And She Says "Sorry"

"What does it mean? To say sorry when "I Love You" is so much more understandable?"

Even heaven knows she sent him many letters, the first shy, and shallow, full of unnecessary things such as business or SOLDIER, or even the local riffraff. Every week or so, she would take a breath, and gather her tears and pour them all out into another letter, knowing all the while that if she didn't do at least something, then he would never exist.

Zack, the puppy…

She could suppose it was what she would call an 'angel'. If a strange man had fallen through any other girl's roof, shouldn't she be liable enough to call him that?

It was as if to keep herself from forgetting those warm cinnamon afternoons spent lying in the arms of a loved one, someone who loved her so much as to go fight a war, and fight with her image in his head.

Because, even she knew to some extent, that she kept him going.

The thought of him going home to her, gave him strength, and every day she wrote to him, she would think to herself that somehow, it would get to him, and then he would realize that he was just as important to her as she was to him.

They were together.

Cliché, but even so, as she wrote her eighty-seventh letter, licking the stamp carefully, cliché was sometimes the truth, and what an odd truth it was.

He was off fighting a war for an already corrupt company, while she was there in the lowest of lows, selling flowers, and trying to remain cheerful for all those who cared. He cared, and she knew that he did, even though he was a thousand miles away, deflecting bullets while all she could do was sit on the lower level and read the news, praying that she would never have to see his name.

Zack

As of this date, deceased.

KIA

This was how she always imagined it in the papers, not even his full name. Sometimes she would dream about it, about him dying and wishing with all of his heart that he could be with her.

She remembers him saying goodbye, before his last mission.

She remembers turning away, so he wouldn't have to see her cry.

And she remembers saying sorry, because somewhere inside of her, she knew that he would die somewhere out there away from her, and she would never have a chance to say it.

"So…. I'm going away for a little bit… Don't know when I'm gonna see you again… So…"

"So I won't see you again…?"

"No! I didn't mean that! Of course, we'll see each other again. But… It might be a long time… And I never want you to forget me…"

"Zack—"

"I just want to say before I leave….because if I don't, I'm afraid I'll never be able to say it again—"

""I love you Zack…."

Moreover, after that, she remembers a tear slipping down his face, and his arm snaking around to pull her to her chest, his cheek pressing into her forehead, breath hot with sadness and need. Her arms tentatively wrapping themselves around his waist, and her mouth pressed shyly against his own. He never said what she had said to him, because in that simple kiss, he had said it all, and if he would have stayed, it would have been all that she would have ever needed.

Three years later she thought, while slipping that letter to Tseng, that maybe he was in a battle at the moment, maybe in a burning village or wading through the snow dodging bullets. Maybe one of his comrades was screaming at the SOLDIERS.

"Run for your life!"

Oh, she knew he was running.

Nevertheless, with each step, he was running away from death.

In a way, he was running for her.

After that, she remembers him kissing her repeatedly, the tears running freely in his eyes.

"Zack… I'm so sorry…"

"For what?"

"I made you cry…"

She remembers him changing the subject, both of them submersed in a moment of heartbreak.

"You're so beautiful Aerith…"

"What? The Face?"

She remembers his finger lightly tracing her cheek, rubbing over her lips, palm cradling her face, his lips pressing against hers again, his voice murmuring lowly, gently into her ear.

"Everything…."

She remembers his walking to his next mission, waving a careless goodbye, and mouthing three silent words in her direction. She remembers smiling softly, supporting him with the confidence of a lover, and a friend.

A statue of support…

I'll be okay…

And knowing through her smile, that what he said wasn't true.

And truly, in the life as a girl living in the slums, it would remain the same as if he had never fallen through her ceiling, as if they had never fallen in love. Because at those last moments, were the last she would ever be able to say what she needed.

She knew he would die out there somewhere, silently thinking of her as he slowly drifted off, imagining her and that pink ribbon kissing him hello as he walked into the church.

So, as he walked away, she would mouth silently in his direction, her hand pressed tightly to her chest, achingly sweet and achingly painful.

"I'm sorry…"

And for him, that was the last thing she would ever say.

Hey You,

I miss you.

A whole lot.

And I am sorry, because I'd follow you 'till I died. Then, when I died, I would search for you until I found you, and together we would float aimlessly.

Because, when two people who love each other die, don't they search for each other, and live forever?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for never leaving messages when I call, and I'm sorry for never making sense.

Love never made any sense.

But, when I see you, somehow it just clicks, and I know, that somewhere, someday, when we're together again, it'll make sense.

I'm sorry for never being there for you.

And I'm sorry for being so selfish.

What does it mean? To say sorry when "I Love You" is so much more understandable?

It makes more sense.

To apologize.

It's easier to say.

Less painful.

It hurts less than having to say 'goodbye'. Because after I say goodbye, I'll never see you again.

So, I'll just apologize.

Because I hate having to sit here while you fight for your life, thinking of me, and hurting, because a girl far away is in love with you.

I won't say it again, and maybe, you'll know that if I say "I Love You" even if I die, or you die, or if we both die, you'll know that I'm sorry.

Because sorry is so much better than hurting you by saying, the only thing we can never say in person ever again.

So, I'll say,

"See you again…"

-Aerith

A/N

So, my brother has gotten me into Final Fantasy. And now, my muse is Final Fantasy Vll. I can't explain it, but there's something so bittersweet about Zack and Aerith's relationship. If anyone hasn't noticed, i've been playing a whole lot of Crisis Core. I stopped at Sephiroth because, I was so depressed that Zack would die and Aerith was all alone.

She never even knew he was really dead...

Anyway, this is going to be a three-shot series. This is the first part, the next part will be Zack.

We should have more of this pairing. It totally suits.

Questions? Comments? Go ahead.

Later,

-TMoh