Author's note: Inspired by the anime expo I went to last week, I basically just wrote this to amuse myself the other day. I didn't intend to post it but FFYP det Yagami is threatening to cut off my supply of Pocky if I don't, so if you don't like it, blame him!

OOC? Maybe. AU? Well, obviously…

Apologies in advance…

This fic is in no way meant to offend cosplayers - I would be one myself if I weren't so shy… and lazy.

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to some very cool Japanese people. I am neither Japanese, nor cool. Glacier Mints belong to Fox's, Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo, Final Fantasy belongs to Square Enix, Princess Peach to Nintendo and Pocky to Glico.

…Scared yet?

"Hey - are you L?"

A pale-skinned, dark-haired young man - the person at whom the question was directed, suppressed a groan. How best to tackle this question?

"No, I'm not L," the pallid man replied, in a voice as quiet as the surrounding hubbub would allow. He made a show of looking around shiftily and scratching his left leg with his right foot. "I'm… call me Ryuzaki."

His answer was met with gales of laughter.

"Aaahhh - good one! Good one there mate!" chuckled the youth who had posed the question - a stout, red-haired teen in a dark bathrobe and a striped bucket-like hat. He slapped the taller man heartily on the back before disappearing into the crowd.

L released the groan he had withheld earlier. How many times? That was the sixteenth time today he had answered that question - the novelty of inventing new ways to reply had definitely worn off. He spotted a suitably empty corner of the large busy room to skulk in, stuffed his hands roughly into his pockets and scowled at no-one in particular.

"Oh, come on now," a familiar voice chided. L didn't bother to look up. It was Light-kun. "I thought we came here to have some fun."

So did I… L thought, bitterly. Being constantly hounded and jostled by large crowds of over-excited, strangely dressed people was not his idea of fun. Before L had time to voice his opinion, however, he was interrupted by a loud, shrill, "I'll cheer him up!"

L looked up in time to see Light politely join in with the cacophonous giggle that ensued. It appeared that Light had acquired a group of fan girls.

Light smiled apologetically at L.

L shot Light a look of pure venom.

A girl of about seventeen, dressed in a manner that was not unlike Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy VII bounded over to L.

"Oohhh my GOD you look just like L that is SO cool!" The level of excitement in her voice rose with every syllable. Her clutch of friends (Cait Sith, Yuna and… was that Princess Peach?) cackled with approval while 'Tifa' trained an almost illegally lascivious gaze on L.

L swallowed another groan.

"Actually," he said, suddenly jerking his head from side to side, causing the bones in his neck to make loud cracking noises, "I'm Beyond Birthday."

"Oh," said 'Tifa', slightly abashed. "…Who?"

Wonderful.

"I knew it," L muttered darkly, fixing an exceptionally penetrative glare on each of Light's followers in turn. "I knew it. I knew they wouldn't know me." He swivelled around suddenly and narrowed his eyes at Light, who looked suitably bewildered.

"They," L jerked his head in the girls' direction, "don't know me… yet."

"L…" Light began. He had given the impression that he didn't care much for the presence of these girls, and L quite believed that to be the case, but still… Light Yagami was used to being popular, and L's strange behaviour seemed to be embarrassing him.

Good.

"Not L," L hissed, "B. B comes before L. B is better than L. Smarter. Stronger. Faster." He advanced on Light. "You wouldn't know. No-one knows… yet."

"Hey…" 'Cait Sith' intoned, adjusting her tiny cardboard crown. "Isn't B that guy from the Death Note book?"

The other girls issued a collective, "Ohhhhh…" and nodded - an action that contrasted dramatically with their expressions.

"Oh my GOD - you read that?" gasped 'Princess Peach' finally.

"No, it was on Wiki."

"Wiki?" L turned his head so that it was almost at a ninety degree angle. "Wiki is not enough. You don't KNOW me. No-one does. But they WILL."

L thought it was about time to give the laugh a shot.

"Ahahahaha… no, wait - Keh heh heh heh heh heh… Hmm. That's stupid… ah! KYA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

As he laughed, L backed into the corner of the room, slid down it and assumed a more awkward, exaggerated version of his own usual sitting position. Still laughing.

Several other cosplayers and nearby stall owners faltered and gaped.

"He's… a good actor, isn't he?" Light laughed nervously, trying to draw attention from L. "Just like B in the book… heh…"

L stopped laughing and stared intensely at 'Yuna', who was looking at him with a mixture of fear, disgust and morbid fascination. "A far better actor than L would ever be…"

He thrust his hands into his jean pockets with an almost violent flourish, fished around and pulled out a Glacier Mint that had seen better days. L unwrapped it with his teeth, picked it out of the paper delicately with his thumb and forefinger and licked it slowly, deliberately, almost sensually. He grunted occasionally, all the while keeping an eye on his audience. The looks on their faces were priceless. Especially Light-kun's. They were still there though…

L stopped licking the ancient mint and sucked it, like a vacuum, into his mouth. He rolled it around with his tongue and let out a satisfied moan.

"Whew… mints sure do soothe my throat. I need it after all that laughing." He paused dramatically. "L couldn't laugh that well…"

'Tifa' shook her head. "Weird." She and her group of fellow fan girls retreated into the crowds, leaving Light to smile sheepishly around at people nearby, hoist L up by the elbow and lead him sharply to the men's toilets.

"What the hell was that?"

"That, according to you, Light-kun, was good acting."

Light growled. "Well, I would like to retract that piece of judgement. That was not good acting. That was just plain embarrassing."

"I agree," L nodded, gazing at the stainless steel urinal absently. "It was a shambolic over-exaggeration of character at best. My apologies."

"You know what I mean!" Light moaned, exasperated. "Why the hell did you do it?"

"To see if it worked."

"To see…" Light screwed up his eyes in frustration.

"Light-kun," L decided to finally address the topic he had hoped to discuss earlier. "So far this morning I have been asked 'Are you L?' or a variant of that question so many times that I am beginning to find the situation tedious. Moments before you arrived with your fan club I was slapped on the back by Uruhara's very distant cousin. All I have gained from this morning's events are several boxes of Pocky and a mobile phone accessory - both of which I could easily have obtained without having left my computer."

"So… what you're saying is, you're bored and irritated."

"Yes."

"And so embarrassing me is perfectly acceptable then, is it?"

"…"

"I see."

Silence.

"L, that is absolutely the last time I take you to an anime convention."

Author's note: Nngg…

Again, apologies! I just made this up as I went along and was probably more surprised at L's B impersonation than anyone else reading this would have been! It's probably not a very good B impersonation… but at least L knows it!

I will try to write something better next time...

Review me! Make me smile!

…Please?