Disclaimer:The Muppets have been borrowed from Jim Henson Productions/Disney (hard to say which, exactly, nowadays) for the purposes of the present narrative, which appears without the knowledge or sponsorship of their corporate trademark holders. If anyone was making a profit on this project, it would be Scooter's uncle who owns the theater, and since he's a fictional character (as far as we know), that doesn't count. Titania, Oberon, Puck, and the faerie court have been borrowed from William Shakespeare, who's been dead for several hundred years and is in no position to object.

Notes: This story was originally conceived as a response to two entirely separate requests from the "NYR 2006" Yuletide challenge (from Merlin Missy and Elke Tanzer, respectively). However, the deadline for that NYR has long passed into ether, and I'm finally finishing it as part of a challenge via the multific LiveJournal community.

Under the circumstances, it should be emphasized that these incarnations of Oberon, Titania, and Puck are drawn purely from Shakespeare and not from the realm of the Disney series Gargoyles. Also, note that this story takes place sometime during the Muppet troupe's tenancy in the original Muppet Show theater (owned by Scooter's uncle), and therefore long precedes the events of Muppets in Space.

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Act I, Scene I • A Faerie Wood

Enter Titania and her court (Peaseblossom, Moth, and Cobweb), grousing.

Titania:
Again my faerie husband Oberon
Doth dally in another's bed than mine;
A lesson he must clearly learn, methinks,
Else he shall find his dear Titania – gone.

Pease.:
Nay, do not say it!

Moth:
If you stand aside
Our master will be Oberon alone.

Cobweb:
And if milady thinks him fickle now,

Moth:
But wait until no other shares the throne.

Titania:
Thy point is taken. Yet must I take note
Of milord's waywardness in such a wise
As may convey that I shall not endure
This further straying of his wedded eyes.

Cobweb:
'Tis true; some means to hold him to his bond
Of marriage must be found.

Pease.:
But what to do?

Moth:
A rune?

Cobweb:
A charmèd potion?

Pease.:
Chanted spells?

Titania:
Not one of those can make a false heart true.

Enter Puck, whistling.

Puck:
Why, hey! What makes thine eyes so plain and dark,
So like to too-ripe grapes about to fall?
Such somber air is quite unlike the queen
Whose favor Puck is pleased to serve withal.

Titania:
A favor, yes! Good Robin, here's a thought --
I need diversion, something glib and bland;
Perhaps a glance into the mortal realms
To see some bit of mischief being planned.

Puck:
Oh, aye, that's well within my simple gifts.
Come, then, yon crystal pool let's all surround;
And in its mirror'd surface let us see
What mortals think of us, and where they're found.

Puck, Titania, and the faeries gather round the woodland pool. Puck draws a handful of silvery dust from his pocket, casts it in a sweeping gesture over the water's surface, and all watch as a misty image forms, quickly resolving into:

Scene II • The Muppet Theater (Kermit's Office)

Kermit the Frog was – as usual – wondering why on earth he'd agreed to the company's latest project. In this case, it was a performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream, and he shook his head at the thought of attempting Shakespeare with a cast that included three pigs, a dog, most of the Electric Mayhem, several chickens, and a – whatever Gonzo was. Plus himself; the only other candidate for Oberon had been Sam the Eagle, and Sam refused to work with his only possible choice for Titania.

"Because my uncle who owns the theater decided we needed to do something really cultural – and really cheap – to balance out last month's shows. Between Crazy Harry, Gonzo, and Dr. Honeydew, we've blown up the theater five times in the last two weeks."

Kermit looked at Scooter quizzically. "How--?"

"That was your Why on earth are we doing this? look," Scooter said. "Wasn't it?"

Kermit sighed. "It was. I just don't know if we can pull this off. I mean, Shakespeare? That's Serious Literature," he said, emphasizing the invisible capital letters – a skill he'd picked up during his years on Sesame Street.

"We always do, boss," Scooter told him. "You'll see."

"I hope so," Kermit said. "How's the rehearsal going?"

Scooter jerked his head in the direction of the stage. "See for yourself," he said. "I think they're working on the second act."

Shrugging, Kermit put down his pen; the prop budget would wait. As he poked his head through the curtain, Miss Piggy was waving a cowboy hat and declaiming, "Come, now! A roundup and a fairy song, then add the third part in a minute. Fence! Some kill the bankers in the muskrat beds, some war with Batman for his leather wings . . . ."

"Batman has wings? I thought he had a cape!" That was Rowlf, who was playing Puck.

"It'll take more than Batman to save this production!' called Statler from the balcony.

"Kenneth Branagh couldn't save this mess!" retorted Waldorf. "Batman? In Shakespeare?"

"Kenneth Branagh? Where? Where?" The porcine faerie queen dropped the hat and any semblance of Titania (except for the fluttery silk wings she was wearing) and looked eagerly around the set.

Sighing loudly enough to raise a small dust-cloud, Kermit padded out onto the stage. "We couldn't get Branagh on such short notice. In fact," he added, "the budget won't run to a guest star for this one – we're still paying off the carpenters for the last two reconstruction jobs. Sorry, Piggy; you're stuck with me this time."

Miss Piggy gave her favorite frog one of her trademarked winsome looks. "Ohhh, Kermie," she said, "I'd rather act with you any day of the week."

Kermit swallowed and managed not to sigh again. "I know, Piggy. From the top, then, Act Two, Scene Two – scripts in hand, please."

Scene III • The Faerie Wood

Round the pool again, where Titania, Puck, and her faerie train are gathered, watching the unfolding rehearsal on the pool's shimmering surface.

Cobweb:
Our revels staged by farm-beasts? I've not seen
Such nonsense in I know not what a span.

Moth:
Who chose the pig to play our lady queen
Needs must be mad.

Pease.:
Perhaps that is their plan,
To mock the story writ of us of old.

Puck:
Not so! Or not exactly; I have seen
These players elsewhen. Theirs is no small gift;
Unlike those mortal folk we once bemused,
They have an eye for truth, if sideways told.

Titania:
Well spoken, Puck. And I believe I see
A way to turn their talent to the good
If you will but seek out Lord Oberon
And draw him to this place in our fair wood.

Puck: [bowing]
I shall indeed, my queen; thy Puck takes flight,
I'll have him here ere midday turns to night!

He exits.

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