Disclaimer: Not Mine.

First Foray into the world of Fanfiction. Let's see how I do. This is depressing, let that be a warning to you.

His eyes felt heavy as he opened them, his body felt bogged down, he felt very…sad. "What's going on?" he mumbled to himself before he suddenly realized it.

It was two years ago to the day.

It was still dark outside, Robin had woken up before the sun had even risen. Granted, he realized, that he wasn't really the one who had woken up. He dressed in regular civilian clothing and walked swiftly and lightly down the hall to the far room, Raven's room.

Robin rapped softly against the door and shifted his weight. Raven answered it, paler than usual, her large eyes were muted and sad. Robin took a silent stock at her condition and then he took hold of her wrist and pulled her in, shutting the door and leading her over to the bed. She sat still on the mattress and he moved beside her and then embraced her, wrapping his arms completely around her.

Twenty hours to go until today was over.

"Have you been to sleep at all?" he murmured.

"It was a mistake to sleep," she answered quietly.

Robin felt his muscles tighten. "A dream," he stated.

She barely nodded. "I'm here this time," he said and then helped her lay down though they both knew it was useless.

xXxXxXx

It had been three years ago that the new villain had first made his appearance. Apollo was what he went by, and his sister was Artemis. They were both good at being bad and gave the Titan's plenty of work. Fortunately they were a solo team, they didn't want to team up with the HIVE or Plasmus, or Dr. Light or any of those others, and by themselves they were manageable.

That is- Apollo was.

Artemis was a witch with hard-to-control powers. Robin could tell from the beginning that Raven felt a kinship to the witch, he could tell that Artemis was traveling through the same paths that Raven had already conquered. Unfortunately they were on the opposite teams. During a strategy session Raven had spoken up and made one of her rare battle-related ultimatums-no one but herself would fight with Artemis. When Robin brought it up with her later Raven gave a light explanation, airy almost, about how with powers as unstable as Artemis' were any interaction was a danger. Raven had felt that she was the only one who could help with that.

In the end it didn't matter. After the duo had once again broken out of jail they fought the Titans and Artemis performed a spell that she couldn't control and everything broke down. In the end Raven was forced to contain the destruction, and Robin knew how terrible it was for her. She had told him before that every time she used her powers she had to put a bit of her soul into it, so that meant that now she felt the screaming agony of Artemis' death.

He had found her hours after the fight, crying in her bedroom. She hadn't changed out of her sooty and tattered uniform, and there was dried blood between her pale fingers. Robin had held her then as well.

It was Apollo that they hadn't worried enough about. It wasn't until after everything had happened that Robin heard about all of it. About how Apollo blamed Raven entirely for the death of his sister, his only family. About how he had photos of Raven intermingled with photos of his sister taped on his cell wall. About how obsessed he was with hurting Raven, about avenging his sister.

xXxXxXx

Robin lay there with Raven in silence. He could feel her drift lightly in and out of sleep. One time she had almost fallen into a heavier one but jerked herself awake before she could be claimed. Raven was too frightened of the dreams that would take hold of her-even with Robin there.

xXxXxXx

They all knew that Raven was the strongest one on their team. Certainly she wasn't the best at everything, the others had their specialties. But she was able to take them all down with single moves, she was the one that they never had to really worry about in fights, she was too fast, too strong, too smart, and she healed herself. There was no reason to ever worry.

But none of it mattered when she wasn't conscious.

xXxXxXx

It killed him that there was nothing he could really do. He thought about asking a few times, but it seemed laughable. How could something as shallow as tea help?

xXxXxXx

Apollo didn't work with others, but he did wait. Waited until there was a major fight in which they were all hit one-by-one. And Raven, the one who healed herself whether conscious or not, the one that nobody was watching for, she was the one that he took.

She couldn't stop him when she wasn't awake.

He kept her in a constant state of extreme injury so that her healing, self-induced coma continued. It was brilliant for him. He got to continuously torture her and she wasn't awake to stop him. And he raped her. Of course he did.

xXxXxXx

Robin could feel the softly jutting bones of her spine through her shirt and where their bodies pressed together. She hadn't been eating again. Raven had never been a big eater, but it was always worse around these times.

He quietly ran a hand along her arm, to the wrist and then the stomach, silently measuring how extreme this thinness was. She knew what he was doing and she let him anyway. Robin silently sighed. She was too thin, back to a dangerous level again. But it would get better, everything always got better after this day.

xXxXxXx

After Raven was back-after they had rescued her, after Robin had been restrained from killing Apollo, after Apollo was incarcerated in a special holding place of Robin and Cyborg's own design, after Raven had yanked the IV out of her arm in order to flee from the medical bay, after all of that-Raven didn't want to talk about it or acknowledge that it had ever happened. As far as she was concerned those nine days had never occurred.

She would get angry at them for not acting the way that they used to. She wanted to hear the stupid food menu fights, and she wanted Starfire to create more of her appallingly disgusting foods with which to gag the other members of the team, and she wanted for Robin to obsess over all of the absurd little moments of everything. It killed Raven to know that everyone knew what had happened to her.

And it killed Robin to know that she had been hurt so badly. It was Robin's job to take care of the team, to make sure that they worked well together. How could he have allowed her to take enough hits in a fight to stop a jewel theft that she was taken away and tortured? It was his job to make sure that nothing stupid happened! And this was stupid! It should never have happened.

xXxXxXx

Robin's stomach rumbled. Normally this is when he would be eating, right before an hour of individual training. The sun would be beginning to rise, it was impossible to tell though because Raven had let her drapes loose to block out everything except for the lightest of shadows.

"Go eat," Raven's voice was soft, still.

Not until you do. Robin didn't know how to phrase any of it.

xXxXxXx

It was when Robin was passing by Raven's room and heard actual sobbing that his stomach tightened with fear. He had seen Raven cry before but it was always silent streams of tears, nothing as powerful and violent as this.

He knocked on the door and called her name and then let himself in anyway. Her room was nearly dark and her shattered mirror lay faceup on the floor ten feet away from her. Raven herself was on her bed, face buried in her arms that were resting against her knees.

Robin's mouth opened to ask what was wrong, but his sharp mind was already ahead of him. He and Raven had both known it for over a month now. She was pregnant.

xXxXxXx

There were fifteen hours of the day left when the alarms went off. Raven tried to sit up but he pushed her back down while he sat up himself. "You stay here. We'll take care of it."

"I'm part of this team," she said in an empty voice as she struggled to get up again.

He easily held her down with a hand. She was so thin. "I know," he said, "That's why we're going to take care of it today."

xXxXxXx

Robin's anger had been incredible. He had gone out to the cell where Apollo was being held and just watched for awhile. Then he short-circuited the system and simply watched as Apollo realized his freedom and happily set out.

Robin followed silently but his rage became too hot to control any further when he realized that Apollo was heading in the direction of the Tower.

It was the only time that Robin had ever killed someone.

xXxXxXx

The crime wasn't made up of professionals, just some robbers who wanted quick cash. The Titans dealt with the trio quickly and easily. The entire team was a bit quiet and low. Robin knew that the absence of Raven and himself had been what made them realize that it was that date.

Granted he was certain that Cyborg always knew the importance of dates…

"Please friend Robin," Starfire said slowly, "How is friend Raven?"

Robin gave a slight shrug. He had no way of knowing how to answer that. Today was a bad day all the way around.

"Is there anything we can, y'know, do to help?" BB asked uncertainly.

Robin merely shrugged again as he climbed on his R-Cycle and headed back.

Raven was sitting on the far edge of her bed, facing away from him and towards the heavy drapes in front of her windows. Now that he could see, Robin forced himself not to cringe at the sight. She must have completely stopped eating two weeks earlier. How could he have not noticed?

"I'm in charge of my own eating, Robin," Raven's voice broke in smoothly. "It's not something that you control."

He wished that they could both fully follow the 'it's not in your control' logic, but it was impossible for two people as intelligent and analytical as themselves.

xXxXxXx

Robin had been entirely unsure of how to handle the situation. After he had dealt with his anger, the instant edge of it anyway, he had headed back to Raven's room.

"What do you want to do about it?" he asked as he stood near the door, afraid to approach her, and quiet about having broken the silence.

She lay half-curled on her bed, on her stomach and facing away from him, but she fully sat up at his words. Her eyes were piercing and empty at the same time, all emotion gone so that he couldn't get a clue. They let the silence stretch forever before she finally spoke, "I don't know, Robin."

"If you want an abortion, we can get one."

Robin delivered the words easily though Raven could sense his discomfort. She knew how important life and family was to him.

He didn't want her to, but if it would keep her here then he would take her. "I can't," she said shortly and offered nothing more.

Robin took a few hesitant steps towards her. He waited until he was standing at the edge of her bed before stating it. "Then you're going to have a baby."

She nodded but her façade broke and her lips twitched and she had to look away from him as a fine trembling took over her body. He moved onto her bed and took one of her icy hands between his own. When she spoke her voice was tight. "Everyone is going to know, Robin. They're going to look at me and know and they'll judge me or pity me, and everyone is going to know!" her voice broke on the last one.

He gathered her body in his arms though she didn't know how to soften in his embrace and all she could think about was how her body was betraying her, nurturing a monster that had been forced upon her, yet it was still her baby.

"You can leave," he said finally, "and then come back once it's over."

Raven laughed hollowly, a movement that tightened her shallow stomach, and crackled violently through her ribs. "There's nowhere for me to go."

There was a beat of silence. "You can go to Gotham."

xXxXxXx

He didn't bring food back to her room with him. As much as he wanted her to eat they both knew that it was impossible. Instead he walked into her room and saw her wide-open eyes, amethyst that was ringed with red and he knew that she had been crying. He wished that she would do it while he was there to comfort her.

"If you try to help me, I'll begin crying and I'll never stop," she said softly.

"Sometimes that's okay, Raven," he said as he pulled her into his arms, pressing her head down on his shoulder while he firmly supported her body. She struggled for a few moments before the heaviness overwhelmed her and she choked.

xXxXxXx

Bruce was able to take over for the two inexperienced teens. He had Robin ship the majority of Raven's belongings to the manor, while he quietly discovered what his adopted son had done to Apollo and then quieter yet he buried it deeper.

He contacted the Watchtower telling them sparsely of the situation, asking for the procedure of adopting out a child of heavily magical heritage. He found out that there were shots that could be administered, daily to the mother, that would suppress her magic and refuse it the opportunity of being passed along. As long as the mother received the shots for at least one trimester of the pregnancy then it would be effective. Beyond that they could use ordinary state-run agencies.

He ordered Robin to bring Raven within the week and to not tell the teammates about the true situation until after she was already gone. He had Alfred set up one of the largest rooms with all of her things.

In short, he prepared Raven for her departure from other people.

xXxXxXx

Raven cried herself to sleep and the shuddering remained even in that sleep, but Robin refused to let her go. He needed to stay on guard against the dreams that would try to suffocate her.

xXxXxXx

The rest of the team was devastated when they finally heard the news.

"Where's she at?" Cyborg demanded.

"She's staying with my father, by her own choice, until this over," Robin said.

"How does this become over?" Star questioned in a pained voice.

"Once the…baby is gone. She's giving it up for adoption."

BB was the only one who remained silent. His skin was pale and he looked shocked beyond belief. It wasn't until the very end that he spoke.

"She never gets any breaks, does she?"

Robin's chest tightened and his breath was forced shorter.

"No."

xXxXxXx

She began thrashing after only forty minutes, her hoarse voice whispering as her expression twisted with pain. "I want-" her voice became indistinct again, but Robin knew what she was saying.

"Shhh," he murmured as her head twisted back and forth and her fists spasmed. She was slowly drifting into consciousness again.

"But I want to know," she cried brokenly, her voice painfully ragged.

"Raven," he comforted as he stroked her hair.

"Why won't they tell me?" she sobbed. "I need to know."

It was impossible to rationalize this away, he had nothing to offer her.

She was fighting away the last of the fog from her sleep, and he knew that when she was clear then the speaking would cease. She never let her guard down like this.

"I need to know where my baby is at!" she cried into his chest.

xXxXxXx

Robin visited her throughout her pregnancy. Bruce told him that the visits meant a lot to her but Robin always left feeling helpless. There was nothing good coming from this situation, it was a nightmare come to life.

Robin visited again as she hit six months. Having been informed by Alfred that she had taken to watching movies all through the day and night he headed to Bruce's impressive movie-room. He moved towards the doorway and then just stopped.

Raven sat cross-legged, wearing pajama pants and a very baggy tee-shirt that was still stretched over the baby bump. Robin recognized the clothing as his own, he knew that Raven wanted no real sign and leave no real trace of any of this ordeal-which included new clothing. Her hair was long, but what really caught his eyes were her long-fingered hands.

He was certain that she didn't know what she was doing, but they were resting on the bump, caressing this terribly unwanted baby. And that's when he felt the fear deep in the pit of his stomach.

Alfred entered the room from the other doorway. "It's one, Miss Raven," he said while gingerly holding a large syringe and a vial.

Raven glanced over at him before nodding and turning in the chair. Alfred gently pulled down the top of her tee-shirt in the back, exposing a shoulder. Robin's eyes widened as he saw the large black bruise that covered the area. Alfred extracted all of the liquid from the vial and then quickly and expertly pushed the needle into her skin, injecting all of the contents into her bloodstream. Raven's face never changed, never registered any pain.

"I'm sorry to have to do this," Alfred said as he very gently pulled up the tee-shirt, making sure that it barely rested on the swollen bruise.

"Stop apologizing, Alfred," Raven said in an unused voice. "It has to be done everyday."

"And I'm sorry about it everyday," Alfred responded. "Robin is here to see you. He'll be in after he puts his things away."

A bit of the terrible ghost left her face and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards every so slightly. Her palms were pressed flat against her belly.

"Does it hurt, Miss Raven?" Alfred questioned.

The emptiness returned full-force and her hands were instantly away from her stomach. "No," she answered shortly and with dismissal in her tone. Alfred nodded and left.

xXxXxXx

It seemed like the sobs would never stop. She was shaking so violently in his arms that he tightened his hold to try to keep her. There were four hours left to the day when she finally stilled with her head bowed against his chest with only the choking remaining in her body.

xXxXxXx

It had been night when Robin was woken by a phone call. It was Bruce telling him that Raven was in labor and that she kept crying for him and that he needed to get there now.

When he arrived it was to an exhausted, delirious Raven who was alternately crying and screaming. Bruce had had to tie her down to the hospital bed and Robin had been surprised to see a stranger at the bottom of the bed. The stranger, Bruce informed him, was an unfailingly discreet doctor who was paid obscene amounts of money for her services.

"Robin!" Raven choked out, "Where is Robin?"

He moved instantly to her side and grasped one bounded hands. "I'm right here, Raven," he said as he rested his other hand on her flushed, heated cheek.

"It hurts," she told him deliriously, "I can't fix it."

'The doctor will fix it, you will be fine," he comforted.

"Don't lie to the girl," Bruce snapped from across the room.

She shivered. "I don't know what to do."

The doctor didn't look up. "Breathe," she said. "This is going to be a bad one."

It still caught Raven unaware and she screamed. Tears streamed down her face. "It hurts."

Robin looked down at the doctor and froze when he saw the blood soaking into sheets. "What's wrong," he demanded, fear yanking his breath away from him.

"She's a small sixteen-year-old trying to give birth," the doctor answered as another wave of pain wracked Raven's body. "It's a very difficult job."

"Is she going to make it?" Bruce asked bluntly. His tone was harsh and short as it always was in such situations. He didn't want her to die, he was close to her and moreover he knew how very close she and his son were. But if it was going to happen then he wanted them to hear it now.

The doctor spared Robin a look. "As long as you keep her conscious then she'll make it."

Nine hours of labor and two blood transfusions. She lost consciousness slightly for two minutes before Robin brought her back again. Then she regained control of her mind and remembered what she was supposed to be doing and then it was over.

The cry filled the room and Robin felt the breath that Raven drew at the sound. Her eyes were wide and then frightened and her legs slipped through the slick blood on the sheets as she struggled to sit up. Robin squeezed her hand harder.

"It's a boy," the doctor said as she picked up the baby in two soft hands and immediately moved him over to a prepared examining area where she began to clean him and then run tests.

Raven's breathing was shallow as gazed at the screaming pink infant with damp blond hair, Apollo's hair, and her long, long lashes. The fear in Robin's stomach returned full-force and he put a hand on her shoulder.

Bruce was standing behind the doctor, watching as she went through the checklist of infant diseases or problems. The boy settled down and was lying still, nearing sleep as she finished the examination. Raven stared with trembling breath, her hand clenched within Robin's. The doctor said that the boy was perfectly healthy, wrapped him in the blanket and then turned and handed him immediately to Bruce. Bruce didn't spare a single glance at anyone as he turned and left the room.

Raven's breath caught in her throat. Robin raised a hand to her face, trying to cool her skin. "Bruce is taking him to the adoption woman. Like we agreed," he said carefully.

She tried to cry but there was nothing left. No tears, no sound. She was completely empty.

xXxXxXx

Robin rubbed her arms trying to rid her body of its trembling and glanced at the clock. Minutes left.

"Do you think he's alive?" she whispered.

"I can't imagine why he wouldn't be," Robin answered though they both had no way of knowing.

"He's two years old today," Raven said.

In that instant there was a flood of all of things that they didn't know. What was his name? How many words did he know? How fast could he run? What color were his eyes? Had he kept the blond hair? Would he ever know that he was adopted? Was he happy? Was he healthy? Was he even still alive?

"I want him back."

"We can't do that," Robin said steadily. "He's gone."

"I know."

There was a long painful silence, before it shattered with Raven's voice. "My son is two today."

Without letting her go Robin slowly laid her down on the bed and pressed his lips to her forehead. "No, Raven," he said to her. "Someone else's child turned two yesterday."

It was twelve-four.

Raven breathed in a deep breath. "He'll be two all of this year, and three all of the next, and I won't ever forget this."

"I'm sorry," he spoke into her hair. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

She turned to look at him, her large amethyst eyes showed renewed hints of life. "You're the only reason I'm still here."

Well what did you think of it? I know the ending is a bit abrupt, but man what else could I do with that?

Now are you sufficiently depressed? Why don't you review and tell me about it?