Disclaimer: DO. NOT. OWN. Also I'm sorta kinda stealing this idea from who ever came up with it first because it's been done for like EVERY fandom. EVER.

Ten Things John Keating Secretly Cannot Do:

10. Touch his toes without bending his knees. Despite making all the boys do this as a stretch before soccer and having rather stubby little legs.

9. Spell the word 'Professor', which is the main reason he has never taught at a college.

8.Take a reasonable amount of mashed potatoes. Seriously, is he going to make some sort of sculpture or something? That's the only logical explanation to the staggering amounts of starch.

7. A half-decent fake British accent. That's the main reason he didn't do Shakespeare like that.

6. Start a fire. Well, at least not on purpose.

5.Tell the difference between when to use who and when to use whom. Sure he can give his English class a textbook explanation but he have no idea in practice.

4. Rub his tummy and pat his head at the same time. Though, I'm not sure why this is a secret.

3. Remember that blond kid's name, was it Sam? Or maybe Skippy?

2. Tie a tie, that's why he wears them all 'casual' because he needs to be able to slip them on over and over again.

1. Play soccer. In fact he's not even sure of the rules other than getting the ball in the net is good.

A.N. FINISHED! FINALLY! Much thanks to everyone who's stuck around for what was initially a way to entertain myself in a particularly brain-numbing assembly.

-C