Author Note: Its Christmas in July, folks~! Laugh and Enjoy!

Akatsuki Daze – Chapter 12 - Winter special – Christmas no Jutsu

Tobi rushed around the hideout in a panic. An unspeakable phenomenon was happening outside and he just could sit by and let it happen. "Hi Tobi!" Karla greeted, walking down the same hall. Tobi ran past her, making her spin several times before falling over. "Wheeeee~!" she giggled.

"Maru-kohai! Maru-kohai! Something bad is happening!" Tobi screamed, banging on the locked door to his and Maru's room.

"Go away, I'm busy!" she growled.

"But it's important!" he protested. Unlocking the door, Maru opened it and glared at Tobi.

"What is it? Is Hidan running around bleeding all over creation again?"

"Worse! The sky! It's having babies!" the masked nin cried. Maru simply shut the door in his face and locked it again.

"What an idiot! The sky cannot have babies!" Inner Maru shouted. Maru agreed and went back to writing. She needed absolute privacy, thus the reason she had Tobi locked out in the first place.

Tobi then busted through the door, leaving a large hole in it. "Tobi! Kakuzu's gonna blame that on me!" she yelled. Tobi grabbed her by the arm and dragged her downstairs and out the front door.

"Tobi isn't lying! Look!" he said, pushing Maru outside.

It was snowing.

"Tobi...come here" she said, her voice colder than the wind.

"Yes kohai!" Tobi squealed, rushing to her side. Grabbing up a large amount of snow in her hand, Maru shoved it down Tobi's pants. "EEEEEEEEK! COLD! TOBI IS COLD IN PLACES TOBI SHOULDN'T BE!" he screamed, running around in circles, raising a fit of laughter from the writer.

"I'm calling an important meeting! Everyone gather in the living room!" Leader's voice thundered from inside the base. Maru grabbed Tobi by his sleeve and dragged him back inside.

"We aren't gonna be late, sempai!"

"Tobi is still cold! Maru-kohai should be nicer to Tobi!" he whined.

"And once again, you should grow a brain" she responded quickly, making the dragged sempai cross his arms and huff. Once all the Akatsuki were in the living room, Leader began.

"It is that time of the year again. I hope no one forgot!"

"Forgot what, un?" Deidara asked. Leader sighed.

"It's snowing outside! The villages are full of people buying things more than usual! All the signs of-"

"Christmas, nyachuuuu~!" Karla cheered, cutting Leader off.

"Oh no, not Christmas! Do you know how expensive that holiday is?! It's sickening!" Kakuzu groaned.

"I don't care! We're all together in someday ruling the world, so damn it; we're going to celebrate Christmas!" Leader yelled.

"Do we have to give others gifts?" Konan asked.

"Not if you don't want to, but it is highly encouraged!"

"Gifts cost money!" Kakuzu seethed.

"Then you won't be giving gifts this year" Leader stated, not caring in the least.

"Damn right..." he muttered, Hidan suddenly looking worried.

"Oooh! Can Tobi give a gift for someone?!" Tobi squealed, raising his hand frantically.

"Of course, but to whom?" Leader asked.

Tobi only giggled in response. "That's a secret!"

"Suddenly, I'm very worried" Sasori said.

"Now for the next order of business, does anyone know of the strange purring sounds occurring at night?"

Everyone fell silent, especially Itachi.

"Uhhh...maybe it's the wind!" Kisame exclaimed.

"Yeah! Wind!" Karla added.

"Since when does wind purr?" Konan asked suspiciously.

"Ever since it got really happy, un!" Deidara shouted.

"Wind does not have emotions, brat"

"And neither do you, un..."

"What was that?!" the redhead hissed, glaring emotionlessly at his partner, who shrank with terror at the cold gaze.

"N-Nothing danna, un" Deidara squeaked.

"Do I have to be the tree again?" Zetsu asked. " Please say no...That's the most degrading thing I've ever done while in this organization! "

"Of course you have to be the tree! It's not Christmas without a tree~!" Leader said with a hint of cheer in his voice for once.

" God I hate my life... "

"Aw, I bet you won't look THAT bad, Zetsu-san!" Maru assured, trying to block out her inner self's fit of laughter.

"What would you like for Christmas?" Itachi asked, stroking Nanako's fur as she lay in his lap. The sleeping kitten didn't hear him and let out a purr of comfort.

"There is it again!" Leader shouted from his room, waking up Nanako.

"It's getting risky keeping that thing, Itachi-san" Kisame advised. His jaw dropped when he saw Itachi give Nanako a small dried shark fin from a bag.

"Itachi! Where did you get those?!" the angry demon shark yelled, already having a good guess of who it was.

"From Maru, why?" Itachi said, looking to his partner.

...Or at least where he was standing a second ago.

"I'm gonna lay the hurtin' on her ass!" the Mist nin growled approaching Tobi and Maru's room. Before he could reach for the doorknob, he heard voices.

"Hold it tighter, sempai! I'm trying to sharpen it!" Maru said.

"B-But Tobi is bleeding!" Tobi cried in pain. Smirking some, Kisame opened the door a bit and peered inside. Tobi was holding onto the un-bandaged Samehada while Maru was at work sharpening as many of the sharp tips of the deadly weapon as she could with a piece of sandpaper.

"This is the least I can do for fish-face for putting up with my shark fin hunger" Maru said with a slight laugh. Outside of the room, Kisame groaned; no way could he pummel the insane writer now. "Stupid conscience..." he muttered, going back to Itachi.

"Maru-kohai?" Tobi asked as Maru re-wrapped Samehada carefully.

"Yes?" she asked in a groaning voice.

"Is Maru-kohai going to get someone a Christmas present?" he asked. She was taken back since she thought Tobi was going to ask her a stupid question.

"Hmm...I might. In fact, I had a gift planned for everyone!" she said, smirking.

"Everyone?! Oooh~! Does that mean Tobi gets one too?! Tobi is a good boy!" he squealed jumping up and down.

"Well of course Tobi, you ARE my sempai after all"

Tobi tackled her into a hug, knocking her onto the floor. "Ack! Get off me you idiot!"

"Tobi gets a gift! Tobi is a very good boy! Thank you Maru-kohai~!"

"Jeez, I wonder how you'll react when I actually GIVE you the present..." she sighed. The door flung open and Hidan came in.

"Maru~! I just came to ask what you wanted for...GET THE FUCK OFF HER!" the Jashinist screamed, seeing Tobi and Maru on the floor together.

"B-But Tobi was just thanking Maru-kohai!" Tobi whined as Hidan tried to pry him away from the half suffocating writer.

"For what?! ...did you both fuck around again?!"

"NO! LAST TIME HE WAS JUST RUBBING MY SHOULDERS!" Maru screamed, forcing Hidan back and scaring Tobi half to death.

"Well pardon me for WORRYING!" Hidan yelled at the same volume.

"I don't want YOUR sympathy!"

"Well don't get your fucking panties in a knot!"

"Shut the hell up!"

"NO! You shut the hell up!"

"YOU!"

"FUCK OFF!"

"What does fuck mean?" Tobi interrupted.

"Shut-up Tobi!" Hidan and Maru hissed at the moron.

"NO! Both of you shut-up!" Tobi screamed, glaring at them from behind his mask. The fighting pair were silent at Tobi's sudden outburst.

"...did hell just freeze over?" Maru wondered.

"I...I'm gonna go...sacrifice something!" Hidan stammered, leaving the room quickly, not wanting to see anything else Tobi could possibly do.

"Tobi-sempai? Are you okay?" Maru asked shakily. He turned his head to her quickly, making her jump.

"Can Tobi have his present early?!" he asked in his normal giddy voice. Maru fell over.

"No, you may not. You have to wait until Christmas like everyone else!"

"But Tobi can't wait! Give Tobi a hint! Please?! Please please pleeeeeaaase?"

"Fine. One hint only. The hint is: You'll like it" Maru said, her inner self laughing.

"Nice one~" she commented. "He'll be guessing for days now"

"Oooh~! Tobi likes candy! Is it candy?!" he asked. "Nope!" she said, gathering the many papers she had on the bed. "I have to go ask Leader if I can go into town for something"

"Did Maru-kohai get Tobi a whole town?!"

"No! Now come with me to see Leader, you moron!" she shouted, dragging Tobi down the hall and holding the stack of papers under her other arm.

Later that week...

"Hold still Zetsu-sama!" Karla squeaked as she strung a long cord of lights around Zetsu.

"I'm slowly losing my dignity..." his light half sighed.

"You look very colorful, Nyachu!"

" I don't want to be colorful! Whose bright idea was it to first start decorating trees?! I'll half murder them and then eat them while they're an inch away from death! " the dark side roared. Poor Karla's eyes were rimmed with tears as she sniffled from just thinking of how much being killed that way would hurt.

" Oh, are you gonna cry now? Go ahead, I don't care. Cry! "

"Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" she wailed, nearly breaking the sound barrier.

"...Please don't cry! Stop it! "

"Now look what you did! Why must you be so difficult?!"

" Difficult?! I'm not difficult, I just speak my mind! "

"In a very rude way"

" Shut up! "

Nanako came in from outside and nuzzled against Karla's leg, making her stop crying instantly. "Aw, Nanako-chan!" Karla giggled, petting the kitten.

"Now I can see why she's an Akatsuki member. That was nearly deafening!" Zetsu thought. The tiny kitten stared at Zetsu who had Christmas lights wrapped around him and seemed to snicker at the sight.

" What are you laughin' at my tasty little midnight snack?!" Zetsu's dark half hissed. Nanako mewled and jumped into the box holding the rest of the items for the 'Christmas tree'.

"Haha! Zetsu, you look pathetic!" Hidan laughed upon coming into the living room.

"I know..." the light half whined. Nanako climbed out of the box, a large red bow now around her neck. She mewled and tried to scratch it off, but was immediately scooped up into Itachi's arms.

"Nanako-chan! You look too cute~! Who put that bow on you?" he asked. Her only response was curling up into his arms and purring.

"first Zetsu is a fucking Christmas tree and then Itachi turns into a pussy lover...am I the only man left in this organization?!" Hidan shouted.

"No danna! I'm not gonna wear this, un!" Deidara shouted from upstairs.

"Do it or else, brat! I had to PAY Kakuzu to make this!" Sasori scolded.

"Or else what, un?!"

"I won't do that special thing for you anymore~" Sasori said, a smirk on his face. Deidara paled enough to make the snow outside jealous.

"F-fine! I'll wear it, un!" the blonde huffed. A minute later, Deidara came into the living room wearing a naughty Christmas outfit normally meant for a woman to wear. To top it off he also had on a Christmas hat with a sprig of mistletoe fixed into it.

Itachi laughed for a second before stopping and looking around to make sure no one heard him. Karla was already on the floor laughing her head off while Zetsu simply closed up the leaves over his head. "Must...find...happy place" he muttered.

"I rest my case!" Hidan exclaimed.

"Kakuzu-chan~! I have a favor to ask!" the demented priest asked in a voice sweet enough to give anyone cavities. "No" was Kakuzu's immediate response.

"Please Kakuzu-chan? With sugar on top?"

"What do you want?"

"You made that suit for Deidara, right?"

"Yes, one for Konan too. It was Leader's order..."

"...I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to forget that. Now then, I was wondering, could you make me one of those suits?" Hidan asked. The money hoarder stared at him for a long time.

"I honestly didn't think you were into cross-play, Hidan"

Hidan glared sparks at his partner. "FUCK NO! I want you to make one of those slutty suits for me to give to Maru! Jeez!"

"Suuuuure, tell me anything~! It's for you, isn't it?"

"I swear to Jashin, Kakuzu...if you say that one more time, I'll slice your fucking head clean off and shove it right up your ass!"

"Alright, I'll make her one. Don't throw a hissy-fit. But it'll cost you"

Hidan groaned, knowing it wouldn't be for free. "How much?"

"Six thousand"

"In Yen?!"

"No, in Monopoly™ money. Of course in Yen!" Kakuzu thundered, never to be one to joke about money.

"But I'm broke!" Hidan whined, pouting adorably.

"This is getting awkward..." Kakuzu thought, wondering who the hell wrote this crap in the first place. (Hey! _)

"Make it free and I'll do that extra special thing you like me to do for you~" Hidan said, a sly glimmer in his eyes. Mumbling some, his partner gave in. he always did enjoy that extra special thing.

"I really hate you, Hidan..."

"I love you, too!" Hidan cheered.

"Aaah~! The cold air feels good!" Zetsu's light half said, stepping outside into the cold winter air. He was free from the humiliation of being a Christmas tree for a bit. "Thanks for getting me out of there"

"No problem. You can only put up with humiliation for so long" Maru said, absent of her Akatsuki cloak.

"What'd you use as a decoy for me anyway?" the cannibal asked.

Back in the hideout...

A large potted plant with Maru's cloak over it was the decoy and it had Christmas lights wrapped around it. "Hi Zetsu-sama!" Tobi greeted. He received no response, of course.

"...is Zetsu-sama mad at Tobi?"

"...Zetsu-sama?"

"WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO TOBI?! Waaaaaahhhh!" the confused nin wailed, holding onto the plant and crying.

Outside...

"Don't worry, you won't be missed too much" Maru assured.

"It's not hard to miss a guy like him! He stands out more than Kisame!" Inner Maru said.

"Great, someone else who thinks I'm freakish looking" Zetsu's light half sighed. The pigtailed girl put a hand on his shoulder.

"You know, looking different isn't always a bad thing" she said. The plant man half smiled at her words.

"I guess there is some wisdom in that mass of insanity you call a body" the dark said chuckled.

"Hey shut up!" Inner Maru growled as her counterpart blushed, taking that as a complement.

Later that night...

The sound of things being knocked off of a desk came from inside Leader's room followed by the sounds of tearing fabric. Soft moans from both a male and female voice echoed through the hideout. Everyone was very used to these sounds, but not the current newbie.

Maru lay in bed wide-eyed and afraid. The sounds reminded her of ones you'd hear in horror films. "Hey, Tobi-sempai" she whispered, nudging the slumbering sempai.

"More waffles please...Zzzzz..." he snored. Maru sweat-dropped, the poor idiot was out cold.

"Oh...Oh Pein-sama~!" cried Konan's voice.

"Yes, scream my name! Louder!"

"Hey, keep your fuck-fest down!" Hidan yelled from his room.

"Are they doing it again?" Karla squeaked from her room.

"Go to sleep, Karla" Sasori's voice called. The loud noise of what sounded like a desk slowly being pushed across the floor then occurred.

"Oh shit! They're moving the desk! Go Leader!" Hidan whooped.

"We can HEAR that, thank you very much!" Itachi shouted.

"You're just mad you and Kisame have to do it with the lights ON, blind-boy!"

"You mean they have sex, un?!" Deidara gasped from his own room.

"I'm sure they do~" the Jashinist giggled.

"Oh GOD! I just got a mental picture of that! SICK!" Kakuzu yelled, disgusted at his own imagination.

"W-We do NOT have sex! Do we Kisame?"

"Zzzz..." was the shark-nin's only reply.

"Does this happen every night?" Maru asked.

"Not every night, but at least five times a week" Zetsu imputed.

"Five times a week?!" Sasori gasped. "With each other?!"

"Well, 'tis the season to be horny~" Hidan snickered.

"Speaking of that. Anyone look at the calendar lately, un?"

"Nuh-uh. Why?"

"Christmas. It's the day after tomorrow, un"

"...Stop playing" Maru hissed.

"Well, now it's tomorrow since it just became midnight, un"

"FUCK! Kakuzu's not done with my gift yet!"

"I am, jeez. Don't get your non-existent underwear in a bunch..."

"He doesn't wear any underwear?!" Itachi exclaimed.

"Nope! I go commando everyday!" the proud masochist declared.

"Wheee~! I know what to get you now!" Deidara cheered.

"I don't fucking wear thongs!"

"Crap, un..."

"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! I can't hear Konan moaning my name!" Pein roared from his room.

"Sorry!" Maru called.

"Maru, you're demoted! Now go to sleep!"

"B-but! Everyone else was...they...me...why?!" she whined.

"Pein-sama, the condom just broke!" an alarmed, yet still fully pleasured Konan said.

"Ah! I know, I just got a paper cut!" the leader hissed.

"I have some!" Sasori offered.

"No thank you, we have our own" Pein responded.

"How come wooden boy can talk and I can't?!" Maru growled.

"One more word and you're fired, noob!"

"Lousy shadow-covered Konan-humping bastard..." Inner Maru muttered.

"I heard that, you naughty girl!" Zetsu's dark side said.

On Christmas day...

"What are you doing?" Sasori asked, looking over Deidara's shoulder. The seated artist quickly covered whatever he was working on.

"Nothing danna, un!"

"It doesn't look like nothing. Is it a present? ...For me?" the puppet master asked. Deidara shook his head rapidly.

"N-No! It's for...uh...Tobi! Yeah, Tobi, un!"

"But you hate Tobi"

"Well, Tobi HAS been a good boy! And, well...don't you have something else to do, un? Like...sanding and waxing yourself?" he asked in a huffy tone. Sasori would've blushed at that question, but was unable to.

"...I do no such thing, brat" the redhead lied, moving closer to the pyro-technician's lips. Deidara gasped inwardly, forgetting he still had on the hat with mistletoe pinned to it. No problem there, he simply shook the hat off. Unfortunately for Deidara, it landed on his lap. "Ah, even better~" Sasori said with a smirk before kneeling down and undoing the blushing blonde's pants.

"No danna! W-what if someone comes in, un?!" he panted. All those cares vanished when Sasori began to partake of his candy cane .

A good few minutes in, the door opened and Karla peeked inside. She gasped at what she saw. "K-Karla-chan! H-Hi!" Deidara half moaned. "D-Did you need something, un?"

"Never mind! I'll come back later, nyachuuu!" she squealed, quickly leaving the two and shutting the door behind her.

"Maru-kohai! Tobi got you a present!" Tobi chimed, bursting into their room. Maru was still asleep, showing just how excited she was about this morning. In her hands was a tangled mass of yarn and kitting needles. "Merry Christmas Maru-kohai!" her sempai cheered, jumping onto the snoozing Akatsuki member.

"What the?! Get off me!" she yelled. Tobi then shoved a present into her face. It was horribly wrapped, but still concealed whatever it was. "You got me a gift, sempai?" she asked shyly.

"Of course! Maru was a good kohai...sometimes!"

Unwrapping the present, Maru sweat-dropped. It was a frozen solid snowball. "Does Maru-kohai like it? Tobi made sure it wouldn't melt by putting it in the freezer!"

"Uh...its great sempai...thanks" Maru groaned, reaching under her pillow and pulling out a light blue book. "This is your gift from me!"

"Tobi got a gift! Tobi is sooo happy!" Tobi cried hyperly, looking at the cover. 'Oh Please, (don't) Stop!' volume seven.

"Hah! And Zetsu said I was only self proclaimed!" she laughed.

"Is this why Maru-kohai went into town earlier this week with all that paper?" Tobi asked, flipping through the pages.

"Yup!" the girl responded.

"Oh Maruuu~!" Hidan said slyly, entering the room.

"Oh hell...what is it now?" Maru groaned.

"I have a gift for you" he said, handing her a wrapped box.

"For me?! Aww, you shouldn't have!" she squealed, taking it and quickly unwrapping it. Of course once she saw what it was, she really wished Hidan SHOULDN'T have given her the present.

"Do you like it? I'll help you try it on~" Hidan offered, practically drooling already. Maru threw the snowball Tobi gave her at the perverted Jashinist. Since it was frozen as hard as a rock, it knocked him out quite nicely.

"Wow Tobi, thanks for the gift!"

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said, hugging his kohai tightly.

"OH KISAME~!" screamed Itachi's voice from down the hall.

"...well, looks that they're exchanging their gifts!" Maru snickered. Nanako ran down the hall, a small black and red collar with a bell on it around her neck. She stopped in the doorway of Tobi and Maru's room and huffed out her chest proudly as if she were showing it off. A huge stuffed plush toy that resembled a strawberry seemed to walk by, but then it was apparent Karla was carrying it around happily, cuddling it each second she got. A small tag still left on it said it was from Sasori.

"Okay, that was the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life!" Maru squealed running after the small ninja and hugging her tightly.

"Nyaaachuuu~! Merry Christmas Onee-sama!" she chirped cutely.

"Kawaii! I'm gonna hug you all day!" the writer sighed cheerfully.

"Group hug!" Tobi said, hugging his kohai tightly.

"Back off!" both Inner and outer Maru hissed. The masked moron backed away slowly. Nanako rubbed against his leg and mewled happily.

"It sure is lovely outside" Zetsu's light half said as he looked out of the window of his room. The snow had stopped falling, yet everything was now covered in a white blanket of snow. A knock then came at Zetsu's bedroom door. "Come in"

The door opened and Maru came in quickly and shut the door. "Hi Zetsu-san!"

"Oh, its you! Hello"

" What do you want? "

"Don't be rude!" the light half scolded.

"I just came in to say hello!" she said nervously, holding something behind her back.

"She made you a gift" her inner self said without a hint of nervousness. Maru blushed while Zetsu's dark side raised and eyebrow.

"You're giving me a gift?" the dark side asked.

"I-It's for both of you! Well, a gift for each part! ...you know what I mean!"

"Just give him the damn present!" Inner Maru urged. Blushing red in the face, Maru quickly held out two unwrapped items. "M-Merry Christmas!" she squeaked. One was her recently published book and the other was an amateur-made black and white stripped scarf. "I hope he likes them!" she thought shakily.

"Did you make this scarf yourself?"

"Yeah. Sorry it's kinda off in some places"

"No no! It's fine!" his lighter side said quite happily, placing the scarf around his neck. "We haven't gotten a hand-made gift before. Hell, this is one of the few gifts we've ever received"

"I'm sorry to hear that. But after you were so kind to me and healed me from my accident, I really thought you deserved more than just a 'thank you'" the pigtailed girl said, poking her fingers together lightly as she spoke. Zetsu was speechless and felt blood rush to his face. Most likely for the first time in his life, he blushed. "W-Well, I think Tobi and Karla wanted me to make a snowman with them. S-So I'll be going" she said, turning to leave.

"Wait." Zetsu said, going to a drawer. Opening it, he pulled out a bag of dried shark fins. "Kisame would kill me if he saw me giving these to you. But it's the only thing I knew you'd really like" he said, handing Maru the bag. None of Zetsu's halves could've expected what she did then. She hugged him! Tightly at that!

"You're the best, Zetsu-san! Thank you so much!" she giggled, clinging onto him tightly.

"you don't have to force yourself to hug me, you know..."

"Who says I was forcing myself? What if I really wanted to hug you?"

"I'd call you insane"

"News flash, I am!" Inner Maru laughed. Zetsu had to laugh at that true fact. Finally letting him go, Maru noticed how much of a view Zetsu had from his window and looked on with awe.

"Aren't you going to go play with Tobi and Karla?"

"They can get started without me" she said, starting to eat her dried snack and sitting on Zetsu's bed. It had begun to snow again and she was watching it. Sensing Zetsu was a bit nervous, Inner Maru spoke up. "It's your bed; you can sit on it too"

Feeling invited, Zetsu sat near her and faced the window along with her. Once seated, he felt that same as he did when he was always alone; not awkward. Maru for once felt fully safe around a man. Not once had he made an unnecessary reach or grab at her. The feelings they both had when together were very different than when they were with any one else.

...and they liked it.

"Merry Christmas...Maru-chan" both sides said softly. Maru did not respond; for she had fallen asleep leaning against his shoulder.

To be continued...