Chapter One

I Don't Even Know My Last Name

I could kill myself. I could honestly kill myself!

As I got off the bus just at the corner of the grocery store I could practically feel everyone staring at me like they knew. I was still in my clubbing attire but the coat that I'd… 'unconsciously' stolen from him was long enough to cover most of it. Probably to the prying eye I looked like I was wearing Capri's or something.

I didn't have my car since I had taken the bus to Salt Lake City and then two more to Vegas, so I started hiking the short distance to my home dragging my travel bag likeit weighed 100 pounds. Thank God for small towns. Most of the walk wasn't uncomfortable; it would have been a very nice autumn day… except I could still feel the cold band around my finger even though it was now safely tucked away in my pocket.

I'd almost made it to my house when Mrs. Wise came out onto the front steps. Usually I love talking with her because she has the most amazing Austrian accent and she's so personable, but not today. I just didn't want to try and explain why I was walking so early in the morning when- "Morning Duo!" She called.

I stopped and fixed as close to a smile as I could on my face, "Morning miss Elizabeth." That was her nickname to everyone in the Parish. We all knew her as 'miss Elizabeth' and she seemed to know all our names.

"Where in the world are you coming from? I know I saw you leave Sunday and I knew you were going away for the week but you weren't at church this morning, Father Taylor missed you." And Thank you God for having me miss his homily. "Is everything alright?" The sad thing was she isn't a gossip and she meant that in all sincerity, I hated lying to her.

"I went to visit Hilde and we got into a fight on Friday and she kicked me out of her apartment so I hung around until I could finally get her to listen to me and it took a while and by the time she'd come around I'd already missed my bus and had to take another one." I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.

Miss Elizabeth gasped and hugged me tightly; "Everyone was so worried when they didn't have you singing this morning at mass. I'll be sure to call Father Maxwell and tell him you're alright." I thanked her and quickstepped two doors down to my house and sprinted through the front door.

Never had the warm smell of my own house been more amazing! I threw off the calf-length coat, dropped my bag by the door, and sighed, falling onto my couch and hugging my pillows because even they smelled warm. I wondered where in the world my cat was, usually when I came in the door Shini was on me, yowling for milk. That only meant one thing…

"Duo Maxwell!" Solo came out of the kitchen, hugging my pitch-black cat to her chest, and looking the picture of anger. "Where the Hell have you been?" Shini leapt from her arms and straight to mine.

I hugged Shini's furry body close and finally decided to face the music, "You know where I've been. I've been in Vegas of course."

That answer seemed to make her mad and she puffed out like a puffer fish. "You're late!"

When I looked up at her I was sure she wanted to go back into the kitchen and grab one of those large knives that are used to kill people in almost every horror movie I've ever seen. "Let me explain! Please!" I begged and she sat down. "Can I get dressed first though?" She narrowed her eyes but nodded.

I scampered up the stairs to my room where I threw myself on my bed and planned to stay there for a little bit, but Solo had to call up, "Ten minutes!" Despot.

Slowly I pulled myself off of my bed and looked in the mirror and groaned. I took off my short, and I mean short black shorts and netted red top and the multiple silver bangles on my wrists and painfully tugged off the thigh high black boots. They took five minutes in it of themselves because of all those laces.

My hair was a mass of brown all over my head, I looked like I'd been ravaged all ni- never mind. I tamed it somehow and pulled it into my signature braid down my back. People always say I look like a woman, a masculine woman, but one all the same. Maybe that's why the women at the church really like me to come to bake sales; I sell a lot of pies when I flash my pearly whites and flip my hair. It's sort of strange.

I finally came back down the stairs in a white shirt and blue jeans and the ring tucked in my pocket. No matter what I couldn't throw it away.

Solo was sitting on the seat across from my favorite chair with Shini on her lap. For such a small girl she was very imposing in her Sunday shirt and nice jeans and my cat looking like her name Shinigami, God of Death, suggested. Her very bright eyes followed me as I moved to the chair but I swear she didn't move her head, it was like a board had been jammed up against her back.

"So… I knew you had the week off and were planning on going to Vegas. I even encouraged it." I nodded as Solo started to speak. "I texted you around midnight three times on Friday to remind you just incase you decided to get plastered the night before you had to leave. You didn't reply. I didn't get any reply at all

"So I, the queen of worrying, started to panic. I called Quatre to watch the shop and tell people that the Doctor is not in and if they need their dog's leg amputated they need to go to Dawn across town because the Doctor is sick. I kept waiting for you to appear on Saturday, hoping that maybe your phone had been stolen but you didn't appear at your allotted time. I went to the bus station at least thirty times last night, still no sign. Then you weren't at church!"

She'd stayed very calm for the whole part until this point where she got to her feet, causing Shini to go flying, and clenched her fists and practically screamed, "And now I've spent the whole night worried sick and here you come waltzing in looking like hell! What else, did you get married?"

I sat for a moment, letting her steam run out, then nodded. Solo blinked, "Come again?"

"The clothes thing is because I lost the key to my luggage so I couldn't get it open. But the other thing is well-" She sunk to the chair, looking defeated as I pulled out the ring waiting while she examined it closely.

It was a gorgeous ring, 14K white gold with four round diamonds at an angle, running diagonally from top to bottom. It was simple and masculine and his looks just like mine. Sadly, that's one of the few I can remember.

"Start from the beginning." Solo demanded, handing the ring back to me.

"Okay, well, what I can remember is this…" I hated that look that she gave me. Disappointment and guilt. I knew she was upset but I knew she felt like she'd somehow done something wrong. She made a joke about going with me to fend off all the sleazy guys there in those clubs. Well, at least she can rest easy with the fact he was not sleazy… he bought me that ring.

I took a breath and started, "Well, I went to Vegas and the whole week was great, I flirted with a few guys and danced a lot. That new outfit was a hit." That got the barest smile from her. "So, I was planning on leaving around midnight to get packed, just before I got your texts, then he came in. God he was gorgeous." That helped her too; he wasn't ugly. "Short, dark brown hair, perpetually messy and the deepest blue eyes, I can't even explain them and I love art."

"What does that have to do with it?" She asked. Solo knows I'm obscure but I guess that one was a little over her head.

"Art, good with colors. Paint wheel-" She nodded just to shut me up. "Anyway, he saw me on the dance floor with this guy named Cain and got me a drink.

"We drank and danced and I kept getting those drinks, they were really powerful, and the poison started to sink in and I was losing grip and the dancing got stic-" Solo cut me off with a sharp wave of her hand, she apparently didn't want the details tonight. "Well, he took me out to his Pinto." Solo's fine little blonde eyebrows shot up and she couldn't hide the disgust in her voice as she croaked out,

"Pinto? Then how the hell did he afford a ring like this? It probably cost 2,000 if it cost anything." I just shrugged,

"He bought one for himself too." I nodded my head to where the leather coat still slumped, "That's his also."

"You stole his coat?" Solo sounded impressed slightly there.

I nodded, "And I thought about the Pinto too, but I left it because I got to the bus depot just as my bus was getting ready to leave.

"It's all very fuzzy after the dancing. But we drove around Vegas and-" Solo stopped me again.

She had bit her bottom lip slightly with a thoughtful look and had opened her mouth to stop me at least two times but didn't until I finally let her. "I know it's early and Father Taylor just did one of his 50 minute homilies about giving more money," Ah, good old dependable Father Taylor, thankfully he's not around much "and I'm still a little zoned out from that and finding out you're married that I think I lost one little detail. What was his name again?"

I cringed, visibly cringed and she was on alert. "I don't-"

"Don't what?" She ground out.

"I don't exactly know what it is." Solo went pale and then purple. "I know his first name is Heero."

Now that stumped her. "Hero? Like Super-?"

"No, there's a double 'e' in there. It's Japanese."

Solo sighed and said, "Does the Asian stereotype about his, you know, apply to him?" I love this girl.

"Let me get there please. We got to Vegas, went to a ring place just for the hell of it. The ring I liked actually fit both of us, which I still find creepy and we just took them and then went to the first gay, spontaneous chapel that didn't have Elvis as a preacher. Which is really hard to find, let me tell you. I remember signing the papers and doing all that then going to a really nice hotel that I swear we got the penthouse in and then-"

"Don't go there. I might want to hear this later but I don't care, except… was he good?"

I just smiled at her, "You are one very strange girl but yes he was… from what I can remember."

Solo nodded, "Okay then, proceed." I couldn't be more thankful that she was starting to loosen up. I was now beginning to feel less shitty about this.

"Well, I woke up really early Saturday morning and found him dead asleep and flipped. I got re-dressed and stole his coat because I really can't go walking around in my outfit. So, went back to my hotel, checked out very fast and got on the first bus going back in the direction of Wyoming. The end."

Solo shook her head, blonde ponytail bobbing around. "Wow, I think Hans Christian Anderson would be jealous of this story. Sweet, small town veterinarian, gets drunk in Vegas and gets married to a person whose last name he didn't know. Is there any I.D. in the pocket?" I shook my head, I'd dropped his wallet on the floor before I'd left, I'd even been a good boy and left all the money. "Damn… okay. Well, any other idea?"

"Not yet. God, Solo, I can't believe this!" She moved to the arm of the chair and hugged me close.

She didn't speak for a while. "Okay, we're not going to think about it right now. I will do a bit a research and see what I can come up with. I want you to just go on with life and not deal with anything just yet. Go to work tomorrow and pretend you didn't just get married and you don't even know your new last name." I glowered at her but she kissed the top of my head and got shakily to her feet and went into the kitchen to raid my chocolate stash, we knew we would need it.

`~`~`~`~`~`End, part one`~`~`~`~`~`

Okay, I know you haven't seen many people turn Solo into a girl, but I just felt like it. I've seen people turn Duo or Heero into a girl so I have my rights! Anyway, this is of course based off of the Carrie Underwood Song 'Last Name'. It's hilarious. I love it.

I'm going to turn this into a short story with a couple chapters about poor Duo's problem about being a church choir singing, married gay veterinarian man without a last name or any idea about who in the world he's married to.

`~`~`~`~`~`See ya`~`~`~`~`~`