Disclaimer: I don't own Rosario+Vampire.
A/N: It's weird I even write for this series, considering I hate harem anime in general...O_O
Kurumu Kurono was practically tearing her hair out in frustration when Tsukune and Moka entered the Newspaper club meeting room.
'HOOOOOLY CRAP!' the vampire-human duo thought in unison.
"Argh! Dammit! Shit! This is so frustrating!!" she screamed out loud, banging her head on her desk.
Running up beside her, Tsukune exclaimed, "Whoa there! Kurumu-chan, calm down before you split your head open! What's the problem?"
Kurumu glared at the pair for a moment, before scoffing to the side. "Hmph...you guys wouldn't understand..."
"Kurumu-chan, don't say things like that," Moka replied sweetly, "We're your friends, and we'll always help you no matter what. So...what seems to be the trouble?"
Unable to say "no" to a cute girl like Moka, Kurumu immediately gave in and explained, "Alright, here's the problem: I want to tell Mizore-chan I love her, but I don't know how..."
Upon hearing those words, a deep blush formed on both Moka's and Tsukune's cheeks. "K-Kurumu...we...I mean, we had no idea you were...you were a l-l-lesbian..." the pink-haired vampire girl stammered.
Kurumu shook her head. "Actually, I'm only bisexual. Since you seem to have come out the victor in obtaining Tsukune's affections, I've decided to go after the next best thing: Mizore-chan!" she said nonchalantly.
"Is...is Mizore-chan bisexual as well? Or maybe...she's a lesbian?" Tsukune asked, hoping it was so.
"How the hell would I know, idiot?!" Kurumu shrugged and laid her head on her desk again in despair.
'Huh...now that she's not interested in me anymore, she doesn't need to hold back on using any insults...' Tsukune observed.
Shaking the embarrassed flush from her face, Moka patted her female friend on the back and exclaimed, "Don't worry, Kurumu-chan, Tsukune and I shall do everything in our power to help you and Mizore-chan get together!!"
Staring deeply into Moka's beautiful eyes, Kurumu purred, "Oh...Moka-chan, ever since we first met...you've been...you've been so sweet to me...thank you so much for offering to aid me in finding love...Moka-chaaaan..." As she said this, the incubus girl gently stroked Moka's cheek.
Tsukune gasped and butted in, "KURUMU-CHAN...THINK ABOUT MIZORE-CHAN WEARING NOTHING BUT SEXY LINGERIE!!! DO IT NOW, WOMAN!!!"
Kurumu did as demanded, and she soon lost consciousness due to a powerful nosebleed. Blinking a few times in confusion, Moka turned to Tsukune and asked, "...What did you just do?"
Wiping the sweat from his brow, Tsukune replied, "I saved your skin...and her's,"
"Uh...ooookay..."
"Anyway...Moka, go and find Mizore-chan and bring her back here," Tsukune ordered, "I'll speak with Kurumu-chan about what to do..."
"Alright, Tsukune!" Moka replied before rushing out the door.
'Why the hell can't she just turn into a bat and fly around...?' Tsukune wondered, 'However, while I still have a chance for a lengthy monologue, I gotta start thinking...how the hell is a loser like me so attractive to hot girls? Do they have a fetish for pitiful people? I mean, c'mon, ladies, I'm not the only FRICKIN' DAMN DUDE in this whole school! Then again, maybe I hang out with only women because I'm gay...not that I actually AM gay or anything...but still...either way, I need more male friends! Yeah, that's what I'll do! Screw women and all their ilk! I'm gonna go to the pub tonight and hang out with my boyos!! HELLZ YEAH! IT'S A PLAN!! If I don't wake up tomorrow in the arms of another man, I'll commit harakiri!...Wait, my thoughts are getting out of order now...'
"...T-Tsukune..."
"Yes, Kurumu-chan?"
"...You're standing on top of me..."
"Oh! Sorry..."
"...What is it that Tsukune wants to tell me, Moka-chan?" Mizore asked excitedly as she followed her vampire friend down the hall back to the club meeting room.
"You'll...you'll find out soon enough..." Moka replied, aching in desire to spoil the secret.
With a look of lust in Mizore's eyes, she let out a sigh and mellowed, "Ahh...I bet he wants to confess his love to me...he's so cute..."
'Like fuck he will, bitch! Tsukune loves me and no one else! You're gonna end up with Dykey Mcdyke instead...' Moka thought with a rising temper.
When they finally reached the sliding door that leads into the club room, both Moka and Mizore could hear the voices of Tsukune and Kurumu conversing inside.
"But I can't! I just can't!" cried Kurumu's voice; it sounded like she was sobbing.
"You have to do it! If you don't do it now, how will you ever be happy?!" Tsukune's voice snapped.
"What if...what if I make a mistake?" Kurumu asked.
"Don't worry...it'll be fine. I promise..." Tsukune said, his voice growing soft and reassuring.
A blush formed on Moka's cheeks. 'Aww...Tsukune, you're so sweet to everyone, always caring and so thoughtful...'
A blush formed on Mizore's cheeks. 'Oh my god...are they going to have sex? That damn bitch Kurumu is going to have her virginity taken by Tsukune first! That's my dream goal, dammit!'
Roaring in fury, Mizore kicked the door down with her foot and leaped inside on all fours. "TSUKUNE...GIVE ME YOUR-"
She gasped when she realized Tsukune and Kurumu were still both fully clothed and in no way about to have passionate sex. Moka sighed and shook her head.
"Ah...hello there..." Tsukune stammered, a bit frightened by this sudden surprise.
"Oh...my bad. See you later when you're in the showers, Tsukune..."
Mizore stood up to leave, when Kurumu suddenly ran over and grabbed her by the arm. "Mizore-chan...please, wait a moment..." the incubus girl whispered.
Turning around on her heel to face Kurumu, Mizore asked, "Yes? What is it, Kurumu-chan?"
As she struggled to say those powerful three words, Kurumu could feel her heart pounding violently against her chest. Swallowing her spit, she thought, 'I can do this...I can do this...oh god, I can do this...I can definitely do this...'
"What's up, Kurumu-chan?" Mizore asked again.
Closing her eyes, and throwing caution to the wind, Kurumu shouted at the top of her lungs, "I LOVE YOU!!!" Then, she swung her arms around Mizore's neck and pulled the ice maiden into a powerful and loving kiss on the lips.
Moka walked up next to Tsukune and rested her head on his shoulder. "You know, even though they're both women...they make a cute couple..." Moka admitted.
Tsukune nodded. "Yeah...I'm glad Kurumu-chan is happy, but I'm worried about how Mizore-chan will react once she regains her composure..."
When Mizore did regain her composure, however, her entire face was beet red, and she couldn't even bring herself to speak. So, she just used her tongue to perform some rather skillful french-kissing maneuvers she had been practicing.
"Kurumu-chan...?"
"Yes...?"
"I...I love you too..."
Hearing this, Tsukune and Moka both let out sighs of relief. 'THANK GOODNESS SHE RETURNED KURUMU'S FEELINGS!"
And so, they decided to take their leave, giving Kurumu and Mizore some alone time together. Hand in hand, Tsukune and Moka walked off to find their own little special hiding place too, so they could have some 'alone time' as well...
And now for something rather puzzling...where the hell is Yukari?!