even as she looked into his eyes.

"I don't know what got into me before."

As she said the last part she had enough presence of mind to blush innocently. She followed that up by licking her dry lips and running a nervous hand through her hair which was released from its usual 'do' during their festivities. The motion of her licking her lips and running a hand through her cascading hair instantly caused some unknown emotion to flicker in Mamoru's gaze as it shifted from her hair to her swollen lips. He quickly masked the emotion by coughing and turning away. Usagi immediately felt self conscious.

"I am going to freshen up… in the bathroom."

Mamoru turned back to face her looking noticeably relieved. Usagi felt livid.

"Ok. I will be waiting in the living room."

They shared a moment of eye contact before Usagi moved towards the bathroom. Mamoru watched her for a moment before she disappeared into the bathroom. Then he hung his head.

Inside the bathroom Usagi was splashing her face with cold water. No matter how much water she splashed herself with she just couldn't seem to cool down. She was angry, frustrated and unimaginably horny. She wanted nothing more than to go back into the living room and tell Mamoru just what she was feeling but knew that it would all fall on deaf ears. For as much as Mamoru loved her, as much as he had done to open himself up to her, he still kept her at a distance. More than that, often she felt that in his eyes she was still the same 14 year old girl he first met over two years ago, which ultimately meant she was too young, too irresponsible, and too innocent to have an adult relationship no matter how much she tried to prove otherwise.

And God knows she had been trying.

Staring in the mirror Usagi surveyed herself. Presently, her hair was tussled and strewn every which way, her lips were puffy and bruised and her clothes were disheveled. Frowning she thought of what he must see when he looked at her. Did he see her as a woman? A lover? An equal? Or would he always think of her as a child. Frowning sharply, Usagi exhaled and closed her eyes, valiantly attempting to shut the thought out of her mind. Opening her eyes she stared into the mirror and whispered her daily affirmation.

"Mamoru loves you"

She repeated it until she felt her anger and frustration subside. When she felt she had calmed herself down enough she then did her best to pull her hair back into a makeshift French braid. Once she had finished it to her liking she reassessed her appearance. While she didn't look anymore womanly, at least she looked more put together. Taking a deep breath she moved towards the door.

In the living room, Mamoru had taken the time to pick up the books which had been scattered on the floor and put them in a neat pile on the coffee table. He then set out to make a cup of tea for them both. When Usagi walked out toward the living room she spied him in the kitchen and paused; rendered completely immobile as she stared at him unnoticed. Presently, he was looking down as he poured hot water into a tea pot. He was wearing a white button up shirt and blue jeans. His hair was falling in front of his eyes. Usagi was completely awestruck by his beauty.

All she wanted to do was walk up to him and kiss him and never stop.

To think that he didn't feel the same when he looked at her… made her heart hurt and tears prickle her eyes. Forcing herself to look away Usagi decided staying here wasn't working, at least not tonight. Moving swiftly past the kitchen to the living room Usagi quickly set about putting her books into her school bag.

Mamoru, who had only noticed her when she walked swiftly by the kitchen followed her into the living room and watched her carefully.

"You're not leaving are you?"

Usagi reacted to the sound of his voice as if she had been caught red-handed. Swallowing nervously she turned to look at him.

"Yeah… I just thought I would finish studying for finals… at home"

Mamoru frowned.

"I just made us some tea."

Usagi momentarily mulled over the idea of spending another half an hour with him. But the moment she gazed up into his stormy blue eyes she ultimately decided it would be too hard to stay this close to him yet be so far.

"Can I get a rain check? I really should get back to studying… I still have all of chapters 13 and 14 to study before the calculus final exam."

Mamoru didn't look thrilled by her suggestion of a rain check.

"I am pretty good with calc. I could help you if you want."

Usagi smiled exasperatedly. 'Now he wants to keep me close?' The mixed signals were just too much for her. Shaking her head negatively Usagi declined.

"You've already helped me so much. I think I can manage the rest."

Seeing he wasn't going to win this one Mamoru decided another tactic.

"Fine, rain check it is. I will drop you off at your house."

Mamoru moved toward the living room closet to get his shoes. Usagi followed him with her school bag in hand and stopped him as he attempted to open the door.

"Actually, I was thinking I could walk home. You know, a little fresh air would do me some good. Plus I wanted to stop by Ami's house and get some of her class notes."

Mamoru glanced at her for a moment. Usagi couldn't judge his expression. Finally Mamoru let go of the knob.

"We're ok right? I mean… you're not mad about … before?"

Usagi's cheeks stained pink. She looked down at her feet.

"You mean…about what happened in the bedroom?"

"Well, yeah… I know 'I' kind of lost control back there."

Usagi glanced up at him from under veiled lashes. He looked like it was killing him to think she was upset with him. She was torn between wanting to ring his neck and kiss him; she settled digging her nails into her skin.

"…You know I would never do anything to take advantage of you."

Of course he wouldn't 'Perish the thought.' Usagi looked down to hide her frustration at his need to always be in control. After a moment she looked back up sweetly.

"I know you would never do anything to take advantage of me."

He looked at her with an unreadable expression, as if he didn't quite believe her which prompting her to go on.

"…I also know you have a lot of work to do yourself, and it's a beautiful day outside so I really don't mind walking myself home…"

She stopped babbling when she realized she was still not saying what he wanted to here. Steeling her nerves she stepped up on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek.

"We are ok. Ok?"

Mamoru sighed, and then nodded his head in acceptance. Usagi smiled warmly for the first time in what seemed like forever. Pointing toward the door Usagi backed her way towards it.

"I am going to get going…"

Mamoru eyed the door inauspiciously as she walked towards it.

"Promise to call when you get home?"

Her hand was on the knob now, opening the door. She paused.

"I promise."

The sun had just dipped behind the horizon when Usagi arrived at Ami's house.

Twilight's magic was in full effect as Usagi's mood had lightened considerably when she saw the golden purple rays streaming in the distance and the moon peaking overhead. The view, coupled with the knowledge that one of her best friends was less than a door bell away made Usagi feel less stressed as she walked up the front stairs leading to Ami's house.

Once she was standing in front of Ami's house Usagi pressed the doorbell once and waited. Several minutes later she was rewarded with the front door being opened to reveal a surprised -and slightly flushed- looking Ami standing just inside the door.

"Usagi!"

Slightly alarmed Ami opened the door wider to step outside. Ami was sporting a pair of light blue scrub pants and a white tank-top. Usagi noted Ami's hair was wet as if she had just jumped out of the shower.

"Is everything ok?"

Usagi smiled. Even though it had been a little over two years since their last battle against the Nega-Verse the loyalty of her sailor senshi never wavered. They were always ready to return to duty.

"Yes, Ami-chan. Everything is fine."

Ami looked momentarily relieved before she thought better of it.

"What brings you by?"

"I was studying for calc earlier, and noticed I didn't have all the notes for chapters 13 and 14 and was wondering if I could barrow them from you."

Ami looked hesitant for a moment before stepping aside and letting her in.

"Sure thing"

Together they walked through the foyer towards the kitchen where Ami's backpack sat.

"Ryo is here too. We were just about to start studying as well. If you like you could join us."

At the mention of Ryo's name, he seemed to pop up out of nowhere to stand next to Ami. He was sporting khaki cargo pants and a dark blue t-shirt. His face looked flushed and his hair was noticeably wet just like Ami's. There was a slight moment of awkwardness which passed as it dawned on Usagi just why both Ami and Ryo's hair would be wet. As the thought came to her Ryo happily reached out a hand to greet her and Ami blushed vibrantly silently confirming Usagi's suspicion.

"Hey, Usagi-chan."

Usagi was at a loss for words as she gazed between Ami and Ryo. It took her a few moments to find her voice, when she did it came out sounding awkward.

"Hi, Ryo-kun"

It wasn't a shock that Ryo was here per say; Amy and Ryo had been dating for a little over ten months and frequently spent time with one another as well as on double dates with Usagi and Mamoru. What shocked Usagi is that Ami had been clearly hiding some facts regarding the status of how intimate her relationship with Ryo had become. While Usagi could certainly understand why Ami would want to keep some details of her sex life to herself, the fact that Ami didn't want to share the news that her and Ryo had reached a new plateau in their relationship hurt Usagi's feelings; as Usagi shared so much of her and Mamoru's relationship with Ami she figured that Ami would at least trust her enough to share the same.

Sensing Usagi's discomfort at the situation Ami turned to Ryo and elaborated on Usagi's behalf.

"Usagi is here to barrow some notes on chapter's 13 and 14 from Miss. Lee's class."

Nodding, Ryo, completely unaware of Usagi's uneasiness, turned to Ami and smiled warmly.

"I had some difficulties with those chapters myself. Lucky for me I had a copy of your notes for myself."

Caught up in the moment Ami giggled and blushed. Ryo took that as an opportunity to plant quick kiss on Ami's the cheek and place a hand on her hip. Usagi felt a little out of place witnessing such an intimate moment between the two now that she realized Ami hadn't wanted to share the details of her relationship with her. Nonetheless, Ryo turned to her and smiled welcomingly.

"As long as you have Ami's notes you will have nothing to worry about."

Forcing a smile Usagi nodded in agreement while Ami dug into her backpack to pull out the notes.

"That's, what I was counting on."

"So, Ami tells me that you and Mamoru will be attending the commencement dinner at Tokyo General Hospital, this Saturday. It must be exciting knowing that Mamoru earned a fellowship there. I heard that, that accomplishment is really hard to come by.

As he spoke, Usagi's attention drifted from Ryo to Ami sorting through her notes; she felt uncomfortable.

"Yeah… I am really proud of him. He has worked really hard to get that spot."

Her response came off sounding more aloof then enthused. Her mind, not really focused on the conversation. Sensing her lack of attention Ryo tried one more tactic to draw her in.

"Ami and I were just about to do some studying ourselves, and I volunteered to order dinner. Would you like to stay and join us?"

Shaken out of her trance Usagi flushed and shook her head as Ami looked up to see her response.

"Thanks for the invite but I really should be heading home. Mom is expecting me for dinner and I have a lot of studying to do."

When she finished speaking Ami handed her the notes, which had been typed, laminated, and color coded. Ami had a guilty expression on her face as Usagi accepted them from her and placed the notes in her bag.

"Thanks Ami-Chan. I will get them back to you as soon as I can."

Turning toward Ryo, Usagi smiled softly.

"You two have fun studying. See you tomorrow."

With that Usagi turned and walked back towards the front door. Her cheeks flushed in repressed embarrassment as she stalked towards the door. She was outside walking down the front steps when Ami caught up with her.

"Usagi! Wait!"

Alarmed Usagi turned back to the house as Ami came running out the front door to stand on the stairs with Usagi.

"Is something wrong Ami-chan?"

"Yes… no… I just didn't want you to leave mad."

Usagi's response was automatic.

"I'm not mad Ami-chan."

Ami looked at Usagi confused.

"You're not?"

Usagi shifted her bag on her shoulder and looked away disjointedly.

"Why would I be?"

Ami looked down nervously at her feet.

"Because…"

Usagi was beginning to feel worn down by this conversation so she decided to help Ami out.

"Look Ami, I totally understand you wanting to keep your certain aspects of your relationship with Ryo to yourself."

There. Usagi had put it out in the open so there was no reason for either of them to beat around the bush or pretend that Usagi didn't know the truth. Ami looked hurt by the admission.

"But that isn't what I was trying to do."

Usagi was taken back for a moment.

"It isn't?"

Stepping closer to where Ami stood Usagi took her backpack off her shoulder and placed it on the step.

"No… I just…I didn't know how to talk about 'it'. It kind of just happened one day we weren't really planning on doing it."

"Oh."

Usagi looked down. A fresh set of thoughts plaguing her mind. Most specifically, how was it that Amy and Ryo ended up randomly having sex after only ten months together, when she and Mamoru had been together for three years and couldn't get past second base.

"I wanted to tell you."

Ami looked down sadly thinking Usagi was angry with her. Usagi glanced up momentarily taken out of her thoughts.

"You did?"

Ami wrapped her arms around herself as the evening breeze kicked up.

"Of course, you're my best friend. It's been killing me to keep this to myself."

Usagi looked at Ami skeptically.

"It has?"

Fervently Ami nodded her head and unshed tears glistened in her eyes.

"Yes. It's been unbearable."

Usagi frowned hating the idea that her friend was upset because she was unable to talk to her.

"Well if you want tomorrow, we can have a sleepover… you can spill you're guts."

Laughing Ami smiled glad to know that her friend was not angry with her.

"That sounds like a plan."

Usagi returned Ami's smile with one of her own as she moved in to hug her tightly.

"I am really happy for you and Ryo-kun, Ami-chan."

Hugging her back Ami smiled.

"Thanks Usagi. That really means a lot to me coming from you."

Pulling away a little bit Usagi picked up her backpack and put it on her shoulder.

"You better get inside before Ryo, thinks we've run off together."

Blushing Ami looked down embarrassed. Usagi turned to descend down the stairs before Ami called out to her once again.

"See you tomorrow?"

Throwing up the Sailor V sign Usagi smiled toward Ami.

"Definitely."

At home, Usagi called Mamoru as promised but didn't stay on the phone long; citing she needed to wash up before dinner with the family.

During dinner Usagi did her best to remain cheerful and talkative; after which she excused herself to go upstairs and study. Once, inside the confines of her room she laid her books out on the bed along with Ami's notes, unusually grateful to have calculus to focus on rather than her relationship with Mamoru or Ryo and Ami's. After three long hours of studying for calc Usagi reluctantly set out to get ready for bed.

As she went about her nightly ritual of brushing her teeth and washing her face before changing into her pajamas Usagi could do no more to get Ami's revelation from earlier this evening out of her head.

It wasn't that she was mad at Ami; on the contrary, Usagi was genuinely happy that her friend had found someone she could love as much as she loved Mamoru. She knew how long Ami had crushed on Ryo, and knew how excited Ami was when he finally asked her out. The news that Ami was able to share herself with Ryo -no holds bar- was a good thing. It meant that Ami was finally stepping out of her shell and being more adventurous. Despite all that, Usagi couldn't help but feel a little envious; especially when she thought of her current dilemma with Mamoru.

The dilemma being that she didn't feel Mamoru saw her as his equal.

Not in the way that Ryo saw Ami as an equal. When Ryo looked at Ami he looked at her with a combination of lust, brilliance, and awe. Whenever Mamoru looked at her it was under a veil of controlled emotion. In fact, Mamoru's expression rarely gave any indication to what he was feeling or thinking, which often left Usagi out in the dark. It hurt her to know that there were other couples, other people in the world who have spent less time with one another, yet were able to express themselves better intellectually and physically, than Usagi and Mamoru ever dared to show. Beyond that, with every day that passed, Usagi felt a growing need to be able to express herself more fully with Mamoru as she began to remember more and more of their past life as Serenity and Endymion.

The memories alone sent sparks of heat straight to her core and sent a rush of butterflies to her tummy.

Serenity and Endymion were complete equals in every way; whether they were in the war room, ballroom, or bedroom. Being that they were equals in every aspect, their relationship was undeniably passionate, as both individuals knew the other could take what the other had to give; and they gave.

Usagi shuddered as she climbed into bed; remembering about how willing Endymion was willing to give.

Endymion rarely let anything come between him and his desire to sate his need for Serenity. Usagi remembered one instance in which Endymion had asked all his royal advisors to leave the royal assembly room during a meeting with Princess Serenity under the pretense of them forging a peaceful treaty for both empires. Only, the moment all the advisors had left, he masterfully pinned her to the table and divested them of both their clothing so that he could have her on the table, while his advisors waited outside.

That wasn't the first time that he had pulled a stunt like that, nor was it the last Usagi recalled.

Endymion was frequently scheming ways to have Serenity to himself, and Serenity found her own ways to drive Endymion to the brink right before bringing him the most intense release. Usagi desperately wanted to continue that tradition with Mamoru but he never gave her the opportunity. Usagi supposed he would not afford her the chance because in this life he looked at her as more of a responsibility than an equal.

Unlike the way Ryo looks at Ami.

Closing her eyes, she wondered what Mamoru was doing and if he was thinking of her. The constant doubt surrounding the issue of where his feelings lay was getting to be too much to bear. Sighing softly, Usagi reconciled that things couldn't go on like this for much longer.

One way or another, something had to give.

Well, what did you think? Good? Bad? Ugly? Tell the truth... be honest.