Chapter One

Author note: This is the first chapter of nineteen. I just finished writing this fic after having started the first chapter one year ago on deviantart. I'm now gonna upload it here, and I'll update every three days. So no worries about me abandoning it! Enjoy!

Frustration. Yes. Despair. Yes. She was searching for the right words to describe her feelings. Anger. Yeah. Oh, but she wasn't mad at him. Of course not, how could she be? She just hated herself. Why couldn't she talk to him or look him in the eyes without blushing madly, tripping over words, feeling the need to run away, or even fainting? But he never noticed, and when he did, he just didn't understand why. He had always been oblivious to these things. Then how will I ever get him to notice me? I'm not the kind of girl to show off my body or something like that, she thought, although she knew her body had matured well over the years and it would definitely have an effect on him. But she loved him to much to just want his body. She wanted the whole him, and she wanted him to want the whole her, not just her body, on his own free will.

She sighed as the frustration raised in her again. It was true that he knew who she was since the chuunin exams, but that was pretty much as far as it got, because she never had the guts to talk to him and get to know him better. She admitted she already knew a lot about him, because she had been watching him for so many years. She loved to secretly watch him train, to see the determination in his eyes when he was improving his new rasengan he developed recently, and to hear the shouts of joy when he was practicing with his kunai and he hit the target again and again, right in the middle.

At the academy he always had the lowest grades, and he'd failed the graduation test twice. Everybody always called him names and seemed to hate him, though she never understood why. But look at him now, she thought, from being one of the worst, the number one must unpredictable knucklehead ninja, to being one of the strongest shinobi of Konoha, having the kind of strength and determination only the Fourth could equal. He's so strong, and not only physical. She remembered when he encouraged her while she was fighting her genius cousin during the preliminary exams. It was because of him she stood up again and again whenever Neji had knocked her down, his shoutings to her were the only reason why she'd kept fighting, refusing to surrender to fate. She didn't give up until the very end, just like he would do.
But how am I ever going to earn his respect when I'm not nearly as strong as him? How is he ever gonna think of me as an equal, as somebody worthy to talk to?

She sighed again as she looked out of the open window of her apartment, and watched the people walking on the street below her. She found it relaxing to watch other people being busy. To see them shopping for groceries, talking to each other, having a meal in one of the little restaurants down the street, chasing a little kid who stole an apple or something, or just wandering around in the village.
The knot in her stomach just started to untie a little when she saw a certain man walking among the crowd. Her heart skipped a beat and she could feel her cheeks warming up. Oh please, he can't even see me here unless he looks up, which he won't, because he's probably heading for ramen at Ichiraku's.
She found it annoying that she still reacted like this whenever the blond ninja came in sight; she was almost eighteen years old now, she should know better than to act like some sort of fangirl.
He already had a lot of fangirls, when he returned a few months ago with Jiraiya-sama (or ero-sennin, as he called his sensei), he had been a lot taller than the last time she had seen him, and even more handsome than she could remember. Years of harsh training got him all muscled up. He wasn't a boy anymore, like he was when he left, he'd become more manly now. But she wasn't the only one to perceived this; other girls started to notice him as well and even Sakura-san had blushed when she saw him again after all those years.

His golden, spiky hair was longer now and he had grown his whiskers too. He had also replaced his outfit. He no longer wore the bright orange and blue, but he had black clothes with orange now. He'd changed his Konoha headband from blue into a long black one.
One of the few things that hadn't change were his ocean blue eyes, oh she would do anything if she could just drown in their deepness.
The birthmarks on his face were also still there. As was his foxy-grin, as she secretly called it when he had a smile from ear to ear on his face.

A wind blew some leaves in her face. She pushed them away. She leaned further out of the window to have a better sight at her beloved one.

Suddenly he had the strong feeling someone was watching him from above. He looked up, only to see an open window, fluttering curtains out of it. Weird, he thought, I swear someone was... The next thing that got his attention was his stomach making loud grumbling noises. Right, ramen!!

That was close..., she thought, hiding behind the curtains. He almost caught me there. She could still feel her heart beating like crazy, rapidly pumping blood through her veins. Carefully she stuck her head out of the window again, just enough to be able to quickly draw back is he looked up again. She watched him as he continued his walk to his favourite restaurant and disappeared in the crowd.
She blew another chance and she knew it. How the heck is he ever gonna like me if I keep hiding from him?! She cursed silently. I must put an end to this. I need to...no way! I'll never find the courage to do that!
She remembered her 'under-twos' talk with Sakura-san a little while ago...

flashback
It was a bright, sunny afternoon. Two kunoichi's were walking down streets of the Village hidden in the Leaves, they were just done reporting to Tsunade about their recent missions. They talked about the weather, the daily routine, their improvement, and about the other members of the Rookie Nine.
'You know, he is never gonna notice you if you just don't talk to him...' Sakura suddenly said.
The girls she spoke to was in shock. 'H-how do y-you know a-about th-that?' Just talking about him already caused her to stutter even more than usual.
'Well, practically everybody knows about your crush on him, he is the only one who doesn't. The bakaa is just so stupid...' Sakura said as she went with her fingers through her pink hair.
She didn't like the way Sakura spoke about him, but she knew she always talked like that about her comrade.
'Why don't you just ask him on a date and see what he'll say?'
'I-I don't think I...'
Sakura cut her of. 'I mean, I don't think he still has a crush on me. Maybe because he started to like someone else. And, you never know, it might be you.'
'I s-still don't think I would d-dare to do something like that...'
'Oke, but what's the problem with just talking to him then, he's not gonna eat you, you know.'
She kept quiet. She didn't know what to say.
Sakura sighed. This girl was like the personification of shyness.
'If nothing works, there's one thing you can do...'

end flashback

Maybe Sakura-san was right, she thought. Maybe I should...
Wait. Was she really that desperate? That she was going do something that was so unlike her it was scary? When did it ever got this far? She couldn't deny the thought had crossed her mind a lot lately. But to actually do it...She felt the knot in her stomach again. Aaaaaarg, I'm gonna get crazy!
She shut the window and decided to take a walk.

She strolled through the forest surrounding Konoha. She had always loved to walk here. The trees breathed peacefulness, and the fresh air cleaned her mind. She sat down under a huge tree and leaned her head against the trunk.
What am I going to do? Can I find the courage to do what Sakura-san suggested?
She closed her eyes and tried to find any other options, but she couldn't think of any. But if I do this, I'll get clarity whether he likes me too of not.
She sniffed the nice smell of forest and relaxed a bit. She thought of him. How handsome he was when he smiled, how kind he was to her. He was always kind to anybody. He had the unique gift to become friends with everyone who crossed his path. She smiled. She had noticed him long before the graduation, and watched him as he made some friends. Starting with Iruka-sensei, the chuunin teacher from the academy who seemed to understand what he was going through, being thrown away by everybody in the village. Then Sasuke-san, Sakura-san and Kakashi-sensei, his teammates and sensei, followed, and eventually they formed with team Asuma and team Kurenai -her team- the so called 'Rookie Nine'. Together they went through the chuunin exams, and also through a lot of missions, which included chasing Sasuke-san, who was heading to Orochimaru in search of power. It had broken him when he couldn't bring back his best friend and teammate, and the mission failed miserably. Afterwards he had made some attempts to retrieve him, but all of them failed. After that he'd left the village with Jiraiya-sama to train. She had secretly watched him when he left, and decided that she had to become strong if she wanted to keep up with him when he would come back again.

Some leaves swirled downwards. One of them landed on her head. It's colour reminded her of his hair. Gold. Just like that from the man who was coming her way. Wait a sec... She looked more closely. Yeah, it was definitely him. What do I do? What do I say when he comes by? Feverish she searched for anything, but her thoughts were interrupted.

'Hey, Hinata! What are you doing here in the woods all by yourself?'
'N-N-Naruto-kun! Er...I...eh...I...'She felt her heartbeat raising up. Oh please no, don't shut down now, he's talking to me!
'Hey Hinata, your face is pretty red, did you catch a fever or something?' he asked, clueless as ever.
'Well I hope you'll get better soon, I need to get going now, I have to report to Tsunade-no-baachan. See you around Hinata!'
And with that, he was gone.
That's it. And she decided.