Disclaimer: I'm not Japanese, enough said.

Naruto's new family

Naruto Uzumaki(24)- Tokubetsu Sannin level ninja (not a real level I know, but just gives you a sense of where Naruto is ability wise), sensei/older brother of Doki (through marriage), father of Kushina.

Chikaru Mishima(22)- Naruto's lover, and the mother of his daughter. Extremely beautiful, cheerful, sometimes overly giggly, but stern when needed. Had two main loves in life, her family and cooking. Life cut tragically short, when attacked by bandits. Pronounced She-car-oo

Doki Mishima(14)- He has unnaturally high chakra reserves. What is unknown about the boy, is his ancestry containing low level demon blood. He is a wind (split in two) type, as his natural affinity. His demon blood also gives him Earth (crumble) and a weak Fire (burn). Has greenish blue chakra, that has nothing to do with medicine.

Kushina Uzumaki(3)- The highly energetic, extremely adorable, and impossibly lovable daughter of Naruto. Has her mother's looks, but her father's hair and eye color. Has the combined Uzumaki and Mishima bloodlines.

http://images32 (.) fotosik (.) pl/129/381b294fef8ba820 (.) jpg Chikaru from story, just erase the parentheses, and spaces

Miso Delight

Love. Such a simple word for such a complex emotion. On the one hand, it could be the most wonderful, beautiful, and inspiring thing in the world; but then just as easily, it could be the most painful, devastating, and sinister thing in existence. As the twenty four year old man watched his young apprentice/little brother run his warm-up laps, he groaned at the direction his thoughts were taking him. Then again, given his experience with the concept, and what today was, he couldn't really help it. Naruto had been gracious enough to discover the wonders that love could bring; but he had also experienced the real heartache of it. Chikaru Mishima, she had been the perfect mix of all the girls he'd been close to, or had crushes on. Her eyes were an emerald green, even deeper than Sakura's had been. She had a full smile that made him think of his favorite ramen waitress. She was kind and shy, just like Hinata had been, and although he didn't know it, loved him much the same way as well. She had a body like his baachan's jutsu, that had given him a nosebleed the first time he saw her naked. She was amazingly beautiful in a way that disturbingly reminded him of Haku, and she was a great cook like Tsunami back in Wave. It had been a year to the day his love was murdered while he'd been out training with Doki. She'd died defending herself from bandits, by releasing her families devil gene. The benefit, is they can fight through any injury or wound even if it's fatal, the cost of this bloodline is that they'll feel it all at once when they release it. He'd found her in a blood splattered kitchen, with a short sword plunged into her stomach. It was kind of ironic that she should die in the place she loved the most. He then thought back to how he'd first met her. What had started as taking an interest in a kid who'd flunked out of the Militia Academy, turned into meeting the woman of his dreams.

Flashback Jutsu

He'd been in town a week, and so far he liked what he'd seen. They had a ramen shop, that while nothing compared to Ichiraku's, was still nothing to sneeze at. They had all the basic essentials a shinobi could ask for, though not as convenient as a shinobi village. They had a clothing store that could make shinobi gear if asked for, and a smithy that could forge kunai and shuriken, but they were a little more expensive, since they weren't common items. And while he had to go outside the village to really train, once he found a place of his own, he'd be able to create his own training field. As he was passing by the Militia Academy, he noticed a young boy out in a clearing punching and kicking clumsily at the training post. Curious as to what was going on, Naruto went over, and watched for a bit. After twenty minutes of the absolute worst demonstration of taijutsu abilities since himself at that age, Naruto decided to interrupt.

"Hey kid, are you sure you're doing that right?" Naruto asked.

"What do you care?" The boy asked, turning orange eyes on him.

"Well, it's just that you seem to be struggling with that style." Naruto asked. "Maybe it isn't right for you, and you should try something else."

"What would you know, you don't understand anything."

"Hey, I'm a ninja kid, I can tell when a style doesn't suit someone." Naruto said. The boy raised an eyebrow. Having decided on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt to combat the warm summer temperatures, Naruto knew he didn't look much like a ninja. "Spar with me, and I'll prove it."

The kid attacked like a bat out of hell. He was surprisingly quick, and had some oomph to his blows, but Naruto wasn't a ninja for nothing. He easily blocked or dodged the flailing boy's attacks with ease, and it only seemed to frustrate the lad further. Naruto was impressed with his physical abilities. Had he proper training, and been better at the taijutsu he was using, he would have been a formidable opponent. Deciding to take it easy on the kid, Naruto pulled his punches, but still landed several body blows, and soft taps to the head. It wasn't until the boy got off a particularly quick, hard shot to Naruto's chest, that Naruto decided to stop playing around. While he wasn't about to get serious, there was no more goofing off.

As the spar wore on, Naruto began a critique of the youngsters capabilities. Why that boy wanted to join the militia, Naruto didn't get. The kid certainly met the physical requirements for a Genin ninja; surpassed them actually. His strength, speed, agility and the like were great; hell, he'd peg him Chuunin in that respect, but his skill level was barely passing muster for a Genin. Naruto began making a catalogue of what the kid would need to be a true shinobi. Taijutsu was the first thing, but that was easy to come by. Oni no Kuni, or Demon Country's armed militia were well versed in certain shinobi aspects, but it was mostly using chakra to strengthen the body, and make it a more formidable weapon; things Ninja Academy brats learned in their first year. They'd developed a taijutsu style, that while adequate for even civilians to use against bandits, in the hands of a ninja, it could be absolutely deadly. Sadly, they had no ninja, and that would work against them in the case of an attack from a shinobi nation. Since the kid already knew the basics, and he'd made a note to try and learn the taijutsu style himself, that was something they could study together. He could teach the kid some Ninjutsu, but he himself wasn't all that well versed.

As per normality around Naruto, it just so happens that the Commander of the Militia, and the Academy Head, was entering his office. It could also just be coincidence, that his office window gave him a clear view of the training grounds. Now while the boy had no real skill to graduate from the academy, he was still a student, and as the head of the institution, he couldn't simply sit by while one of his students was attacked. Removing his jacket, he opened his window, and jump out. As the two young people, at least they were to him, both swung, he stepped in, and blocked the punch meant for his student, while Naruto blocked the kid's fist. Never taking his eyes off of Naruto, the older man firmly said.

"Back away Doki, I'll take care of this intruder." Addressing the intruder, he said. "I don't know who you are, but I don't take kindly to people attacking my students." Naruto got a confused look on his face, before he was forced to block a punch from the man. This was swiftly followed up with a kick, and a backhand, that came in rapid succession. This, Naruto knew, was what the style was truly capable of. If the kid, Doki, had been able to use it like this, then he'd have been in trouble. Naruto knew there was no choice but to get serious with this man. While he wouldn't fight him as he would an enemy, he wouldn't hold back. He would use all the force necessary to gently incapacitate this guy. Luckily, his shinobi training gave him an advantage, and he was able to adequately defend himself. After awhile, he realized just how serious the man was about hurting him, and decided to end the fight. Creating some distance with a Shunshin, Naruto called his chakra, and created several Shadow Clones. Just a minute longer, and he had the man pinned to the ground.

"Listen, I'm sorry about whatever you thought was going on, but it was just a simple spar." Naruto said. "I never had any intention of trying to hurt the kid." The man stopped struggling, and the clones disappeared.

"Then what do you want?" The man asked, getting to his feet.

"Actually, I was just watching him train, and I got a little curious about the style he was using."

"It's our personal military style." The man said.

"Cool, I was wondering if I could learn it." Naruto said eagerly. It was true, Naruto had never lost his excitement of learning new things.

"Are you planning to join the military?" The Academy Head asked. Naruto visibly deflated.

"No, but I'd be willing to trade information." The man raised an eyebrow. "I was a Leaf ninja until I was betrayed by corrupt council members. I've done a lot of traveling, and I'd be willing to teach you some things. Your style could easily overwhelm a normal militia, but it wouldn't do much against ninja without some supplemental training." The man gave Naruto a queer eye, before deciding that the young man had a point.

"I'm Commander Kishimoto; join me in my office, and we'll talk." The Commander turned to Doki. "You'd better get back to class, the graduation exams are going to be starting soon." With that, the man led Naruto to his office.

"Naruto Uzumaki, sir." Naruto replied as he followed.

888

Once they were seated, Kishimoto wasted no time quizzing Naruto on what he could teach him.

"Well, for one, I can teach you how shinobi use chakra. The way you use it now is rather good for civilians, but there's so much more you could do with it, especially with your fighting style. I can teach you how to mold and use chakra for some basic ninjutsu as well."

"Like?" The Commander asked.

"Well, the academy three, Bunshin, Kawarimi, and Henge." Naruto said. "Basically, clones, substitution, and transformation."

"Like what you did?" Kishimoto questioned.

"No, that's Shadow Clones, and that's a completely different jutsu. That requires a lot of chakra, and is dangerous, because it can kill you if done wrong."

"I see, what else?" Naruto got a thinking expression.

"Well, there's the Shunshin." Naruto said. "That thing I used to get some distance. It can also be used as a swift escape if done right. It really does go without saying, but you'll also need to learn the hand seals for ninjutsu." Naruto thought some more. "You'll need to also learn tree climbing, and water walking. Not only are they good for chakra control and building reserves, but you can use them for sneaking around as well."

"I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I don't think tree climbing will be of any real use." Kishimoto said, with a smirk. His smirk fell, when Naruto stood up, and walked up his wall, and stood on his ceiling. "And this water walking, will it let you..."

"Walk on water, yes." Naruto answered. "Plus, since you all use weapons, I think I have the perfect ninjutsu for you. It's a Fuuton jutsu called Kamaitachi. It let's you channel chakra to your weapons, and unleash wind blades to cut your opponents. I also have a Suiton jutsu that would be of some use to you."

"Is that all?" The Commander asked.

"Unfortunately yes. I don't have any Doton, Raiton, or Katon jutsu, and all the rest of my jutsu take up a lot of chakra."

"I'll have to think on this some." Kishimoto said. "Come see me in a few days, and I'll have your answer." Naruto nodded, and excused himself. Just before he left, he threw back.

"Even if you choose to deny me, I think I'll still write down the instructions for my end. Since I plan on living in Oni, I should at least contribute to its defense, ne." With a smile, Naruto left the building.

Stepping out into the afternoon sun, he noticed Doki sitting on the front steps. Just from the posture, Naruto knew that the boy had done poorly on his exams. The kid looked so much like himself when he'd failed his own exam, that Naruto couldn't stop the urge to want to help him. Walking over, Naruto sat down next to him.

"I take it you didn't do so well, huh." Naruto queried.

"You gonna make fun of me too." Doki asked.

"Nah, I know what it feels like." Doki looked at him in askance. "I failed the graduation exams at my old ninja academy three times." Naruto smiled at Doki's shocked look. "Hey, how about this? Since you failed at being a military man, how about I train you to be a ninja?"

"What makes you think I'd make a good ninja?" The boy asked. "I already failed at being in the military."

"Kid, you easily meet the physical requirements for Chuunin, and those are ninja squad leaders." Naruto revealed. "I can also sense that you have almost as much chakra as my old sensei had, and he's a Jounin, and they're the only ones allowed to train the rookie ninja." Doki smiled. "So, how about it?"

"You bet." Doki said with enthusiasm.

"Right, I'll meet you day after tomorrow, we'll start then." Naruto said. Frowning, Doki asked.

"Why not today?" Naruto turned, and gave him a foxy grin.

"Because, there's something that I'm going to need, and I have to make a trip to a shinobi village to get it. The closest place is Kiri, and that's at least four days travel, even for the fastest of ninja."

"But then how are you going to make it?" Doki asked, to which Naruto grinned.

"I've got an express transportation." Naruto said.

"Okay, meet me at my house then." Doki said. "My sister and I live in one of the three houses on the outskirts of the village. Head towards the forest path, and take the left most trail." Naruto nodded, and turned with a wave.

"I'll see you then." With that, he left the small village he was staying in. Once outside, he ran through some hand seals, and called. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu." He was launched into the air, as an orange frog with a vest appeared.

"Hey bro, what's up?" The frog asked.

"Hey Kichi, you think you can get me to Kiri and back in two days?"

"Why, you got a hot date?" Gamakichi asked.

"Nope, a student; and you do know that thinking of humans as hot is disturbing, right." The frog chuckled, then said.

"I don't discriminate." Naruto grimaced. "Besides, I'm just keeping my options open. Now hold on tight." With that, he gave a mighty leap, and they were on their way.

888

Naruto returned to the village on the day he was supposed to meet his new student. One may not think it, but riding a toad nonstop for nearly two days was exhausting. It reminded him of Gamabunta's test the first time he'd summoned him. Hopping down from Gamakichi's head, Naruto thanked his amphibious brother, before heading to his appointment. As he was passing the Military Academy, he saw the Headmaster outside speaking with some parents. When the couple left, he called over to Naruto.

"Uzumaki-san, I've decided to accept your offer." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled a scroll, and handed it over. "This is the instructions for our style. I would appreciate if you burned this when you were done." Naruto nodded. "Do you have time to give a demonstration to some of our staff of what we'll be getting in exchange?"

"I'm supposed to be meeting Doki to start his shinobi training today." Naruto then grinned. "But I think I can still help you." Calling on his chakra, a Kage Bunshin appeared right next to him. "This should do the trick." As the clone followed the Commander inside, Naruto picked up speed, and took off following the instructions he was given.

It took him a few minutes, but he finally made it to the path that led up to the Mishima home. When he got to the door, he knocked, and waited. A moment later, a young woman opened the door, and Naruto had to force his nose to keep from bleeding. There standing in the doorway was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen; it was practically love at first sight. What the blond didn't know, was that it went both ways. While modestly dressed in a blouse and skirt, they did very little to hid the wonderful curves of her body. With a blush to his cheeks, he said.

"I-I'm Doki's new t-teacher." The woman gave him a radiant smile.

"So you're the one he's been so excited about." Naruto nodded. "He'll be ready in a bit, won't you come in?" Blushing harder, Naruto followed the woman inside, and suddenly found his eyes glued to her rotund backside. The way her hips naturally swayed, and the way her rear bounced, jiggled, and moved, Naruto couldn't take his eyes away. "Would you like some tea...or me?" Naruto's head snapped up at that.

"What?!" He asked shocked. The woman turned, and giggled at him, causing her very large breasts to bounce wonderfully.

"I asked if you'd like some tea." She replied.

"Thank you, um..." Naruto paused.

"Chikaru, my name is Chikaru." She said. "What made you want to train Doki, if I may ask?"

"Well, he reminded me of myself at that age." Naruto explained. While she looked rather young to have a ten year old child, he remembered that Tsunami looked much younger than she really was. "I think, with some training, your son would make a fine ninja." Naruto's words caused her to giggle again, which again did nice things to her wonderful bust.

"Doki isn't my son, he's my little brother." She said. "I'm only nineteen, he's ten, so he couldn't possibly be mine. Besides, I've never been with a man before." She said blushing.

"Me neither," The woman looked at him in askance. "I mean, I've never done...anything...like that...before. I'm not interested in guys." Smiling, she said.

"That's good." Before the conversation could go any further, they were joined by an energetic Doki.

"Naruto-sensei, you're here." He exclaimed. "Does this mean we're gonna start today?"

"Yep, you ready to go?" Chikaru gave her brother a stern look.

"Not before you've had something to eat." Pointing her finger to a chair, she said. "Sit." Doki sat. Chikaru then turned softer eyes, and a smile to Naruto. "Would you like something as well?"

"I don't want to impose." Naruto said. Smiling, Chikaru replied.

"It's no problem, I love to cook actually." She gave a happy sigh. "It always soothes me, and it'd be nice to cook for someone other than this lutz."

"She entertains fantasies of cooking for a husband someday." Doki whispered when his sister left for the kitchen. The two could here her singing in the kitchen. "Only problem is, she rarely leaves the house, so she doesn't get the chance to meet guys." Naruto couldn't help but be glad of that. When Chikaru came back, the three shared a meal, and soon it was time for Doki's training to begin.

888

Once they were outside in the backyard, Naruto reached into a pouch on his flak jacket, and pulled out a slip of paper.

"Dealing with an extremely paranoid shinobi village was a severe bitch, so you'd better appreciate this." Doki actually smiled at that. "First things first, I need you to channel some channel some chakra into this piece of paper.

"What's this for?" Doki asked.

"This is to tell me what chakra nature you are. This will tell me what kind of Ninjutsu you're strongest with." He said, to a confused Doki. "We won't be doing that until we get proficient with this village's hand to hand style. That'll give me some time to find some more, and better jutsu to teach you. Don't worry though, if my feelings about you are correct, I have something that might help you out." Doki shrugged, and channeled some chakra into the paper. For a moment nothing happened, then suddenly, the slip of paper split in two. Naruto smiled. He was about to tell the lad to stop when something else happened. The slip on the right suddenly ignited, and half of it burned to ash, while the other slip crumbled to dust. Naruto groaned, earning a fearful look from his student.

"Is that bad sensei?" Doki asked.

"No, not really. It is for me, because it just proves that weird shit always happens around me. It's good for you, because you have three elemental types." Naruto grinned. "While it's not uncommon for ninja to have multiple elements, it's mostly Jounin who have trained themselves in extra elements; it's almost unheard of for someone untrained, and even more for someone to have a natural affinity to more than one." 'Let's see, he's got a strong wind and earth affinity. Judging from the fact that only half of the other sheet ignited, his Fire affinity is weak, and will probably have to be used in combo with his other two affinities.' Deciding his next course of action for the time being, Naruto addressed his new student. "Before we really get started today, I have a gift for you." Naruto handed the boy a scroll. Doki opened it, and was surprised to find the details of Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. "I want you to learn that first. Trust me when I say, you'll like the advantages." Naruto then went, and sat down by a tree to relax, and study the taijutsu scroll he'd been given.

888

Naruto's assessment of his student was spot on. He did have a gift with Ninjutsu, his learning the Kage Bunshin was a testament to that. It had taken him the rest of the day to get it right, but he'd gotten it. Given his student's affinity for Ninjutsu, Doki should be able to learn many of his techniques even faster than he did. Naruto opened his eyes when he felt three figures approaching him.

"Two clones, that's impressive." Naruto said.

"So what's the big advantage, other than extra numbers?" Naruto smiled at his student's question. Taking one of the clones, he pulled it away, and whispered into its ear, before dispelling it.

"Hey, screw you, I'm not an idiot." Doki yelled.

"How did you know I said that?" Naruto asked.

"You just told me, bastard." Doki replied.

"No, I told your clone." Doki's eyes went wide.

"You mean," The boy asked. When Naruto nodded, he grinned. "That's awesome, now I can learn stuff easily." Naruto then got a serious face.

"I don't want you to think of this as a shortcut." Naruto lectured. "Learn the technique the hard way, then use Kage Bunshin to further master it. You'll gain a better understanding of what you're learning, and when you succeed it'll be much more fulfilling an accomplishment. Your homework for tonight, is for you to practice the tree climbing exercise, the instructions are on the back. Tomorrow, we'll start the tough stuff." Doki nodded, before getting an unsure look on his face.

"Hey Naruto-sensei, do you really think I can become a good shinobi?" Naruto gave him his foxy grin.

"Most definitely." Naruto then escorted Doki back into the house, where Chikaru invited him to stay for dinner. Given how good the other meal was, Naruto had no trouble agreeing.

"So, where are you staying?" Chikaru asked, as they ate.

"At the inn near the Military Academy." Naruto answered, before taking a bite.

"That's a rather long ways away, would you like to stay with us?" Both Naruto and Doki stared at her after that. "Well, it's just, you're helping Doki, so I figure we could do something to repay you for that. Not to mention, it would give you more time to train if you didn't have to make that commute every day, and we have plenty of room." She then blushed. "Besides, it gives me an excuse to cook more, and I do love to cook." Grinning, Doki said.

"You might as well, she's gonna keep asking you every day until you say yes." Naruto looked at the woman, who gave him a firm nod. Smiling, Naruto agreed. After a quick trip to town, Naruto was shown to a room, the one right across from Chikaru's.

Flashback End

Barely six months later, he was sharing a room with Chikaru, and losing his virginity. A couple of years after Naruto and Doki got into a routine of sorts, it was thrown off kilter by the appearance of the world's biggest lecher. To be honest, Jaraiya, or Ero-Sennin as he secretly preferred being called, was one of three people from Konoha that Naruto was happy to have visit; Iruka and Tsunade were the other two, but neither could just up and leave given their positions. The first thing he'd done, was bitch about how hard Naruto had been to find, and that Naruto had somehow evaded even his spy network. After that, he took great joy in busting on Naruto about whether he and the hot woman were together. After getting a triple team thrashing, he asked Naruto what he'd been up to besides getting laid.

Naruto explained how he'd spent the first three years perfecting the skills he knew, and learning to control the fox's chakra. That guy from Kumo was pretty cool, though the rhyming thing did get annoying after awhile. It was a shame they were so secretive about their village's techniques, he'd have loved to learn some. Instead, he was forced to pick up things along the way. His decision to visit Gaara, and learn some Fuuton jutsu from Wind Country, had been very fortunate. Running into his old team in Suna had been interesting, but sad when they were forced to part ways. The next four years had been spent wandering, and trying to learn as much as he could, before settling in Oni, where he'd spent the past two years. In the end, he had a picked up few wind justu, a couple low and one high rank water jutsu, the body flicker, and a special surprise using his Kage Bunshin. That visit from Ero-Sennin was great fun, but he'd only gotten four ninjutsu out of him, the rest of the year long visit was spent on seals. While not as cool as ninjutsu, Fuinjutsu was still awesome in its own way. He'd also learned how to create his own jutsu, and had created a few jutsu of his own. His proudest moment, though, was when Doki had started creating his own techniques. Pervert though he may be, you could never deny that he was a good teacher when he was motivated to (and for a lecher like him, getting a flash of Tsunade sized boobs was plenty motivation). In the year he was with them, he'd taken Doki to just above Chuunin level, and Naruto himself well past Jounin, almost near the old sage himself.

"Niisan, I'm done with my warm-ups." Doki said, bringing him out of his wandering thoughts. Naruto nodded and they headed out to the forest. Almost as soon as they'd arrived at the clearing they used to practice now, Naruto was forced to dodge a massive sword.

"Hey Kisame, been awhile, hasn't it." Said man grinned his shark like grin, and replied.

"Yep, you've grown up." He said, impressed. "Even got yourself a student, I see."

"I take it Itachi is finally gonna let you chop off a few limbs." Kisame grinned wider at that. "Doki, stay out of this."

"Hai, niisan." Doki took to the trees to watch.

"Shall we, old man." Naruto asked.

"You know, it's a shame you've got a biju." Kisame said, unwrapping Sameheda. "I always liked running into you, it was fun."

"Tch, I probably would have filled out an application if I didn't have to worry about getting captured." Naruto retorted.

"Well, time for talk is over, I got other things to do." With that, the two ninja got it on.

888

As Itachi entered the clearing where he had sensed the fighting, he was shocked to find Kisame's corpse lying on the ground.

"So, you killed Kisame, how unfortunate." Itachi said, no emotion on his face.

"Yeah, but don't think for a moment that you're going to take me that easily." Naruto said, dropping to the ground behind him, swiftly putting a kunai to his throat.

"It would seem we have greatly underestimated your growth potential." Itachi said. "Fine, do what you must." The fatalistic way that he'd said it brought Naruto up short. With a quick Shunshin, he was standing ten feet in front of Itachi.

"No, I want some answers first." Itachi raised an emotionless eyebrow. "Something has been bugging me since I met you." Naruto revealed. "You say your purpose is to capture me, yet you've made no real attempt to do so. You've gone through the motions of trying to capture, true, but you haven't really tried." Itachi, for the first time in years, smiled.

"Figured that out, have you?" He asked. "May I ask what gave me away?"

"It took me awhile, but I began to notice things." Naruto explained. "The first time, at that hotel, you spent an unusually long time talking to me. Had you really wanted to take me, you could have easily knocked me out with a Genjutsu or beat me senseless the same way you did Sasuke, and left before Ero-Sennin even showed up. Even still, you and Kisame could have taken him then. Instead of using it to escape, you could have captured him in, or blocked him off with, Amaterasu, and been done with it. Then there was the thing with Gaara. With just me, Kakashi, Sakura, and Chiyo-baa, it wouldn't have been to hard. Create a pair of Kage Bunshin, one to keep the ladies busy, one to keep Kakashi busy, and one to take me. That Genjutsu you put me in would have knocked me out, had it had the chance to, and you could have easily made off with me while the others stalled. You could have had both me and Gaara all in one go. And even now, not only did you allow me to fight Kisame one on one, when you could have double teamed me, but you have me trapped in a Genjutsu. If you really intended to capture me, you would have done so by now. What I want to know, is why?"

"The truth is, I was on an S-rank mission to infiltrate the Akatsuki." Itachi said. "My mission was two fold, to find out what they were really up to, and to stall your capture as long as possible. I have come to warn you, this will be my last attempt on you. The leader of our organization will come for you next. Stay on your guard, he's the leader for a reason. Now I must go, I have a destiny to die by Sasuke's hand."

"Do you really think he can beat you?" Itachi remained stoic, but gave a painful answer.

"No, but as you said, I'm good at going through the motions." Itachi then drew a kunai, and slashed his palm. "Before I go, I have one last gift for you." Faster than Naruto could see, Itachi swiped at Naruto, splashing blood in his eyes, and began doing rapid hand seals. As soon as he finished, Naruto's eyes began to develop a searing pain. "I just hope you never have to use it." With that, the Genjutsu was lifted, and he was gone. While Naruto could still feel some irritation in his eyes, it was nothing like the pain of before. A second later, Doki dropped down from the trees.

"What was that, nii-san?" He asked.

"Just an old friend, with some information." He replied, picking up Kisame's sword, and sealing it in with his Giant Fuuma and Windmill Shuriken. "Let's head back home." All the while, Naruto kept thinking, 'Could this day possibly get any worse?' He would know the answer to that question, upon his arrival.

888

As Naruto and Doki neared the home they shared, Naruto froze.

"What is it nii-san?" Doki asked. Naruto shivered.

"My pervert sense is going crazy." Doki grinned at that. His nii-san hadn't said that since Ero-Sennin visited, and he hoped it was him again. As the two entered the gate, he felt the tension pick up in the air. There, standing on their porch, was a scarecrow looking man, with silver hair that defied gravity. His clothing was what Naruto would describe as typical Jounin ninja. The only thing that distinguished him, was his hair, and the ninja headband pulled down over his left eye.

Naruto was not happy to see his former sensei. It wasn't anything personal, but he was opposed to seeing anyone from Konoha, aside from a certain three. Even after twelve years, he was still sore about being banished for doing his job. What's more, he got banished for crippling Sasuke with the Rasengan, yet the Council, led by that one armed mummy, so conveniently overlooked the fact that Sasuke used the Chidori to put his hand through his chest. Useless bastards, all of them.

"Hello Naruto, long time no see." Kakashi said, putting away his book. "You know, you were a very hard person to find. It even took Jiraiya several years to find you."

"That was the point of going so far away from Konoha." Naruto said. Seeing this was going downhill already, Kakashi tried a different approach.

"Well, it's good to see you again." Kakashi said.

"I wish I could say the same thing." Naruto replied. "Nothing personal, you understand."

"Perfectly well," Kakashi started. "They had no right, or authority to banish you." Giving an eye smile, he added. "Which is actually why I'm here. Tsunade sent me to find you, and bring you back."

"What makes you think I want to come back?" Naruto asked.

"I thought you'd be glad for the chance to come home." Kakashi said.

"I am home you one eyed pervert." Naruto said. "Had you said something the last time I saw you, or even come for me five years ago, I might have considered it, but now I'd rather let the Akatsuki capture me." Kakashi visibly winced at that. Finally realizing that he was out of peaceful options, Kakashi lifted his hitai-ate.

"Our orders are to bring you back. I didn't want to have to resort to this, but I will if necessary." Naruto gave him a foxy grin.

"What makes you think that you can?" Naruto asked. "I'm not that little brat you neglected as a Genin." Naruto was startled when a lazy voice behind him said.

"Kage Mane, success." Kakashi smirked.

"Good job Shikamaru, what about the kid?" He asked.

"Chouji and Sakura have him." The lazy rookie Jounin said. At that moment, the two named Jounin came up, holding a struggling Doki.

"You see Naruto, we came prepared." Kakashi said. "We knew you had great potential, just from how much you improved before you left, and we compensated for it." He was shocked when Naruto smirked. Then, to the shock of all, both of their prisoners disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Obviously, you didn't compensate enough." Came a voice from on top of the roof. The group turned to see Naruto, with the young man, and a bloody, unconscious Ino slung over his shoulder. "Now, how about we talk like civilized folk?"

"What did you do to her?" Sakura yelled.

"Nothing, I just tested out the version of my Sexy Jutsu." Naruto said. "This one is designed to take out female perverts. As Ino here proved, it works."

"I told you it would take more than two teams." Shikamaru said. "So troublesome."

"Now just why the hell do you want me to come back so badly?" Naruto asked. "Are your people in charge realizing just how stupid they were? Did they finally figure out that without the threat of a Jinchuuriki, other villages wouldn't be so fearful of attacking them?" Naruto smirked at the shocked looks on their faces. "Yes, I've heard things even while on the move; especially when you have emissaries from other villages who heard about my banishment, and were trying to recruit me. Some, like Orochimaru, actually thought they could win me over with some whacked out scheme to get revenge." Noticing the fearful looks, he grinned. "Don't worry, I told them no, although some people don't take rejection very well. I can honestly sympathize with you kunoichi; some people just don't understand that no means no." He got a snort of laughter from his little brother at that, a chuckle from Chouji, and an eye smile from Kakashi.

"Please Naruto, we really need you to come back with us." Sakura pleaded. "We'll do anything." Naruto inwardly laughed at her tone. Just a few years ago, hearing that from her would have given him a big enough woody to tear his pants.

"Judging from the way you emphasized that last word, I'm led to believe that you've learned to utilize a kunoichi's greatest weapon. This in turn, means that you'd be willing, however reluctant and disgusted you'd be, to seduce me for my cooperation." Naruto leered at Sakura, causing her to wilt. "I must admit, I had many a dream and fantasy of sharing an intimate moment with you Sakura; and Ino here would make a prime specimen to break my little bro in..." Doki blushed to the roots of his red hair. "Luckily, and unfortunately, for you, I've long since outgrown my crush on you; although I'm sure Doki wouldn't mind taking you up on that offer."

"Hey, stop picking on me, nii-san." Doki said pouting. The group looked surprised at that.

"Don't look so surprised," Naruto started. "Regardless of how beautiful Sakura has become, I haven't seen her in nine years. Besides, I figured that you'd be with your precious Sasuke." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Sasuke has gone rogue...again." Kakashi said, harshly.

"Not surprising, he always was a one idea at a time moron." Naruto said. "Don't get me wrong, you're hot Sakura, and I wouldn't even mind taking a shot with Ino, but I'm far from the blushing little virgin you once knew."

"Y-you've had sex." Sakura questioned, sounding slightly worried. He also detected a hint of jealousy, but he could have been mistaken.

"Sakura, I'm a twenty-four year old man, it had to happen sometime." He said, rolling his eyes. "What, did you come here expecting me to cave at the chance to have Sakura be my first?" When he caught some bashful looks, Naruto groaned. "Oh you have got to be kidding me. I can't..." What ever he was about to say, was cut off, as a dozen tigers made of ink attacked him. Naruto made quick work of them, before turning back to Kakashi. "What the hell is going on, Kakashi?" Suddenly, a young man dressed in black appeared on the roof.

"Naruto Uzumaki, I am here to take your life, as per my orders." The man said.

"Sai, what are you doing?" Kakashi yelled. "We were told to bring him back alive and mostly unharmed."

"I have secondary orders from my master to terminate the demon on sight." The man named Sai, said.

"Now you see why I don't want to return. How can I trust a village who has ninja who takes orders from anyone but the Hokage?" Taking a better look at the man, Naruto said. "You must be one of Danzo's dried up roots."

"How do you?" Sai started.

"Your master is an arrogant fool, full of his own self-importance." Naruto said. "The bastard actually had the nerve to try and recruit me for his underground organization, after he spearheaded the motion to banish me."

"It matters not, I have my orders, and I will carry them out." Sai said with no emotion.

"Doki, take our guests inside, while I take care of this reject Sasuke clone." Naruto said, handing him Ino. Shrugging, Doki hopped off of the roof, and escorted the group inside.

888

Less than five minutes after the group went inside, Naruto joined them tossing a scroll up and down.

"Still as poorly trained as they ever were." Naruto said.

"It took you awhile for him to be so poorly trained." Kakashi said.

"It took me five minutes, and four and a half of those was drawing the storage and preservation seal." Naruto replied, earning a shocked look. "I guess the paranoid bastard doesn't want any of them getting too good that they'd pose a threat to him." Naruto then sat in his chair. "So, give me one good reason why I should come back."

"Because hime needs you." A new voice said. The group, as one, turned to find Jiraiya exiting the bathroom.

"Ero-Sennin!" Naruto called. "I knew my pervert sense was going off for a reason." Jiraiya grinned, before sitting at the table, in his chair. "Now what were you saying?"

"I'd like to know what you're doing here?" Kakashi asked.

"Tsunade had a feeling that you'd fail, so she sent me as a contingency plan." He said. "As for what I was saying, Tsunade needs you." He explained. "Try as they might, the Council tried to hide your banishment by telling Gaara that you were on a training mission with me every time he asked to see you. Unfortunately for them, and Konoha it seems, Tsunade told him the truth. Gaara, as the Kazekage, was supposed to be coming to re-negotiate the treaty between our villages, since relations were good, instead of the hostile feelings after the attack." Naruto nodded his understanding. "Ever since he heard about what happened to you, he's been threatening to back out of our alliance because of what they did to you. Given what happened when Gaara was captured by the Akatsuki, he has the full support of his village and council."

"Let me guess, the only way he goes through with the treaty, is if I'm there." Jiraiya nodded. "I feel all important now." Naruto joked.

"Oh please, you just keep getting lucky when you meet people." Doki said. "For some reason you have an uncanny ability to leave lasting good impressions on people."

"Yep, that's how I got your sister." Naruto said, causing Doki to shudder.

"Don't remind me." Doki said. "I never knew she could be that loud until you two started sharing a room." Grinning, Naruto turned back to the Konoha group. He stared at them critically for a moment, before making a decision.

"All right, fine, I'll go with you." Naruto said finally. "But only because I want to see baachan, Iruka, and Gaara again. Do not expect me to stay."

"Right, we should get going right away." Kakashi said, trying to regain some semblance of control.

"No." Jiraiya smirked at Naruto's answer.

"Listen Naruto, you may have been gone for over a decade, but I still outrank you." Kakashi stated.

"You seem to be under the impression that I'm a Leaf shinobi, Kakashi." Naruto said. "I ceased to be a Konoha citizen when I was banished, so you have zero jurisdiction over me. If you try to force the issue, just remember, that I am far from rusty, and my summons are much bigger than yours."

"If I'm not mistaken, Jiraiya is the current holder of the Toad Contract." Kakashi said smugly.

"Maybe so, but they like me better." Naruto said. When the group turned to the Toad Sage, he just shrugged. It was true after all. "Besides, I'm still waiting on someone, and I refuse to leave without her."

"Her?" Sakura asked. "Wh-who is she?" The Jounin asked, fearfully. She'd been hoping that maybe she and Naruto could piece together their friendship, and maybe take it further ever since she was informed of the mission.

"She's the love of my life." Naruto answered. Before anymore questions were asked, Naruto said. "You'll see when she gets here."

Standing, Naruto left to go pack his things, while Doki did the same. Once he had, he reentered the room, just as a knock sounded on the door. Doki went to the door, and stood off to the side. When Naruto gave the signal, he pulled the door open wide.

"DADDY!!!" They all heard, before a blur shot through the room, and into Naruto's arms. Everyone but Jiraiya, Doki, and the woman standing in the doorway looked on in complete shock, as a small child in a blue jumpsuit, with golden curls wrapped her arms around Naruto's neck, and began blabbing about her day.

"So I take it you had fun with Mitsu-san?" The girl nodded enthusiastically. "And you weren't any trouble?"

"She was perfectly fine, if not a bit over enthusiastic." The woman named Mitsu said.

"Thank you for taking her," Naruto said. "I just felt something off about today, and wanted her away from any danger."

"Is everything all right now?" Naruto nodded at the woman's question while playing with his daughter. "Well, you know where we are if you need us again. Kenshin and I loved having her, and Yoshi enjoyed having someone to play with for a change."

"Naruto, what happened?" Jiraiya asked.

"I got a visit from old red eyes, and the walking sushi today." Naruto replied. "Kisame is still out in the forest decomposing, although I think the animals might have found him by now. Itachi just warned me that the Leader was coming next."

"You mean?" Naruto nodded at Jiraiya.

"Yep, Itachi is still one of the good guys." Naruto answered. "Too bad he's got this fatalistic wish to let Sasuke kill him. I'd rather have him in the world, than Broody McBroodalot."

"Naruto?" Sakura finally spoke up. "She called you daddy; is that?"

"Yes, she's my daughter. Her name is Kushina, and she's named after her grandmother." Naruto answered. "Her mother, Chikaru, died a year ago, and she's become the most important thing in the world to me. Doki is a distant second." Naruto said grinning at the young man.

"Way to show the love, niisan." He droned. Taking his daughter, who was hoisted on his hip, to her room, he said.

"Come on sweet, let's get some things packed for you." He said. "We're going on a trip."

"Where we goin?" They heard her ask.

"We're going to visit where daddy was born." The girl adorned a smile that was strikingly familiar.

"We see baachan?" She asked, as they disappeared down the hall.

"Yep, we're going to see baachan." Naruto replied.

"Oh, I'm definitely gonna have to be there for that meeting." Jiraiya said. Naruto made sure to take his time getting Kushina ready, and when they finally reemerged, Kakashi looked to be highly frustrated.

"Well, let's head out then." After they had exited the front door, Naruto ran through some seals, and activated the protection seal on his home. Pulling his daughter onto his back, he said. "Let's move." The journey to Konoha had begun.

888

So what do you think of this so far? This will be one of the longer shots, given the back story, and the fact that Naruto hasn't been in Konoha for over ten years.

IMPORTANT!!!

I probably should have mentioned this last time, but in each review room for each story, is a case where you can pick up your free copy of the full Icha Icha novels. Just enter the code on your review stub, the one you were given as you entered the room, and it will grant you access to the case.

Translation: The novels don't really exist, they're like happy little cyber cookies. Really people, I don't have the time to write full novels like that. I'm in college, and there's barely enough time in the day for that stuff. Besides, if I were to write full novels, then there'd be several smut free chapters first.

Also, if you feel any of the oneshots I've written would make a good story, then by all means feel free to continue it. Just let me know if you do, I'd like to see where you take it. I, however, will not be continuing any of these stories. They are oneshots to me, and once finished, I will move on from the plotline, never to return. So I wouldn't advise putting a story alert on any of my Icha Icha series, because most of the time there won't be anything to alert. I'll let you know in one of the author notes it there is.

Also, for those wondering why Icha Icha: Snakes of Another Sort Volume II came out before Volume I (starring Anko), the reasons are twofold...

1. I don't bind myself to the normal rules of a series in many cases

2. Volume II just so happened to be ready for post before Volume I

I also decided to give you a technique list, so that you know what he's learned. The moves in bold are techniques from the movies or fillers that have do not occur in the timeline given Naruto's banishment, these are things that Naruto created during his time away. The ones in bold and italics are moves that I created. Feel free to use them if you like them, a nod of credit is all I as.

Naruto

Fuuton: Rasen Shuriken

Kage Bunshin

Oiroke

Rasengan

Fuuton: Rasengan

Sennen Goroshi

Tajuu Kage Bunshin

Toad Kuchiyose

Kamaitachi - Cutting Whirlwind

Daitoppa - Great Breakthrough

Endan - Fireball

Gamaguchi Shibari - Toad Mouth Binding

Goukuuhou - Great Air Cannon

Kaze no Yaiba - Sword of Wind

Kirigakure no Jutsu - Hidden Mist Technique

Mizu Kamikiri - Rising Water Cutter

Mizurappa - Violent Water Wave

Renkuudan - Drilling Air Projectile

Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu - Shuriken Shadow Clone Technique

Suiryuudan no Jutsu - Water Dragon Projectile Technique

Teppoudama - Bullet

Yomi Numa - Swamp of the Underworld

Bunshin Bakuha - Shadow Clone Explosion

Shunshin- Body Flicker

Shikyaku: Biju Henge- Beast Mimicry: Tailed Beast Transformation

Doki

Kage Bunshin

Oiroke

Rasengan

Shunshin

Sennin Goroshi

Shuriken Kage Bunshin no Jutsu

Gama Kuchiyose

Endan

Kamaitachi

Yomi Numa

Hibashiri - Running Fire

Ninpou: Doton Gou- Secret Art: Earth Power- The user makes the ground under the foe erupt like a mini volcano.

Doton: Fissure- The user slams chakra covered hands into the ground, and opens up a fissure in the ground that swallows the opponent.

Now I'm going to take a moment to rant. This particular rant is in response to all of those 'Shizune is Naruto's mother' stories, that follow canon so closely as to have Naruto grow up the exact same way, or have her give him up. The first problem I have, is that she would have been fifteen when she gave birth to Naruto, not really impossible, but I doubt Minato liked them that young. Besides, he was probably seeing Kushina by then. Second, is that she had already left the village at the age of thirteen with Tsunade. If you want to dispute it, then ask yourself, when did Tsunade leave? Well before Naruto was born, that's for sure; at least fifteen years before the start of the series. Anyway, let's just pretend that somehow, she were to get pregnant by him, let's say via a freak accident involving tons of sake, if she leaves with Tsunade, then, Naruto wouldn't have been born in Konoha. In the off chance that she decided to come back to have Naruto, then that would mean that she dies, so no Shizune in Naruto which kills many of those plotlines right away. Even if she didn't die, I can't see her as the type to give up her child, and I doubt Tsunade would let her. Then, you'd have to think, would Tsunade allow her apprentice's son to grow up alone and hated in Konoha, hell no. She would have either left with him, or raised him herself. Thus killing any chance Naruto grows up unloved. Really people, I'm all for changing things to suit your fics, and that you can do what you want, but please try to make it believable. I mean really, I just couldn't see Minato Namikaze getting a thirteen year old girl, a girl whose barely older than his own students, pregnant.