Sibling Rivalry For Dummies:
A Guide To Destroying The Sanity of Your Brothers And Sisters For Fun And Profit
Or
Baby Kinomoto and the Big Bad Wolf
Or
When Peach Blossoms Fall From Trees
Or
Who The Hell Really Cares?
Another Bout Of Fanfiction Insanity (or possibly just inanity)
By CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)
Message From Legal Dept:
"Card Captor Sakura" is a trademark of CLAMP as well as several big scary corporations and by typing this disclaimer we absolve ourselves of any legal responsibility thus making us invulnerable to lawsuits in all areas throughout the universe. We also know that no one reads these legal disclaimers so we
could type in here that by reading this fanfiction we legally own your children and you would not notice. But we do not want your children. They are probably are (or will be) obnoxious little rugrats. If you are offended by that, it doesn't matter. You can't sue us anyway because we have disclaimers. We are also not responsible if you for people being offended by the contents of the fanfiction, clerical errors, blindness from reading off your computer screen, accidents, homicides, regicides, suicides, pesticides, patricides, matricides, David Letterman monologues, idiot SNL sketches starring people who make us wish Phil Hartman was still around or any general stupid, boneheaded act that you plan to blame on this fanfic. If you do the Legal Dept. will take your money, your house, your valuables, your car, your arms and any vital organs we feel like keeping. We will, however, leave your children.
Once upon a time, there were three Kinomotos. You'd probably expect a Papa Kinomoto, a Mama Kinomoto and a Baby Kinomoto but, sadly, Mama Kinomoto had been gone for some time, although she did drop in from time to time in sequences where she looks uncannily like the Goddess Belldandy.
Mama Kinomoto actually has nothing to do with this story but I decided to mention her to eat up some page space.
The third Kinomoto was actually the older brother of Baby Kinomoto.
Now, we could go on for hours about all of the wacky and irrational things that have happened in the lives of these three individuals but you already know all about those. We are going to discuss an event that occurred one afternoon in the park. Baby Kinomoto was out with a friend that her older brother deemed "The Big Bad Wolf" or simply "The Brat". The fact of the matter was that this friend was neither big nor bad but try explaining that to the older brother. In order to prevent anything bad from happening, he decided to follow them that afternoon. He was fairly certain that the wolf was not going to eat his sister. That was the kind of thing that only happened in Anne Rice novels. But, he was going to make sure that there was no nibbling going on anyway. After all, that's what older brothers do. At least, the ones bordering on screaming hysteria.
**
Touya was up in a tree watching them carefully. He thought he was being very clever and secretive. He thought he blended right in. The truth was that people tend to notice tall lanky guys in trees with binoculars. The only way he could've been more obvious was if he had sirens, flashing lights and red flags attached to his body. Plus, he had fallen out of the tree twice this afternoon. Two or three passers by had thought about calling the police but they figured Touya would eventually be significantly injured during one of his plummets to the ground an would no longer be a threat.
Basically, they all thought Touya was an out of it bozo.
That also happened to be what Syaoran Li had been thinking all afternoon. He was starting to wonder about Sakura as well.
"You actually planned to have him follow us?" Syaoran was completely puzzled. "Why would you do that?"
"Because, it's kind of a slow afternoon and I thought it would be nice to have some entertainment." Sakura replied.
"Entertainment?"
"Don't tell me you didn't find it funny when he fell out of that tree."
"I did the first time. But after awhile it just becomes sad." Syaoran replied.
Meanwhile, Touya was wondering what the hell the two of them were talking about. He tried lip-reading only to discover that he had no clue how to lip-read.
"You know, you have a point there, Li-kun." Sakura said with a small smile crossing her face. It was the kind of smile Tomoyo sometimes got.
To Syaoran it was a 600 watt beacon that said Sakura was up to something.
"Do you have the time, Li-kun?"
"Uh." Syaoran paused to check his watch. "It's three minutes to four."
"Good. Time for act two." Sakura said cheerfully.
Syaoran sweatdropped.
Touya had decided that he really didn't like what was going on. Sakura and Syaoran were actually talking to each other.
No good could come from that.
So he climbed down from his perch and began creeping in their general direction with all the subtlety of a NASA launch.
It was then that the attack came.
"Touya!!!"
Yes, indeed. If there was anyone less subtle than Touya it was Nakuru Akizuki who clung to the hapless Kinomoto the way a barnacle clings to a ship, only more affectionately.
"You knew about that too?" Syaoran was really starting to wonder about Sakura. Maybe insanity ran in the family.
"Eriol and Tomoyo wanted some time alone and they figure they couldn't get it with her around so I kind of arranged for her to be elsewhere." Sakura replied.
Syaoran sweatdropped again as he watched Touya turn blue from a lack of oxygen while trying to get Nakuru to release him.
"Tomoyo promised to stop following us around with her camcorder for a week if I got Nakuru away from the house for an hour." Sakura chimed. "Nothing like killing two birds with one stone."
"Have you turned evil on me, Sakura?" Syaoran asked.
"Of course not." Sakura replied. "I'm just getting a little revenge."
Sakura started to head towards an ice cream stand. Syaoran took one look back at Touya, who was not doing well. He shrugged and followed Sakura.
Even if she was evil, at least she was on his side.
THE END
This fic reads kind of like a sequel to "Dial 'T' For Touya". That would be appropriate since this is also my second contest fanfic. What can I say? I love to humiliate Touya.
-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)
A Guide To Destroying The Sanity of Your Brothers And Sisters For Fun And Profit
Or
Baby Kinomoto and the Big Bad Wolf
Or
When Peach Blossoms Fall From Trees
Or
Who The Hell Really Cares?
Another Bout Of Fanfiction Insanity (or possibly just inanity)
By CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)
Message From Legal Dept:
"Card Captor Sakura" is a trademark of CLAMP as well as several big scary corporations and by typing this disclaimer we absolve ourselves of any legal responsibility thus making us invulnerable to lawsuits in all areas throughout the universe. We also know that no one reads these legal disclaimers so we
could type in here that by reading this fanfiction we legally own your children and you would not notice. But we do not want your children. They are probably are (or will be) obnoxious little rugrats. If you are offended by that, it doesn't matter. You can't sue us anyway because we have disclaimers. We are also not responsible if you for people being offended by the contents of the fanfiction, clerical errors, blindness from reading off your computer screen, accidents, homicides, regicides, suicides, pesticides, patricides, matricides, David Letterman monologues, idiot SNL sketches starring people who make us wish Phil Hartman was still around or any general stupid, boneheaded act that you plan to blame on this fanfic. If you do the Legal Dept. will take your money, your house, your valuables, your car, your arms and any vital organs we feel like keeping. We will, however, leave your children.
Once upon a time, there were three Kinomotos. You'd probably expect a Papa Kinomoto, a Mama Kinomoto and a Baby Kinomoto but, sadly, Mama Kinomoto had been gone for some time, although she did drop in from time to time in sequences where she looks uncannily like the Goddess Belldandy.
Mama Kinomoto actually has nothing to do with this story but I decided to mention her to eat up some page space.
The third Kinomoto was actually the older brother of Baby Kinomoto.
Now, we could go on for hours about all of the wacky and irrational things that have happened in the lives of these three individuals but you already know all about those. We are going to discuss an event that occurred one afternoon in the park. Baby Kinomoto was out with a friend that her older brother deemed "The Big Bad Wolf" or simply "The Brat". The fact of the matter was that this friend was neither big nor bad but try explaining that to the older brother. In order to prevent anything bad from happening, he decided to follow them that afternoon. He was fairly certain that the wolf was not going to eat his sister. That was the kind of thing that only happened in Anne Rice novels. But, he was going to make sure that there was no nibbling going on anyway. After all, that's what older brothers do. At least, the ones bordering on screaming hysteria.
**
Touya was up in a tree watching them carefully. He thought he was being very clever and secretive. He thought he blended right in. The truth was that people tend to notice tall lanky guys in trees with binoculars. The only way he could've been more obvious was if he had sirens, flashing lights and red flags attached to his body. Plus, he had fallen out of the tree twice this afternoon. Two or three passers by had thought about calling the police but they figured Touya would eventually be significantly injured during one of his plummets to the ground an would no longer be a threat.
Basically, they all thought Touya was an out of it bozo.
That also happened to be what Syaoran Li had been thinking all afternoon. He was starting to wonder about Sakura as well.
"You actually planned to have him follow us?" Syaoran was completely puzzled. "Why would you do that?"
"Because, it's kind of a slow afternoon and I thought it would be nice to have some entertainment." Sakura replied.
"Entertainment?"
"Don't tell me you didn't find it funny when he fell out of that tree."
"I did the first time. But after awhile it just becomes sad." Syaoran replied.
Meanwhile, Touya was wondering what the hell the two of them were talking about. He tried lip-reading only to discover that he had no clue how to lip-read.
"You know, you have a point there, Li-kun." Sakura said with a small smile crossing her face. It was the kind of smile Tomoyo sometimes got.
To Syaoran it was a 600 watt beacon that said Sakura was up to something.
"Do you have the time, Li-kun?"
"Uh." Syaoran paused to check his watch. "It's three minutes to four."
"Good. Time for act two." Sakura said cheerfully.
Syaoran sweatdropped.
Touya had decided that he really didn't like what was going on. Sakura and Syaoran were actually talking to each other.
No good could come from that.
So he climbed down from his perch and began creeping in their general direction with all the subtlety of a NASA launch.
It was then that the attack came.
"Touya!!!"
Yes, indeed. If there was anyone less subtle than Touya it was Nakuru Akizuki who clung to the hapless Kinomoto the way a barnacle clings to a ship, only more affectionately.
"You knew about that too?" Syaoran was really starting to wonder about Sakura. Maybe insanity ran in the family.
"Eriol and Tomoyo wanted some time alone and they figure they couldn't get it with her around so I kind of arranged for her to be elsewhere." Sakura replied.
Syaoran sweatdropped again as he watched Touya turn blue from a lack of oxygen while trying to get Nakuru to release him.
"Tomoyo promised to stop following us around with her camcorder for a week if I got Nakuru away from the house for an hour." Sakura chimed. "Nothing like killing two birds with one stone."
"Have you turned evil on me, Sakura?" Syaoran asked.
"Of course not." Sakura replied. "I'm just getting a little revenge."
Sakura started to head towards an ice cream stand. Syaoran took one look back at Touya, who was not doing well. He shrugged and followed Sakura.
Even if she was evil, at least she was on his side.
THE END
This fic reads kind of like a sequel to "Dial 'T' For Touya". That would be appropriate since this is also my second contest fanfic. What can I say? I love to humiliate Touya.
-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)