I don't own Batman, would you be getting this free if I did?

Have you seen a Mask of Tragedy? Well then, you'd recognize the Joker. And it's a good thing if you can recognize him that way, because right now that's the only way you will recognize him. Eyes downcast, with lips set in a ruby frown like one of those velvet Sad Clown paintings come to life, he's a just a shadow of his former self. A very female shadow.

And even Harley can't hold back a little snicker as she opens the door and sees him. "Why Mistah J" -- This is where the snicker comes out -- "I mean Miss J," she says, "is this what it takes to make you come back to me?"

Pamela, who's watching the whole thing, does not have her girlfriend's compunctions. She laughs very loudly, and for quite a long time. She also makes some comments about this being the Joker's way of sampling an alternative lifestyle that have the erstwhile Clown Prince of Crime gritting her cute little teeth.

"It's not funny," she says. Only unfortunately her 'angry voice' doesn't have quite the same impact now that she's 5 feet 4 and a little under 120 pounds. Both of her two hostesses respond by bursting into giggles.

They invite her in though. Well, Harley does. Pam says something about having to formulate a quick-acting pesticide -- she gives Miss J a look as she says it, but she doesn't do anything, just hustles out the back door to the greenhouses.

Harley's more than welcoming enough for two though. "Aww, come on in," she says. Dragging Miss J by her cute bleached-white hands, "love the new look," she tells her, "you're just the cutest thing that ever was." And she deposits her ex-boyfriend (ex now, in more ways than one) with a plop onto the leaf-patterned sofa in the living room.

"I mean it," she goes on, "you're adorable," and she doesn't even ask how the Joker managed to get himself into this mess. She also doesn't comment on his most prominent new feature.

Miss J can't afford to be so reticent. She can't, because even if she wanted to, she's the one with the baby-bump riding high on her cute little abdomen. She's the one in the maternity top -- And believe me, it's not easy to find a purple maternity top with a green tie at the neck, not in Gotham City it isn't! She's the one that when she looks down now, she can barely see her feet.

And "I'm not keeping it," she says.

Now, there are lots of ways that Harley could respond to this, starting with, she could ask now how it was that Miss J got herself into this mess. Or she could go all jealous and demand to know whose baby her ex is carrying. Instead, she slips into psychiatrist-mode. She tents her fingers and looks over them, and she asks mildly, "oh, really?"

"Yes, really" -- Girl or no girl, the Joker can still gnash his teeth with the best of them. And he can glare pretty well, "how crazy do you think I am?" he demands -- Or she demands, "it would be a total disaster. We're like fire and water," she says, "like matter and anti-matter" --

And, "it's Batman's kid," Harley says flatly. To give her credit, she does not immediately offer to drive her ex to a clinic and get it taken care of. Maybe things are going well enough between her and Pam right now that she can afford to move from being a girlfriend to being a best friend. Maybe she just knows this is her best chance at a baby. "Have you told him yet?" she asks helpfully.

The Joker shakes her head.

"Are you going to tell him?" Harley asks, and gets another head-shake in return.

"One night," the Joker says bitterly, "one fuckin' night and I get this! I ask you, Harley-girl, can you see me taking care of a baby?"

Now most of Gotham would have no trouble answering that one. They see the Joker taking care of lots of things, bank-heists and large explosions being high up on the list for most of them, but a baby? Way to start the whole city laughing! Harley though, she's a romantic (or, to put it another way, a hopelessly deluded fool). She actually has pictured her Puddin in charge of a kid, although admittedly it was a small, chubby version of himself, and not some kind of a weird clown-bat hybrid. Her lips curl upward now, into a smile that's almost sentimental and, "you oughta at least tell him," she says.

"Hell no."

"Aww, c'mon," Harley says, "at least warn the guy you're thinkin' of getting rid of it -- It's a baby, ya know?"

And this time, the Joker nods. "I know," she says.