So this is sort of my version of procrastination, but also I just had to write this. Kinda funny, in my opinion. I MUST COME UP WITH A BETTER TITLE!! Help me, please? If you have something better I should name this, PLEASE let me know, because this title name is really gay.

Nobody's POV (Parody readers, not 'No one." He's not in this story… thing…)

"Oh my… God. Emmett. Wow."

"I know! It's… huge! Man, Emmett! They don't make 'em that big!"

Jasper and Edward were staring at what Emmett had in his hand in shock. Why was it so wide?

"Dude, doesn't it feel a little weird to hold it? I mean, it's huge. It's GOT to be uncomfortable!" Edward said.

Emmett smiled smugly. It's kind of weird, but what can I do? It was made this way, and I love it. You guys are just jealous that you don't have one of these."

"Well, yeah! Where did you get it, anyway?" Jasper asked.

"Disneyland. Isn't cool? They just started selling them."

"I guess its cool, but it seems pretty hard to make." Edward paused. "Have you shown it to Rosalie yet? She's your wife. I'm sure she would share your excitement."

"Not yet. I'll show her later."

"Man, how long is that thing?" Jasper asked, his eyes wide. "You know, if we were at school, that would be considered a weapon."

"Well, we aren't at school."

Edward looked up at Emmett. "Can I hold it?"

"Sure!" Emmett said. "Knock yourself out."

Edward reached out and took it. "Wow…" he murmured.

After a few minutes of silence, Jasper spoke.

"Well, Emmett, as much as I've enjoyed staring at this freakishly huge pencil, I'm gonna go downstairs."

"Me too, man. I mean, that pencil is pretty damn special—3 feet long? 7 inches wide? That's huge!—but I wanna head back down." Edward agreed.

"Wait, before you leave—if you think about it, hasn't this conversation sounded kind of perverted?" Emmett asked.

Jasper and Edward looked at each other.

"Now that I think about it, sort of. Weird…"

Aha, wow. I'm really sorry. I just… I HAD to do that. Besides, I wanted to write something, because some other stuff can't be updated yet (if you've read my other stuff you know what's going on). Again, I need a new title. Reviews appreciated (flames used to burn Jacob in hell), thanks for reading!!