Double update! You know you love me!

Christmas never ends! (This is why there will be no V-day fic from me)

As for any inconsistencies with the schooling systems, that's mainly due to the fact that I'm an American (can Obama just take over now?!? Before Bush ruins yet another thing.) and as such, have no experience with schools in Quebec or France.

Volunteer for an IM interview (Quebec people only [for obvious reasons]), bear with me, or if you can't do either, just pretend that this is an Alternate Universe and Quebec has school systems similar (but not the same) as those found in the US. Know that I will go back and fix this as soon as I get the whole thing posted because it bugs me too.

Chapter 9

Everyone winces at the faint retching sound coming from the upstairs bathroom.

"She has no alcohol tolerance," Envy whispers to Ed.

"Could've fooled me," Edward whispers back.

"She just," Envy stops suddenly.

"Your sister hates me," Winry says, loudly.

"Nah, Sloth and Lust don't get along. It's really nothing," Greed says, trying to reassure Winry. His arm is still wrapped around her. Edward is jealous. Not because she's his ex. Well, a little. But mainly because, even though he'd love to, he can't wrap his arms around Envy. Instead he has to worry about outing Envy or what coming out means to him, to either of them. It's new to him, this uncertainty. And he has to wonder, why on earth do some people think this is a choice?

Why would anyone in their right mind choose this whole mess of a lifestyle? Discrimination—Ed's never faced any as of yet. Hate—okay there have to be some people that hate him, but Ed likes to think that they hate him because they lose to him in rugby or something. He doesn't know them or anything. Looks—okay, he's gotten looks before with girlfriends even. But those are the people that would give overly affectionate married people looks.

Yet, if Ed did have a choice, he'd still choose Envy. Why? Well, well, to tell you the truth, Edward doesn't want to answer that question just yet. He has an idea, but even the idea of the idea sounds awkward and stupid, so he just avoids thinking about it. All he knows is that Envy is better.

"But why was she so awful?" Winry asks. Ed sighs. She always gets whiny when she's tipsy. It's one of the things he hates about her. This whiny, bitchy, bratty side. He's pretty sure Winry would hate it too, if she ever realized it.

"Sloth," Envy said, speaking in audible tones for the first time this evening. "Has no alcohol tolerance."

"Yeah," Greed says. "I forgot about that."

"She wasn't even drinking straight alcohol," Winry complains, twirling her hair around her finger. It's a nervous habit, not a seduction technique, but Greed can't take his eyes off of her hand. "She made Russell mix it with sparkling cider."

"Still, it hits her hard," Envy says, shrugging. Edward moves his hand closer to Envy's. They're almost touching and Envy rests a delicate pinky on Edward's. Ed smiles. When Winry's tipsy she doesn't notice subtleties at all.

"She had eggnog earlier," Greed says, eyes still on her hand. "Not much, but some. And with dinner—"

"I don't care! She didn't have to be so mean," Winry says, running both hands through her hair. She slams them against her thighs. "Just because she doesn't like Lust." Greed grabs her hands and holds them gently.

" 'Doesn't like' hardly begins to cover how Sloth feels towards Lust," Envy says, folding his legs so that his and Ed's overlapped hands aren't visible. He squeezes Edward's hand. "Sloth does so many things just to piss of Lust and my dad."

"Like what?" Winry demands. Envy looks at Edward skeptically. He dated this for how long?

"Her clothes. My dad's conservative, Lust has designer friends. Sloth shops second hand shops and dresses… eclectically. Lust is a complete snob, Sloth likes to go slumming. Lust loves ultramodern stuff. Sloth, well," Envy pauses. "The whole indie-rocker retro scene could've been invented for her."

"Or by her," Greed adds.

"Sloth stopped riding horses when Lust started."

"No, Lust never rode much. Bebe just did those equestrian ads."

"She went riding though."

"Like three times."

"Whatever, it was enough. Sloth dropped dressage and picked up sidesaddle riding."

"Jumping, she did jumping too."

"Until Lust dated the Grand Prix winner."

"She still does vaulting and bareback."

"Four years ago my dad said that short hair looked bad on women," Envy says. Winry appears to be hypnotized by the rapid exchange Greed and Envy have started. Ed confused. Apparently Greed and Envy get along better than he'd thought.

"Sloth got a pixie cut."

"Lust told her it looked nice. She did to piss off my dad, but," Envy stops.

"Sloth started wearing hats and hasn't cut her hair since."

"Lust keeps mocking Sloth's constant boyfriends. Calls 'em bodyguard s and bruisers. Sloth hates that. She'll normally call Lust a slut and a bitch and accuse her of toying with others feelings."

"Isn't that what Sloth does?" Greed asks. "I haven't seen her with a long term guy."

"Yeah," Envy agrees. "She tends to go through them rather fast. I don't think she's even seriously dated any of them. But her exes don't hate her. Not like Lust's."

"She's gotten some pretty psychotic ones."

"But what do I have to do with it?" Winry demands.

"Well," Greed says, clearly not wanting to mess up anything.

"You complimented Lust," Envy says. "And you didn't seem to mind Gluttony."

"If she loves him that's not my problem," Winry snaps. "Just because I'm respectful." Edward laughs and very quickly turns it into a cough. "Doesn't mean she has the right to—"

"Lust doesn't love Gluttony," Greed says. Winry looks as though she's about to protest.

"Oh, she's a very skilled actress," Envy says. "She's even been in a few movies. R-rated, of course. She was dating the director at the time and well, he did type cast."

"You don't know that!" Winry retorts.

"Winry," Edward says, in a calming voice. "Don't you think her brothers—"

"Half," Envy and Greed both clarify.

"Might know something?" Edward finished.

"Still," Winry says, glaring at everyone.

"Gluttony is nothing like Lust's usual type," Greed says.

"And what is her type?"

"Tall, blond, handsome, loaded," Envy answers quickly. "She always picks the prettiest guys and she's had more romantic proposals before. More extravagant ones too. She's had the hottest models in the world chasing her for years."

"Maybe she's found true love," Winry says. Edward sighs. There' s no talking sense into her at this rate. He'd forgotten just how bad a drunk Winry is. The fact that she might be wondering about the validity of her only relationship and the sexuality of her only boyfriend, her only ex-boyfriend, has not occurred to Edward.

Envy laughs.

"Lust doesn't believe in love," he says. "She mocks Sloth for that too."

"How do you know—"

"Winry," Greed says quietly. "Lust has said so. Gluttony is the sole owner of a very lucrative international business. Lust isn't stupid and she has a scary incredible amount of ambition and business sense. She plans to start her own designer label. She's made friends of all the under-appreciated talented new designers. Sure they work for other companies, but if Lust offers them the right positions… well, they'll accept."

"So why doesn't she do it now, your family's—" Winry cuts herself off.

"Dante doesn't like the idea, she says it's too risky," Greed says. "And it is. A fashion line can easily fail. Even with the best designers, plus the current economy."

"That's where Gluttony comes in," Envy says. "He's besotted with Lust. He's wealthy enough that a failed business won't matter. You saw the size of that ring. He's willing to do anything to get Lust. Figures she'd make a good trophy wife."

"She said that?" Winry asks. Greed nods.

"'Sides, Sloth'll probably apologize later, when she's sober," Envy says. "She's just wound up about Lust and other things. Probably and going to France and all. She doesn't think long distance relationships work out well."

"That depends," Winry says, staring at the Christmas tree. "Where is Sloth going in France?" she adds vaguely.

"Lycée Louis-le-Grand," Greed says. Envy shrugs. How Greed knows what school she's attending is beyond him. Envy didn't even know she was going abroad. Though, he was busy with other things and she might've mentioned it at the being of the term, when she kept trying to introduce him to new people.

"I think that's where Russell's going," Winry says. "Its somewhere in Paris. He won't shut up about it. Apparently Voltaire and Robespierre went there."

"That's Lycée Louis-le-Grand."

"That's bizarre," Envy says. "You sure Russell hasn't been stalking Sloth?"

"Uh," Edward says. "There is always that possibility. Though, I don't know where he'd find the time. Why's Russell just going for the semester? I thought he wasn't going to go at all?"

"Well, he got wait-listed," Winry says, in explanation. "I guess the current exchange student dropped out or something. And since Russell's been filing transfer apps like mad, I'm guessing he got the spot."

"Weird though, how it's the exact same school Sloth's going to," Greed says.

"Well," Ed says suddenly. He's socialized for twenty-two minutes and forty-one seconds. That was enough. It is definitely time to return to his room with Envy. "I promised to let Envy listen to the rest of my music collection."

Winry raises an eyebrow.

Ed mentally smacks himself. Of course, Winry knows what examining Ed's music collection is code for. He's used the excuse enough with her. He can't believe he didn't remember. Now Winry thinks he's either rubbing it in her face or just that stupid.

"You gonna show him the new Killers tracks?" Winry asks, acidly. The two times they'd tried to have sex to music, it had been to the Killer's new singles: Human and Spaceman. Those endeavors both failed.

The first time Ed had been attempting to drown out the sounds of the illegal and underaged teenage party out. He'd been in Al's room at the time and had riffled around for a song, any song that didn't suck. He wasn't about to lose his virginity to the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, or Al's weird headbanging cellist group from Finland. He'd been thrilled to find his new Killer's album in Al's room.

He'd popped in into the computer and cranked up the volume. It had worked very well at first. Winry had grinned and rolled her eyes. The Killer's just weren't her thing. Ed just smiled back at her.

He then had the "brilliant" idea to start dancing before the chorus. Just as Ed was waving his shirt about his head and rocking out as Winry giggled helplessly on the bed, Ed begun to hear things that were most certainly not on the CD.

Namely a chorus of hyper, sugar-fueled children shouting "Are we human or are we dancers?!"

Ed had hastily put his shirt back on and peeked outside. Down in the Great Room, Al was leading an impromptu rave. Ed looked on in horror as a mob of screaming pre-teens jumping around. Al had spotted Ed and yelled at him to put "Thnks fr th mmrs" on next. Ed spent the rest on the night playing DJ.

The Spaceman Fiasco was simpler. He left the windows open and just after he'd taken off Winry's bra and his face between her breasts, Russell started ringing the doorbell. Ed had sworn and tried to get up. Winry had pulled him down and told him that whoever it was didn't matter and they'd go away and if they did, Ed could just turn the music up. Ed was very willing to listen to Winry. They'd just had a fight over this whole thing and he wanted it to work out this time. Who cared about a doorbell?

Russell, however, was not to be dissuaded and with the windows open, could hear the song. He set about starting a very spontaneous one man rave to Spaceman. Ed would've been impressed, had Russell not a) interrupted the possible best moment of his life, b) started singing loudly, c) woke the neighbors, and/or d) invited friends.

And from the way Winry was glaring at him, Edward could tell that she was remembering those two incidents as well. Only she was probably thinking that Ed was now going to go reenact both those situations without the interruptions.

"Yeah, Envy loves the Killers," Greed adds. Winry looks at him askance. Ed breathes a sigh of relief. He hopes that Envy actually likes the Killers and Greed doesn't have his own version of the code. He then just chalk it all up to coincidence.

"I just like their music videos," Envy says. He turns and whispers to Ed. "The lead guy is hot." He dashes upstairs and Edward shrugs and follows.

Sloth stiffens and sniffs as footsteps come up the stairs. Russell rubs her back gently. He'd rather be sprawled out on the laundry room floor, amongst Trisha's non-company towels, but Sloth preferred the top of the dryer.

"It has a lock. WAF proof." That's Edward's voice and Russell sighs with relief.

"It's just Ed, and probably Envy," he says to Sloth, still rigid in his arms. She's the most gorgeous girl he's ever met. "Don't worry."

"But what if they come in or try to," Sloth says, leaning her head on his shoulder. Russell grins, even though she's probably going to get her mascara all over his white shirt. He doesn't care. He's holding the most beautiful girl in the world, his shirt means nothing to him. If she wanted to pop the buttons off it, he wouldn't mind. She could tear it to shreds and he'd let her. Hell, he'd encourage her.

"They won't."

"What makes you sure?"

"We have this Understanding. It's composed mainly of tacit non-interference," Russell says. Technically he's breaking one of the Fourteen Points (Ed developed the treaty during the study of WWI) by telling Sloth, a girl, this. Though Ed is currently going after a guy and that sure as hell wasn't included in the Fourteen Points.

"And?"

"Well, for example, we both liked Winry at the same time, but I'd just gotten a blowjob off of his ex, so he got to ask Winry out," Russell says. He instantly regrets mentioning Nora, but how else could he explain it? Besides, he feels he should come clean to Sloth. She deserves honesty.

"Wanna explain that?" Sloth asks, giving Russell The Look. He struggles not to grin. He's always felt that getting The Look is an integral part of having a girlfriend.

"Well, it's going to sound like an extremely jerkish thing to do, but it wasn't entirely my fault. Ed had just broken up with her. I think she tried to get him to do something other than paw at her embarrassedly. Probably went down on him or something. But, they broke up," Russell says.

"And she gave you a blowjob to get back at him?" Sloth asks and by the tone of her voice, Russell can tell that the wrong answer means Consequences. He does a mental victory dance. He's thrilled. Implied threats are another thing only girlfriends do. He's waited so long for this.

"No, she blew the entire soccer team."

"You're joking."

"I am most certainly not," Russell replies. He understands her reaction, though. It is hard to imagine. He had a hard enough time believing it was true when it was happening.

"Like Edward would ever date someone like that."

"'Course he wouldn't, but Nora wasn't like that before they dated. Towards the end I think Ed was the only thing keeping her from doing stuff like that on a regular basis," Russell shrugs. Nora was interesting. Ed had gone on and on about how smart, fast, and talented she was and how she was interested in pursuing any of it.

Russell sighed, Edward was the type of person who actually followed all of the precautionary measures explained in Sex Ed. Not that that stopped him from getting it on quite regularly, if the amount of used condoms that Russell keeps discovering in the strangest places are any indication.

"So, how was it?" Sloth asks.

"Really disturbing actually. I wasn't the first guy so I knew where her mouth had been. The actual job, well, I'm not going to lie. It was nice, but disturbing. So disturbing." Russell shudders. "I'm surprised I didn't catch anything awful. So were a lot of the other guys. Nobody said no, but we all showered off again afterwards."

"Why'd she do it?"

"I think she was dared to," Russell says. "I never told Ed about all of it. I wasn't going tell him any of it, but Nora came up to me and said something like 'I enjoyed you yesterday, wanna repeat?' and walked off. I made something up about how she'd come onto me in the locker room. He wasn't happy, but he believed it. I felt it was better than letting him know that his ex was a mega-slut."

"So, I was more than happy to let him have Winry. It turned out to be a very good decision."

"Ah," Sloth says. She fishes for something in her pockets. It's a phone. She opens it and the laundry is bathed in a bluish glow. Russell looks at the screen. All he sees is a text message before Sloth snaps it shut, swearing softly.

Russell looks at her. He'd raise an eyebrow, but he can't. Not without scrunching one eye up and looking deranged.

"Oh, it's nothing," Sloth says quickly. "I was just expecting some guy—but he hasn't answered so."

"He's an idiot," Russell says. He is extreme aware of Sloth body. It's pressed against his and her head really hasn't moved much. She doesn't seem to notice his arm either.

"I met him on this stupid online site. He commented on my journal and then it just continued from there. He was so funny, he always made me laugh with his stupid icons. He sent me this e-card with dancing penguins for Halloween."

Sloth continues, but Russell's frozen. This whole thing sounds entirely too familiar.

"It was scary how much we had in common. We practically read each others minds. It was amazing. This year we'd planned to go to Lycée Louis-le-Grand in France but he didn't get in the first semester."

Shit.

She was going to kill him when she found out.

Fin.