OK, I know you guys probably wanna shoot me for not updating in so long. And you'll want to torture me to death for defacing this site with such crap by the time you get to the end of this chapter. Seriously, go ahead and do it. No, wait, I wanna do it myself. Anybody got a gun on them? They're illegal in the country I live in.

Disclaimer: NO.

Here's a tip: If you happen to, say, accidentally take a peek into the soul of a totally hot-but-deadly vampire, don't pass out.

What am I talking about? Don't pass out under any circumstances.

Because chances are, you'll end up having your head ravaged by a killer migraine, or worse, you'll throw up.

Which was what happened to me in the infirmary of Black Order Academy.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't tell you? Well, you see, I'm a vampire slayer.

All right. Put the straitjacket down. I'm playing with a full deck, OK?

At least, I hoped so. I mean, let's do a quick recap, shall we? I had been abandoned by my bastard of a guardian; I had had my room invaded by two rowdy teenage boys- hot teenage boys nonetheless, but still- and, oh yeah, some extremely disturbing visions had been running through my head.

I tell you, after a day like that, I wouldn't have been surprised if I did go insane.

And apparently, Lenalee thought so too. When I woke up, she was yelling at the two guys who'd destroyed our room.

"EIGHTEEN ROOMS!" she yelled. "Eighteen freaking rooms that were demolished, thanks to your immaturity-" she shot a glare worthy of Mr. Look-at-my-big-shiny-sword in Lavi's direction. (I'd heard the principal using his name) "-and your incredibly short fuse!" You know who she was referring to. "Just because we make about a zillion bucks every year, doesn't mean that you can trash the rooms any time you want! GOT IT?!"

Then she saw me, trying to get my eyes adjusted to the light.

"Ellen, sorry about what happened," Lenalee said. "Trust me, when the two of them aren't trying to each other to hell, this school is a really nice place..." She nudged the both of them in the ribs, obviously trying to make them apologize.

"Sorry, Ellie," Lavi said, putting his feet up on the bed I was lying on.

"Ellie?" I said, glaring at him. "I'm sorry, Lavi, but as I call you by your given name, I would like you to do the same for me, please."

"You don't have to call me that, you know," Lavi said, sleepily gazing at me from under his auburn fringe. "Hmm, let's see…you could call me 'Sexy Beast' any time you want."

I raised an eyebrow. "By name, but clearly not by nature, Mr. Lavi."

He gave a delighted hoot of laughter. "Feisty and smart. I like," he said. "Hey, Yu, I call dibs on her, ya hear me?"

"Che," Japanese Samurai Wannabe spat. "You can take her any day. I prefer someone who isn't a freaking bean sprout."

"What part of call me by my given name didn't you get?" I glared at him. Up at him, actually. Damn the guy for being so tall.

"I got it all. I just chose to ignore it. Do you have a problem with that?"

"Obviously, or I wouldn't be wasting precious oxygen telling you that."

"All right, you've got a problem. Well, you can shove it up your-OW!!!!"

"How would you like my other foot shoved up your ass, manbitch?"

Lenalee, sensing that there was going to be a catfight right then and there-no guy could have looked so much like a girl, it was just unnatural- dragged me out of the infirmary and back to our room.

Oh, I protested. I screamed the place down. I wanted to get back to the infirmary kill the stupid pretty-boy, let alone shove my foot up his arse.

But let's just say Lenalee was way stronger than she looks. For such a delicate-looking girl, she sure did have quite a grip.

"Geez, I'm sorry, OK? But I really didn't feel like going back to my brother's office," she said, when I told her that.

"Well, then don't," I'd said.

"Lavi's always hanging around Kanda, and you do not want to leave potential blackmail material around Lavi."

Well. She had a point there. It's strange, how much you can learn about someone by the way they act. Just goes to show that first impressions do count, I guess. And hopefully, Pretty Boy's first impression of me was someone that was not to be messed with.

Then Lenalee took me back to our room (for which I was truly glad, because I have a phobia of getting lost in new schools. At one of my old schools, I ended up being locked in a stall in the guys' bathroom all day, until someone kicked the door open and found little ol' female me sitting there. From then on, I became known as the "little stalker who stakes out the guys' bathroom for goodness-knows who." I still have yet to find the idiot who locked me in there in the first place.)

And I tried to get some sleep. Believe, that was harder than it sounds.

XxxX

Kanda's POV

Bitch.

That was pretty much the first thing I thought when that scrawny little girl-Ellen, I think it was-with the mop of strangely-coloured hair kicked me. Yes, she kicked me. And I wouldn't ever admit it, but it had hurt. What is it about tiny little girls? I swear they do it on purpose. Looking at them, you'd think they couldn't even swat a fly. Then they get rough, and you get, well, seriously injured.

It didn't help that the baka usagi was there. He started laughing when she kicked me and he didn't stop, not even when we were supposed to go downstairs for dinner at the lunch room.

"Your face!" he'd said between gasps of laughter. "Oh, man, that was bloody epic. We totally should get that hot Ellen chick to kick you down there again. But this time, I'm filming the whole shebang. Hey, who knows, I might even send it off to America's Funniest Home Videos-though this is a school, but whatever- and hey, we might get ten thousand bucks or-EEEP!"

I'd pulled out my sword and held it up against his throat. I mean to keep my temper, I really do. And contrary to what most people think, I don't have a hot temper. It's just that some people keep pissing the shit out of me-like a certain redhead.

"I'm sorry," I hissed, pushing the long, sleek blade into his throat a little more. "Did you have a suggestion to make? Because, you know"-I grabbed some of his hair, and, ignoring his yelps of pain-"I am always open to suggestions. Cutting that hair of yours off is a suggestion I am taking into serious consideration at this moment."

He managed to shake his head. It must have hurt, though, because I had a pretty firm grip on his hair.

"Good," I said, letting go. He massaged his scalp as we walked to the lunchroom, whimpering at the same time. Wimp.

Lenalee was there already, of course. We don't have prefects at Black Order Academy, but Lenalee was the closest thing you'd ever get to one. She yelled at people who were throwing around the fancy silverware, the food, the furniture… well, just because it's a fancy school, it doesn't mean that we don't have food fights. I learned that pretty quickly when I was hit in the face by something that hurt on my first day. The guy who threw what ever it had earned a black eye for the rest of the day. Yes, it was Lavi who threw it. I'd never understood why he wore that eye patch of his. Probably fancied himself as a pirate or something. I remembered him saying that Elizabeth Swann was the "hottest darn pirate chick he'd ever seen". (His opinion-not mine.)

"YOU! Quit throwing the chairs! You can pay for it? No, I didn't think so! GET BACK TO YOUR DAMN SEATS!"

Lavi and I looked on with mild interest. It had always seemed rather strange to me. Komui was twenty-nine but he acted like he was a sixteen-year-old on crack. Lenalee was sixteen but with her extremely weird brother, she had to take on the authoritative figure. Weirdness must run in the family. I wouldn't ever meet their parents to know for sure, though-Lavi told me that they'd died in a car accident when Lenalee was about six. Not that it was any of our business. But then again, business that was not his own was Lavi's specialty.

The idiot who was throwing the chairs around had stopped it, and everyone else had settled down. I was wondering if Lenalee's miniskirt had anything to do with it. God knew half the male population of the school were perverts, including the baka usagi.

We took a seat next to Lenalee. This was because no one ever dared to throw anything at her. Mistreat Lenalee in any way, and your life is forfeit to Komui.

"Where's Ellie?" Lavi asked.

"Sleeping. And I don't exactly blame her. You guys suck the energy right out of people."

Lavi laughed. "Puns aren't exactly your thing, dear Lena."

"No, seriously. I think she fainted because…well, she took an involuntary peek into Kanda's soul."

"So you're saying she's the British equivalent of Buffy the Vampire Slayer," Lavi said.

"Well, yeah. Think about it-people don't just faint. It's not normal."

"I thought they were an extinct species," I said. "And I thought vampire slayers were supposed to be tough. What about my soul could make her faint? Besides, I do not go around flashing my soul to everybody I see, certainly not a vampire slayer."

"Well, I've asked for her file from my brother. She's had absolutely no medical history that might explain her little fainting fit back there."

"Aw maaan," Lavi whined. "Do we have to? I mean, it's been a pretty long time since I found any girl that could hardly be considered interesting."

Lenalee coughed. And stroked her clipboard, which was in close proximity of her.

"Besides you," he amended.

Satisfied, Lenalee sat back in her chair. "I guess we'll have to wait and see. Hopefully she isn't one. I don't exactly want the press coming around asking about the mysterious death of Ellen Walker."

"Well, even if we don't get her first, they might," I pointed out, jerking my head towards a table.

Tyki Mikk, Road Camelot, Jasdero and Debitto Castillo, Lulubell Couturier. They were our kind, but let's just say we shared a completely different set of values.

Wait. That was all we could do. And I guess you've gathered that I'm not a very patient person.

Go ahead, shoot me. I feel completely guilty for giving you guys such a lousy chapter with hardly any plot development. The thing is, I've been swamped with homework and my brother's recently got hooked on MapleStory again. Aaaargh. And I'm starting to hate this story because it's starting to look a lot like Twilight to me. The book was good, but the movie was…ew.

BTW, about the surnames I came up for Jasdebi and Lulubell…whaddya think? I was thinking, Tyki and Road are Portuguese, so why not make Jasdebi Spanish and Lulubell French? LOL. Skin wasn't included 'cause he's annoying. Cyril will appear later. Well…reviews please? –gets shot-