Hello everyone! This is just a short oneshot I'm writing in a fit of bordom and semi-inspiration. This oneshot was SUPPOSED to be based on "Bullet Proof", by Kerli, but it didn't really turn out that way. I'm not planning on writing another chapter, unless I get more than 6 reviews asking me to. please do review though! I love opinions… please no flaming though! I also want to apologize for what is likely to be a virtual swarm of grammar, sentence and spelling errors. And things just not making any bloody sense. I wrote this (finished it, dropped it for months) when I felt slightly more than half dead. So please review! This is my first uploaded yaoi, although I have more written out, waiting to be typed. Thankies! REVIEW!
L's Lollipop
Grimmjow walked down the hallway, headed for his room. He walked rather slowly, hands in his back pockets, and shuffling his feet. He was feeling really depressed, although he'd never admit it. It mainly because of how depressed he felt that he was acting out so much towards everyone else. He knew the acting out was only making the matter worse, but he couldn't do anything about it. And it wasn't like it really mattered anyways, no matter how he acted or what he said, he would always be in the same stuck situation.
This was because the source of his depression happened to be a smaller, black haired, green-eyed espada.
At that moment, he saw the reason for his unhappiness walking towards him. 'oh shit", thought, 'game face on'. Grimmjow hitched a grin onto his face, he couldn't let Ulquiorra see him like this.
Neither Espada looked at the other one as they neared each other. Grimmjow knew that he usually would have been saying something rude to Ulquiorra, but he didn't have the energy today.
The two were nearly level with each other now, Grimmjow focused very hard on keeping his eyes to himself, unfortunately, this caused him to miss the sideways glance that Ulquiorra gave him.
Just as Grimmjow passed Ulquiorra, he felt a small brush against his arm, and this time he looked up, quite surprised. He met Ulquiorra's Emerald eyes, but Ulquiorra simply gave him a cold and distant look and continued walking.
Grimmjow sighed, he knew he shouldn't have thought anything of Ulquiorra accidentally brushing his sleeve, but he couldn't completely ignore it. He craved any contact with Ulquiorra, no matter how small.
--
Ulquiorra ran one small white hand down his arm. He could still feel how it had felt when his arm had rubbed against Grimmjow's arm. Ulquiorra felt very confused, 'why can I still feel it?' he wondered.
--
Grimmjow made it to his room and leaned against the door heavily.
'Damn it!' he screamed in his head. 'Why the hell did it have to be him?!' he berated himself.
Flashback
All the Espada were sitting through another of Aizen's long, rambling talks. All the Espada were bored, but Grimmjow was by far the most so. His large teal eyes roamed from one Espada to the next, before finally coming to rest on Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra was the only one pretending to pay attention, and Grimmjow had been watching him. Waiting, he told himself, until Ulquiorra finally got bored. But as Aizen continued to drone, Ulquiorra continued to watch, with seemingly infinite patience. Grimmjow was growing more and more annoyed with Ulquiorra, couldn't he just show a fleeting lapse in concentration? Didn't he ever let that ivory-skinned, emerald-eyed mask slip, even for just a moment? Grimmjow found himself focusing on Ulquiorra's eyes, they were so green… so large… so… beautiful. Grimmjow checked himself at the last thought. 'did I just think that?' he thought, feeling confused, and slightly worried.
The meeting ended (finally) and all the Espada moved gratefully out of the room. Grimmjow looked at Ulquiorra's back as he followed him down the hallway, headed for their respective rooms. It was watching how Ulquiorra moved that had caused Grimmjow to finally realize what he was feeling.
Ulquiorra had a way of moving with amazing elegance, yet still managing to look sinister and threatening. It also probably had something to do with the gentle swaying motion of his a-hips, as he walked.
Grimmjow could feel his eyes grabbed and held, almost as though the smaller Espada had painlessly plucked them out of Grimmjow's head.
Grimmjow cursed inside his head as he continued to silently follow Ulquiorra. He didn't even like him, why in Hueco Mundo did he feel this… attracted?!
When Grimmjow got back to his room, he banged his head against the wall, then flopped onto his bed. He felt pissed off at himself, pissed of at Ulquiorra, which in turn also made him pissed off at himself all over again.
Despite how frustrated Grimmjow was that he seemed to at least have a fairly large crush on Ulquiorra, he couldn't change his feelings.
As he lay on his bed, his face buried in his pillow, all he could think of were Ulquiorra's, beautiful green eyes.
End flashback
Grimmjow flopped onto his bed. He wasn't sure why that memory had come back to him at that moment, he had been aware of his feelings for Ulquiorra for months now, the memory he had been reliving was just the first time he had become aware of them.
Over the months, Grimmjow had hoped, almost desperately that his feelings would fade, but try as he might, they simply wouldn't. If anything, they had intensified, and a great deal, if he was to be honest with himself.
Grimmjow noticed how his eyes always checked a room for the presence of the fourth Espada, and how he noticed if any of Ulquiorra's reitsu could still be sensed. Grimmjow liked how Ulquiorra's reitsu felt. It was quite different from the way that Ulquiorra actually acted. It was warm, and it felt sort of hazily soft, but still firm and hard. It reminded Grimmjow of how he had felt when he once gone into a forest while he was on earth. It was a sense that he was looking at something tranquil and peaceful, but which was capable of changing in an instant into whatever it wanted.
Grimmjow heaved a heavy sigh, he wasn't sure how much longer he would be able to handle this. He wanted so desperately to tell Ulquiorra just how he felt, even if he was sure his feelings wouldn't be returned. It might be better just to have the heavy burden of the secret off his chest.
Grimmjow got up off his bed, he was hungry, he would go and get something from the kitchen.
Grimmjow opened his door and walked into the hall, heading downstairs. It was just then that he felt that reitsu. It was still fairly faint, but it was headed towards him as he walked. He realized that the kitchen lay passed Ulquiorra's room, and that he would have to pass it in order to reach his destination.
Grimmjow bit hard on his lip, he did not feel that he could handle seeing Ulquiorra right now. He turned quickly and headed a few steps down a small side corridor. He waited in the shadows, restricting his reitsu so Ulquiorra wouldn't notice it, if he hadn't already.
Grimmjow took a deep breath and was going to hold it until Ulquiorra had passed, but as Ulquiorra hurried past, Grimmjow realized something shocking.
Ulquiorra was crying.
Grimmjow nearly gasped. Ulquiorra was certainly not sobbing, and he was trying his best to hold it in, but still, his eyes were red, and Grimmjow was fairly certain he saw some red marks on Ulquiorra's cheeks.
Grimmjow didn't think, before he fully knew what he was doing, he stepped out of passageway and directly in front of Ulquiorra, who stopped dead, a look of utter horror on his face.
Grimmjow and Ulquiorra simultaneously opened, closed, and opened, then once more their mouths.
Grimmjow finally spoke, not in his usual loud, harsh voice, but in a much softer, gentler voice than anyone had ever heard him speak in.
"Ulquiorra, why are you crying?"
Ulquiorra's head jerked slightly upwards at the sound of Grimmjow's voice.
"its nothing", Ulquiorra replied tartly, avoiding Grimmjow's eyes. "Leave me alone".
Grimmjow staggered backwards slightly. He had been in battles with some of the most feared shinigami alive (A.N. alive is perhaps the wrong word… but whatever), and he had never been phased, or afraid, but the tone in which Ulquiorra spoke to him in now, made him feel like his legs were going to collapse.
Still, the only person he cared about was crying, and he truly wanted to help. "Ulquiorra," he started again, "please tell me what's wrong. I promise I wont repeat anything, I just really want to help."
Ulquiorra's already weakened resolve seemed to completely snap, his entire body sagged, his head went limp, and he staggered, grabbing out for the wall. Before he could use it to support himself, he felt something, or someone else holding him up.
Grimmjow had materialized next to him, and was holding onto him, one hand on either side of his torso.
"Its ok," Grimmjow whispered.
With Grimmjow's help, Ulquiorra lowered himself onto the floor, and then Grimmjow came and sat next to him.
"Ulquiorra, please tell me, what is making cry. It must be something huge… I've never seen you show any kind of feelings…"
Grimmjow regretted saying the second part as soon as it was out of his mouth. It didn't seem to bother Ulquiorra though, although I was hard to tell, because Ulquiorra was looking so upset already that Grimmjow couldn't imagine how it would be possible to look worse.
Ulquiorra finally opened his mouth, "it was… A-Aizen… s-sa-ma", he stammered, seeming to have a nearly impossible time actually saying the words, "h-he, he… he…". Ulquiorra bowed his head, as a new surge of tears seemed to force their way out of his eyes.
Grimmjow's mouth opened in a snarl, "he what?!" he said loudly.
Ulquiorra motioned for Grimmjow to keep quiet, his head still hanging.
Grimmjow made a rash decision; he gently but firmly seized Ulquiorra under the arms and lifted him back onto his feet.
"Come on", he said. Walking towards his room.
After he had taken a few steps and didn't feel Ulquiorra following him, he turned his head and looked behind him.
Ulquiorra was half-standing, still clutching at the wall. His forehead was sweaty, and he looked slightly green.
Grimmjow's eyes widened in alarm.
"Come on," he repeated, but this time, he picked up Ulquiorra, a rather easy task considering their relative sizes, and carried him bridal style to his room.
Grimmjow couldn't help thinking guiltily how much he wished they were doing this under different circumstances.
Ulquiorra didn't even complain as Grimmjow carried him.
Once they were in Grimmjow's room, Grimmjow sat Ulquiorra on his bed and sat next to him.
"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked quietly.
Ulquiorra took several deep breaths before beginning, "I was training. A-Aizen-s-sama came in. he told me to come with him, I did. He lead me to his room, then he grabbed me and threw me on his bed, he said he had created me, so I belonged to him. I hated it, and myself, an-and even him, but I didn't fight back…"
New tears rolled down Ulquiorra's cheeks. He hugged his knees up into his chest and continued to sniffle and cry.
Grimmjow felt something very strange and powerful well up inside of him, completely impulsively; he reached out and wrapped both his arms around Ulquiorra's neck.
Ulquiorra stiffened, and Grimmjow, feeling horrified that he had ruined everything, was about to pull away, when he himself started as he felt smaller, more delicate arms wrap around his own waist.
Ulquiorra had buried his face in Grimmjow's chest and was now crying into his shirtfront.
Ulquiorra tried to say something, but all Grimmjow could decipher was "doesn't love me".
"What did you say?"
Ulquiorra pulled his face slightly out of Grimmjow's chest, "I said, he doesn't even love me. He just used me… no one loves me."
Once again, Grimmjow reacted completely impulsively and without thought, "I love you." He blurted, then promptly looked horrified.
Ulquiorra had also gone ridged, "what?..." he breathed.
"Ulquiorra! I'm sorry! I didn't mean…"
"You didn't?" Ulquiorra looked sad.
"Well… I…" Grimmjow stuttered.
Ulquiorra stared into Grimmjow's eyes; his own looked like a confused child's.
"I guess I did mean it." Grimmjow finally said.
For the first time ever, Ulquiorra smiled. Not smirked, his face seemed to open up and Grimmjow nearly gasped, he looked so wonderful like that, he had never imagined Ulquiorra could smile like that.
"I think I love you, Grimmjow."
"You what!?"
"I meant that."
Grimmjow felt himself blushing furiously, then, for the third time, he reacted completely impulsively.
He reached out and pulled Ulquiorra's face up to meet his own. As their lips met, Grimmjow's mind seemed to go completely blank. All he could think of was that he was kissing Ulquiorra, and Ulquiorra wasn't pulled away, or shooting ceros at his head.
Grimmjow finally pulled away, he gazed into Ulquiorra's eyes, a look of giddy disbelief on his face.
Ulquiorra smiled at him again.
They simply looked at each other for a while, then Grimmjow finally spoke, "we need to confront Aizen."
Ulquiorra shook his head firmly.
"But!" Grimmjow started to protest, before Ulquiorra cut him off.
"Will you be here for me?"
"Yes! Of course I will… I wont leave you."
"Then that's enough. We don't need to seek out trouble, and I'll be fine, if I have you".
Grimmjow tried to think of a retort, but couldn't find anything. Finally, he nodded in defeat.
Ulquiorra smiled again, he pulled Grimmjow closer to him and put his arms about him again. Grimmjow embraced Ulquiorra as well, one hand on the back of Ulquiorra's head, his fingers running through his silky, ebony hair.
"You're right," Grimmjow said, "if we have each other, everything will be ok."
Ulquiorra nodded, his head still lying against Grimmjow's chest.