I shouldn't be doing this: It's such a cliché, I can seriously feel the Barries gathering.
If you don't get that, go read the Slayers.
Basically, BlindColours, our friend and I were talking about how annoying those fanfics where the Flock sings karaoke are.
And for some reason, we decided to write our own. Twist and a fair bit of Fax.
This is set…well, I guess it's after MR4.
DISCLAIMER: Not Jimmy P. Just not. I'm not Shania Twain (THANK GOD), Miley Cyrus (THANK GOD EVEN MORE) and I'm definitely not Metro Station. Because that would be weird.
In Which Gazzy Feels Like A Woman
"Oooh, MAX!" shriekedNudge, in such a high voice my ears ached. "A Karaoke bar! Can we go sing?"
"No, Nudge." I sighed, trying not to look at her.
"I could've sworn we've gone to a karaoke bar before…" said Fang quietly.
"Puh-lease, Max?" pleaded Angel.
"Yeah!" said Gazzy. "It'll be fun."
"No, we're not going in because you'll pretend to be that fat opera lady and hurt everyones ears."
I hadn't forgotten Iggy's birthday, not by a long shot.
I glanced at Fang for help. He shrugged.
"Let's go in, Max." said Iggy. "If they suck, they suck."
"You're so nice. I'm rolling my eyes, Iggy."
"Puh-lease?" chorused Nudge, Gazzy and Angel.
I glanced at them and – shoot. The Bambi eyes. All three of them had given me the Bambi eyes.
"One song." I grumbled, and we turned around and entered the bar.
There was a guy in his twenties up on the stage singing his lungs out to a rock song. I could feel a headache coming on.
Nudge and Angel ran off to the counter to ask about songs.
I ordered Cokes for everyone and we sat at a table.
Nudge and Angel jumped onto the stage, shaking with excitement.
I tried not to grimace.
"Hi, everybody!" Nudge said into the microphone.
Everybody was the Flock and the ten other people in the bar.
"I'm Angel and this is Nudge!" Angel piped up. "And we're going to sing Miley-"
Dear.
"Cyrus's-"
God.
"See You Again!"
No. Anything but THAT.
The music started up and I slid down in my chair.
"I've got my sights set on you, and I'm ready to aim!" they began to sing, giggling madly.
They looked so happy I had to smile, even if I did hate the song with fiery, burning white-hot hatred of a thousand suns.
"The last time I freaked out, I just kept looking down, I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinkin' bout."
I glanced over at Fang and Iggy. Iggy had helped himself to Fang's coke. Fang was staring into space, blinking slowly.
Gazzy was-
"Gazzy?" I asked, looking around. Fang and Iggy looked at me.
"Where's Gazzy?" I asked them.
Wordlessly, Fang pointed at the counter. Gazzy was signing up for a song.
I groaned. This was going to take a while.
"I'm not a mind reader, but I'm reading the signs that you can't wait to see me again…" Nudge wailed, slightly off key.
"The last time I freaked out, I just kept looking down, I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinkin' bout…" Angel sang, way too loudly.
They both joined in for the final chorus, dancing around the stage.
"The next time we hang out, I will redeem myself. My heart ache can rest till then, whoa whoa I, I can't wait to see you again, whoa whoa I, I can't wait to see you again!"
We all applauded. They hadn't been that bad.
Fang looked at me across the table.
"It could've been worse." he shrugged.
I smiled at him and he smiled back. A tingle ran down my spine.
"Hey everyone! This is Captain Terror, and-"
Yep, it was Gazzy.
"I'll be singing the Shania Twain classic, Man! I Feel Like A Woman!"
The smile dropped off my face and Iggy burst out laughing.
He leant across the table to Nudge, Angel and I.
"I dared him to do this, you're going to love it!"
"Gonna let it all hang out, wanna make some noise. Really raise my voice! Yeah, I wanna scream and shout!"
Gazzy was doing a perfect imitation of Shania Twains voice. The other people in the bar were looking at him, impressed.
"The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun and..."
I doubted Gazzy knew what prerogative meant, but I was more impressed that he knew all the words so far.
What he did next was unexpected, though. Gazzy jumped off the stage and began to yell into the microphone.
"Oh, oh, oh totally crazy, forget I'm a lady! Men's shirt - short skirts! Oh, oh, oh really go wild – yeah!"
I cracked up laughing as Gazzy started pulling at his shirt and doing a high kick.
"Oh, oh, oh I wanna be free. Yeah, to feel the way I feel - Man! I feel like a woman!"
Gazzy jumped onto Fangs lap and began to fiddle with his shirt.
"The girls need a break, tonight we're gonna take the chance to get out on the town…"
Fang was slowly turning red. The rest of the bar, including us were in stitches.
Gazzy was trying not to laugh as well.
"We don't need romance, we only wanna dance, we're gonna let our hair hang down…the best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun and oh oh oh! Go out and go-woah!"
Fang shoved Gazzy onto Nudge and Iggy fell on the floor laughing so hard he was crying. I bet he knew exactly what Gazzy was doing.
Gazzy chased Fang around to the other side of the bar and dove onto him.
"Oh, oh, oh really go wild – yeah! Doin' it in style. Oh, oh, oh get in the action - feel the attraction-"
Gazzy ran his hands through Fangs hair. I seriously felt tears of laughter streaming down my cheeks. The other people in the bar were clapping along and cheering.
Gazzy chased Fang around until the final part of the song, where he jumped on the stage and did his high kick again.
"I get totally crazy! Can you feel it? Come, come, come on baby!" he motioned to Fang.
"I feel like a woman!"
The bar exploded into applause. Fang returned to his seat and smacked Iggy upside the head before nearly sliding under the table.
Gazzy returned and slapped a high five with Nudge and Iggy.
"Max, come up with me and Nudge!" piped up Angel suddenly.
"No." I said, all the good feeling washing out of me.
"But I bet you're a good singer! I mean-" she leant closer and whispered, "We're all part bird!"
I sighed. "Some birds sing better than others, sweetie."
"Come on, Max!" said Nudge. "I just signed us up for Shake It!"
Could anything in my life be worse?
Well, yes.
Nudge and Angel grabbed my hands and yanked me up on stage. We got a smattering of applause until Gazzy ran up with us. Then everyone cheered.
Oh, no. The music kicked in and Nudge and Gazzy were already vying for the microphone.
"I'll take you home if you don't leave me at the front door." sang Nudge.
"Your body's cold, but girl we're getting so warm ." answered Gazzy, in a voice that sounded like Michael Jacksons.
"And I was thinking of ways that I could get inside." butted in Angel.
"Tonight you're falling in love, this feelings tearing me up!" They all sang, way off key.
"Here we go now." I sighed.
"Now if she does it like this will you do it like that!" sang Britney Spear's voice, coming out of Gazzy's mouth.
"Now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back." now it was some heavy metal scream voice.
"Now if she moves like this, will you move it like that!" sang Nudge loudly over Gazzy's screams.
"Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, uh shake it!" they both yelled.
Angel grabbed my hands and we started dancing at the back of the stage. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Fang and Iggy cackling to myselves.
"Get them up here." I whispered to Angel.
"On it!" she said, and we kept dancing.
Gazzy and Nudge had just reached the start of the next verse when the other boys stood up, looking shocked at themselves and started walking up to the stage, fighting every step.
"Angel, we're going to kill you!" hissed Fang.
Iggy just laughed and let Nudge pull him up to the microphone. They all started singing.
"Dance, Fang, dance!" I laughed, spinning Angel round.
"Tonight you're falling in love." sang Iggy.
"This feelings tearing me up!" squealed Nudge.
Angel and Gazzy ran up to the microphone.
"Now if she does it like this will you do it like that, now if she touches like this, will you touch her right back. Now if she moves like this, will you move it like that-"
"Come on!" yelled Gazzy.
"Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, uh shake it! Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, uh shake it!"
Oh and believe you me, the Flock shook it.
"Hit it, Max and Fang!" cried Angel. Iggy thrust the microphone at Fang.
Fang groaned, but took it.
"I saw you dancing and I couldn't get you off my mind."
I laughed and sang the backup, not into the microphone.
"I could tell that you could tell that I was takin' my time."
Fang threw the microphone at me. I grimaced. I wasn't that bad a singer was I? Time to find out.
"I was thinking of ways that you would stay and be mine-
Your body's shaking, turn me on, so I can turn off the lights!"
The speakers squealed, and all the people in the bar groaned and covered their ears. Everyone on stage stuck their fingers in their ears – except Fang, who was too busy laughing. The bartender shut off the music.
"Now if she does it like this will-" he tried to keep singing, but collapsed in a heap.
"You knew I couldn't sing!" I yelled at him.
He was laughing so hard his face was red.
"Who are you and what have you done with Fang?" asked Nudge.
"Kids!" yelled the bartender. "Either get off stage or keep singing!"
The younger kids looked at me hopefully-
"No way in H-E double hockey sticks." I told them. "We're leaving."
Fang (still laughing), Iggy (also laughing) and I (bright red and grumbling) dragged the kids out and onto the street.
"Can we go to the park now?" asked Nudge.
"If we never speak of this again."
Angel and Nudge skipped along the next few blocks to the park, followed by Gazzy and Iggy.
I sighed. "Why does everyone assume I can sing?"
"Well, the rest of us can." Fang chuckled.
"Yeah, especially Gazzy. I think you really enjoyed his song."
Fang stopped smiling.
"I thought we agreed to never speak of it again."
I shrugged and began to sing quietly to myself.
"Back to the street, where we began, feeling as good as lovers can."
"Picking up things we couldn't read." Fang sang back.
"It looks like the end of history to meeeee, as we know."
Fang slipped his hand into mine as we reached the park, and pulled me behind a tree.
"What are you-" he placed a finger over my lips.
"Max." he said quietly.
"Yeah, Fang?" I asked, heart going a million miles an hour.
"Shut up. You suck."
Fax? Check. Miley Cyrus? Check. Electro-rock band? Check. Ugh. I feel so…Americanized.
Ahem. Not that it's a bad thing, I just really hate Miley Cyrus. And I'm Australian.
Ok. Everyone liked it? Didn't like it? Well, tell me…in a REVIEW!
-Nicola.