Despite the initial hostility surrounding their arrival, James and Lily had spent the last few days relaxing and spending time with his family. After the first confrontation, Lily had slipped so easily in to the household that it was like she'd always been there. She bickered with Sirius and joked with his dad, played happily with Melody, and James was pretty sure she even knew all the house elves names. It was a little disconcerting, but something tugged inside his heart at how settled she was in his home. She had even spent time with his mother, it had been a little stilted, but it was more than anyone else outside the Marauders had ever received.

He hadn't wanted to worry Lily any more than was necessary, but he'd known his mother would be difficult, she was fiercely protective on a good day, add to that her almost magical knack for sniffing out a lie, and James had known there was no way Lily would enter the house unscathed. Being a couple was so effortless though that he had hoped that there was enough truth to their feelings now that his mother wouldn't develop any full-blown suspicions.

Surprised, despite himself, the atmosphere cleared considerably after the little episode with Melody and James's subsequent reaction to Lily's injury. His mother moved from open hostility into grudging acceptance, though there was a gleam in her eye that said she knew something didn't quite fit. She was wary, but, after seeing James with Lily, her ice had seemed to thaw a little. Very little. James, however, knew what she was doing; she was watching and waiting, not willing to commit to a decision yet. He understood, he just didn't like it. He couldn't help, but resent that she didn't trust his judgment; then again, he was lying.

But even he wasn't sure where the lie ended and the truth began.

Thoughts of how easy it was to be with Lily and what exactly that meant were swirling in his head as he searched her out. When he finally found her in the family library, he could do nothing, but stand in the doorway taking in the sight. She was snoozing on the sofa, curled up like a cat with a book draped over her chest and a bottle of butterbeer dangling perilously from her hand. He smiled before walking over to remove the bottle and place the book on the table next to her, making sure to mark the page. Noticing goosebumps on her arms he pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa and gently settled it over her, and he couldn't hold back a small smile as he watched her snuggle into the warmth.

He felt such a wave of tenderness in that moment that he realised he had had to get out of the room before he did something he couldn't take back, like wake her up and kiss her until his lips were sore. It was an urge he found himself fighting more and more everyday.

James made a quick exit, feeling on edge.

He had to talk to someone, if only to stop him from returning to her.

After a few moments hesitation he made his way down an adjoining hallway, before stepping determinedly into the front parlour where his best mate sat, listening to the Wizarding Wireless and flipping carelessly thought a Qudditch magazine. His step faltered and he wavered. Now that he was here he had no idea what to say. What could he really say without completely spilling his guts?

Before he could back peddle like the coward he felt like, Sirius spoke without turning, "What's up? I was wondering if you were ever going to turn up, the match is about to start." He vaguely nodded towards the radio, still not lifting his eyes from his reading material.

James let out a nervous breath. He'd completely forgotten that the Harpies were playing the Cannons. If that didn't prove that Lily was making him lose his mind, nothing would.

"Sirius, I have a problem and I really need for you to be understanding now and a git later, okay?" he stated, figuring he might be able to brazen his way through this conversation.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow as he opened his mouth, a sarcastic reply on the tip of his tongue, but when he actually turned around and saw the frantic and slightly panicked look on his friends face he decided to keep his comments to himself. "What is it?" he asked instead, unease making his tone a little sharper than he'd intended.

"I…"

"Yes?"

"I…"

"James? Just spit it out…" Sirius encouraged even as he frowned. "You don't normally beat around the bush like this."

"I think I may be starting to like Lily again," James finally rushed out on a single breath. Then he closed his eyes in preparation for an outburst. He was so worked up he half expected an explosion.

Silence greeted him and then, "Well…. Duh." Sirius looked at James as if he were crazy, "and you're surprised by this because?"

"Umm," James's eyes flashed open again and he began to flounder. He'd known that there was no way to bring this up with Sirius without risking exposure, but he was getting desperate, he needed to get it off his chest and Sirius was his best option.

When James didn't answer, just stared at Sirius helplessly, Sirius decided to dig a little deeper trying to get to the root of the problem. "James, you've been dating her for months now. Of course you bloody well like her… how is it that I know this and you don't?" he asked, unable to mask his smile.

"You don't understand," James sighed.

"Then explain it to me," Sirius said, curiosity lacing his voice

"I think I might like Lily again," James repeated, nodding his head for emphasis, his eyes widening as if trying to imply the whole sordid mess with one look.

Sirius watched him with bewilderment before shaking his head, "Prongs, you can't repeat the same sentence over and over again hoping it will make more sense to me the more you say it. That's not how it works," he patiently told him.

"I think I may like Lily."

Sirius groaned. "I can never talk to you when you're like this," he said as he turned back to his magazine, but James caught his attention by expanding his sentence to, "I like her like I did thelast time."

Sirius froze with his back facing his best mate. "Last time?" he repeated quietly, the only noise in the room the soft buzz of the presenter on the wireless.

"Fifth year," was all James needed to say to grab Sirius's full and undivided attention again

Sirius spun, twisting his whole body so he now looked over the top of the sofa, and could focus on James who was still stood in the same spot by the door "Fifth year?" he parroted back, his face scrunched up, as if he were trying to divine what James would say next.

"Yeah, fifth year and… well…"

"Well?!" Sirius demanded. "You can't just leave a sentence like that hanging!"

James nodded with understanding and held up his palms in a defensive gesture. "Well," he stressed again, using the pause to build up a bit more courage. "It might be a smidge worse than that…in fact I'd say that last time was only a preview."

"A preview?" Sirius slowly repeated, his face taking on a look of confusion.

"Yeah," James coughed uncomfortably before releasing a mirthless chuckle at his own inability to explain. "As in, it was a small snippet of how I feel about her now."

A look of dawning comprehension spread over Sirius face before he gave James a strange look. "Oh… .well… that's normal…isn't it?" he carefully questioned. "Last time she had no idea you liked her and she definitely didn't like you… this time, well it's different, yeah? You two are so cute together, it makes my stomach turn."

"Thanks mate," James said dryly.

Sirius shrugged, unremorsefully. "I still don't understand why you're surprised."

James sighed; he had wanted to tell Sirius about his and Lily's arrangement from the start. In fact, not telling his best mate had been the most difficult part of the whole ruse. James took a deep breath. "Well, you see, I may not have been entirely truthful with you… you know, about mine and Lily's relationship," he admitted, not quite able look his friend in the eye, but feeling such a release of pressure by admitting such a small part of the mess he was in that he wanted to collapse to the floor where he stood.

James expected a whole load of questions to spew forth, but when all he received was silence he chanced a look at the man in front of him.

Sirius didn't look, cross, angry, bewildered or even confused he just gazed steadily at James until he had his full attention, then he said, "I know."

James released a lungful of air. "How much do you know?"

Sirius shrugged, "Not a lot, but I've known something wasn't quite right with the whole thing – don't get me wrong, you two definitely like each other, but… maybe it's the way you don't talk about it much, like you don't want to lie to me…to the other Marauders… if everything had been perfect you would have been singing it from the rooftops."

James chuckled and didn't disagree "We're so … sometimes I can't help, but believe—" James shook his head, ruefully not explaining any further. "You know, if it was just me I would tell you everything." A statement not a question.

Sirius nodded with a confidence only years of friendship could provide. "I know. Are you going to tell me the whole story now?" he asked curious.

James shrugged, paused and considered whether to tell Sirius the truth – he knew he was making no sense. He could just admit to faking the relationship as a way to get his parents to back off a bit – that would allow him to discuss his growing feelings without betraying Lily's side of things, but, then again, if he kneweverything, Sirius might be able to help. James stopped the thoughts before they had fully formed; he hadn't even talked to Lily about revealing their secret and it felt disloyal to reveal anything without even discussing it with her

Damn, when James had started this agreement he hadn't really thought about how much of an effect it would have over the rest of his life and the rest of his loyalties.

But even as he thought it, he knew that his strongest loyalty was to Lily. He couldn't, wouldn't betray her trust.

"I'm not stupid, I know what everyone else sees, I'm not in some delusional, self-deprecating panic," it was true, he was no fool and he could tell when a girl liked him. "And I know no one could fake what's between me and Lily, I can feel it, like it's a living thing between us. Even when she just walks into a room I can feel her… It's… it's bloody scary!" James chuckled ruefully. Then hedging a little he said; "I just don't know if she wants… wants me the way I want her." He settled for saying, it was as close to the truth as he could get without betraying Lily's confidence. She may be attracted to him, but for him it was so much more.

James could tell Sirius had no real idea of what was going on, but he knew how his best mate worked, and he could see how conflicted he was. "Look, you don't have to tell me anything, but you've got to be honest with her. Make sure she knows how you feel, if you don't your going to explode." That much was clear.

James couldn't help releasing a snort, "Understatement, mate, understatement."

---

"Raise your arm!" He commanded in that deep strong voice of his.

Lily barely heard him over her racing heartbeat.

"LILY! RAISE YOUR ARM! You're exposing your right side to attack!" he shouted as he threw spell after spell at her.

The barrage was too much, and Lily was purely on the defensive now, too tired to even try to attack.

"STOP DROPPING YOUR ARM - Lily! I wont tell you again!" James threatened as a blasting hex blew a chunk out of the wall right behind her head.

Lily tired to do as he instructed, lest she end up like the masonry behind her, but her body ached from the exertion of hours of dueling and the various bruises she'd acquired during that time.

She tried to tighten her grip on her wand, tired to find some last vestiges of strength, to be able to return a volley or two. But her palms were covered in sweat making her grip all, but useless. It wasn't even just her hands that were covered in sweat, her whole body was drenched in it. She had discarded her jumper long ago, finding that when she was wearing it, she was far too hot to breathe let alone move.

"For the love of…!" she heard James's cross voice say right before he ended her misery and the duel, by sending a curse with his full power and skill hurtling at her.

It was a direct hit and it knocked the wind out of her and her feet from right under her.

Her wand finally slipped from her hand and she gave James the signal to say she wanted to stop.

Relieved that the barrage had ended, Lily found she couldn't even find the energy to sit up, she merely continued to lie where she was trying to breathe through the stitch in her side.

James's imposing, scowling form came into view and Lily knew she should be upset, but suddenly her heart was beating frantically for an entirely different reason.

Just like her, James had long ago discarded his jumper. When he'd removed it, it had given Lily a perverse sense of satisfaction to know that she was putting up enough of a fight during their session that she was giving him just a good a work out as he gave her.

But her satisfaction had quickly faded to shock when James hadn't stopped at just his jumper, but had instead impatiently pulled his T-shirt off as well and carelessly thrown it onto the growing heap of clothes in the corner of the room.

He now stood above her in just his workout shorts, with his facial features a mixture of exasperation and concern.

"Lily, how many times do I have to tell you that you have to keep you right arm up?! It's the only major flaw you have left, but it's a big one."

Lily tried to listen to his advice, she really did, but she'd heard it so often now it just seemed to sail right over her. Plus, despite the fact that her brain knew that he was talking to her and that she really should be listening, her body wouldn't let her focus past James's toned chest shimmering with perspiration.

All sorts of inappropriate thoughts raced through her mind and she couldn't help, but be thankful he couldn't read minds.

She also hoped that he was at least half as affected by her in her tiny shorts and sports bra, as she was by him, that way she wouldn't have to feel like a complete tart.

She'd never felt this kind of attraction for anyone else. She tried to convince herself that it was the mixture of excess adrenaline and magic swirling around them that evoked such a strong reaction, but even in her semi delusional state she had realised that she was even noticing outside of their sessions. It seemed to be getting worse with every conversation, every look, every moment spent together.

She wasn't sure she had any more resistance left.

--

James was an inch away from ripping Lily's sports bra right off her body with his bare hands.

His frustration at himself for not being able to control his impulses was showing itself in his dueling.

He was not dueling to his usual standard and he was taking his frustrations out on Lily by throwing his curses a little harder and by exhibiting no patience whatsoever. He hated himself for it because whilst he knew she could handle anything he dished out to her at the beginning of the sessions, he also knew that towards the end her body started to weaken.

Merlin, why couldn't she wear a t-shirt? Didn't she realise she was killing him slowly dressed like that and dueling with such poise and skill that he was almost in awe of her.

"Hell," he mumbled under his breath, frustrated. He'd tried to talk to her a hundred times over the last few days, but found the words wouldn't come. He couldn't seem to get the courage up; what he had to say could potentially ruin their relationship, then again it had the potential to have the best result of his life.

Either way he needed to talk to her soon, before he snapped.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Lily asked, still sprawled on the floor breathlessly

James couldn't seem to answer her, just like he couldn't seem to extend his hand to help her up. All he could do was watch her chest rise and fall with an obscene, perverted amount of pleasure.

Sirius was right; it was only a matter of time before he lost all his sanity. This time, however, he finally managed to force his sense back into order and extended his hand to help her. But he miscalculated due to his own wandering mind and Lily's poor equilibrium and when she came to her feet, she swayed and ended up pressed against him, stomach to stomach, hands still tightly clasped. "Hell" he stupidly repeated, but really how did she expected him to behave normally when she stood so close to him that he could feel her breath fanning his sticky chest?

--

Why did he have to stand so close? Lily thought to herself as she used her vantage point to shamelessly eye up his chest.

She licked her lips and, before she could curb the impulse, she found that her arm had reached out and she had spread her hand out over his chest, her fingers running along a newly acquired scratch. Had she done that?

"Don't," James's voice was a hoarse croak interrupting her ministrations.

"Don't what?" she absently asked, totally absorbed in the feel of him, his skin was so smooth, but his body was so hard. She couldn't seem to stop touching him.

"Don't touch me like that, right now," he said voice tight and strained.

"Why not?" she asked, a small frown puckered her forehead even as she continued to caress him with her fingertips. "Don't you like my touch?" she asked quietly and he could have sworn he heard her voice waver.

He groaned and closed his eyes trying to force his mind to answer her question rather than focus on the imagery she had unwittingly conjured, he could feel the uncertainty coming off her in waves, then he felt her start to pull away. His reaction was instinctive, and he couldn't have stopped it if he'd wanted to. He raised his own hand and placed it over hers, stopping her from pulling away. "You're not ready…" he said seemingly to himself.

"What are you talking about James?" Lily asked unable to focus on anything, but the look on his face, it was a mix between pain and pleasure.

"I won't be… be able to stop myself anymore," he replied, even though it took all of his brainpower to formulate even that broken sentence. It was hard to make it sound believable though when he'd truly never wanted to stop someone less. If it were up to him he admitted, she would never stop.

"Stop yourself?" she questioned confused by his admission as she absently ran her fingertips down to his stomach

He growled and his stomach twitched, and right at that moment he lost the will to fight anymore. He crushed her to him, her hand still caught between them as he captured her mouth in a hard bruising kiss.

Lily's breath caught in the back of her throat. She'd know this would happen, had wanted it with every particle of her being, but she was still surprised by the heat of him, his mouth and his body, she felt like she was being consumed by flames.

They kissed ravenously, endlessly for as long as their lungs would allow, each kiss deeper and wetter and harder than the last.

James could feel Lily's erratic heart beat against his, matching his own in speed, he could feel every place where she touched him like a brand, and when the hand that was still caught between them started a slow glide up his chest he couldn't hold back a groan.

In response, his own hands started a wandering trail running along her spine leaving lingering tingles behind. His hand pressed to the small of her back and pulled her as close as it was possible to get her.

He felt her release a small sigh into his mouth and without conscious thought he found his hands full of her delicious backside. Feeling her pressed so intimately against him nearly sent him to his knees. Instead, he braced himself and lifted her into his arms, Lily's legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. James walked forward, without breaking the kiss, until he'd finally backed her into the nearest wall.

He hesitated to put more weight on her, only pressing hard enough to support her, but Lily wasn't satisfied and she held him tighter, encouraging him to press harder. When he finally complied she rewarded him with a squeeze of her thighs that put his lower half exactly where he wanted it to be.

He pulled away, and stared into her desire clouded eyes in mild shock, she merely eyed him back her gaze drifting from his eyes to his mouth in what felt like a slow caress.

"So that's the way you want to play it?" he growled, surprised by the sound of his own voice.

In response, her lips merely quirked mischievously.

"Just remember you asked for it," he whispered against the skin of her throat, pausing to lick over her pulse point, the action making her squirm deliciously.

"James," she commanded breathlessly, tugging at his hair as he continued to kiss his way across her collarbone.

"What, Lily?" he mumbled against her skin without pausing. "What do you want?" he whispered even more quietly.

Her heart jumped as she felt his hot breath across the top of her sports bra and she only realised what he was about to do, one second before his mouth closed over one taught nipple through the material.

Hearing the sound, he sucked harder and Lily's thighs instinctively tightened around him once more.

She felt a small growl right before she felt his teeth press down over the sensitive area.

She made a small surprised sound and James lifted his head, smile smug with promise. She didn't have time to contemplate why he was smiling like that before his hand replaced his mouth on her breast and he was kissing her again, breath to breath, tongue to tongue making her lose track of all her thoughts.

Lily's hands grabbed at his back so firmly that he was sure she left marks. The idea nearly sent him over the edge and he pushed even harder into her as his hand started to reach for her shorts.

Before he reached his goal though, James managed to regain a sliver of sanity and pulled away, if only slightly, his hand pausing just as it disappeared below the elastic at her waist

He couldn't quite make himself pull away completely though, nor to put her down. Their lips stopped millimetres from each other; they were so close they were sharing the same air. James was frozen, he didn't want to release her, but he knew he shouldn't kiss her again. If he did, this was going to move in to a whole different realm. He was okay with that, but he did not want Lily to regret it. Ever.

He looked down at her, hoping to gauge her reaction, hoping the he could be gentleman enough to let her go if she looked even remotely upset.

What he saw in her eyes made his heartbeat speed up. He was caught by the look she gave him and he couldn't have looked away even if his shorts had been on fire. Which, the sarcastic part of his mind pointed out, they kind of were.

Slowly their lips touched one more time, but James refused to deepen the kiss, she needed to do it. He needed to know she wanted this, if she hesitated even a little then he knew she had just got caught up in the moment and that he should walk away.

When several seconds had passed and she hadn't deepened their kiss he pulled away and quietly said, "I'm your friend, Lily."

"Best friend," she whispered in agreement, her lips coming up to touching his again in a chaste kiss.

"Yes, best friend," he replied, "but…"

"Yes?" she asked and James felt her whole body tense.

He stroked his wayward hand back up her spine soothing her with his touch before he sighed, "I'm still a man and you are veryattractive"

"I don't understand. What are you trying to say?" she asked leaning back slightly so she could see his eyes, and the fear he saw in them made his heart hurt. She didn't want this.

"That… That…" James paused, then changed his next words. "That with the exercise and the magic and the adrenaline swirling around my body… and the way you look," unable to resist he ran a hand over her exposed stomach… "I find it hard to ignore my attraction for you when we duel… I'm sorry."

"Do you ignore the attraction the rest of the time?" she asked and he was surprised. He'd just given her a way out of the conversation and yet she had pushed for answers. Perhaps shewas interested…

"Every second of every day," he admitted without thinking. "I'm sorry," he quickly repeated, tempted to smack himself for his lack of control. He hoped this new lack of sense wasn't permanent hopefully he was just a little scrambled by the kiss.

"Why because you think I'm pretty?" she asked, almost starting to smile.

"No, of course not," James said, unable to resist squeezing her. "You're beautiful, not just pretty," he firmly said, staring directly into her eyes so she would realise the sincerity of his words, "I'm sorry because I can't seem to control myself."

"Don't be," she said taking his head in her hands. "I feel it too," she whispered as her thumb stroked his cheek.

He groaned. "Saying things like that doesn't help either," he told her.

Lily was reminded of the bulge in his shorts and blushed red, instantly apologizing, "I'm so sorry, I'm not trying to torture you, you know that. Just like I know you're not trying to torture me."

James chocked on his laugh. "It's torture for you?" he closed his eyes and allowed himself a moment to think that it was because she was as attracted to him as he was to her.

"We're just in an emotionally and physical charged environment when we duel and we can't help, but get a little overwhelmed by it form time to time – we're still just teenagers," she said, putting her hand to his neck in what seemed like an unconscious action.

"Yes," he reluctantly agreed. Hating that their relationship could be made to feel so insignificant with just one sentence "… just teenagers"

He released her, managing to hide his reluctance tolerably well, but when he looked at her again she didn't look any happier about it that he did.

All he wanted to do was walk away from this nightmare of a conversation and from the way he was feeling but they'd come this far and he couldn't leave without getting everything off his chest, no matter how awkward it made things, otherwise he's be right back where he started.

He ran a hand agitatedly through his hair before turning back to her, she looked so lost at that moment that he felt a surge of protectiveness, her head was bowed and her hand was pressed to her stomach as if she didn't feel well.

James tried to ignore the paranoid voice that screamed that she felt that way because of him.

"Lily?" he said taking a step towards her, wanting to do anything to make her stop looking like that.

When she looked up and he saw the tears swimming in her eyes, he couldn't help his automatic response. He rushed forward and grabbed her to him, hugging her fiercely "What's the matter?" he demanded gruffly. "Don't cry," he commanded in an even heavier voice, "I'm sorry if this has upset you, we can forget all about it." He rushed to say, knowing in his heart that he'd never forget, but that he'd pretend if she asked him to.

"Teenagers?" she whispered instead of answering and his stomach dropped, he didn't know what she wanted him to say, he wanted to take that look off her face but he wasn't going to lie.

So he took a deep breath and then another.

"That's not the way I feel," he whispered in to her ear and he felt her try to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. "What I feel…" he chuckled humourlessly before leaning down and gently kissing her cheek, "is so much more than that."

He felt her suck in a breath and hold it and he couldn't help, but want to do the same. It was finally out there, the elephant in the room revealed, and now all he could do was deal with the fall out.

Finally, after what felt like a thousand years, she tried to pull away again and this time he let her, albeit reluctantly.

When he saw her face though his heart did a summersault. She was smiling beautifully at him. "Really?" she shyly questioned.

"No one can fake the way I feel about you, Lily." Her eyes began to tear again and he rushed to get the right words out, "Being with you is so easy, so good, so much fun. You're brave and loyal and beautiful and… I can't help, but fall in love with you more everyday."

"Oh, James," she sighed, "I know, I feel exactly the same way."

James felt his whole insides freeze as he replayed those words over and over, making sure he'd heard them correctly and that he truly understood what they meant. Once he convinced himself he hadn't just imagined it, his whole body ignited and his heart started beating a mile a minute.

She started to say more, but James could wait, he'd heard everything he needed to hear for the time being. He grabbed her up again and pushed back up against the wall.

Lily let out a surprised sound and then grinned, but when she saw the look in his eyes she said, "Wait, James, we need to talk!"

"Later," he growled right before he covered her whole body with his, "we have plenty of time."

Then he kissed her and, just like that, they ignited again and nothing would stop him this time.

---

A/N

Wow. So… it's been an unbelievably long time since I posted and I can't apologise enough. Hopefully the content made up for the long wait.

Thank you for every review, especially to those who pushed for a chap and a big/massive/humongous thanks to those who PM'd me – keep pushing you never know what you may inspire

BTW, part of this chap was inspired a very long time ago by a reviewer – they have probably forgotten even sending the msg and I can't remember who it was any more (that how long ago it was!) but just so you know that that review made me write a large part of this chap – thank you!

So send me msg - I'd love to know what you all think – especially seeing as I wanted to push a M rating for this chap – if you want to see that let me know and perhaps I might make a few additions

Finally, thank you to cosmopolitan who manages to get chaps back to me asap no matter how long it's been x