This is my new fic, which I thought of after I watched my favourite film of all time- 10 Things I Hate About You. No, this is not a crossover- I'm not going to put Lily with Patrick and James with Kat or anything like that. Basically, I'm just using the poem in 10 Things I Hate About You and applying it in couplets to Lily and James, because I think it suits them so well. Obviously, I've had to change the poem slightly, because clearly, Lily and James don't drive cars, so I've changed that, but you'll see when the chapter with that couplet comes out. Kapeesh? Kapeesh.
So, read, enjoy, and review. I sincerely hope you like it!

1. Pony & Pig

How do I loathe thee?
Let me count the ways.

"I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair."

Lily tugged a brush through her hair and threw her bag over her shoulder. Putting the brush aside, she glanced at her self in the mirror -"Lovely complexion, shame about the hair"- the mirror said- and proceeded down the stairs. She was in a tearing rush- she didn't want to be late to her first class of Seventh Year- especially as she was Head Girl now.

She rushed across the common room- already empty-, swung open the portrait hole door, tripped over the edge of the carpet and fell clumsily out of it.

A pair of strong hands caught and righted her. "Watch where you're going, Evans," a voice said and she looked up.

Smiling cheekily down at her was the low-life scumbag James Potter, his hair sticking up at all angles as usual.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with as much dignity and contempt as she could muster.

"I came to see where my other half is."

"What are you talking about? I'm not your other half."

"Regretfully, no. But you are the Head Girl to my Head Boy."

Drat. She'd forgotten in the rush this morning about the new head boy. James Potter- with his messy hair and stupid manners, with flagrant disregard for the rules. She had no idea how he'd made it. "Whatever. I'm going to class now, before I'm late."

"Oh, and I'll be escorting you. Did you not expect me to be in your transfiguration class this year?" He stared at her and chuckled.

Thinking of no suitable retort, she started walking. "Come on, then, before we're both late."

He grinned and followed her, catching up easily. He slung his arm casually around her shoulder, and she shook it off.

"So, patrolling tonight, then? That'll be fun…"

She fumed even more. Patrolling with Potter? Could it really get any worse? "I'm sure we can manage on our own. We don't need to go round in pairs- we're not babies."

"Ga-ga. Me want rattle."

God- could he get anymore deranged? "You know, James, part of me wants to slap you right now."

"And the other part?" He grins mischievously.

"Kick you in the balls. But I'm not going to do either, because I'm not going to let you get to me."

They arrived at their Transfiguration classroom to find that they were only two minutes late. McGonagall excused them with a wave of her hand and they made there way to the only two available seats, James, rather happily next to Sirius- who had saved him a seat on the back row, Lily, rather unhappily, on James' other side.

"You're task today is to partner up- there will be one three- and transfigure the other into the animal of your choice. Only small animals, however" she said, looking directly at Sirius and James and making no attempt to hide it. "The incantation and wand movements are on the board- but I'd like you to do it non-verbally if you can. Please begin."

Lily signaled quickly to Alice that she wanted to be her partner, but noticed she was already with Mary. She looked around the classroom desperately- most seemed to already be paired up. She looked at Remus- he had bravely partnered Peter. There were no threes yet. Maybe she could just latch onto Mary and Alice…

"Lily? Partner us?" James grinned at her from beside her.

"Yes, please, Lily. We'd make a great threesome," Sirius said, winking at James.

Lily looked at Sirius with disgust while James laughed heartily. "I really don't want-"

"Hey, Professor, can Lily come with us? Maybe she'll teach us some manners…" James called loudly.

"Yes, Lily, if you don't mind, could you please? Keep them out of trouble for me." She smiled her thin-lipped smile and went back to Mary, who had already set Alice's hair on fire. Lily stared at her indignantly.

"Fine." She rummaged in her bag for her wand, "but if either of you set me on fire, or, or, turn my hair purple, or do anything else of that kind…" She left the threat open.

"Er- Lily, I think it was your friend that set someone on fire," said Sirius, indicating the disastrous pair that was Alice and Mary.

She ignored him. "Let's take the back corner, and I can start practicing turning you, Sirius, into the dog you are."

"Dog?" Sirius looked worriedly at James, who raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, dog. Come on," she said, turning her back on them both and moving into the back corner.

James exchanged a worried look with Sirius, but then shrugged and followed Lily.

"Right, so, I'll practice on Sirius, and Sirius will practice on James, and James will practice on- no, that won't work- I don't want James practicing on me. I'll practice on James, James can practice on Sirius, and Sirius can practice on me."

"You're the boss," said James. "Hit me with your best shot," he said, arms, wide, baring his chest.

She rolled her eyes and prepared herself. Then, she flicked her wand and turned James into a large cockerel.

Sirius roared with laughter and Lily changed James back. "Nice cock," Sirius muttered.

"Oh, shut up," James said, punching him in the shoulder and looking severely shaken up. "W-well done, Lily."

"Did that rustle your feathers?" she teased. "Right, you get started on Sirius."

James ruffled his dark hair. It looked even messier and stupider now. He took out his wand, coughed, and turned Sirius into a snail.

He smirked and watched Sirius move slowly across the floor, leaving a large trail of slime behind. "Might leave him like that for a while."

"No, don't," she said. "It's not fair."

She was surprised when he complied. Reluctantly, he transfigured Sirius back to his human form, where he collapsed on all fours, coughing and spluttering. "That. Was. Disgusting."

James laughed, ruffling up his hair again.

"Why do you do that?" Lily asked.

"Do what?"

"Ruffle your hair like that? Do you like it to look such a mess?"

"No. It just grows like this, so I figure I may as well embrace it. You gonna let Sirius convert you to a smelly animal now?"

"They're not smelly," she said, but she cowered slightly as Sirius approached with his wand out.

Quick as a flash, he changed her into a pony. She whinnied and tossed her mane, and McGonagall looked up.

"HEY! Hey! Sirius Black- I said small animals!" She yelled, whipping out her wand and changing Lily back. Once Lily had collapsed into a chair James had conveniently placed there, McGonagall added, "Nice wand work, though," before getting back to her work.

James laughed and patted Sirius on the back. "Well done, mate. That was really good- and hilarious."

Meanwhile, Lily was shaking uncontrollably. "Are you okay, pony?" asked James, still trying to hide his sniggering.

"Why do you care?" she retorted, pulling herself to her feet. She glared at him. She knew that James knew she was afraid of horses, of any kind, size or colour. "Right- this time, a pig, I think, for you."

"What have I done?"

"Ugh. Shut up, James, and let me turn you into the pig you are. Won't need much- just a snout and a curly tail."

And with that, she changed him into a pig, and back again. James sank into the chair this time. "That was weird…" he muttered.

She smirked. "Are you okay, little piggy wiggy?"

He grimaced. "I'm super duper, thanks."

He stood up and was turning on Sirius when the bell rang.

"Any of you who didn't manage to transfigure your partner into a suitable animal, a ten-inch essay on how to do so properly. Mary and Alice, see me. That is all," McGonagall said, dismissing them.

Lily stalked straight out of the classroom and onto her next lesson, Potions, choosing a seat as far away from James as possible. How she hated the way he talked to her- assuming he could do no wrong. She'd had enough of it. And that hair of his! Lily frowned, remembering how he had said that he "embraced it". Ugh. She hated him.

Noticing Slughorn was on his way to talk to her, she readied her potion ingredients and painted on a fake smile, hoping it would disguise her pent-up frustration.

Like it?

If you do, and even if you don't and want to leave CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, please, PLEASE, review.

Molly x