I hereby come slowly out of hidding from under my rock to present to you a new chapter in this story... I actually finished this chapter about a month ago but I wanted to wait with uploading till the New Moon movie came out, and today is that day. Yes I saw the movie... my thoughts on it are on my profile... feel free to let me know your thoughts... just no hatemail...
I am very sorry I am going so slow with this story but my life is crazy busy right now and has been for the last few months... I'm working on my bachelor thesis, going to classes, going to work and trying to have some kind of social life... I hope that after seeing the movie today I might be inspired to write another chapter soonish... maybe i'll start later on tonight even... that's a big maybe though...

Pleas review after reading, cause really those few reviews i got for the last chapter was what finally inspired me to write this chapter.
I love you all for reading my crazy thoughts and story

Karin

Chapter 10 – I don't understand

I knew I was in for it the next morning when I found Jasper waiting at my front door to drive to school with me. I barely acknowledged he was there, before I silently crept behind the wheel of my truck. He followed just as silent, though he looked at me constantly. His gaze stopped me from starting the car and instead I lay my head down on the steering wheel, I faced him though I had my eyes closed.

"So you have feelings for Edward, strong feelings, I should say," Jasper said calmly. I grumbled in response. "It's alright you know," he continued. At that my eyes shot open.

"No it's not alright. He's what, a hundred years old? Oh and not to mention immortal, animal blood drinking, not ageing and because of all of these things completely and utterly unattainable for any human girl, especially me. So no, Jasper, it's not alright!" I ranted; quickly giving Jasper all the different excuses I had told myself to quench my feelings for Edward.

"You're frustrations run deep," Jasper simply replied, completely ignoring all the excuses I had given him.

"Please don't shrink me," I sighed.

"But it's what I do best," Jasper grinned, he actually grinned as if this was all hilarious.

"It's not funny, you know."

"It's kind of funny," Jasper answered softly. "Not for me though, your emotions have been of the charts lately. It's a good thing Alice warned me this was coming otherwise Edward would certainly have found out last night."

"So he doesn't know now?" I asked tentatively.

"No Bella, he doesn't have a clue. But I have to ask you, how were you planning on keeping a secret with such emotional baggage?" he asked.

"I don't know, I knew it was a lost cause but I had to try," I answered. "I guess I figured that if I was the only one who knew Edward would never get it out of my head."

"Wrong assumption," Jasper stated as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Wait a minute, Alice knew?" I asked shocked. "How could she know, I didn't make any conscious decisions about how I feel."

"Alice doesn't see someone's decisions, she sees the path they are on or what will come across that path while they are on it. I think your decision to avoid either Edward or me might have put you on a path," Jasper explained.

I sighed, again closing my eyes, as I let Jaspers' words sink in. "What did she see?"

"She saw what happened yesterday and she saw us sitting here, and being late for school," I knew his lasts words were meant to make me smile or at least make me feel a little better. They didn't work.

"Did she see anything else?"

"If Alice thinks you should know what she sees she will tell you."

"So she did see something else, only she either didn't tell you or she asked you not to tell me," I interpreted his words.

"You know, for a sixteen year old human, you're pretty quick on the uptake," Jasper said, again smiling. "We should head for school, or we'll really be late."

I rolled my eyes at his remark and grudgingly started the truck.

At school I saw hidden messages everywhere, the look in someone's eyes, a seemingly dismissive flick of someone's hand, a confused and scrunched up nose and for once I even paid attention to what everyone was wearing. Alice would be proud as I took notice of the messages the clothes were sending and how they were received by others. I avoided Edward at all costs, I lunched in the library claiming research. I even tried to skip biology, mr Banner didn't go for it. During the entire class I felt him staring at me, I refused to look back. I would not send him any message. There were only five minutes left in the class but I'd had enough.

STOP STARING AT ME! I wrote quickly.

You're supposed to be deciphering the hidden message. Oh and ignoring someone is a message too. He replied.

I am not ignoring you, I am paying attention. Stop staring!

What's the message?

I don't care. I've seen and decoded enough messages today.

He didn't reply again. And the moment to bell announced the end of class, he shot out of the room. "I'm decoding that as being pissed," I said to myself, quickly adding, "And I don't want to know why."

The next morning was true hell. Alice burst into my room like a rabbit on speed and while I pulled the covers over my head for a few more minutes of sleep, she threw clothes on top of me. I grumbled some incoherent sounds as I heard her open her beauty case.

"Up up up, Bella. We have a full day ahead of us and so much to talk about. I doubt we have enough time to cover everything," Alice's musical voice twittered, like a songbird only faster. I grumbled some more in reply.

Before I knew it she pulled covers of my body. The cold air hit me like a bucket of ice water.

"ALICE!" I screeched, blindly grabbing for the sheets that had been thrown out of reach in a far corner of my room.

"If you want to get warm you'll have to get up and take a shower. And don't think I won't just put my hand on your arm to freeze you even further," she smiled sweetly. A sarcastic hidden message, clearly.

Shaking slightly from the cold I rolled myself of the bed and onto my feet, with my eyes barely open I made it to the bathroom. Once there I quickly locked the door and gave serious thought to continue sleeping in the bathtub.

"Get in the shower Bella, or I will make you get in there myself," Alice threatened through the door.

"You can be so pushy Alice," I whined back.

All during breakfast and Bella Barbie Alice didn't speak a word to me about Edward even though she clearly wanted to.

"You know Alice, if there is something you want to talk to me about you should just do it instead of giving me these weird glances. I'm keeping my message interpreting skills for school."

"Oh you're no fun," she pouted.

"Well I don't see why you all like that assignment so much. People should just say what they mean instead of saying one thing and meaning something else. That's how fights start. It's the key ingredient of miscommunication. It's just stupid if you ask me," I ranted as we stepped into my truck.

"But a look can say so much more than words," Alice countered.

"But it will only make sense if it's accompanied by words. A single look can be interpreted in too many different ways. Honestly, eye-contact is just frustrating."

"All eye-contact or just eye-contact with Edward?" Alice asked as she found her way into her preferred topic.

"It would have been nice of you to warn me for that one, you know."

"Warn you for what?" she asked.

"Edward of course. Really, Alice, no good can come from it and it's not funny either. And who else did you tell? Everyone but me?"

"Of course not, don't you trust me?" She asked, sounding hurt. "I only told Jasper because he had to be prepared."

"I do trust you Alice, it would just have been nice to get a heads up about things like this. I have no idea what to do about it. I can't avoid him forever and I definitely can't tell him."

"I couldn't give you a heads up, don't you understand how it works by now. I only knew when you knew. Just be glad Edward was out when I saw it."

"What exactly did you see Alice?"

"Oh you know, just this. You feeling stuff for Edward," she answered quickly almost as if she was unprepared for the question and wasn't sure how to answer. Ha, as if, no one catches Alice by surprise.

"I thought you didn't see feelings, that's Jasper's thing."

"I meant, this, us talking about your feelings for Edward. So tell me about what you are feeling for Edward."

I squeezed my eyes at her, trying to see past her eyes and into her mind. Sometimes I wish I could hear what Edward hears. Alice's words were too vague, too evasive. Then again, I might be going crazy with all the message interpretation I have been doing.

"I don't know Alice. It's just... I don't know. And it was all so sudden, it came out of nowhere. I would have expected something like this to happen maybe in Rome when he was showing me around. Just me and him through the dark streets. You know, the whole romantic setting and all. But no. It happens when he's trying to get information out of my head. Actually when he is bribing me to get information out of my head. Why couldn't he have let it go, why did he have to push me, why did he have to make me open myself up to him?" I ranted and kept on going." And this stupid biology project isn't helping either. I can't tell what is real anymore. It's so damn frustrating!" I could have continued ranting, for hours possibly, but we were still in the truck, still in the driveway of my house and already late for school.

I slipped out of the car and walked around to the passenger seat. Alice looked at me strangely, almost dumbfounded. What was it with her today? I seemed to be surprising her at every corner.

"You drive," I said as I opened the door and pushed her to the other side of the cab, not that she noticed that I was pushing her of course.

I went through the day on auto-pilot. I zoned out of all my classes until the teacher asked specifically for my attention, in other words throwing a heavy book down on my desk or the second favourite, hitting my desk with a ruler. I made no more notes on the hidden messages the people around me were sending each other. I knew most were thinking I was losing it. And sometimes even I thought that. After all, every thought I had today was about him. I was either trying to figure out how it happened, how these feelings had suddenly come up, or I was trying to find out how to deal with those feelings. Talking with Jasper and Alice hadn't helped. At all. They had just pointed out to me what I already knew. Sure, it was nice that I could talk to them about it, that I didn't have to keep it all to myself any more. But really, they hadn't given me any insight into what I was going to do with it all.
And throughout the day I felt Edward staring at me. I wouldn't have minded if it was the same she's-losing-it stare I got from everyone else that day. But no, his stare was the same as the day before. His stare remained one I couldn't read, couldn't interpret and I couldn't ask him what it meant.

The next day was a little different, thankfully. Emmett was waiting for me in the morning. I sighed with relief at the prospect of having a fun drive to school. Emmett always cheered me up and not having to discuss my feelings for Edward with anyone first thing in the morning definitely helped to better my mood. Another good thing was that today was the last day of the project. The last day of me analysing people's expressions and the reactions they received in return. I never wanted to think about hidden messages again. Interpreting someone's facial expressions was a nightmare and probably one of the most unreliable forms of science I had ever heard of. I hoped this meant that Edward would stop staring as well. I ignored the feelings that popped up every time he was nearby and mostly I still tried to avoid him. At the end of the day I gave him all the notes I had made for the project. He would write the paper since I had done the analysis. After all, we had to divide the work equally and it wouldn't have been fair to let him interpret the hidden messages our classmates were sending, since he could pick the meaning straight from their brain.

I was glad the project was over, that everything could go back to normal now. Too bad I still shared all my classes with Edward. And he didn't stop staring.

Thanks for reading, please review... I'll go back hidding under my rock till I have another chapter for you to read^^