"Mary – Mary, where did Jesus go?"

"I don't know. I thought you were watching him."

"Oh great. Great, Mary. You lost the Messiah."

"I didn't lose him, Joseph! You should have been paying attention to him, he's your son too."

"Really? Is he? Last time I checked, you had just gone and gotten jiggy with the Holy Spirit."

"Oh, well excuse me for being the chosen one, Joseph!"

Joseph sighed and glanced around. "I'll go look in the synagogue for him. That's where we found him last time, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm going to take the rest of the kids home. If you don't find him, screw it, God'll make sure he gets home safely."

Mary kissed her husband on the cheek and dragged the six children hanging on to her arms away. Joseph turned and went back to the village they had just passed. The synagogue was still lit up, and – yep, he could hear Jesus's distinctly obnoxious voice. He went in, grabbed the boy by his arm, and went back out.

"Wha – Dad, I was in the middle of a sermon!"

"It's time for dinner."

"I was teaching the people the truth, the light and the way!"

"It's time for dinner."

Jesus glared angrily at Joseph's back and allowed himself to be taken back to his home. Jesus's brothers and sisters were setting the table for dinner.

"So Jesus," asked Simon mockingly. "Did you have fun explaining once again why you are the Son of God?"

"Shut up, Simon."

"Ooh, Jude, did you just hear that? The Messiah told me to shut up. I probably should, or else God will send a bolt of lightning down to smite me."

"Simon, that's Zeus."

"Same difference!"

"Uh – no, honey, it's not. Zeus is a pagan god – God is God."

"Oh, well. Thanks for the explanation."

"Simon, leave your brother alone!" called Mary, irritated at the boys bickering with each other all the time.

Sarah sat next to Jesus. "I believe you're the Son of God."

"Well thank you Sarah. I'll put in a good word for you with the big guy."

Joseph shook his head silently. Jesus was indefinitely annoying. "You're not supposed to play favorites, Jesus. You love your whole family all the same."

"Sure. I'll talk to the big guy about all of you."

He shot a glare Simon's way. Simon stuck out his tongue. Mary turned around and rapped her son sharply on the shoulder. "Stop it, boys."

"Mooom, Mary won't let go of my arm."

"Mary, let go of James's arm."

She did so.

"Joses, would you like to say grace?"

"Why doesn't O Merciful One over there say grace? I'm sure God would loooove to talk to him." He glared at the ground.

"Oh, Joses, stop sulking," said Jesus with a smile. "God would loooove to talk to everyone!"

Simon let out an ill-disguised snort of laughter.

"Simon, I will smite you."

"Bring it, Jesus!"

"You wanna take this outside?"

"What, so you can get the birds to peck out my eyeballs?"

They had stood up, and were standing face to face. Joseph rolled his eyes and inserted himself between them. "Sit back down. Now."

Simon did so immediately. Jesus stood staring face-to-face with Joseph.

The tense silence was broken by James. "Mooom, Mary's sitting on me."

"Mary, get off your brother!"

She did so.

"Sit down, Jesus."

For a moment, Mary thought that Jesus was going to smite her husband, but then Jesus sighed and sat back down. Mary smacked him up top the head. "What was that, Jesus? Jesus, Jesus, can't you just do what your father says for once?"

"Okay, Mom, honey, my father is not in the room right now. He is-" Jesus took a deep theatrical breath. "-with us in spirit."

Sarah began to laugh. Simon rolled his eyes. Joses was glaring at his brother, and Mary was already pulling on James's hair again.

Jude shook his head. "I can't believe I'm even related to you."

"You darn well should be happy you're related to us, Jude," said Mary. "One day your brother is going to come and set us all free from those foolish Romans, and you are going to be happy about it."

"Mom, I told you, I'm not going to get rid of the Romans."

"Right, of course, Jesus."

Jesus face palmed.

"Mooom, Mary's pulling my hair!"

"Mary, I swear, touch your brother one more time, and I will get the Holy Spirit to haunt you in your dreams!"

Screaming, Mary fled the room.

"Mom, honey, you can't abuse your power like that."

"Shut up, Jesus."

LOL.

So my sister and I were washing the dishes...and somehow we got on to Jesus (uh...). Anyways, we were thinking...wouldn't it be great...if Jesus were like REALLY annoying?

All his brothers are named somewhere in the Bible (Jude, James, Simon and Joses). I made up his sisters (Sarah and Mary).

Thanks for reading

THIS STORY IS A COMPLETE JOKE. THIS IS MY FAN FICTION, FICTION BY THE FANS (ME, IN THIS CASE). IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, PLEASE PRIVATE MESSAGE ME INSTEAD OF LEAVING A REVIEW. :)

0r jesus will smite you. :D