Dear Remus, (aka Moony, Moonsie, Rem or little love bucket)

So how are you? Actually, that's a rather dumb question; of course you'll be crippled by the loss of somebody as simply amazing and charismatic as me. And no Moony, I am not being big-headed - simply honest.

Really, how are you doing? I don't want you to be moping around Remus. You still have a life to live, duties to fulfill, people who need you. Don't be giving in just because I'm no longer there for you. I hope you're not annoyed with me either. Believe me, oh believe me… I never, never wanted to leave you. Especially now, just after I finally got you back after the whole 'Peter fiasco.' So I'm sorry Moony, I'm so sorry for going when I knew just how much you needed me.

I rather needed you too you know, I feel as though I'm incomplete without you, as though I've left my heart down there. You'd better be looking after it for me!

I'm not joking when I say I want you to live Remus. I mean really live, not just exist as the empty shell you were for those twelve god-awful years we were separated. I want you to get back on your feet, to get back out there and find somebody to love, somebody who can make you laugh and smile as I once did, as I still long to. After all, a live without love isn't a life at all.

Seriously, get back out there and have lots of little Remus' who devour books and eat chocolate by the kg. Just don't forget to name one Sirius in memory of the second most handsome Marauder! (You being the first of course) And you have to tell them stories about Uncle Padfoot and Uncle Prongs and all the pranks they pulled in school. Don't leave out how devastating sexy I am! You could tell them stories about me and you as well if you want, like that time we scarred Filch in the library. (Though I still swear he enjoyed it! Dirty perv) But I would understand if you didn't, after all, I am telling you to move on and forget you ever loved me.

Yet… Yet I don't want you to ever forget me. Part of me wants you to hold on, to never move on, to sit and mope all day. I feel so selfish for it, Rem, but I've already lost you enough. Forgive me.

Anyway, back to you not moping. Tonks fancies you, as you very well know. Oh, the amount of times we laughed about it this year! It never seemed to be an option for you. But now, now I'm gone and I can't give you what you crave anymore. (No Remus, it's not turning unto one of those letters, I'm simply stating a fact.) So why not Tonks? Ask nicely enough and she does a mean impression of me.

I'm babbling, I know. But it's so hard to put down exactly how much I miss you. Words can't describe it. Heaven's meant to be all beautiful and simple yet I can't help but ache and hurt without you here to soothe me. I need you Remus, I need you and without you, I am nothing.

But I hate to see you unhappy more, and if I can beat down my jealousy, my heart, then you can be happy. For me. If I could make you promise to find somebody who loves you for you (though no-one can ever love you as much as I), somebody to help get you through this war, I would, oh I would. But I can't, so please just do it.

And whatever you do, don't even consider topping yourself! Just because it feels like you're being crucioed a thousand times over, just because it feels it feels as though rusty, blunt knives are stabbing you in the heart, that is not a good enough excuse. You have obligations for crying out loud! Please don't give up hope on this war either. There's still something to fight for, there's still innocent lives being taken simply for pleasure. So finish what we started Rem, destroy those fuckers!

Whatever you do, don't change who you are. I couldn't bear having to watch you become a mere shadow of who you were. When I left you the first time, you changed so much and every time I saw you, I knew, I knew there was only myself to blame. Just hang on and don't give up. Do it for me. Please.

There's so many things I want to say to you, so many things I never got the chance to tell you. Like that it was me who plundered your chocolate stash, that it was me who kept setting your alarm for four in the morning. Things which seem so trivial now. I never got chance to apologise either, to apologise for letting you believe I'd betrayed everyone I'd ever loved. So I'm sorry Remus. I'm sorry for destroying your life.

They say that the worst thing about death is leaving people behind. I used to laugh at those people Moony, I used to write them off as nothing more than stupidly sentimental. But they're right. Just so, so right. I may as well be in hell I miss you so badly.

I love you Remus, I love you so very much, never, never forget that. I know you love me too and that's enough, live Remus, live for me.

You know I'll be right here waiting for when the time comes to take you back in my arms and to love you properly, like I want to. I love you.

I'm rambling, babbling like an inarticulate baboon as you always used to say. But I can't stop, I don't want to either. Who knows how long it'll be until I get to see you again? If you follow my advice (and you'd better!) then it could be years. Endless, empty years…

So remember Remus, don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever.

You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now. So do it. So live.

For me.

Love you always,

Your Padfoot.

PS: Who wants to live forever anyway?

PPS: Guess what? I've met Freddie Mercury! Bet you're jealous.

Very random and babbly and long. I was in a very depressing mood... Is a challenge fic again for HPFC.

Review xD