A/N: Post 'Breaking Dawn', right before Leah takes off so she doesn't have to stick around and watch Sam be happy with Emily.

I don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I'm just elaborating on her ideas.

For the first time in hours we had nothing to say to each other and an awkward silence filled the room. I looked over at Embry and he appeared to be deep in thought. Not wanting to interrupt, I started examining my unkempt nails, wondering how long it had been since I'd taken a file to them or cleaned under them - they looked disgusting. That led me to think of all the other 'girl things' I'd been neglecting. I couldn't recall the last time I'd applied makeup, plucked my eyebrows or painted my toenails. It was weird, hanging around guys all the time because after a while I started being just like them, doing all the same obnoxious and disgusting things they did. I didn't seem to be all that girly anymore - something that needed to change. I wasn't planning on phasing anymore, or at least I hoped I wouldn't have to. I wanted to be normal, live a normal life away from all this magic.

I was anxious for the next few days to be over because that's how long I had before I left La Push for good. Mom was still trying her darnedest to change my mind; trying to get me to stay. I knew she wanted to keep the family together but I needed to get out of here as soon as possible. The longer I stayed, the less likely I was to leave, so I wasn't going to put off my departure date, no matter what. Everyone kept asking where I was going and I always said it was a secret, but really I still didn't have a clue...yet. In the beginning, I was seriously considering California but California isn't far enough from Washington. As of now, I'm thinking Illinois or Colorado, or Rhode Island. Wherever I went was immaterial, so long as it was far away from La Push. Of course, I'd always stay in contact with my family but I didn't plan on coming back, ever.

I looked over at Embry, studying him as I thought about how much I'd miss him and his friendship. I considered asking him to go with me, knowing full well how weird it would be to ask him - It's not like we were B-F-F or anything. Plus, I didn't want to be around when another one of my brothers found their imprint. So, there was no way I'd ever ask him.

Embry's deep voice broke the silence, "Hey Leah?"

"Yeah," I said as my eyes met his.

"Have you ever wondered..."

"What?" I encouraged, "Have I ever wondered, what?"

"Never mind, it's nothing." He broke eye contact.

"You can't do that. That's so not allowed. Tell me." I urged.

He gave me a wicked grin. "Is that an order?"

I pretended to think about it for a second. As I was only second-in-command, we both knew I couldn't actually order anyone around, but I played along, "As a matter of fact, I order you to tell me" I said with an authoritative tone in my voice.

Embry rolled his eyes,"Alright, have you ever wondered, w-what it might be like if—" He stammered, "yeah, I can't say it, order or not." He got up from where he was sitting and started making his way towards the door. "I probably should go. Its getting late."

Being an incredibly inquisitive person there was no way I was going let him leave, not until I knew what he was about to say. "No way, I'm totally not letting you go. No leaving before you say what you wanted to say." I jumped up from the end of my bed and threw my body in front of the doorway, effectively blocking his escape route. "Come on Embry, we've been totally honest with each other lately and not because we had no other choice - Its been really cool. Please don't stop now. Plus, you know I'll find out about it when we phase anyway." I reminded him, even though I wasn't planning on phasing ever again, but he didn't know that.

The smile faded from his face, and his tone became serious "yeah, but you're not going to phase, at least not while you're here. You're leaving soon."

"Yeah. Better reason to get it out now instead of later." I grabbed his hand and started tugging on it like Claire does when she's begging Quil for something. I made my bottom lip stick out in an over-exaggerated pout. "Puh-leeeze!"

Embry laughed, "Okay, I will but please stop doing that, it's creepy. You sounded exactly like Claire for a second"

Laughing, I let go of his hand, straightened my posture and gave him my most serious look, "Okay, I'm serious now. Tell me." I persisted.

Embry got quiet and he looked a little perplexed. I could tell he was searching for a different way to ask whatever it was he wanted to ask me. The longer Embry stayed silent, the more curious I got. I couldn't imagine what it could possibly be. I mean, he admitted he was a virgin not two hours previous because were talking about the whole 'getting close to people' thing. We both agreed it would be impossible to come up with a legitimate-sounding excuse as to why our body temperatures were always at 108 degrees. He concluded that he'd probably be a virgin for the rest of his life. Then I proceeded to tease him about it, I may have even jokingly offered to fix that for him.

So…wait a minute. Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait! Is that what this is about? No, not possible. He knew I was joking, he totally knew I was joking. We say ridiculous crap to each other all the time, he had to know I was kidding. I examined Embry's body language and his breathing - both of which were more then slightly off. Actually, he looked pretty nervous. He was avoiding all eye contact. Is he going to ask what I think he's going it ask? If so, how do I feel about that? I questioned myself.

My heart started beating erratically and my breathing sped up when I realized I wasn't horrified by the idea. I wouldn't mind, I actually sort of hoped he was going to ask or whatever. It had been a long time since I'd been touched by anyone, in that way, and I didn't know when I'd be touched like that again. Weeks? Months? Years?? I shuttered at the thought.

Why not Embry? He knew my secrets, all of them, and I knew everything about him. We didn't even have to explain the whole wolf thing to each other. There were no more walls between us; everything had been knocked down during the duration of the past few weeks. I liked Embry. He possessed a lot of the qualities I admired in a man and Embry was definitely a man, no question about that. It's not like Embry wasn't a good-looking guy - I looked over his face and his muscular frame.

I could tell that he wasn't going to act unless I persuaded him. "Embry," I whispered, "don't think about it, just…just do it."

His dark eyes met mine and it seemed to me that we both wanted the same thing; to be close to someone—to each other—for just this one night.

Embry took a deep breath - gathered his courage - stepped closer to me and reached his arms out to me. His calloused fingertips gently stroked the entire length my upper arms, which caused a frisson of pleasure to jolt throughout my body; I exhaled audibly.

Clearly encouraged, a wicked smile spread across Embry's face and in one fluid motion, he grabbed me, lifted me up and pushed me up against the door I'd been blocking. I wrapped my limbs around his body. Embry's full lips met mine and I started to tingle all over. His hands were everywhere, exploring my body as if trying to memorize every curve. My fingers fumbled with his shirt, trying to get it unbuttoned and off of him. When his chest was exposed, I felt the contours of it, kissed it and marveled in its perfection. Our lips met again and we kissed passionately; hungrily as we feasted upon each other.

"This is a great idea." I murmured as Embry was kissing my neck.

"Yeah, it is." He took a deep breath and kissed me again, focusing on my bottom lip. I was holding his head, running my fingers through his cropped hair. He let go of my lips "why haven't we done this before?"

"Because we're stupid or because it's probably wrong," I paused, "Wrong, but so totally good." I teased. "The 'forbidden fruit', am I right?" I kissed him again.

"Good," he agreed and kissed my neck. "and so wrong…" He trailed off but he didn't kiss me again. He just gazed into my eyes, as if it was for the first time, ever. A forlorn expression replaced his elated grin. He was about to say something but thought better of it.

"What? Did I say something I shouldn't have?" I wondered out loud before nibbling on his ear trying to draw him back in.

"No. You didn't say anything wrong and you haven't done anything wrong but, I don't think we should do this. Not like this." He said, quickly and quietly while he reluctantly loosened his grip on me and lowered me to the ground.

"What do you mean?" I questioned as my toes touched the ground and I steadied myself; removing my arms from his body.

Then, it hit me. Maybe I was enjoying it more then he was and he knew it. I broke eye contact looked at the ground, my face glowing hot with humiliation. Of course, that's it. He didn't want me to get attached or to think that I meant anything to him, at least not like that. This was a one time deal, right? I questioned myself.

Embry placed a hand under my chin, trying to coax me to look at him again. "Leah, nothing is wrong. Nothing. I think--" He hesitated, "I'm enjoying this too much for it to just be casual. Do you understand?"

I couldn't get the nerve to make eye contact with him so I stared at his chest. "Yes...actually, no, I don't understand. What do you mean?"

"Leah, please, do not act stupid with me. You know that you're smart, beautiful and fun to be around. I've really enjoyed spending time with you and I know I am going to miss you when you're gone."

"I'm not acting stupid and I don't know that I am any of those things." I admitted quietly. "I mean, I used to be all those things - I know - but I'm not anymore, not really. I'm different now." I dared to glance up at Embry's face as I said these words.

"Leah, you are either fishing for compliments or in serious denial. I'm guessing it's the last one. You don't see yourself clearly, not anymore, and that's really sad. It's the biggest tragedy in this whole imprinting nightmare. Sure, Sam's doing just fine and so is Emily, but you, you got caught in the middle. You got completely screwed over." He ended angrily.

"Yeah, I know but I'm trying to move on with my life." I whispered as I gave him a weak smile.

He smiled and ran his fingers through my too-short hair, "I can tell you're trying and you're doing so much better these days. You're smiling, laughing and having fun - like you used to. I know you'll be fine eventually but I hate knowing that imprinting took those things away from you."

I was a little surprised that Embry was so passionate about the subject, especially when it came to me. "Thanks, Embry, for empathizing with me about everything. I appreciate it."

"I see you and all that you've gone through and I've decided that I don't ever want to imprint - I'd rather die." His voice was full of conviction. "I want to choose who I fall in love with and I want her to love me back because she chooses to, not because of some BS 'wolfy' instinct that makes that decision for her." He hesitated, "but what's the point of ever falling in love on my own if I risk the chance of hurting someone the same way Sam hurt you."

My eyes were pooling up with tears. I didn't want him to know I was on the verge of crying so I stared at the floor and stayed silent.

"You still love Sam. You're still 'in love' with him even after everything he's done to you." It wasn't an accusation, he was stating a fact.

I didn't want to admit it, not out loud—not to Embry, or anyone, ever. I was still in love Sam but I finally had the sense to hate myself for loving him. I wished, more then anything, to hate Sam or better yet, be indifferent towards him and his relationship with Emily. But I couldn't, not yet, my heart was still unwilling to let go.

"It's okay Leah, I understand" Embry whispered and enveloped me in his arms as I completely broke down. I sobbed into his chest and he comforted me. He held me in his arms and let me cry. After some time, Embry picked me up, carried me over to an overstuffed chair, sat down and cradled me in his lap.

"I-I'm, s-s-so s-s-s-sor-ry." I managed to say between sobs.

"It's alright Lee. It's alright." He stroked my hair and held me tighter, kissing my forehead.

As we sat there, I realized that Embry was the first person who'd ever truly validated my feelings and let me have a legitimate claim on my broken heart. He wasn't insisting that I get over it. He wasn't even asking me why I still loved Sam. He was just letting me cry. Embry was giving me the chance to mourn my (almost) forever love.

It wasn't long before I fell silent and I started drifting off to sleep. Embry stood up, walked me over to the bed, laid me down and tucked me in. He sat there, next to me, for a while. I was slowly being lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing.

"Leah? Are you awake?" he whispered.

While I was aware that he was talking to me, I didn't answer. I was exhausted, my head hurt and I was somewhere between consciousness and sleep. I let him think I was asleep as I regulated my breathing to long even intervals.

"I need to tell you something before you leave but I don't have the nerve to tell you when you're awake. So, I'm taking the cowards way out." He laughed bitterly before continuing, "I love you Leah Clearwater. I am in-love with you. I love you so much, I've decided not to risk telling you. I couldn't handle it if you don't love me and I couldn't handle it if you do. It would kill me if I ended up breaking your heart the same way Sam did. So, I'm going to love you like this, secretly and it totally sucks because I want to be with you, forever." He then proceeded to kiss me on my cheek softly and caress my hair one last time before he walked out the door as stealthily as possible.

When the latch on door sounded, indicating that it was shut, and he was gone, I cried even more. I wanted to get up, to stop him from leaving, I wanted to tell him that I loved him as much as he loved me but I didn't do any of those things. I let him go because the fact is, I didn't have the right to stop him. He didn't want me to know how he really felt and for a good reason. Losing another love, would kill me and he knew it. And, even then, I wasn't ready to move on, not yet - at least, I didn't think so - It wouldn't be fair to Embry. Most importantly, I wasn't sure if I was in love with Embry. All I knew for sure is that I really liked him.

I stayed up the rest of the night crying, but not over Sam. I cried for Embry and I cried for myself. It dawned on me that I was fooling myself if I thought I'd be able to live a normal life, ever. I would forever be cursed, regardless if I got over Sam. It was imprinting that ruined my life, now and in the future. Embry was right, it was wrong to choose to fall in love because it could all be taken away in a heartbeat. I couldn't put anyone through what I'd been going through and I certainly didn't want to imprint. So it looked like I'd live a loveless existence, at least, romantically-speaking.

I considered the possibility that Jacob had been right and imprinting is only something that happens if you are weak-minded. I knew that he had finally given up resisting the idea of imprinting the exact day he'd imprinted on Renesmee. So, who's to say that it would have happened had he not given up? At one point, I wondered what would happen if I gouged my eyes out, if that would stop me from imprinting. Of course, I'd never go that far—I wasn't insane—but it was an interesting, albeit disgusting, theory to examine.

It wasn't until four in the morning, that I came to a few important conclusions. I decided I was going to take a big leap and hope it was all for the best. If not, if I ended up making a huge mess of things, at least I knew that I tried to take control of my life instead of letting life happen while I played the victim. I decided that as long as I tried, that's all that mattered.

So, here's the deal, I really want to improve in my writing. I know I have some original ideas but I suck at the writing part. The more I write, the more confident I feel but I know there is a lot I have to learn (starting with the basics). I'm looking for a little help, some constructive criticism, hell even someone nice enough to beta for me. I started writing fanfic as a release, as a way to express myself, not to be famous. I know I'll never be a professional writer because I know I'll never be that good, but I hope to get better and I'm hoping I can learn through writing here. But yeah, feel free to leave a comment. There's no need to be gentle but please, don't be evil either.

Oh and, I need some help coming up with a good summary for my story. I can't think of a way to summarize this because I especially SUCK at summing stuff up.