Name: The girl next door

Whom I happen to hate…

Rating: M

Summary: Draco Malfoy and his family have to be part of the Death Eater rehabilitation program. To do that, they must give up all their money; give up magic for a year, and move into a muggle neighborhood, guess who his next-door neighbor is? A funny story!

Author: Chaos

Warning: Does not follow all of the books plot.

Author's Note: Note before this starts characters are very OCC, I try to add as much of their actual character as I can along the story but you know I'm only human (I hope). Hope you enjoy all the great dysfunctional-family values I try to add this.

DMGH

Chapter 1: Messes

How did he get himself into these messes?

When the dark lord had been defeated in his sixth year, Draco Malfoy thought that the moment he turned seventeen he would join his father in prison. Well he had another thing coming.

He began to think it was strange when his father was free from Askaban after serving a year and five months. They had just snapped Lucius wand, just like his and his mothers. They hadn't even expelled Draco. Then his father began to wonder around glumly, and his mother strangely cheery instead of the other way around. He was seriously confused and no one would tell him anything.

It just happened that on a very hot summer day, just a few weeks before his seventh year at Hogwarts began, Draco decided to ask his father just what exactly was going on. When he walked into his study, Lucius was not in there. Strange Thought Draco who had seen his father locked in here so many times lately.

He walked over to his father's desk and rummaged through some papers, in hopes of finding a reason to all this strange behavior. Then he saw it, a golden envelope with red glittering letters reading Malfoys.

Draco picked up the envelope and took the parchment from inside, it was written in the same glittery red.

To the Malfoy Family,

As you are aware the punishment for the involvement, in any which way, with the Dark Lord is very severe. After spending the last year and five months in Askaban Prison, we believe that the following families must participate in the DERP, Death Eater Rehabilitation Program:

Black,

Danforth,

Malfoy,

Aaderon,

Grenier,

Parkinson,

Zabini

Bulstrode,

Edgecombe,

Flint,

Lestrange,

Crabbe

Goyle

Greengrass

The DERP is made up of the following rules:

1. All pureblooded families mentioned above, must turn in their wands.

2. All the above mention must hand in every last sickle they own to the ministry (this includes housing, possessions, house elves, other servants, ect).

3. The above-mentioned families must also move in to an all-muggle neighborhood (picked by the ministry) and learn to deal with muggles.

4. All the above mentioned must give up magic for an entire year and more after if the ministry and the DERP managing offices agree that it would be for the best.

Failure to obey these rules or not to have the anti-magic spell performed on them will result in a lifetime in Askaban Prison.

With all due respect,

Marissa Gordon

C.E.O. of DERP Foundation

In association with the Ministry of Magic

Draco couldn't believe this letter. It was outrageous. Nobody in their right mind would agree to this. They'd rather spend life in Askaban then cope with mudbloods. The door creaked open and Lucius walked in. He looked at the letter in Draco's hand and at his bewailed face and sighed.

"Guess you read then?" He asked. Draco nodded.

"They can't be serious!" Draco proclaimed. "I mean were not going to do this right? I'd rather rot in Askaban!" Draco said. Lucius sighed.

"You have to understand, even muggles are better than Askaban," Lucius said. Draco's eyes widen even more than before.

"You're kidding right? There MUGGLES!" he said. Lucius glared at him.

"I know what they bloody well are!" Lucius shouted. "And believe it or not me and your mother believe it would be better to spend a year without magic in a bloody muggle neighborhood and our entire bloody lives in Askaban." He said. Draco sighed and looked down. He could see there was no contradicting his father.

"When do we leave?" He asked. Lucius sighed.

"Tomorrow night," Lucius answered glumly.

DMGH

"…Can not believe we're living in this dump." Draco kept grumbling as he walked into his new house. It wasn't small, by our standards, by the Malfoy's well, in that case it was miniscule.

"Oh lighten up Draco; you could make the best of this." Narcissa Malfoy said. The house the ministry had provided was already furnished, not uncomfortably either. Draco and Lucius looked at Narcissa as if she had gone mad.

"Make the best of this?" Lucius grunted. Narcissa glared at her son and husband.

"YES, THE BLOODY WELL BEST OF THIS!" she screamed. Lucius and Draco took a step back. They had never seen Narcissa so mad before.

"Cissa, sweetheart-" Lucius was cut off by some more screaming.

"DON'T YOU SWEETHEART ME! MAKE THE BEST OF IT!" she yelled. Lucius took yet another step back. Narcissa smiled at her husband. "I think I'm going to try and make dinner." and with that she skipped off into the kitchen. Draco sighed and flopped on the couch, Lucius sat next to him. Both closed their eyes, as if thinking hard about something.

What was actually happening in Draco's head was something he had no control over what-so-ever. It seemed every time he closed his eyes the horrific pictures of war crawled into his head. It was impossible to think, to sleep, to close his eyes.

He could see the people, muggles, running scared. His mark burning and then their screams, high pitched and terrified.

Draco opened his eyes.

There was a piercing beep in the air, the living room was filled with smoke and his father was rushing to the kitchen. He coughed as he got up and opened some windows. He sighed, this was unbelievable.

As he sat at the dinner table he watched his mother place some deeply burned black stuff into his plate. Draco picked at it.

"Mum, what is this?" he asked. Narcissa smiled.

"Roast beef," she answered cheerfully. "Now eat up everyone," she added. Draco and Lucius stared at each other, before Lucius sighed and took a bite.

"Mmm…good," he said. Draco looked at his father curiously and took a bite. He immediately choked on it. Narcissa watched as her son coughed up his meal.

"God that was awful," he said. Narcissa burst into tears. Lucius glared at him, Draco shrugged.

"I knew it- we're never going to survive! I can't even cook," Narcissa cried. "I can't believe this. I was so excited, thought my first meal was turning out to be a success. You know, except for the fire I started in the kitchen it was going beautifully." Draco watched his mother sob and rolled his eyes.

"Oh no, sweetheart. See look, we'll just use the felly-tone thing to order food, like the muggles do." Lucius said trying to make his wife feel better. Narcissa burst into more tears.

"I don't even know what a felly-tone thingy is!" she sobbed as the doorbell rang. Draco sighed and walked to the door, anything to get away from his dysfunctional family. He opened the door, and froze. He could of sworn his mouth dropped ten feet.

"You…" he said.

She burst into laughter.

How did he get himself into these messes?

HAHAHAHA! Ha…