Chapter 3: Apologize

I take another chance

Take a fall, take a shot for you

I need you like a heart needs a beat

But its nothing new

Yeah, yeah

I loved you with a fire and

Now it's turning blue

And you say sorry like the angel

Heaven let me think was you

But I'm afraid

Its too late too apologize

Its too late

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December 12th, 2008

New York, NY

Palace Hotel

Samantha groaned as the bright light of the sun streamed through the window and disturbed her sleep. She turned over only to bump a person sleeping next to her. Disoriented, she opened her eyes and had to stifle a shriek when she saw the naked boy laying next to her. What was his name again? Samantha looked down at herself with trepidation and was not surprised to find that she was not wearing anything either. She groggily reached for a sheet and wrapped it around herself before easing out of bed to find her clothes. She easily spotted her dress from the night before, her underwear littered around it. Cringing, Samantha slid her underwear on before sliding her dress on over it. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and immediately ran her fingers through her disheveled hair, wondering how obvious it would be to others that she was doing the Walk of Shame. Samantha turned back to the boy in bed and was surprised to find him smirking at her.

"Leaving so soon?" he asked suggestively.

"Um, I think so. I have, you know, play stuff to do today." Samantha stammered, trying to stare at anything but him.

"I ordered breakfast." he said, his smirk widening. He stood up and walked towards her, fisting a hand in her long, blonde hair. "Or we could go another round, if you're not hungry for food."

"I don't know if that's such a good id..." Samantha started, but was interrupted by the boy's lips pressing fervently against her own. Unable to resist, Samantha returned the kiss and allowed the boy to lead her back towards the bed as his hand found the zipper of her dress.

"Wait." she breathed. "What was your name again?"

"Somebody can't hold their liquor." the boy whispered in an amused tone as he pushed Samantha's dress all the way off. His hand reached for her underwear and he continued "I'm Chuck Bass."

Samantha groaned softly. "Well... I bet you don't remember me either."

"Oh, I remember you." Chuck breathed. "I remember you very, very, well." And with that, Samantha and Chuck repeated the activity that had taken up so much of their time the night before.

"You're kind of amazing." Samantha sighed as she sipped the orange juice that had been brought in with their breakfast.

"I get that a lot." Chuck replied.

Samantha rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you do." Inspired all of a sudden, she placed her orange juice on the night stand and settled on top of Chuck. He grinned lazily as she kissed him again.

"Insatiable woman." he pretended to complain as he pulled her further against him. After a moment, Chuck rolled back over so that he was once again on top of Samantha.

"Chuck?!" a male voice exclaimed from the doorway.

Chuck looked up from Samantha and rolled off of her suddenly. "Nathaniel?"

"Chuck, what are you doing? Who is she?"

Samantha flushed as the boy Chuck called 'Nathaniel' looked at her with disgust. She quickly slid under the blankets.

"I came to check on you, Chuck. I thought you might need a friend."

"Well, as you can see, I've found one, so if you could leave us in peace we would much appreciate it." Chuck explained, the lazy grin back on his face.

"C'mon, Chuck. Do you even know her name? What about Blair?" Nate asked, a skeptical look on her face.

"Of course I know her name, Nathaniel. It's...well, you know, its..." Chuck started, his memory failing him.

"Samantha." Samantha volunteered, poking her head out of the blanket for a second.

"Uhhuh." Nate responded. "Well, I would leave if I were you Sam. Chuck and I have some things to take care of."

Samantha nodded slowly, grabbing her things and heading for the bathroom on the other side of the street.

"Chuck, you can't keep doing this. Drinking every night, ending up god-knows-where." She heard Nate explain in a gentle tone to Chuck.

"I'm in my suite. That hardly constitutes somewhere I don't know."

"Your father's will is being read today. Officially."

"I'll be ready in ten." Chuck said, downing a shot glass full of scotch.

"Okay. I'll meet you downstairs then." Nate said, sounding suspicious of Chuck's agreeable response.

Samantha headed out of the suite without a word to Chuck, who was too busy drinking as much scotch as possible to see her leave. She blushed as she came to stand next to Nate, who was also waiting for the elevator to go downstairs.

"Hi." She greeted. He glanced over at her before looking back towards the elevator.

"I'm Samantha. And this isn't the kind of thing I normally do. In case you were wondering. Which you probably weren't. But you have this look on your face like 'She's such a whore' and I just wanted you to know that I wouldn't have done this had I been a bit less stressed out and my boyfriend hadn't just cheated on me with this skanky girl. He told me he loved me, you know. And I've never been to New York, and Chuck is very persuasive..." Samantha rambled, suddenly very, very nervous.

Nate raised his eyebrows at her and let out a very short laugh as they stepped into the elevator. "Okay then. I, uh, officially no longer think that you are a whore."

Samantha giggled. "Why thank you, I, um... appreciate it?"

Nate stuck out a hand for her to shake. "Nate Archibald."

She took it and shook it gently. "Samantha Delavan."

Nate was so distracted by the blonde beauty that he didn't notice the brunette girl watching them suspiciously and leaning towards them to snap a photo of the two with her phone.

"I'm very glad you're not a whore." he joked. "And for what its worth, your boyfriend is a crazy person if he cheated on you."

Samantha grinned, ducking her head in embarrassment.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed. You're a very pretty girl. I mean, you'd have to be to get in Chuck Bass's favor."

"Somehow, I don't think that's too hard to do." Samantha replied with a wicked smirk.

"True. But Chuck hasn't touched a girl since, well, since Mr. Bass passed. Something about you must have attracted him."

Samantha couldn't help but be happy about the attention this really cute New York boy was giving her, even though she had more important things to focus on. Such as the heart attack Damien was going to have if she was late...Damien! Samantha checked her phone and cursed silently to herself.

"What is it?" Nate asked, noticing her distress.

"Nothing, I'm just late. Really late actually." she explained as she rushed away from him. "I'm in a play, and it's kind of important that I'm there in the next ten minutes."

"Well, it was nice to meet you!" Nate called after her.

"Thanks!" she shouted back, earning a glare from the concierge. "You too!"

"It was very nice to meet you." Chuck shouted too, the innuendo obvious in his tone.

Samantha waved back at him with a grin before stepping into a cab and speeding away, the seconds to eleven AM slipping away from her.

************************************************************

December 12, 2008

New York, NY

Bass Penthouse, earlier that same morning.

Lily Van der Woodsen awoke with a start, having to look around the room to remind her of where she was. She processed her surroundings and realized that everything was fine; she was safe in the penthouse that had been her home for the past six months or so. She slowly slid out of bed, still a bit shaky. That was the third time she had been forced to endure the nightmare of the accident. The dream always started out the same. She was at the Snowflake Ball, wrapped in Rufus Humphrey's arms and swaying slowly to the music. Then she would notice Bart in the background and attempt to walk over to him, but he would keep disappearing and reappearing in different corners of the room. Suddenly, Bart would appear in front of her, drenched in blood as he was the night he died. He would whisper all that he knew about her past and about her baby and then disappear again as Rufus walked over too, a look full of pain on his face.

"Just tell me one thing. Was it a boy or a girl?" Rufus would always hiss, and then disappear too, leaving her alone in the middle of the dance floor, her gorgeous white dress covered in Bart's blood.

Lily shuddered violently at the mental image that wouldn't leave her alone. Not surprisingly, the image that stuck with her was not the appearance of her dead husband, or even the blood staining the dress she had put so much effort into picking out. It was Rufus's face, a mirror of his pain-filled expression from that night of the train station. The ache accompanying this image was two-fold: the way she had hurt Rufus by keeping things from him; and the fact that although it had been a mere four days since the loss of her husband, Rufus Humphrey and his pain was the thing on her mind. She was distracted from her thoughts as Eric knocked gently on the door before entering the room.

"Are you okay?" her son asked softly as he came to stand next to her. "I heard you scream."

Lily smiled at him. "I'm okay, bad dream."

"You've been like this for almost a week." He observed. "Are you sure that you should have sent Grandma home?"

Lily's eyes narrowed at the mention of CeCe. "I really can't deal with her right now."

"Have you talked to Rufus?" Eric asked.

"Rufus has no interest in speaking to me right now, and I don't particularly want to see him. Thanks for your concern, but I'm really fine." Lily replied, with a tone indicating that this was to be the end of the conversation.

Eric nodded, resigned, and left the room. As soon as he knew he was out of earshot, he dialed his best friend's number and waited impatiently until she picked up.

"Hello?" Jenny Humphrey greeted cheerfully.

"Hey, Jen, its Eric." He said, sitting down onto his bed and sighing.

"Hey. What's going on? It's a little early for you to be awake. You have plans with Jonathan?"

"No. My mother's screaming woke me up."

"Oh, man. She's still really upset, huh."

"Yeah, she's pretty messed up right now. But of course, her being her, she won't admit anything. Except that I don't exactly think it's about Bart anymore."

"What would it be about then?" Jenny asked, confused.

"I think it has to do with your dad."

"Dad? Why?"

"I mentioned him this morning, wanting to know if they'd talked. They did just admit their undying love for each other, so I figured he would be helping her out. All she said is that your dad wasn't speaking to her."

"That's odd." Jenny said, sounding bemused. "I can try to figure out what's going on if you want."

"Can you just try and get him to talk to her? I'm getting really worried." Eric admitted.

"I'll talk to him once he's up. It is the crack of dawn, you know."

"Speaking of, what are you doing up so early?" he questioned.

"Sketching out some new designs in case Eleanor's vacation and her good mood make her want to give me my job back." Jenny replied, smiling though Eric couldn't see her.

"Ah. Well, Jonathan's on the other line, I'll call you back."

"What is Jonathan doing up at this hour? Are you people crazy?" Jenny teased.

"Bye, Jen." Eric said pointedly as he hung up.

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December 12, 2008

New York, NY

Humphrey Loft

Jenny sighed as she closed her phone and went back to surveying the dress she was creating. However, Eric's comments kept distracting her, making her unable to concentrate. She wouldn't say she knew Lily Bass very well, but being unable to hide how she was feeling certainly didn't seem like her. Neither did having night terrors and waking the whole house. After a few moments of thinking, she exited her room quietly and headed for her father's. Rufus was still in bed, but wasn't asleep when she entered; he was just staring at the ceiling, looking as if he was deep in thought. He looked over at Jenny as he entered and tried to smile. Jenny noticed immediately that this smile was a shadow of how it had been even four days ago, the day of the funeral. His guitar and suitcase still sat in the middle of the room, looking as if they hadn't been touched at all since Dan had brought them in.

"Hey, Jen. What are you doing up so early?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same thing." She responded as she sat down on the bed next to him. "But since you are, we need to talk."

Rufus sat up too, worry in his tone as he said "Okay, about what?"

Jenny took a deep breath. "Well, its about Lily."

Rufus closed his eyes for a moment in frustration. "Jen, I know Dan has probably told you everything that happened the day of the funeral. It just isn't going to work out between Lily and me. It just wasn't meant to be."

"Dad, I'm going to ignore how untrue that statement is and just tell you that whatever happened between you, you're one of her oldest friends. Probably one of her only true friends. And she's really, really upset right now. Eric said she hasn't slept or eaten since the funeral, and that when she does sleep she wakes up with night terrors."

Despite himself, Rufus felt a wave of concern sweep through him. Lily rarely had nightmares, but when she did they normally devastated her.

"And I know you're mad at her or whatever, but Eric specifically asked me to talk to you about it. She apparently mentioned to him that you two aren't exactly on the greatest terms. Dad, she sent her mother home, Serena's in Argentina with awful cell service, and she won't confide in Eric. I don't know what this is about, but if you could please just talk to her. If not for her sake, do it for mine." Jenny begged.

Rufus sighed. "I'll head over there once it's normal for people to be awake."

"She's up." Jenny informed him with an indulgent smile. Rufus pulled himself out of bed at that and headed for the dresser. If he was going to do this, he certainly wasn't going to show Lily Van der Woodsen how much pain she'd put him in these past few days.

**************************************************

December 12th, 2008

New York, NY

Waldorf Penthouse

Blair Waldorf awoke the morning of December 12th feeling particularly optimistic, which was unlike her. Nate had just called, confirming that Chuck was alive, in his suite, and only relatively hung over; which meant that he would actually go to the reading of his father's will without having to be dragged there by force and embarrassing himself even further. As annoying as it was that Chuck had seemingly made a recovery without her help, Blair couldn't help but be grateful to whoever or whatever had brought Chuck out of his rut. Yes, Blair Waldorf was convinced that things were on the up and up, and that Chuck would realize that she could and would be there for him after she let him get his destruction out of the way. Well, Blair Waldorf approved destruction of course. She was convinced that she was going to have a good day. Until, of course, her phone buzzed with a text from Gossip Girl. A full-blown photo of Nate and a blonde giggling outside of The Palace greeted her. She rolled her eyes. It would be so like Nate to get distracted when she gave him one specific job to do. Blair continued to read the post and became more and more confused as she did so.

"Spotted at the Palace Hotel. Nate Archibald and Serena Van der Woodsen getting cozy in the lobby. Isn't she supposed to be in Argentina with her new beau? What will our Queen B think of this new development? Xoxo, Gossip Girl."

Blair rolled her eyes. Honestly, some people were just so gullible. Serena was, in fact, still in Argentina, which Blair had confirmed herself the night before through their payphone conversation. Blair shuddered at the thought of using a payphone, and was about to text Gossip Girl to tell her to watch her sources when another message came through. Intrigued, Blair opened the message and felt her throat tighten as she read:

"This just in. A very knowledgeable source tells me that 'Serena' is not Serena at all. Our dear S is still in Argentina. This source also informed me that Wannabe Serena spent the night in the Bass Suite with the infamous Bass himself. Don't believe me? Melanie91 sent proof. Thanks for the photo, Mel. Who is this knockoff and does she honestly think she can wrap the most sought after UES men around her little finger? Putting out an APB, Gossip Girl."

Nearly shaking with anger, Blair stared at the photo, which showed Chuck and the blonde with arms around each other about to enter the elevator at the Palace. She quickly dialed Nate, needing confirmation that this rumor was in fact true.

"Blair, I told you Chuck was fine. He just went into the lawyer's office." Nate said without even the most simple of greetings.

"Was there a girl with her last night?" Blair demanded.

"There was, but I don't think she meant anything Blair. You shouldn't be worried."

"This is the first girl he's been with since Bart passed. Obviously, there's something significant about her."

"Sam's a nice girl, leave her alone." Nate ordered.

"Oh, so you like her too, then." Blair snapped, jealous in spite of herself.

"That's not what I said. Look, Chuck and Sam got drunk last night. I don't know how they know each other, but Sam doesn't deserve this. Okay?"

"Oh, don't worry Nate. I'm not going to do anything." Blair lied sweetly.

Nate shook his head as the dial tone sounded. He knew that tone. He just hoped that Samantha was fully equipped to deal with the tornado that was a Blair Waldorf scorned.

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December 12th, 2008

New York, NY

Bass Penthouse

Lily surveyed herself in the mirror critically. The black dress she had chosen clung to each curve perfectly, her hair perfectly curled, and her make up was flawless. She could feel nothing but disgust as she looked at her reflection, unable to place when her life had become so complicated. All of the mistakes she had made were coming back to haunt her, and combining to cause even graver consequences than before. If only she had told Rufus while it was on her own terms. Even if it had been twenty years too late. He would still be angry with her, but at least it wouldn't have fallen to her mother to tell him about their daughter. A gentle knock came against the bathroom door and she was pulled out of her self-deprecating thoughts.

"I'll be right out, Eric." she called.

"It isn't Eric." A familiar voice replied.

Lily turned sharply towards the door. As she eased it open, she was not surprised to see Rufus Humphrey standing there, his brown eyes boring into hers.

"Rufus. I'm late." Lily snapped, walking past him and towards her bed. Rufus immediately blocked her path.

"Did you think we were never going to talk about this?"

"Hmm, let's see. I think the five messages I left you offering to talk to you about it made my intentions pretty clear." She attempted to side step him, but he anticipated her movement and she was again blocked.

"I didn't want to do it over the phone."

"Well, I'm sorry, this isn't a good time."

"I don't care about whatever you have planned today. We're doing this now." Rufus replied, a dark undertone in his voice that Lily had only heard a few times in their time together.

"What did you want to say Rufus? Go ahead, tell me how horrible I am. I'm sure I've already come up with most of what you'd like to say."

"Why didn't you tell me about her?"

"My mother wouldn't allow it." Lily responded. "And I was scared to face you after what I had done to you."

Rufus waved this off. "That was then. Years ago. I mean now, in the present. We've been talking for the past two years pretty constantly. You were going to go away with me and try to figure things out. Why didn't you tell me then?"

"I didn't want to ruin what we had. I wanted us to work this time." Lily confessed, finding it hard to focus on Rufus's eyes.

"Bullshit."

"How dare you?! You don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"This isn't about any romantic notion of wanting us to work out. This is about you never wanting anyone to find out! Not your kids, not me, not anyone on the Upper East side..."

"Get out." Lily said, her voice cold as ice.

"No." Rufus argued, standing his ground in front of her. "You're going to admit to me, right here and now, that you hid our child from me because you were scared about what everyone would think. You wouldn't make Page Six with a scandal with some nobody from Brooklyn. That's all that matters to you people, isn't it?"

"You're right, Rufus. I didn't tell you about our baby because I was just so afraid of what all my friends would think. Not because it was painful for me to remember, or because I didn't know what you would think of me. Now please get out of my way. The reading of my late husband's will is this morning and I need to be there." Lily said with the same tone as before.

"This isn't over." Rufus warned.

"Sure it isn't, Rufus." Lily said with a dark look on her face.

Rufus let her pass silently, unable to fathom how his trip to check on the woman he loved had turned into a bitter fight that he couldn't see how to overcome. He obviously needed more time away from Lily than he thought, the mere sight of her had made it impossible for him to forget the pain, and the image of a baby girl with his eyes that had been haunting him for weeks.