Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

Nikolai: I am Belial Nikolai, a pirate who ate the Chishio Chishio no Mi. With it I've become a vampire and can control blood. You might remember me as the man who assaulted that orange haired woman in Nami's Fiance. I'll reappear in Supreme King, but for now I'll be hosting this lemon one shot because TCM made my character into a pervert.

Anyway, enjoy this sexy one shot of Nami and Luffy, and a hotel, well the first part anyway. The lemon will be in the next chapter. Also, don't be filling the review section with questions on why Camie is in the crew.

-- A Deliciously Dirty Secret

"Nami-swaaaaan, dinner is served!" Sanji calls out to the woman with a heart for an eye. He, along with most of the Straw Hats, are inside of the dining room of the Sunny Go.

No one could eat any of the delicious food that the cyclopticchef made until the fruit loving navigator could arrive. He of course wouldn't care if Robin ate anything, which she didn't. Frustrated and hungry, Zoro shouts, "This is the second time in two days she's made us wait to eat!! That bitch is starting to piss me off!!"

At the sound of the word 'bitch' Sanji turns quickly to face Zoro. "Oi Marimo, you better watch what you say about Nami-sanif you ever want to live to see tomorrow!"

Zoro becomes even more angry, and glares evilly at the blond love cook. "Heh! Like you could take me out Dartboard!"

Sanji tenses up all over. "You're really pushing it! One more word and you're dead!"

Zoro smirks deviously. Very slowly, he says, "Ass-hole-"

That is the last straw; Sanji and Zoro started fighting once more. Steel blades collided with boots. The tension between these two pirates was enough to cut through with a knife.

Franky and Usopp sigh while watching their latest fight. The three chinned cyborg then asks, "Do they fight all the time?"

"…you have no idea…Robin can you stop them?" Usopp asks the only other woman in the crew that was human.

Robin nods, then crosses her arms together. Two arms sprout out from the floor, and grabs onto one of their legs each. Just as Zoro and Sanji were about to collide and strike once more, their skulls bash together and they slowly slide to the ground.

Zoro rises first and glares angrily at Robin. "WHAT THE HELL!?"

"Ahhh, Robin-chan is so beautiful, even when using her powers." Sanji says with hearts in his eye. He is such a suck up that Zoro didn't even bother making fun of him; it would be too easy.

Chopper rolls around back and forth on the ground, stomach growling due to not eating for so long. "Man, I don't think I can stay like this for long…I'm so hungry I can't think properly…"

"I too desire food in my belly. I'm so hungry I've wasted to nothing but bones." Brook joke, making another one of his skull-like puns. They tend to get tiresome after the first few hundreds. After making his joke he then laughs while shouting, "Skull Joke!"

"Skull Joke!" Camie yells out happily in response, clapping her hands together in the air while laughing.

After clutching his ears to shield from their yells, Usopp looks around, and notices something strange. "Oi, speaking of not thinking properly, where's Luffy? He should have been the first here."

Everyone else then notice that their captain was gone along with their navigator. Now this is indeed strange; Nami could have a good reason for not being there, but for Luffy to be around for lunch was like a sign of the apocalypse. Now the crew becomes even more worried about Luffy.

But before anyone could do anything, Luffy himself comes busting through the door with a big smile while walking towards the table. "Yosh! Time to eat!!"

"Oi Luffy, what took you so long in getting here?" Usopp asks him, watching the rubber man sit down in an empty chair.

"Oh uh, I was asleep!" He says with a grin, scratching the side of his head with his left index finger.

"You were?!" Franky asks in shock.

"Then it's settled; Luffy's passion for meat is only exceeded by his passion for dreams." Sanji jokes, taking out a cigarette. Camie chuckles at his crack. He doesn't lit it though because they were soon about to eat. "But Luffy, did you see-"

Before he could even say her name Nami comes walking into the room. Her hair looks to be a bit ruffled up like she was doing something vigorous, but otherwise she looked normal. Smiling she asks, "Hey. What's for dinner?"

"Nami-chi, what took you so long to get here?" Camie asks the orange haired woman. Nami sighs as she sits down, while Chopper sits up in his seat.

"Well, I was…" She then looks at Luffy, who is eating whatever he sees. Sighing in depression, she then says, "…I was fixing up my hair. I heard Sanji-kuncalling me and decided to give that up."

Everyone looks at her questionably, except Luffy who was stealing food from Franky and Usopp's plate. Nami then says, "Well don't look at me like that! Your food will disappear if you do."

Everyone then looks at their plates, with Franky and Usopp gaping in shock when they see that theirs were empty. Both of them then grab Luffy and yell, "Oi, Luffy! You ate all my food again!!"

"Give it back, Mugiwara!!" Franky adds.

"Um…okay, but I'm not sure how…" Luffywonders how he can give back food he just ate.

Camie laughs at Luffy's words, his naivity becoming an endless source of entertainment for all of his fans. Sanji sighes with ecstasy at Camie's smile. "Ah, Camie-chan is so lovely when she smiles! Mellorine!"

"Why don't you get some knee pads?" Zoro morbidly asks Sanji while eating. Sanji didn't understand the joke this time, and just glared at him.

Robin chuckles, being the first to understand what Zoro said. And with that, their dinner went off without a hitch. Zoro and Robin though were the only ones who deliver glances to Nami and Luffy; could it be a coincidence that they both were late at the same time?

--

"Okay, remember we each must return to the ship by tonight. Once the Log Pose sets, we'll leave for the next island immediately." Nami orders, standing before the Sunny Go among Luffy, Sanji, Robin and Chopper.

"Nami-chi, why can't we see the island as well?" Camie asks from beside the Sunny Go in the seas.

Nami turns to face her. "Camie, don't you remember what happened the last time you traveled around an island?"

"Yeah, but," But before she could continue Pappug jumps on her head.

"No way, Camie! I don't know what I'll do if you got kidnapped again..." The starfish thing says, sounding sad in the end.

"He's right Camie. Anyway," She then turns to the ones around her. "While you're here do NOT do anything that will draw attention to yourselves."

"Huh?" - Luffy

"Sure." - Everyone else but Sanji

"Hai!" - Sanji

"But Nee-chan, how come we can't explore the place?" Franky asks her from up on board.

Without looking at him Nami says, "Because a panic would be made if people saw Popeye in speedos."

"..Popeye?"

"Un. It would also be troublesome if a walking corpse would be around too." Robin adds into Nami's words. The orange haired woman nods to agree with Robin.

"Of course. Which is why Brook stays too." Nami says, as the mentioned bag of bones laughed while up on deck.

"Yo hohoho ho! Why of course I'll stay, Nami-san! I'll watch the ship like a scarecrow." Brook shouts out happily, leaving the others to wonder if it was a skull joke or not. Luffy chuckles nonetheless.

He then asks a serious question. "By the way Nami-san, what panties are you wearing today?"

Nami throws a Cyclone Tenpo at Brook, sending him flying into the air. "Like hell I'll tell you!"

"Yo hohoho ho!! Such a feisty attitude gives me goosebumps, even though I haven't any-" Before he could finish the joke Brook crashes into the deck. Part of Nami's Climatact returns to her.

"Luffy, you can wander around town, but no getting into fights. In fact, you're coming with me." Nami says facing Luffy this time.

The rubber man frowns. "Neh, but Nami, I don't want to-"

He freezes up when Nami expels killer intent. Realizing for once that this would mean death Luffy shuts up. "Okay, I'll go with you."

"Lucky bastard..." Sanji mutters to himself. Robin chuckles at the situation.

"Then it's settled; let's go." Nami says, walking towards town with Luffy, Sanji, Robin and Chopper in Walk Point.

Up on deck Zoro jumps down onto land. "Well, I'll go see if this place has a dojo."

"Why would this village have a dojo?" Franky asks morbidly while fixing a part of the ship that was destroyed just a few minutes ago.

But just before Zoro and his three swords could walk off Usopp runs to the railing and shouts out, "Oi, hold on a second Zoro! You should at least wait for me to come with you!"

Zoro turns around to face him. "Why would I do that?"

"You really want an explanation?" Usopp murmurs, as he climbs down the ladder. "How about this; because your sense of direction is worse than a blind monkey with rabies?"

Zoro growls under his teeth, and places a handle on his sword. Usopp's screams could be heard seconds later.

--

With Luffy, he was wandering through town alongside Nami. As they shopped, Luffy takes notice of the clothes she has on; a light green jacket over a white shirt with the words 'Love Memories' on it, light green shorts that hiked all the way up past her knees. She has her hair combed down and past her face, and sandals on.

Nami was always the type to wear something new each day, and still be sexy in her outfit. Unlike Luffy who wears the same clothes, with different colors sometimes, and his same old Straw Hat. Luffy didn't mind his appearance though; Nami would adore him even if he wore speedos.

"Luffy," Nami says to him, causing Luffy to face her eye to eye. "We were interrupted again..."

"I know. That's why I keep saying we need to tell them about us." Luffy says, sounding a tiny bit serious. "If they know about us then we'll get privacy once in a while."

"That's not really a good idea." She then blinks, revealing more detailed eyes. "What would Sanji-kun do if he knew we were lovers?"

"..." Luffy took a while to think it over; Sanji likes Nami, very much. He does so much for her in hopes of getting lucky. He doesn't even care if he did the same stuff in front of Robin or any other woman. Yet if he saw any other man showing feelings or interest in Nami or Robin, then that person would get reduced to ashes.

Then it cracked in his mind! Luffy lightly pounds hs fist into his right palm then says, "I think I understand!"

"You do?" Nami asks in shock. She really was surprised that he understood so quickly.

"Yeah; if Sanji finds out then he'll be so mad at me he'll starve me!" Luffy says, and Nami makes a face fault before slapping the side of his head.

"No!" Nami then pulls on his nose, allowng him to make an Usopp impression. "As perverted as Sanji-kun may be he really cares about women, including me and Robin who he has stayed beside for so long. If he discovered that all his efforts on me was useless because our hearts were taken by someone else then he'll be heartbroken."

After she let's go of his nose he blinks for a second, then understands what she's talking about. "Ah. That's right. But what about Vivi, Conis and Camie?"

"Well..." Nami couldn't tell Luffy, but Conis had grown a thing for him. And as long as they were together she would never say so. Vivi was only interested in Kohza, and Camie...actually that could work! "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it..."

"...what bridge?" He asks, wondering why do they have to walk over a bridge.

Nami starts shaking in anger, and ignores him altogether to head for another store. Luffy walks up to follow her, but stops when he catches a bright red sign stapled to a tree. In black letters it read;

'Dead in bed? Unable to get lucky? Constant people getting in your way? Then bring your big ass over to the Love Selection, a love hotel built for the sole purpose of giving privacy to shagging lovers! Our location is on this island near the front part of town.

Love Selection! Get your sex on!

PS. We don't hide video cameras in there anymore.'

Luffy takes a minute to think it over, and his thinking takes ten extra ones. 'A hotel...place to have sex...cameras...!'

Then it clicked.

--

"Mo, I leave him alone for a second, and he gets himself lost!" Nami mutters in rage, walking around town in search of the monkey that was her captain.

As she walks around, the cat woman does not at all notice the red blur running towards her over the rooftops. It then jumps off of the roofs, yelling out, "Nami!!"

Nami looks to where her name was called, and sees Luffy in the air. He then lands before her, causing the ground to shake around them. Innocent bystanders face fault in shock at Luffy's sudden appearance.

He then looks up at her, raising his right hand and saying, "Yo!"

"NO 'YO'!!" She screams at him, hesitating to beating the living shit out of him. "Don't go bouncing around the place! And where the hell did you go anyway?!"

"Nami, come with me!" He says, grabbing her left arm with his right.

"Luffy-" Nami then notices a red sign in his other hand.

"I found this place we can go! Come on!" Luffy hands her the fl yer, pointing to the address on it. "Where is this?"

"Luffy...what can this do for us..."

--

"You want an afternoon stay?" A raven haired man in a white suit says while standing behind a counter. Luffy places some money on it, and the man then takes it and places it inside the cash register.

The man then hands Luffy a set of keys, grinning to reveal sharp canines that seem almost vampiric. Luffy then takes them and takes Luffy and runs off up the stairs with Nami.

"Luffy, where did you get the money for this?!" Nami asks, sounding slightly mad for Luffy spending money.

"I used the money you handed to me when we went shopping on that last island." Luffy says, to which Nami face faults.

"But weren't you suppose to buy groceries with that money?! Where did they come from then?!" Nami asks him, not understanding at all of Luffy's hidden brilliance.

"Well I went to buy them, but the guy just handed them to me without taking my money. I don't understand why..." Luffy then muses why he didn't need to pay. Why is he so special?

Nami slaps her forehead. 'Of course! That explains the marines chasing us...'

Luffy then comes before the room, and unlocks it. With Nami he enters inside, then lifts her up and tosses her onto the bed. Nami was surprised by his sudden weirdness, letting the groceries she bought earlier drop onto the ground.

"Luffy, you didn't haveto do this. We can make love on Sunny Go." Nami tells him, as Luffy smiles at her. He then gets onto the bed next to her while grinning.

"But then you'd have to hold in your yells. Here you can scream to your hearts content and no one can get in our way." Luffy says while grinning, leaning over the orange haired woman.

"L-Luffy..." Nami looks up at her lovable idiot. You can give this guy a maze and he'll get through it, even if he has to punch through all the walls. She blushes at his kindness. "It's still okay though...I don't mind making you happy."

"But you like to yell out when having sex right? I don't like being happy while you feel miserable. I want to feel happy with you..." Luffy says to her, placing his straw hat on her head.

Nami blushes ever more red while staring up at him. His understanding and kindness knows no bounds; he really must love her to go through all that thinking, something he was hardly good at alone.

"You idiot...you constantly remind me why I love you..." She then wraps her arms around his head, and places her lips onto his for a kiss.

Nikolai: And that's it for chapter one. The second and final chapter will be up soon, but TCM will need to read a couple more doujins in order to get a good idea of what to put in. Next chapter though has the lemon, and if nobody likes to read porn then just skip it. There will be a big warning sign above the lemon section and another under it. Once you reach the latter you'll be back to reading the story.

Edit: If you think this is from a doujin then don't hold it against him. He had no clue.