Please review and tell me if this is any good. Reveiws make me very happy and i update more when i am happy! I tried to make this story have longer chapters as 'somethings never change in forks' had such short chapters. and finally, in case you didnt notice, its in Edwards point of view.

Her body lay broken and bloodied. Her face twisted in pain, but there was no life behind that pain. I had killed enough people to know that the face didn't always relax its self when the person died. Pain caused though me as I realised Bella had be in horrible for her final minutes, that the last thing she saw was the monster that killed her. I had stayed silent the entire time. I did not touch her. I didn't want to feel her cold skin and not feel blood pumping through her veins. My world was eerily silent now I didn't have her heartbeat to guide me.

Alice entered the ballet studio minutes later. She didn't even hold her breath even though there was a lot of blood. Then I realised, nor was I. the grief and pain running through me was to much for me to handle so I forgot about the unbearable thirst for her blood. Besides, now that she was gone. It wasn't hers anymore. Alice had rushed over to her and touched her face, trying to relax the muscles that were distorted in terror.

I noticed Carlisle had closed her eyes, I wasn't sure if I wanted that way or not. Do I open them to look into the deep brown eyes of my love. Or do I keep them closed because I know all I'll find are the dull, empty, glassy eyes of a deceased human. I let a cry of pain erupt though me. My mind was filled with what ifs. Not just my own, either. Alice was in complete despair and she wondered why she didn't she her best friends dying. And Carlisle was trying to work out if, we got here sooner, he could have resuscitated Bella. Emmett and Jasper had gone to hunt down James, who had escaped as soon as he had killed Bella. Carlisle said, that judging on the blood left over, James probably didn't even feed on her. I felt a wave of disgust for that man that had killed my love for the pure sake of destroying her. And rose and esme were still in Forks and had no idea what was going on.

I looked at my own what ifs, ignoring those of my family.

What if I had got here sooner?

What if I had never left her?

What if I had never listened to her stupid plan?

What if I had never exposed her like I had no right to do?

And I couldn't help but think…

What if I hadn't left her in Alice and Jasper's care?

What if they had been more careful?

What if Alice had actually seen Bella's plan?

I felt strong bitterness towards Alice and Jasper. I couldn't help but blame them for a part in Bella's death. I felt like I was lost, like I had nothing anymore. Then I considered how others will feel about Bella's death. Charlie will be broken. Although he didn't say it allowed, he was filled with so much love for his level-minded daughter. The perfect cop's daughter he would joke in his head. He would investigate this until he found the truth, or his version anyway. I knew no matter how hurt I was I couldn't tell Charlie what had happened. Although I wanted to. I wanted to tell him that his daughter was dead because of me, that if she had never met me, she would still be blushing and tripping over today. I wanted to do this so I would have someone who hated me almost as much as I did at the moment.

I wasn't lost by the irony though, The fact that I thought turning her into a vampire would take away her soul. But, in fact keeping her human did the exact same thing. Only instead of her soul being lost, it was now in some form of an afterlife.

I was worried that by keeping her human she would still be able to do all the things that she should have been able to do. Finish high school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids and, eventually, grow old and die with her large family, grandchildren and all surrounding her. But I was kidding myself. There was no way she would have ever had a normal human life with me around. I was stupid and selfish to have involved her in my sick, twisted life where my kind kill humans for food. I had committed many murders, but this one hurt the most, even though I was not the physical murderer, I knew I was responsible for her death.

Carlisle walked towards me, he put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry Edward." He said to me. His voice full of feeling "I'm so, so, sorry." And I knew he was. I could hear his thoughts. He was dealing with his son, who had been alone for so long, only to have his only love die. He was dealing with the fact that a human girl had died unnecessarily. He was dealing with the fact that he felt guilty for not being able to save Bella. Carlisle's thoughts made me feel even guiltier. He was even going as far as feeling guilty for changing me. "It not your fault." I say, referring to his unspoken thoughts.

"It's not yours either" he replied. I didn't argue, I didn't see the point. He would argue back, like any father would, until I was convinced it wasn't my fault.

"Can you… can you open her eyes for me?" I ask.

"Um, yes of course" Carlisle replies

His mind was filled with curiosity.

"I want to be the last thing she sees." I reply simply.

Carlisle didn't mention that she couldn't see me. He realised that this was for my comfort. I wanted to look in her eyes one more time.

They were as I expected. For a short moment, I hoped the would be the deep, chocolate brown eyes that were my only way into her mind. In a way, they still were, they were cold and empty. There was nothing inside them. It did in fact show me what was going though her mind. Nothing.

I reached out and stroked her faces. I let a roar of pain escape my mouth as I felt her cold, hard skin. And the anticipated blush doesn't follow the touch, the way it always did when she was alive. Even though she couldn't hear me, I talked to her. I apologised for everything. And I told her how much I loved her, how I wanted to protect her. How I wished I wasn't dangerous. How I wished I was human, so I colud die just as easily as she did. I felt like I was in Romeo and Juliet. Only I couldn't just use a dagger of a vial of poison. And I couldn't possibly experience the pain Bella suffered. Although I imagined this came close. I had never felt an emotion so strong and painful before. But grief filled my every thought. For a moment I considered staying alive for a few years, just so I could feel the pain and guilt everyday. In a way dying seemed like an easy escape. I stayed alive, I would never be able to escape the pain, I would never escape it through sleep . I would face it every moment of my existence.

But I was selfish; I wanted to be with Bella again. I didn't believe that vampires had an afterlife, but I would do anything to have a chance to see Bella again. Alice gasped and jumped up. In a flash she was at my side. "No, Edward! Please don't! Bella wouldn't have wanted you to do that." She said.

"It's the only way." I replied

"When?" she asked

I didn't know. I wasn't trying to delay my end. In fact I would have welcomed it with open arms. But I was going to make myself feel as much pain as I could for what I had done.

"After the funeral." I answered.

I would go and face all the people who loved Bella. Her friends and family. I would see the cry and I would know I was the cause.