Summary: The team gets into trouble with the locals. Nothing new here.
Category: humor
Season: Early season one or two
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: overused clichés.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

A/N: Response to the GW weekly crack!fic challenge. The team gets in trouble with the locals. Slightly stimulated by a comment in Elementary about past escapades in fitting in with other societies, when SG teams come home owning or married to each other or one of the natives.

Golden Chains by iamdragonrider

"What do you mean she wants Daniel?" Colonel Jack O'Neill asked, lowering his sunglasses to stare in disbelief at his 2IC.

Captain Samantha Carter flinched. "She's willing to give us twenty-five pounds of raw naquadah sir."

"You told her no of course?" Jack asked, replacing his sunglasses and crossing his arms over his P90.

Again, Sam flinched, and studied her boots. The last thing she or any of them had expected was to end up smack dab in the middle of a Matriarchal society, where the men outnumbered the women almost three to one by some freak of genetic mutation that the med teams back on Earth would just love to get their hands on. As a result, women were precious and rare, and over the years had risen to a type of higher status because of it. The leader, or Queen so to speak, had immediately identified Sam as the leader of the group and simply refused to listen to anything that Jack, Daniel, or Teal'c had to say. Sam looked briefly at her other teammates. Teal'c was standing quietly, watching the people coming and going around them in the corner they'd found in the busy market square outside what passed for the Queen's palace. Dr. Daniel Jackson was watching the nearby activity in open fascination, and catching her glance, gave her an encouraging smile. At that, Sam relaxed; after all, if Daniel was ok with being on the auction block, then she could handle being in charge. Maybe.

She met her CO's eyes. "I told her no," she said.

Jack frowned slightly, sensing something more. "And?" he prompted.

She squirmed again. "She doubled her offer."

"Which you refused of course?" he asked, slight lines appearing on his face as he frowned.

There were some really interesting rocks on the ground, and she toed them with her boots, her brief spurt of confidence suddenly gone. "Uh, well, not exactly sir," she murmured.

"Carter," Jack ground out. Just then some of the locals approached, obvious by their dress that they were attached in some way to the palace and the Queen's service.

"Captain Carter," the dark haired female in the lead spoke, ignoring the three men after giving them a brief, accessing gaze. "Queen Aliana wishes to present you with this token of her esteem," she waved behind her and one of the males trailing her stepped forward, holding a length of finely wrought gold chain that had two different sized circles at either end.

Sam recognized the item for what it was, taking a step back from what it represented. The Colonel coughed, and she knew he recognized it too, they had all seen it in use, it had been rather hard to miss. "Uh, really, that's not necessary, but thank you," Sam managed to stammer while trying to appear in control of herself at the same time.

The woman must have expected such a response, and been coached in a reply. "Our Queen understands you must be unfamiliar with our ways, and wishes to grant you this gift as a sign of your prestige. Queen Aliana wishes to begin trade with your people, but your ambassador must be of suitable rank to discuss such matters in Her presence." There was a slight emphasis on the last part, and Sam got the distinct feeling that refusing would mean an end to trade talks.

"Uh, one moment please," Sam stammered. "A gift of this magnitude requires a return of some sort, please excuse me," she said, and turned before the woman could speak again, joining the rest of her team a few feet away.

"Carter?" Jack asked. He'd removed his sunglasses.

She sighed. "Queen Aliana was very persistent, sir. I didn't think she'd be satisfied until we gave her Daniel." She glanced over at her teammate and grimaced in apology. "Sorry," she murmured. Swallowing, she continued before Jack could cut in again. "I finally had to tell her, well, that Daniel was mine." Her last words trailed into unintelligibility.

"What?"

Shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, Sam sighed again. "It was all I could think of sir. I told her that Daniel was mine and that he wasn't for sale. After that, she dropped the subject."

"So, this chain…" Jack trailed off significantly.

"Jack," Daniel finally spoke up. "It must be a sign of some status. We've only seen a few women using them after all, and the workmanship seems to reflect the status of the wearer. If we refuse, Queen Aliana may refuse to continue trade negotiations."

Sam stared at Daniel in disbelief. Yes, he'd been awfully accepting of all sorts of cultures, but to so willingly give up his freedom? The chain was gold, finely made with many adornments, but it was still for all intents and purposes a slave collar. She started as she realized Jack had just asked her a question. "Yes sir," she replied numbly, "I think Daniel is right."

"Well then," Jack said, gesturing toward the waiting entourage.

"I told them I needed to give a gift in return sir, before I could accept theirs."

"Ah," Jack replied. "Daniel?" The younger man was already rooting about in his pack, coming up with a small handful of baubles, semi-precious metals and small gem stones that SG teams carried for bartering with the locals. Sam looked at the waiting group reluctantly, her gaze briefly locking with Daniel's eager, wide blue eyes. She couldn't believe he was accepting this so easily.

"You sure you ok with this Daniel?" Sam asked in concern.

Daniel just grinned. "When in Rome," he said lightly, getting to his feet and gestured for her to lead the way. Sam sighed, and headed to the waiting group, Daniel falling into step a pace behind as they'd seen men doing on this planet.

Standing in front of the dark haired woman, Sam sucked in a deep breath. "On behalf of the people of Earth, I accept Queen Aliana's token of her esteem. In return, may she accept this small gift and allow it to be a symbol of the profitable trades we shall make in the future," she finished lifting her chin slightly, and gesturing to the items Daniel held.

The dark haired woman bowed her head, and accepted the token offered, one of the men behind her stepping forward to take it from Daniel. "May we both profit from this arrangement," she intoned, and waved next at the male carrying the chain. The dark haired, muscular man stepped forward, motioning first to Daniel. Daniel bowed his head, and the man placed the thin golden collar around his neck. That accomplished, he stepped in front of Sam, motioning silently for her left wrist. Reluctantly, Sam complied, allowing the man to secure the cool, lightweight gold bracelet around her wrist. The chain connecting her wrist to Daniel's collar was light, but appeared strong. Daniel had his head bowed, like he had seen most of the men going about in this society do. Sam and the other female members of the SGC had often wondered what it would be like, with all the patriarchal societies they'd visited, what would happen with the shoe on the other foot, and found she didn't like it all that much. She realized she needed to say something.

"My gratitude to Queen Aliana and her generous gift," Sam said, unsure of the protocol. Fortunately, her reply seemed adequate, as the woman nodded.

"Peaceful travels, good friends," she told them, a clear farewell.

"Peaceful days to you," Sam replied, having overheard the exchange repeated often in the marketplace as they'd explored. The woman smiled, and turned on her heel, the small group of men falling into step behind her.

"Well, kids, shall we go home?" Jack asked, amusement lurking behind his dark eyes as he took in the chain now connecting the two youngest members of SG-1.

Avoiding his gaze, Sam fingered the elaborate bracelet. "Sir, I don't think this thing is made to come off," she said, unable to find a catch or release. At her words, some of Daniel's wide-eyed curiosity dampened, and he began to finger the equally adorned collar around his neck.

"I don't think this part comes off either," he confirmed, and Sam's stomach did a flip-flop.

Teal'c glanced at them over his shoulder, before returning to his post as look out. Jack was grinning openly. "I'm sure the mech shop can get it off, no problem. It is only gold after all."

"But," Sam tried weakly.

"Time to head back kids, Sam, you bring Daniel," he said cheerfully, slipping his sunglasses back on and patting his P-90. "Teal'c, I'll take point, you watch our six. The natives may be friendly but best to be safe."

"Indeed O'Neill," Teal'c agreed, and motioned for the two scientists to follow Jack, already making good progress out of the village and towards the gate.

"But," Sam tried again.

"It's ok Sam," Daniel said, and started to walk, forcing her feet into motion so that she wouldn't inadvertently pull on the chain connecting them.

She hurried to catch up and walk beside the man. "You realize Daniel, that if we go through the gate like this, we'll never live it down don't you?"

At that, she saw the young man's shoulders sag slightly. He sighed. "Yeah… but there's this artifact in my lab that I've been dying to study," he said. "Might take me days. Weeks even," he said. "In fact, I think the General might just grant me time to study it over anything else." She might be wrong, but she thought she saw a slight twinkle in his eyes.

"Isn't that the object SG-4 brought back, the one with all the writing and the slight energy signature?" she asked, an idea growing in the back of her mind.

"Yeah, the one that the hard science and soft science departments were fighting for," he confirmed.

Sam grinned. "If I recall, the General finally flipped a coin to see who would get first crack at it," she said.

Daniel grinned back. "Yep. We won. But I don't think anyone would mind if, oh, you were to take a look at it. In fact, I think the two departments working together would make more progress than just one alone."

"Hey kids, quit lagging will ya? The commissary has mystery meat on the menu today, and you know how I love mystery meat," the Colonel called. With a start, Sam realized they'd been so lost in conversation that their steps had slowed. She glanced apologetically over her shoulder at Teal'c, who inclined his head at her unspoken apology and Daniel looked guilty. The both picked up their pace. They'd have to face the music sooner or later, but at least now they had a plan. Hide out in their labs working until someone dragged them out. Eventually, the rumor mill at the SGC would find something else to fixate on. Just last week, SG-3 had come back with four goats, two chickens, and ten bags of rough ground flour that the planet they'd visited insisted on giving them in return for the medical supplies they'd been given. Sooner or later, something else would eclipse this little incident.

Still, she couldn't resist one little jibe. After all, Daniel never had a problem when she got shuttled off as unimportant in the many Patriarchal societies they'd visited. "Come, Daniel, we have work to do."

Daniel's step faltered, sending a slight twang down the chain, before he matched her stride again. "Yes my Queen," he said meekly, eyes twinkling.

When Jack turned around again to admonish them, he found them both laughing helplessly.

"What am I going to do with you two?" he asked, shaking his head.

Sam just grinned, confidence returned. "Don't worry sir, it could have been worse," she said, as she passed him on the path, taking the steps the DHD, Daniel right beside her.

As Daniel started to dial the gate, Jack frowned. "Worse? How?" he demanded. Sam pretended to be absorbed as Daniel pressed the right sequence of symbols, before depressing the center globe.

The gate sprang to life, and Sam sent the signal, receiving confirmation. She headed towards the open wormhole. Just before stepping through, she shot a comment over her shoulder. "The Queen might have wanted you," she said, and she and Daniel stepped through together, leaving the slightly stunned Colonel to follow. With luck, that little remark would dampen some of the Colonel's teasing, but probably not by much.