This story, like so many others, is inspired a dream. Not a dream of happy fluffy things or of equality among all men, but of asskickings, disguised perverts, insanely genius and equally evil bitches, and the Goddess of Speed, Brutality, and Sensuality.

That's right! Shihouin Yoruichi makes an appearance in this fiction! ALL HAIL THE GODDESS OF SPEED, BRUTALITY, AND SENSUALITY!

Ahem... sorry, I'm a Yoruichi fanboy.

Anyways let just jump right into it shall we?

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma One Half or Bleach.

Chapter One: Bleaching The Horse

Ranma took a deep breath, his chest expanding to take in the oxegyn. He took a subtle stance and let out his breath. He moved into the first Kata smoothly, going slow enough for it to be a relaxing movement and not simply a training excercize.

As his body moved in a dance of grace and form, his mind found its center and he began to sort out his thoughts. He set memories to the way side, seperated into good and bad for later reference, and unfortunately the good pile was rather inconsequential compared to the bad.

He then began to sort through his plans for the future. They too had two main piles: Instant Bloody Gratification, and Good Plans. The Instant Bloody Gratifcation pile far outweighed the Good Plan pile the way bad memories outweighed the good.

As his body moved into a slightly more advanced kata, his mind delved into the Good Plans section.

The first he dug out of that pile was Becoming Rounin. It was a good plan. Shed him of all the fiancees except for Shampoo and would let him travel around like he liked with only the amazons to fear.

It did however lack in some ways. His father might ban him from using the art, not that he'd listen. He would no longer have a home and probably would not be tolerated in the Tendo home. It also meant he'd be as broke as the day he was born and would probably have to swim across to China again to get any money at all because of the prejudices against those without a family name in japan.

His body switched to another kata, this one focusing on raw power. Unlike most of it's type it relied on the whole body to crush the opponent, instead of just the hands and arms.

He dug around in the Good Plans pile for another couple seconds. He pulled out one labled 'Buy a Bucket Hat'.

"What the...? How would that help anything?" Despite that thought he put that plan on his To-do List.

He searched again and this time came up with Faked Seppuku.

This one would take a lot of planning and calling in favors from people he'd rescued. He'd first have to set up a forged identity, probably something as far from his own name and station as he could possibly afford. Then he'd have to take the time to set up a ki fold filled with his blood, and time opening it just right so that it would appear he stabbed himself when in truth he just put the blade part way into the pocket while letting the blood spill out. After that he'd set himself in a deathlike state set for just long enough to get him to the morgue, get his new papers and get the hell away.

There weren't many drawbacks to this one except for the most glaring one. He'd never be able to use any of his favorite techniques again. They were as much his signature as always boasting that he was the best, and would reveal him twice as quick. Now, he wasn't one to shirk away from hardwork, but creating a new bunch of techniques would just be annoying.

As he moved through another kata, this one the polar opposite of the last, he felt eyes upon him. Realizing he was being watched brought forth a number of protocols from his subconscious.

The first was Level of Threat. He threaded the air with a layer of Ki so thin Happousai wouldn't have picked it up and scanned his watcher for strength and ability. What he got back was relieving. Threat read minimal, which meant it was just an observer, so he could continue in peace.

Second was Intent. The same layer of Ki proceeded to read the shape and color of the persons subconciously released energies for age, gender, and base emotions.

What he got back was: undeterminable, female( He almost grimaced at the implications of another suitor.), and boredom and mild curiosity.

After the first two scans proved the observer to be of minimal threat and only interested in what he was doing, the others receded and he settled into his 'For Show' Kata.

They were his moves that were impressive, but usable outside of combat without being destructive, mostly non Ki based attacks.

After a few minutes he finished with the Chestnut Fist, and heard light clapping.

He looked to his observer and raised one eyebrow.

The woman, for surely this female could never be counted as a simple girl, had black skin, purple hair and amber eyes. She wore a black spandex body suit, odd grey shoes that moved up her legs to form shin guards, and an orange kimono jacket with white shoulder pads. She kept her long purple hair tied back. Her figure was modest, and yet her body screamed sensuality without the permiscuity that normally accompanied it. The girls in Nerima could never compete with this woman should she choose to enter the race.

"Pretty impressive," her voice complimented her smirk which in turn complimented her already massive sensuality and Ranma had to focus on his Soul of Ice to keep himself from loosing focus on relevant things.

"Of course, I'm the best," he said puffing his chest up.

He was surprised when she scoffed and said through a chuckle, "Please! You still use Ki and Chi to enhance your prowess. You are far from the best, little boy." Her smirk seemed to grow predatory.

"Oh yeah? Well who is the best then?" Ranma asked. He was genuinely curious now. Was it possible to attain the speed of the Amaguriken without ki? If so who could teach him?

"Your looking at her."

Now it was Ranma's turn to scoff, "Yeah right, lady. Even if somebody could do the things I do, without Ki, they'd still have high levels of the stuff and you barely got a drop to ya."

The woman's smirk didn't deminish at all.

Next thing Ranma knew the largest source of Ki he'd felt, ever, was behind him and the woman was gone.

"Care to try me, little boy?" Her voice came to him from behind, seductive and teasing.

Now, Ranma knew he was pretty much screwed, but he could never back down from a fight, especially not now that he felt so supremely overpowered. At the moment a quote was going through his head, "One can never learn as much from Victory as they do from Defeat."

Ranma jumped away from her and took up a stance perfect for defence and attack and said, "I gotta warn ya, lady, Ranma Saotome never loses."

"Let's test that theory, shall we?"

It was over in seconds. As Ranma lay there staring up into the amber eyes of his opponent she spoke once more, "My name is Yoruichi... but you can call me master." And Ranma was out like a light.

When our aquatransexual hero next awoke he found himself in a wasteland. The rocky terrain was only contrasted by the blue sky. No plants, no animals, just yellow-orange rocks, dirt... and a ladder into the sky?

"About time you woke up?" Came the voice of his superior, "I was getting bored."

Ranma sat up and rolled his blue eyes to take in the goddess that would be his self proclaimed master.

"Where exactly are we?"

She grinned slightly, "A safe place. No one will find you here, not even that amazonian elder."

She grinned seeing the shock in Ranma's eyes, "How did you-"

"Did you think that we met on mere happenstance? No, I specifically searched you out, little boy."

"Why?" Ranma asked, narrowing his eyes. He hoped that she wasn't like Nabiki. Someone with this woman's skill and similar views to Nabiki would be powerful enough to end the world as they saw fit.

"Have you ever contemplated the concept of Eternity? No? I'm not surprised," Yoruichi, if he remembered correctly, said without pausing to let him answer, "I have and it's fine and dandy, but every once in a while you get bored. Last time I was this bored I became a fugitive of a society that now has every one of it's citizens after my head, as if they could take it."

"And what does any of this have to do with me?" Ranma could already guess, and knew it was a stupid question, but he was more focused on the way her crossed arms pushed her breasts up in her jacket.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm making you my pet project," her grin couldn't have been more predatory if she had been the cat that ate the canary, "We're going to train here, probably for a month or so. Then I'm going to drop you off back in Nerima, and watch the fun."

Ranma stared at her for a moment or two before closing his eyes and shrugging. After all, what did he have to lose? She was the strongest fighter he'd ever met and probably ever would meet. Being trained by her would undoubtedly make him stronger, and he'd get away from his problems for a bit.

Yoruichi saw his agreement, not that it really mattered, and her grin became more predatory than ever. This was gonna be fun.

+-- Scene Break Presented by IFLI Industries --+

The last month had to be the craziest, loudest, most peaceful month Nerima had ever seen.

Craziest because it was the most peaceful. It hadn't been this serene this long in the district since a few months before the Saotome boy arrived, and people had grown quite accustomed to the chaos surrounding him. They also learned that each quiet time with him around preceded some new happening more often than not exceeding the last in property damage. The longest quiet time had been the stretch of three months before the incident with Saffron and the wedding.

It was the loudest because almost daily someone was screaming in frustration at the missing Saotome, Akane most often. The youngest Tendo seemed to think he had gone and eloped with one of the other fiancees, although in her words the phrasing was far less kind. Kuno had recieved some of the worst beating of his life and the Hentai Horde was slowly building up there courage, hoping that maybe Akane was free again.

This fine morning was no exception to the last few except for two things.

The first was male, wore black pants, a grey tank with a grey band as wide as his neck going down the front, and pointed toed boots, custom made. He had short black hair and grey blue eyes that seemed to convey the message that he'd rather be anywhere else than at the gates to Furinkan.

The other... was a cat. It was a purely black cat, with amber eyes and an aura about it that seemed to draw the eyes of the passersby.

"Do I really have to be here?" the male whined.

"Yes," Came a condescending barritone from the cat. Yes, the cat.

"Why?" The male pleaded, "Couldn't we just go to the dojo and drop the bomb?"

"No," the cat replied and began to walk away, "I'll meet you here after your classes are finished, then we'll go 'drop the bomb'."

The male sighed and made his way into the courtyard as the cat had quite clearly signified that the conversation was over.

Thirty minutes later, ten to twelve of the boys in his grade had gathered near the gates and seemed to be eagerly awaiting the arrival of someone.

The male raised one eyebrow.

Not five minutes later he heard a cry that was eerily familiar to his first morning at Furinkan.

"I HATE BOYS!!"

And very quickly the dozen or so boys were out.

The cause of the sudden circle of semiconscious, sexdriven teens was a blue haired girl that could only be Akane Tendo.

"Oh, fair maiden. I do not know whether to pity you for the hand you have been dealt, having to deal with this boorish lot and the sorcerer Saotome, or to watch in awe as your divine form lays waste to...the... what are you laughing at, scum?!"

The male couldn't help it. To think someone, even Kuno, thought that Akane was the epitome of beauty and sensuality was just lunacy worthy of Charlie Manson.

"C'mon, Kuno, you can not seriously mean all that bullshit you just said about Akane. Your sister must have been spikin' your cheerios with bleach for a long time for you to think that," The male said while holding his sides and continued laughing afterwards.

Kuno, did not immediately recognize the male, but Akane did and her anger Ki flared to life in an instant.

"RRRRAAAANNNMAAAA!!" She ran forward with all the speed she posessed, swinging her Mallet-From-Nowhere at full force.

Only to hit air.

"Tell me you haven't always been this slow, Akane," Ranma's voice came from twenty feet behind her and superior sounding as hell.

Akane began to growl ferociously, and charged him again... only to hit air again.

"Now Kuno, m'boy, I want you to go home, find out what your food has been laced with, and cut the flow till you find the images in Playboy more interesting than pictures of Akane." Ranma proceeded to push Kuno out of the gate Furinkan and shoo him towards his home.

Before Akane could try to mallet him again Ranma was in the classroom, displaying the same level of speed he had used to avoid her the first two times. Akane only glowed with anger and stomped after the young man.

Nabiki smirked as she entered Ranma's classroom. She figured now would be another good time to extort some cash out of the martial arts jock. She walked over to his desk and held out her hand.

"Five thousand."

Ranma raised one eyebrow then nodded sagely, "Right, you want a tip." He motioned for her to lean down so he could whisper to her.

Nabiki thought it over for a moment before deciding to go with it.

"If you're going to blackmail someone... make sure they give a damn first." Ranma then leaned back in his desk with his hands behind his head.

Nabiki blinked once then glared at Ranma, "Just for that the price is upped to forty thousand, Saotome."

"For what?" Ranma asked.

Nabiki grinned, "Wouldn' you like to know?"

"Nope, not really," he closed his eyes and started humming a light tune.

Nabiki growled, "Now it's a hundred thousand."

Ranma sighed and opened one eye to level her with a flat look. "For what?" he repeated.

"Pay me an I'll tell you," she said keeping her glare up.

"Not interested." He went back to humming his tune.

Nabiki's glare became colder and she prepared to up the price again when the warning bell rang. She gave him one last glare before stomping out of class just as Akane came stomping in.

Her glare at Ranma was just as cold, but hardly as controlled.

"So who did you elope with you two timing bastard?!" She yelled for the class to hear.

"No one, but if I did it would be someone you can never compare to in any way, and no matter how cute you are when you smile you will never, ever, hold a candle to her beauty, grace, class, sensuality, and kindness," Ranma said without opening his eyes.

He also appeared in another seat behind the one he was just in, as Akane slammed the mallet down on his desk, with his eyes closed.

"You know, you can get expelled for destroying school property, Akane," Ranma said, still not bothering to open his eyes.

"It was your fault!" Akane screeched.

"No it wasn't," Ranma now opened his eyes, giving her a bored look, "You asked me a question, I answered it, in an admittedly rude way, and you tried to hammer my skull in. That's called Assault With Deadly Intent in most courtrooms."

Akane growled angrily and would have continued to attack the smug bastard, but Miss Hinako walked in at that moment. She grumbled as she made her way to her own desk, shooting Ranma glares the whole period.

+-- End Chapter --+

A/N: OK this seem like as good a place as any to end the chapter. Yes Ranma is super over powered, yes he apparently learned more than just fighting in the month with Yoruichi, it's quite obviously not a RaxAk story, I'm assuming the reader knows enough about both Bleach and Ranma to know the characters, and I'll explain why ranma didn't freak out to Yoruichi's cat form eventually, just wait for it.

To those waiting on Bucket Hat, or another on of my stories. I'll get to it when I get to it.