***

See disclaimer in Chapter 1. They aren't mine, and I doubt JKR would share custody of them with me after seeing what I have them do.

For Digitallace, who wanted to see how the professors reacted, McGonagall in particular …

***

Harry's stomach was in knots. He'd been able to block out the enormity of what they were about to do while he was taking his N.E.W.T.s, but now that the tests were over he had a lot of time on his hands to think about the book and how it would be received.

He fidgeted in his seat, tearing tiny bits of parchment off his scroll and rolling them into balls. He was supposed to be researching charms to help bind the copies of the books, but he couldn't keep his mind on his task. Anthony and Theo were in the other corner of the library, going through stacks of books about publishing to find a replication spell that would keep the photos intact when they mass produced them.

Harry was so distracted he didn't notice when Hermione pulled out the chair next to his, jumping in surprise when she started talking.

"Oh Harry, honestly," she chided, looking at his arsenal of paper balls.

He shrugged but picked up his quill, returning his attention to the open book in front of him. Everyone had a part in the production of the books, from researching how to do it to organizing the photos to actually reproducing them. Draco and Pansy were squirreled away at Malfoy Manor for the day, having secured an afternoon pass to visit his parents. Fortunately for them, the elder Malfoys were in Switzerland at the moment, giving the two Slytherins free reign of both the main Malfoy library and Lucius' personal store of books hidden away in his study. Hermione had been the one to suggest the trip, hoping the Malfoy library had a few protection spells that might be too close to the line to have a place at Hogwarts.

Hermione watched Harry leaf through the book absently, clearly not focusing on the words. Of all of them, Harry and Draco were taking the biggest chance. They'd be outing their relationship to the world, which had to be nerve-wracking. She wanted to ask Harry about it, to see if he and Draco had discussed their future at all, but she was hesitant to get involved; for all she knew, the two of them were planning to part ways after Hogwarts. She didn't want to add to Harry's stress or, on the chance he hadn't thought about it, give him something to worry about.

"Give it to me," she sighed, pulling the book across the table. "Luna's piecing the scene together in the Room of Requirement. Why don't you go see if she needs any help?"

***

Luna hadn't needed any help, he discovered when he'd entered the room, only to find Luna, Neville and Blaise otherwise occupied on a large four-poster bed in the corner.

"You're welcome to join us!" she'd called over her shoulder as he'd muttered his apologies and left.

Harry shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered aimlessly, barely acknowledging the students who greeted him warmly as he passed. Publishing the book would have no real impact on his career path – he'd decided months ago that he wasn't going to pursue Auror training. He hadn't settled on a career, though he wasn't fussed about it. He had plenty of money to support himself, and he'd toyed with the idea of taking several years off to simply travel and relax.

Of course, publishing what amounted to dozens of sex tapes with him as the star would hardly do much for his anonymity. But there were always Glamours for public places, and he'd already settled on living at least some of the time as a Muggle to take a break from the magical world as whole. At the moment his fancy had been struck by rebuilding the house in Godric's Hollow, focusing on doing the labor mostly the Muggle way instead of using magic. The idea of toiling for hours in the sun appealed to him in a way nothing else he'd considered doing after school did.

He wasn't at all worried about Draco, though he knew Hermione thought he was. Draco's parents already knew about their relationship – it would have been practically suicidal to let the elder Malfoys find out about it via the book like everyone else, in his opinion – and while they didn't exactly support it, they weren't doing anything to actively intervene. Harry supposed that was about as good as it could get.

Draco would be starting a prestigious Arithmancy Mastery at Cambridge in the fall. He was destined to take over the family businesses, but it would be decades before Lucius would be ready to turn over the reins. That left him with years to bum around and do as he pleased, and like most of the other wealthy heirs in their class, he'd chosen to go to university. Both Theo and Blaise were pursuing Masteries, with plans to take a few years off to see the world in wizarding style after completing them. Draco would probably join them, and Harry figured he might go along as well, if he hadn't found his vocation yet.

No, the reason Harry was so circumspect lately had nothing to do with Draco and everything to do with Ginny and Ron – and their family. He'd essentially cut ties with the youngest Weasley earlier that term, but he worried that Ron and his brothers would want nothing to do with him once the book was out. He cringed to think of what Molly and Arthur would say. He sighed, heading back up the stairs to try to catch Padma in the Ravenclaw common room. She'd had some ideas about how to unveil their masterpiece, and he thought that might be where he could help the most. After all, if they were going to do it, they might as well do it big.

***

Dean stretched his ink-stained fingers, grimacing at how stiff his hands had become. He'd been too focused on designing the cover for the book to notice that he'd been hunched over his sketch pad for three hours. It hadn't been until Neville and Harry had come back to the dorm that he'd realized he'd worked through dinner and the sky was dark outside their window.

"Looks brilliant," Harry said, catching a glimpse of it over his shoulder.

"It really does," Neville said with a grin, squinting at the background.

At first glance the cover looked like a replica of Hogwarts: A History, but when examined closer the background, which was made to resemble the intricate pattern of the original, was actually made up of tiny figures engaged in all manner of sexual positions. Dean had even learned the spells to animate the figures, making it a very interesting cover indeed.

"It will be, as long as the animations transfer when we do the replication charm," Dean answered, yawning and rolling his aching shoulders.

"Hermione said it's all sorted," Harry said, tossing Dean a few pieces of fruit and a roll he'd scavenged from dinner.

"Everything else ready to go?" Dean asked, taking a big bite out an apple.

"Draco found some obscure spells that will prevent anyone from copying the books," Harry said, sprawling across his bed.

"We finished organizing the scenes," Neville offered, blushing slightly at the dubious look Harry shot him. "We did!"

"Padma's hit on a way to distribute them at the Leaving Ceremony," Harry said with a smirk. They'd initially planned to do it at the feast afterward, but Padma's idea had been too good to pass up. It would be a complicated bit of spellwork, but they had some Hogwarts' best minds in the group, so Harry was sure they could do it.

"Sounds like we're just about ready, then," Neville said, looking down at the picture of his Gran he kept on his bedside table. There wasn't anything she could do to him, of course, since he'd inherited Head of Household duties on his 17th birthday. He wondered what his parents would think of his involvement, were they in a position to think at all. He grinned, sure they'd have seen the humor in it. He just hoped his Gran's heart was as strong as her Healers said it was.

***

Hermione tugged on the hem of her skirt, making sure the uniform skimmed her knees as it was supposed to. It would be covered by robes anyway, but she wanted to look as prim and proper as possible – it could only serve to add to the shock of revealing the book, to her mind.

She grudgingly used one of the charms she'd heard Lavender and Parvati use hundreds of times, erasing the dark circles under her eyes and brightening her complexion. They'd stayed up the whole night charming the books and preparing for today, and she didn't want to look haggard.

Nodding at her reflection in the mirror, she tucked her wand in her sleeve and grabbed the robes that were hanging over the back of her armoire door, a huge smile on her face as she made her way down to the great lawn.

***

It took a few minutes for the murmurs to start. The Head Boy and Head Girl speeches had gone off without a hitch, as had the Headmistress' address that kicked off the ceremony. Now a steady procession of students were crossing the stage as their names were called, picking up their Leaving Certificates as they marched from one end to the other, pausing for the obligatory photo with their Head of House before descending the steps and taking a seat on the chairs set up on the lawn.

The ceremony was taking longer than it usually did, both because McGonagall's speech had been lengthy and because the crowd was a bit rowdier than normal because it was so much larger than average – the first post-war class to leave Hogwarts was bound to attract a good deal of attention, especially when Harry Potter was in it, combined with the fact that the class was larger as well, since it combined the true seventh-years as well as the ones repeating the year.

It wasn't until Tracey Davis burst out laughing that anyone realized anything was amiss. The Headmistress sent her a quelling look from the podium and continued to read off the names, making it all the way to Su Li before more laughter rang out among those who's already received their certificates and taken their seats.

"Need I remind you that this is a serious and momentous occasion and should be treated as such?" she barked at the red-faced students, glaring at them until they quieted. "I expect you all to behave with the decorum befitting a Hogwarts alumni. If I may continue?"

She looked over her spectacles at the students and crowd, her stern features daring anyone to step out of line again. When no one answered, she cleared her throat and looked back to her list, calling Neville up to receive his certificate.

Neville was careful to keep his face blank as he took the certificate, his chest aching with repressed laughter. He posed for his photo and waved to his Gran, hurrying toward his seat so he could hear the reactions of those who had already discovered their Leaving Certificate was not what it had originally appeared to be. It had taken them hours, but the group had managed to charm the books to look like the certificates, which were enclosed in a handsome leather folder. It hadn't been an easy feat, since the certificates were much thinner than the books were. The charms were designed to wear off as soon as the folder was opened, revealing the books that they'd worked so hard on.

Hannah Abbott looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes wide as she glanced from Neville's face to a page in the book in disbelief. He grinned waggling his eyebrows at her and causing her to squeal in alarm and turn back around.

The group of seated students managed to hold their composure for a few more minutes, the next outburst not occurring until Morag McDougal was crossing the stage. She stumbled as Su Li shrieked, saved from falling by the quick thinking by Professor Flitwick, who cast a charm to steady her as she slipped. He looked positively murderous as he took her arm and lead her toward the stairs, patting her back reassuringly.

McGonagall simply ignored the scream, determined to press on. She wasn't sure what was going on, but she had a feeling she'd rather find out when she wasn't on a podium in front of hundreds of spectators.

The snickers and laughter grew as the rest of the class crossed the stage, and McGonagall let out an audible sigh of relief as she called the last student – Blaise – across to the podium. She was a bit flustered when he kissed her hand before taking his certificate, though her initial pleasure at his manners dissipated quickly as he opened his certificate and handed it back to her with a regal bow, turning to wink at the rest of the students, all of whom were now silently watching with rapt attention.

At first she'd been confused, wondering if the certificates had somehow gotten out of order and he was giving it back because it wasn't his. Then the cover caught her eye, and her cheeks paled – this definitely wasn't a Leaving Certificate. Her eyes widened when she realized the pattern on the front of the book in her hand wasn't a traditional pattern at all, but rather dozens of figures engaged in lewd acts that played over and over again on a loop.

She sucked in a breath, looking at Blaise over the rim of her glasses. He was clearly waiting for a response from her, but she didn't want the entire crowd to know what had happened. Instead, she nodded to him curtly, motioning for him to move down the stage to Professor Slughorn, who was waiting to pose for a picture with him.

Blaise smirked, bowing to her again and moving on, smiling hugely for his photo and skipping down the stairs to join his fellow students. He sank into his chair, eyes alive with laughter, as he waited for the final phase of their plan to begin.

The Headmistress was quite clearly shaken by what had happened, but she tucked the book inside her robes, unable to bear the sight of the animations. She cleared her throat again, struggling to keep her composure. Now more than ever, she wanted to end the ceremony quickly and usher everyone inside for the Leaving Feast so she could get to the bottom of what was going on.

"Congratulations to the class of 2002," she said, her voice sounding strangled as she offered a brittle smile to the students, most of whom weren't watching her at all, their heads buried in books that looked exactly like the one resting in her pocket.

Gasps and shrieks rippled through the crowd as she spoke, and McGonagall felt a shiver of foreboding ripple down her stiff spine. Sure enough, it looked like the books were multiplying. Suddenly more than half the crowd was holding one, though most were simply staring at the covers, stunned, as she had. The ones who had opened them had a variety of reactions, from shocked to amused. She pursed her lips, realizing that the words she had just spoken must have triggered a spell of some sort.

The headmistress sighed, retreating from the podium as the crowd was completely overtaken by interest in the books that had replaced a little more than half of the programs. The Heads of the Houses gathered around her as she stepped back, curious to see what was causing such a ruckus. They began to leaf through the pages, each one as shocking as the one before, until Ginny Weasley let loose an ear-piercing shriek and launched herself across a bank of empty chairs, tackling Draco Malfoy.

***

Draco swung his feet idly, letting the soles of his shoes scuff lightly against the stone floor. Ginny had broken his nose, but Madam Pomfrey had set it right with little effort, the trail of blood marring his white shirt the only evidence he'd been injured at all. His parents – along with all of the parents of the students involved in Hogwarts: A Hedonistic History were in the Headmistress' office. He was the only one of their bunch in the infirmary, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to clear him to leave so he could join the others in the Gryffindor common room, where they'd been escorted by an enraged McGonagall and a snickering Slughorn and told to wait for further instruction.

He was by no means alone in the room, though. Ginny and Ron Weasley had both been dosed with Calming Draughts and were sleeping a few beds over, as was Susan Bones and several parents he didn't recognize. Madam Pomfrey was examining Parvati Patil in the corner, administering potions to help minimize the bruising from the slap her mother had loosed on her before realizing the twin in the photos was Padma, not her. Draco smirked, recalling the colorful language the supposedly high-bred lady had used to describe her daughter before she'd figured out it hadn't been Parvati at all. It always was the quiet ones, Draco mused, laughing softly to himself.

***

"Now see here," Lucius Malfoy drawled, his tone thick with contempt. "This amounts to little more than a school prank, and as they've technically left your institution, you are most certainly not within your rights to administer any sort of punishment."

Narcissa sniffed in agreement, her face a mask of cold indifference. Inside she was marveling at the sheer gall of the group of students. It was quite amazing that it hadn't been an exclusively Slytherin group, she mused. Her opinion of Potter and his friends had certainly gone up in the last hour, though she'd been quite relieved to see that none of the Weasley children had participated in the little endeavor.

She let her cool gaze sweep over Molly and Arthur, barely restraining the sneer that threatened to overtake her calm expression. The headmistress had invited them to represent Potter, for reasons Narcissa couldn't fathom.

The headmistress bristled at Lucius' words, immediately launching into a shrill diatribe about Draco's part in the farce. She and Professor Sprout were convinced he'd been the ringleader, though Professors Slughorn and Flitwick hadn't been convinced.

"– frankly deviant behavior –"

"My grandson is not a deviant!" Augusta Longbottom shouted, rapping her cane loudly against the floor. "I've seen nothing in those pages that suggested this is anything more than what Mr. Malfoy has said – a schoolboy prank."

She raised her cane to nudge the copy of the book that sat on McGonagall's desk for emphasis, her head raised defiantly as she glared at the headmistress.

"Rather ill-advised, but certainly not illegal," she said, returning her cane to her side. She'd been worried about Neville these last few months, but he seemed to be a strapping boy with healthy appetites from what she'd seen in the book, and a large amount of cunning and courage to boot.

"Augusta!" McGonagall gasped, shocked that the elderly woman was condoning what the group had done.

"Well I for one agree with you, Headmistress McGonagall," Padma's father roared, waving a copy of the book in his hand. "Someone will pay for corrupting my daughter in this way."

He glared at Lucius, making it clear who he thought was at fault for Padma's corruption.

Dean's mother simply pursed her lips, shaking her head. This was nothing to what children in the Muggle world got up to at boarding school; she was surprised it hadn't happened before, with such a large student body of largely unsupervised teenagers.

"I think it's rather creative," Xenophilius Lovegood said, a smile on his face as he looked at the headmistress.

"Creative?" Seamus' mother shrieked, throwing her copy of the book at Xeno's head. "I should never have let him come here. I knew that Harry Potter would be up to no good, and look at what happened, taking my poor Seamus down with him."

A tall man in the corner snickered, unable to control his laughter when the Irish witch glared at him.

"From what I saw, Harry Potter was going down on him, not with him," he choked out, his face red from laughter.

"Mr. Nott!" Professor McGonagall shouted, outraged at the comment.

"They've done nothing wrong," the man answered, struggling for composure. He'd never been more proud of Theo than he was at this moment. "Must I remind you that they are all legally adults?"

Pansy's mother nodded sharply, clutching her handbag in her fingers so tightly her nails were white. She didn't approve of her daughter's actions, but matters like these were to be dealt with at home, not in public.

"I want to know how they managed to do this without being detected," Hermione's father insisted, plucking up the courage to speak out in the room full of witches and wizards. "Have you no sort of system in place to supervise them?"

McGonagall's thin lips were nonexistent by now, her face pinched with fury.

"Mr. Granger, we do," she said coldly, frowning at him. "They are called prefects, which nearly half of the participants were, including the Head Boy and Head Girl, who I shouldn't have to remind you is. your. daughter."

"I don't favor punishing them," Anthony's mother chimed in, earning dirty looks from several of the parents. She looked at the book in her husband's hand, blushing slightly. "The spellwork that must have been required to put them together is phenomenal."

"That is hardly relevant!" the headmistress shouted, making the woman blanch slightly. McGonagall scanned the room, overlooking Madam Zabini, who looked bored with the entire thing, and settling on the Weasleys. "Molly, Arthur, what do you have to say about this? Clearly their actions were abominable. Just look at poor Ginny and Ron!"

Arthur frowned, shaking his head. Molly wasn't so reticent, stepping forward to address her old friend.

"Minerva," she said, leveling her best mother-of-seven look at the headmistress.

"Molly!"

"Minerva, really," Molly said, waving the book in the air. "The things these children have faced and overcome – and you want to punish them for this? Am I relieved my Ginny and Ron didn't have anything to do with it? Yes. Do I think Harry and the others should be punished for making this book? No."

"But –"

Everyone jumped when Snape's portrait cut the headmistress off, his silky voice stunning everyone into silence.

"They have all taken their N.E.W.T.s, have they not?" he drawled, glaring at the group.

"Severus, I don't see what bearing –"

"I should think, Minerva," he said, drawing out the words, "that you would be happy to see the back of them. Should you create some sort of punishment for these … miscreants … you will merely be punishing yourself. Tell me, do you truly wish to spend more time with them than necessary? To what end?"

McGonagall sputtered, blinking at the portrait in shock. In the year he'd been hanging on the wall, Snape had never once offered any sort of advice. As she thought through his argument, though, she had to concede the point. Giving them detention nor Merlin forbid expelling them and requiring them to repeat the year – which none of them would likely comply with, since they'd already taken their N.E.W.T.s – would serve little purpose other than to give them more opportunities to cause trouble.

"If that was all?" Lucius interjected, inclining his head toward the headmistress politely.

She huffed out a breath, nodding tightly. The Malfoys were the first to leave, followed by the Weasleys. The angry parents stayed to try to argue more for punishment, but in the end they left as well, the Patils threatening to take their complaints to the Ministry if need be.

"Very wise, Minerva," Dumbledore's portrait said approvingly, and she glared at it, sitting heavily in her chair.

"I didn't very well have any other choices, did I, Albus?"

He tutted at her, watching her rearrange the items on her desk with more force than necessary. When she picked up her favorite quill to dash off a note to the Heads, he cleared his throat, shaking his head slightly.

"I wouldn't, if I were you," he said gravely, his eyes twinkling madly as he looked down at the open book on the desk. "Page 22. Mr. Malfoy's Transfiguration skills seem to have greatly improved."

***

The Gryffindor common room was abuzz with conversation, since it seemed like more than half the school had come by to congratulate the group on the prank. Even the Slytherins were enjoying themselves, joining in the boisterous conversations.

Draco lounged across the sofa, his bloodstained button down exchanged for one of Harry's Muggle T-shirts. There could be no question they were together, since his head was in Harry's lap, his feet resting in Hermione's.

The conversations ended abruptly when the portrait hole opened and Molly Weasley stepped through, her hands on her hips as she looked for Harry. He tensed as she made her way across the room but didn't stand, not that he could have, since Draco remained defiantly sprawled across him.

"Young man," she said sternly, her eyes fixed on Harry, who squirmed under the scrutiny. "You took some foolhardy risks with that book."

Harry swallowed, wondering if the scolding he was about to get would be worse than the one Ginny had gotten by Howler.

"The Chamber of Secrets?" she said, her voice rising. "The middle of a Potions class, with volatile ingredients everywhere? The Forbidden Forest?"

He nodded meekly, wishing the couch would swallow him up. He was grateful that Draco was there as a physical barrier between him and Mrs. Weasley – surely she wouldn't try to spank him the way she had the twins after they'd made their grand exit under Umbridge?

Molly shook her head, her lips a grim line.

"Really, Harry, Hermione. And you as well, Draco Malfoy. I'd have thought you'd have more sense than that."

Hermione blushed. Even her own parents' reaction hadn't shamed her as much as Molly's, since the woman seemed mostly concerned with their safety.

"Are there not dozens of other perfectly acceptable rooms in this castle that don't carry a risk of bodily harm?" she continued, and all three of them stared at her in shock. "The Room of Requirement, for one – don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about, I know you do – the Trophy Room, the staff room. Could you not have used more rooms like those?"

She leaned forward, pressing a hard kiss to Harry's forehead, then hesitating only a second before doing the same to both Draco and Hermione.

"Try to have more sense in the future," she chided, turning to make her way to the infirmary, where Arthur was sitting with their children. She spun just as she reached the portrait, waving a finger at them. "And if I find you doing something like this at the Burrow, just remember you are not too old for a spanking. And not the sort you like, Mr. Malfoy."

The portrait swung closed behind her, leaving an absolutely silent common room. The quiet lasted a beat longer before Draco looked up at Harry and then over at Hermione, the three of them bursting into laughter at the witch's parting words.

***

Harry tightened the strap holding his trunk closed, taking one last look around the boy's dormitory before Levitating it out the door and down the stairs. He'd be taking the Hogwarts Express for the last time today, and he couldn't help but feel a little sad. The castle had been more of a home than anywhere else to him, and he was sorry to leave it. At the same time, though, he was excited to move on. He patted his pocket, grinning when he felt the weight of his copy of Hogwarts: A Hedonistic History. He'd could always relieve his glory days through that, he supposed, whenever he was feeling nostalgic for the castle.

He rummaged through his robes, his fingers closing around a bulky package wrapped in brown paper and Spell-o-tape. Inside was the camera they'd used to take the pictures for the book, as well as all of the spells and charms they'd used when they'd reproduced it. He tossed the lopsided package to Dennis Creevey with a wink when he passed him, hopeful the chapters they'd added to the book wouldn't be the last. After all, Molly had given them plenty of ideas for a new edition.

– End –