Epic Conversations About War and Stuff

By Kay

Disclaimer: I wish I owned EW. It would make it a lot easier to justify why I write it so much.

Author's Notes: A lame, crackish Christopher x David drabble in which ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS. Enjoy.

"I want a sign on her. Something threatening. Something to make sure Baldwin regrets ever considering marrying her. Like, 'Must be this tall to ride' and a line stopping at six foot. Yeah," Christopher said. "Like that."

Across from the table, April snorted into her wine glass and Jalil glanced up briefly, arching an eyebrow. "You do realize that you're not even six foot?" he asked. "So you open up potential divine matchmaking, since they're the ones with that sort of height advantage."

Christopher scowled. He leaned in to David, who resolutely ignored him in favor of an aged dwarven map, and breathed in his ear. "Hey, man. Hey, back me up."

"Hm," said David.

"Besides," Jalil continued, "you're forgetting the fact that Baldwin isn't considering marrying her anymore. He has. You've missed the window by about three years."

"Their son may be short, but he's going to be awfully pretty with those eyelashes," April remarked wistfully. Christopher gave her a dirty look.

"Not helping. So not helping. Anti-helping, in fact."

"Also, your boyfriend might take offense if you rode anything in a skirt."

"O-ho," Christopher said. "What if he's the one wearing a skirt? I have you there, Jalil. I have you."

"David," Jalil said patiently, "would you wear a skirt?"

"Hm. No."

"I rest my case."

April muttered, "I think I'm disappointed."

"What? David, c'mon, of course you would. For me? To prove Jalil wrong? You don't even have to. Just say you would. C'mon, please? What's a little fabric separation between thighs?" Christopher squirmed right up next to him, arm thrown about David's shoulder as a warm weight. "The Greeks do it all the time. Odysseus did it. I know this because Athena told me so, he totally wore a skirt. You don't even have to wear it, just say you would!"

"Christopher, give it a rest already. I hope he stabs you."

"I'd wear a skirt for you! This isn't fair."

"Have you ever noticed," David asked thoughtfully, "how much Everworld's Egyptian kingdom is shaped like Nova Scotia?"

(This was about the time Christopher decided that when he was in control, the following inconveniences would be burned: dwarves, cartography, and Jalil.)