The Secrets They Keep

The Library, two weeks later

If Lily had been trying to hide her distain for James before, there was no hiding it now. As much progress as they had been making toward some stable relationship since Christmas had been reversed in the course of less than one hour, and there was no doubt about how everything stood between them now.

The seventh year Gryffindors were not surprised, having heard the whole story from Sirus, but the rest of the castle was in shock. They could not help but notice how their Heads were no longer found in the same room together, except in classes where they would sit as far apart as humanly possible, nor how Lily would brush icily past James in the corridors and how he would no longer try to stop her as she went by. If they were ever found in the Heads' Dormitory together (which was itself a rare occurrence – Lily keeping to the library, James to the Gryffindor Tower), neither would deign to be in the same room. They weren't even glaring at one another anymore, or arguing, just avoiding and ignoring.

Sirus wasn't even trying to reconcile his two friends. He stopped asking Lily maddening questions and didn't press James about his past actions; he just tried to be a friend to whomever he was with at the moment, knowing he would never find them together.

Until Professor McGonagall relocated her class to the library, paired them off, and assigned them a long-term project to complete, that was. The whole world seemed to hold its breath as the Transfiguration professor called the two Heads to partner, and any casual observer could feel their minds start to whirl as the students wondered if she was mad, had a death wish, or simply had felt maniacal when she made up the pairs. (Sirus' own personal theory was that Dumbledore had a hand in the matter, but he wisely kept his mouth shut.) Any way it went, the partners were set, told to find their other halves, and sent to work.

Lily and James began their sublet dance one more. She unceremoniously dumped her books on one of the tables then shot over to the shelves as soon as James walked her way. He pulled his Transfiguration book toward him and started to take notes on their subject for as long as he could stand it before getting up to search the shelves himself, at which point Lily was able to safely deposit her armload of books on their table and begin to peruse. This game continued for another ten minutes until between the two of them and the rest of their class, the library had been scoured through for relevant books.

Eventually there weren't any left, and Lily knew this clearly as she watched James walk back to the table empty-handed. Quickly, she made the decision to look once more, getting up just as he returned to the table.

"Lily, please," she heard him say as she passed him, and a dim, much suppressed, part of her mind told her that he had been pleading.

Lily wandered the shelves listlessly, trying to think of a plausible excuse to give to her professor should she be asked why she was still searching when every other student was already reading their materials. By the time she reached the heart of the library, she was so engrossed in her own world that she jumped when she felt a hand on her arm.

"Lily…" James had followed her this time, but even before the word was fully out of his moth, she pulled away as if burned.

"Evans," he tried again, grabbing her elbow before she could run away from him.

"Leave me alone, Potter," she snapped back. "Can't you see I'm avoiding you?"

"Exactly, and it's not going to work! We have a project to do."

"And I'm sure we can split it up somehow."

"Do you hear yourself? This isn't some custody issue where one of us had weekend visitation rights. It's a paper. You have to listen to me."

"No, actually, I don't have to do anything," Lily retorted and tried to storm away. However, James only let go of her arm and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face him.

"I'm glad we've grown up so much since we were ten. Why won't you just give me a chance? I was stupid, I'll admit that, but what bloke isn't around the girl he fancies?"

"Remus wasn't."

"Remus is of another sort entirely. He had been through more before we got to Hogwarts than we will go through in our entire lives. It's matured him; not all of us can say the same."

James waited for Lily's reply, but it never came. She just turned her head away from him, not wanting to meet his gaze. However, James lightly turned her head back towards him and then tilted her face back until their eyes met.

"Lily, I'm sorry, sorry for hurting you all those years, sorry for trying to come between you and Snape, sorry for making your life hell, sorry for not being able to tell you how I really feel. Lily, I'm sorry."

This time, Lily couldn't look away. Her eyes were locked with James', and she did not have the power to turn away from the pleading that she saw in them.

"What do you want me to do? Forget the past ten years, run into your arms, and live happily ever after?"

"No one said it would be that easy, but what's the harm in trying? Look at our portrait: Dumbledore gave us that room for a reason. They've managed to work out their differences, and although they still have to fight off the vines, they're free. Nothing's perfect, Lily, but we could at least put the past behind us."

"James, I don't know…" Lily started, but she took a hesitant step toward him at the same time that he pulled her closer. Their bodies met as Lily buried her face in James' chest and James wrapped his arms around Lily.

Lily and James agreed to put the past behind them; they agreed to try to make things work; they agreed that they were sorry and that each of them had been stupid; they agreed that they didn't want to hurt one another; they agreed that they needed one another.

True to James' words, it was not easy. They still occasionally fought – especially over Severus Snape. Lily's old friend had confronted her in a deserted corridor down by the dungeons almost immediately after it had been made public knowledge that the Heads were dating. Sirus had forced the scene out of the unwilling Lily and had then proceeded to tell James, figuring his best mate should know what was hurting his girlfriend. James had then stopped thinking and thrown accusations at Lily who had also let her tempter control her tongue, and they didn't talk to one another for four days.

However, they finally, once again, agreed that they were being stupid, and agreed that they needed one another. It was not easy, but they made it through together, helping one another, supporting one another. Side by side, they finished Hogwarts, and then, hand in hand, they faced the rest of the world.

The End