Disclaimer: Kishimoto is god, enough said.

Pairings: KakaSaku (though it's a slow romance, more of a friendship)

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Predilection / Those Years That Were Ours

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'If you want to know what makes me sad
Well, it's hope, the endurance of faith
A battle that lasts a lifetime
A fight that never ends.'

~ SXRT by Bloc Party

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Sakura didn't know how she felt anymore.

Sometimes she felt angry – at Sasuke for leaving, at Naruto for disappearing with Jiraiya without a word and, overwhelmingly so, at herself. In those times, she would hit everything in sight to vent it out, but to no avail. Over and over in her head, she would tell herself she was weak – that it was why Sasuke rejected her and left to go Orochimaru. She knew with a raw, near unbearable certainty that she couldn't have stopped him even if she tried. Once the anger drained away, most often than not, she sported bruised and bloodied knuckles. As the blood trickled down her wrist and arm, she would just stare, feeling nothing.

She had no more tears left to cry. Apathy crept up onto her more so every day. In those times, she would train and train – working her body into exhaustion without caring. She had only one thing in mind and that was to get stronger, no matter what. To match Sasuke and Naruto's level. To drag Sasuke back if need be. She'd leave the knocking sense into the Uchiha to Naruto, as he was the best at it. Sakura never let herself day-dream about the future beyond that – to gain a useless hope that things would be good. She became harder on herself, on everyone else. She didn't understand how Ino or the girls her age could waltz around shopping for days and expect to get stronger. They were weak, in mind and body. They had no resolve.

Even with all of her anger, her determination and resolution, she knew that the sadness never was far away. She distanced herself from everyone – feeling the loss of her team mates, of her partners, of the family she had in Team Seven. The kunai in her hand was the only thing she felt comfortable around and that saddened her. She and Ino, her best friend, barely saw one another anymore – as they both had missions to finish, had their own masters to go back to and different friends. The gap of experiences between them was just too large. Ino didn't understand that losing Naruto and Sasuke was like losing a limb to Sakura.

Team Seven was family and she needed them, even for all the things said and unsaid – Naruto and Sasuke were necessary to her existence, to her state of mind and future. She needed to see Naruto's sunny smile and his stubborn optimism. She needed Sasuke's quiet, yet strong presence and to see his smug smirk. She needed to feel safe and protected like she had around Kakashi. Sakura's heart ached for it.

So, thus, after Tsuande accepted her as her apprentice, she trained in nearly every waking moment – sun up to sun down. She knew deep down that she over-worked herself, but the determination to get better, to achieve her utmost best was overwhelming. She had nothing else to live for. She could not let herself have anything else. She would save her family and beat the crap out of them for being stupid. She had made a promise to herself, a vow that she could never break, damnit!

And yes, she was channelling her inner self more so than before. She found it was a relief to do so, to her immense surprise. She asked herself a many a time why she had been content to act like the wimp she had been . . . surely both Naruto and Sasuke would've respected her more if she had been more herself?

But one day, Shizune, under Tsuande's orders, kicked Sakura out and demanded that she had to have a break – or the Hokage would snap her arms and legs to make her rest for once, in the hospital if need be. The pink-haired shinobi wandered around and was, needless to say, frustrated that she had nothing to do. She felt useless - she wanted to train and to punch something hard. To feel the satisfying crunch of wood breaking beneath her knuckles and hear the resounding, sharp clangs of two kunais meeting in battle . . .

But then she saw a very familiar person reading on the roof.

Sakura stopped and stared at the man on the building across from the Hokage Tower, his face hidden by a mask and an orange book. The young woman made a face at the title: Icha Icha Paradise. Hadn't Kakashi read the book more a hundred times by now? He had had it even before Team Seven had been established.

Sakura sighed, leaning on the window frame tiredly – feeling a sudden exhausting melancholy. It had been months since she had even talked to her old sensei, and they had barely shared a few glances between one another. They had, of course, seen and passed each other on the streets as Konoha was a small village, but . . . he only waved and she only nodded in greeting. It was too weird between them, without Naruto and Sasuke around, too close and empty at the same time.

Though slowly, through her daily tasks she had seen him - he was always in the same places, doing the same things . . . in the mornings, buying breakfast at that little stall on the corner of the street, at midday he stared at the Hokage Faces on the mountains . . . and so on and so forth. She never went out of her way to find out his strange routine, as it felt too personal to do so. She let him be – figuring that the reason he never sought her out was that he didn't want to be reminded of his failure in regards to Team Seven. But sometimes, she asked herself whether it was her own reason, her own sense of failure, which stopped her from trying to break the silence between them. Maybe it was a mixture of both, but she really didn't know.

Sakura brushed a strand of pink hair from her face and put it behind her ear. Kakashi was still reading his ridiculous book and lounging against the wall behind him lazily. She looked down and frowned momentarily at the window pane, uncertain.

Why am I being weak again by hiding away from him? He's just Kakashi.

At this thought, she climbed out of the open window and with the help of a tree branch, jumped to the roof softly. For a second she hesitated, but then she sat down next to him, their backs against the wall of the building – the space between them neither near nor far. Kakashi brought his nose out of his book and turned, smiling at her through his mask. She returned the smile a little sheepishly, and then he shamelessly went back to his reading. Sakura took out an apple and ate it, while he read. No words were shared, which she found she didn't mind, as the soothing company was just fine.

The corner of her mouth twitched upwards – she had missed this. The only thing that was not there was Sasuke and Naruto bickering. She shook her head and dismissed the thought to contemplate her apple core.

Just sit, she told herself, just relax.

And she did.

She didn't know how long they sat there, soaking up the noonday sun and each other's presences – but it was a very shocked Shizune that found her after actually searching for her. In all the months that Sakura had been an apprentice – such a thing had never happened. Shizune never mentioned it, but she was pleased that she had because Sakura looked relaxed for once. Though, the dark-haired woman didn't leave without murmuring a profuse thank you to an amused and baffled Kakashi.

As Sakura got up, she blushed in embarrassment and apologised to both of them – because she had been dozing and lost track of the time. She didn't look back as she left and followed Shizune, but if she had, then she would have seen Kakashi watching her with a bemused look.

For a time afterwards, she began to come back to that same spot to sit on the roof with her old sensei. It was strange . . . she always felt the need to go to him, like she was being lead along by a magnetic pull. In the beginning she only bought her lunch, then she started reading medical tombs and scrolls while she ate. But soon fiction followed, and then, out of pure curiosity, she bought an Icha Icha Tactics. The comfortable silence that had reigned for days was broken when Kakashi glanced at the title of her latest book.

He lifted his only visible eyebrow and asked, 'Aren't you a little young for that?'

Sakura grinned, 'Yeah, I am. But I've read worse.'

Then they carried on reading.

Though they only said a few sentences to one another – it broke an invisible wall between them and it became easier to be around each other. They started talking – discussing the plots of the various Icha Icha's (Sakura couldn't help but blush at times), the medical jutsus she had learnt and the different theories she had of what he looked like under his mask (all of which he shot down in patient amusement). They began playing card games – and to Sakura's eternal annoyance – Kakashi won nearly every game. There were times when they sat back and watched the clouds pass them by in the sky – commenting on the shapes and made up random stories about them. Sakura could see after that how Shikamaru could sit for hours on end doing so – you just had to have the right person next to you.

But overall and unvoiced between them, they knew that they both enjoyed the sense of normalcy and company. Even if they weren't officially a team, or went on missions together . . . they had something that could never be forgotten or erased. They remembered what it meant to be Team Seven.

Sakura glanced over at Kakashi, at his shock of grey hair and at his ever-present mask, then let herself smile.

I have part of my family back.