Summary: Remus is just too shy to get a girlfriend himself, and Sirius wants to help. Soon he realizes that he's succeeding almost too well.

A/N: My friend Sharra has been my beta reader for two first chapters. I should probably also say that, as you know, these characters etc. belong to J.K. Rowling.

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HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND

Lesson 1: About Smiling

"Prongs?"

"What?"

"Aren't you a little worried about Moony?"

It took a few seconds for James to get his eyes off Lily Evans, who had just crossed her legs in a very fascinating way.

"Why? What's wrong with Moony?"

"I was just thinking", Sirius said, "that he has no girlfriend."

"Neither have you."

"But it's different", Sirius objected. "I could have one, if I only wanted. Moony is so shy, Prongs. I don't remember seeing him talking to girls."

"He was just talking with Marie Collins yesterday. Merlin, he talks with Lily more than me!"

Sirius looked over his shoulder. Evans was playing with her long, red hair. James looked quite distracted.

"But Moony doesn't like Marie."

"How do you know that?" said James. It was easy to tell that his thoughts were somewhere else, and Sirius knew exactly where. Evans had reached for a book lying on the table, and her T-shirt was not really too tight.

"I can see it. Moony doesn't look at her like you look at Evans."

James blushed. "No. But have you ever seen him looking any girl like… that?"

"Like you're staring at Evans? No. Really, Merlin, no."

"So, maybe he just isn't interested in any girl right now."

"Yeah", said Sirius. "Or he is just too shy to admit it."

Evans had gotten to her feet. James' eyes followed her all the way to the stairways leading to the dormitories.

"I think we should help Moony."

"What?"

"To get a girlfriend", Sirius explained getting almost angry, because James didn't seem to find the topic important enough to drag his thoughts away from Evans.

"Why?"

"Do you want him to be lonely?"

"Padfoot." James' voice was gentle like he was talking to a child. Sirius didn't like it at all. "You don't even know if he wants a girlfriend."

"You're just too stuck in Evans to care about Moony's problems."

"What problems?"

"With getting a girlfriend."

"Padfoot, you have gone nuts!"

"Just wait", Sirius said, when a thought came to his mind. "If you aren't helpful, I'm going to help him myself. You'll see."

"You could at least ask if he wants your help."

"He wouldn't admit it", Sirius said cheerfully. "But I'm going to help him anyway."

James' face looked worried, but Sirius didn't care. Prongs probably was just thinking Evans again.

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"You WHAT?"

"I'll tell you how to get a girlfriend", Sirius repeated patiently.

Remus was sitting on his bed reading a book that couldn't have seemed less interesting. Sirius didn't understand, why everyone was reacting this way to his plans. Okay, he quite understood that Remus didn't take it all well, because, let's be honest, he was quite shy. He probably was embarrassed about Sirius knowing that he missed a girlfriend but was too shy to get one.

"But why?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You are beginning to sound so like Prongs."

"What the heck has James to do with anything?"

Well, at least the idea had gone into Remus' mind. He had almost sworn.

"I talked about you with Prongs", Sirius said trying to think fast. "He was also a little suspicious about the idea, but in the end I found out we share the same opinion, me and Prongs. You should find a girl."

"Why?"

"Because you want to."

"I don't exactly – "

"Moony, I know you are shy", Sirius smiled lightly. "Don't worry. I will help you. Do you have some girl in your mind?"

"No, I – "

"Well, that's even better. We can focus on getting you someone." Sirius grinned. "It's always good to be open to possibilities. Prongs should get it to his head, too."

"Sirius, I don't think this is a good – "

"You don't have to modest", said Sirius. "I'll look for a nice girl and then we'll get her to you. That's going to be great."

Remus was stared at him with a frown. To be honest, he didn't seem to be very keen on the idea, but Sirius was sure it was the shyness again. It was just a little barrier to overcome. He could manage it. Remus would get a girlfriend and they would all live happily ever after.

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah?" Sirius asked turning around. He had almost reached the dormitory's door. "Have you figured out a girl?"

"YOU don't have a girlfriend."

Remus sounded quite weird. He was probably just excited.

"Yeah", Sirius said slowly, "but it's not because I couldn't get one."

"Are you saying that I can't?"

"No! You just need a little help:"

"Really, you don't have to – "

"I'm glad to do this", Sirius grinned and stepped out of the door. "Don't be worried, Moony. I'll help."

He heard Remus muttering something that might have been "that's exactly what I am worried about", but he really wasn't listening anymore.

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"First lesson", Sirius said. "You need to look like you are sure that any girl is going to fall for you."

Remus was sitting on his bed his long legs crossed and a very doubtful expression on his face. He was still missing the book, which Sirius had taken away to get his attention. Remus didn't seem to understand, how important this was, but that was going to change.

"Padfoot", called James, who was sitting on his own bed watching something that looked like a picture about really angry Lily Evans.

"Shut up", Sirius smiled to his best friend and turned back to look at Remus. "Well, let's see. You don't look that bad, do you?"

"I don't really know", said Remus, but now he looked thoughtful and not ready to run away. This was clearly progressing. "How can you tell?"

"You do look a little like a nerd." Sirius was talking mostly to himself. "But just a little bit. And on the other hand, you look clever. Some girls like clever."

James sighed. Sirius knew he was thinking about Evans. If this worked out and Remus got a girlfriend, maybe Sirius should try the same thing with James.

Until then, however, he should forget James and focus on Remus, who was now trying to hide his palms into his pockets in an uncertain gesture. Remus looked away from Sirius, apparently not liking that another person watched him so closely, but it was all for his own good. He should have understood it.

In fact Remus looked quite fascinating. Sirius wasn't sure if he had noticed it ever before, but now he certainly did. Remus wasn't really handsome, but he had something on him. Sirius didn't know for sure, what it was. Maybe it had something to do with Remus' quite tired but surprisingly light, bluish grey eyes or narrow, a little mysterious smile.

Remus was perhaps a little too skinny, but Sirius didn't think that would be a problem. He was quite sure that Remus had muscles, too. He had to, didn't he? After all, he was a werewolf. Maybe Sirius should check it out, but surely not know. Some day. He could accidentally rush into shower when Remus was there. He smiled.

"Moony?" he asked finding that Remus stared at him looking quite embarrassed. Merlin, the boy almost blushed. Sirius felt quite impatient. Why the heck should Remus be so awkwardly shy?

Remus blinked. Sirius did, too, and tried to figure out what he had been talking about. "So, what do you think of yourself?"

"Padfoot? Who do you think you are? A psychologist?"

"I'm just trying to help, Prongs!"

"Well, you're doing it in quite a weird way."

"Prongs?" called Remus. "Are you with him? Do you also think that I should have a girlfriend?"

James coughed throwing Sirius an angry glance. "Not necessarily. But you know, Moony, you read a lot – "

"So?"

"If Padfoot's right and you're just shy… you could give it a shot."

Remus sighed. "Okey. I'll… give it a shot. But I still think you're crazy. Both of you."

"Why us? Why not Wormtail?"

"He is not using his spare time trying to get me a girlfriend I don't want."

Sirius rolled his eyes. Of course Remus wanted a girlfriend. Why wouldn't him? "So, where were we?"

"You were asking what I think of myself."

"Oh. Yes. So?"

"So what?"

"What do you think of yourself?"

Sirius was really trying to patient. Still, he was sure that Remus was being… difficult just to irritate him.

"I haven't thought about that", said Remus, carefully, clearly trying to avoid answering.

"Do you think you are good-looking?"

"Padfoot."

"Shut up, Prongs, this is important. Getting a girlfriend is all about self-confidence. Moony?"

"I guess", said Remus very slowly, "hmm, I have two legs and two arms and a head. I guess I look like a human being. Which I am not, to be accurate."

Sirius sighed. He had so much to do.

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Remus looked like he was scared. Well, he looked like he would have wanted to hit Sirius straight to his face, run away and never come back. Seeing Remus' eyes so full of expression was in a way quite fascinating. Sirius tried to concentrate on the business.

"Just remember to smile", he hissed, when dark-haired girl from Ravenclaw walked closer them. "Girls love smiling. You just have to smile and be nice."

"Nice?"

"Don't worry, you're always nice. It's like a sickness or something, really."

Remus frowned.

"Er, I meant that you can do it. You can be nice. Just go."

"Why Marie Collins?" Remus barked.

"You have talked to her."

"Yes, but I don't really fancy her that way – "

"This is just a practice", said Sirius and pushed him to the corridor. "Go!"

Marie got surprised, when Remus suddenly stood in her way. Sirius felt his own throat thickening. Well, of course he was worried about Remus. He almost hoped he didn't need to watch, when Remus greeted a girl with far too broad smile.

"Hi, Remus", said the girl, who was in a fifth grade and therefore a year younger than them, and in fact quite pretty, even though Sirius didn't usually find girls of Hogwarts either ugly or pretty. He didn't know, why it was so. Maybe the possibilities just were not good enough for him. Maybe he wanted someone… more special.

Of course he had snogged a few girls. It had been quite nice, really, even though nothing to compare with the glances James threw to Lily's direction. But Sirius wasn't a coward. He liked getting new experiments, and even though snogging girls in a corridor weren't his most precious memories, he had nothing against it. He could even imagine himself kissing Marie Collins.

He blinked. No, he shouldn't be thinking like that. No way. He was trying to get a girlfriend to one of his best friends, to his Moony, not to himself. To be honest, he really didn't want a girlfriend himself at all. He just wasn't interested. Too much trouble.

Marie was staring at Remus in a quite doubtful way that made Sirius wonder, if they had made a pranks lately and Marie had accidentally got in their way. No, he didn't remember disturbing the girl in any way, unless you counted him pushing Remus to talk to her. To be honest, she didn't look so happy about the situation.

"Well", Remus was saying, "I'm happy you liked the… the Herbs. I mean, the lesson, not the herbs, but… oh fuck. There's the Hogsmeade weekend coming, you know?"

"Yes", Marie said slowly.

"So, I was just wondering… just wondering, not anything too serious… I mean, if you wanted to come with me it would be great, but if you don't want to, it's also great. Not great, I mean, but I'll survive."

And Remus smiled.

Sirius blinked. THAT was a good smile. In fact, it was nearly an AWESOME smile. For a moment Sirius himself felt like saying yes.

"No", said Marie. "I'm sorry, Remus. I'm going with someone else."

The girl left. Remus returned to the empty classroom, where Sirius had been watching him, and shrugged without looking any disappointed.

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"I really don't know what we did wrong!"

"I don't care."

"You even smiled", Sirius muttered, "even though it looked quite stupid at the beginning… and you were so nice to her. Of course you babbled a bit, but that could have happened to anyone. Really. Even to me, or maybe not, but you know what I mean. How are you? Are you sad?"

In fact, Remus didn't look sad at all. He was staring a book with one eye and Sirius was quite sure that another boy was more interested in his book than him. Again.

"I'm not sad, Padfoot. I said I don't fancy her."

"But why wouldn't she fancy you? This was just practicing. You should have gone with her to Hogsmeade, so we would have a date situation next in line. Now we are stuck in finding a girl. Why wouldn't she say yes? Who is she thinking she is, refusing to like you?"

"Padfoot. Breathe, please. She wasn't interested in me, I wasn't interested in her. It's that simple."

"No."

"Yes."

"No. Who do you fancy?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I told you that I fancy no girl at the moment."

"At the moment? Some past big loves in your life, then?"

"No. Just irritating friends."

Sirius frowned. "Okay, then we'll just pick another target and keep on trying. How about Abbot?"

"Who?"

"Anna Abbot. The Hufflepuff."

"Why her?"

"She seems nice", Sirius said quickly.

"You mean that she seems too nice to refuse", Remus said sharply. "You really think I'm not going to get anyone besides Anna Abbot?"

"What's wrong with Anna Abbot?"

"Nothing. Just your attitude."

"I thought you told me to be kind to everyone."

There was a long silence in the dormitory.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Yes", Remus sighed. "I'll ask her, but you must remember that I'm doing this only for you, Pads. Get it to your head, do you? I don't fancy Anna Abbot."

"She has nice eyes", Sirius defended trying to remember, what kind of eyes Anna Abbot had.

"Yeah. With her glasses."

"That's what I meant."

"Right."

"Where are you going?"

"To ask Anna Abbot."

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"Anna?"

Sirius sat in a bench a little further, when a blond girl stopped her walking to smile carefully to Remus. Merlin, Anna Abbot was tall! And she was thin. She was surely taller and thinner than Remus, but that didn't matter, did it? They were just practicing, and this time Remus smiled way more naturally right in the beginning. Sirius was almost proud. Of course, mostly he was happy with himself.

"Hi", said Anna, stopping in front of Remus. Sirius smiled and tried not to look like he was watching. He had just been taking a little walk in a nice winter evening enjoying wet, irritating snow. Anna Abbot had no reason to suppose that he was observing them.

"I was just thinking", said Remus smiling in a way that made Sirius feel uneasy. How could Remus not have a girlfriend with that smile? When he smiled, corners of his eyes wrinkled in a strange, nice way. Oh man. He really should concentrate on watching, not thinking Remus' smile.

"Er, no", said Anna. Sirius realized that he had lost the essential part of the conversation. Fuck. He should probably fake that he had heard everything. How else could he tell Remus, what he had done wrong?

But how could Remus have done something wrong? With THE SMILE?

"Well, it's okay", Remus said still smiling.
"I'm sorry. I'm not interested in you, Remus. You seem to be nice, though."

"You, too", said Remus kindly. "Even though to be honest I was doing this for me friend."

"What?" Anna got puzzled.

"What?" hissed Sirius.

"Yeah, he's worried about me. No reason, of course, but you know how silly friends can be sometimes", Remus said, shrugging. Sirius felt a sudden urge to hit him. Quite kindly, maybe, he was still Moony, but hit anyway.

"And you are nice, so I asked you. But you don't want to go together and neither do I, so no harm is done."

Anna nodded. She seemed to be thinking, if she was supposed to get embarrassed or angry or not either of them, but before she decided, Remus had already walked away. Sirius tried to tell him not to come to his (what would Anna Abbot think he was, stupid friend who had no his own life?) but Remus didn't apparently want to understand.

"It went well", Remus said far too pleased.

*

"Why did you have to tell her?"

"You made me ask a girl out, Padfoot", Remus said dryly. "Two girls, in fact. Two girls I don't like that way at all, and you're pissed off because I told a reason, why I asked her?"

"Yes! It wasn't fair!"

"So it's fair to let her think that I like her?"

"Well, it was what you were supposed to do."

"Shut up", Remus said, but it was quite kindly "shut up". Sirius didn't even remember when Remus would have been really, really angry with him. Sometimes he got tired with the others, their pranks and jokes, but usually he just changed a tone in his voice.

Sirius frowned, when he realized how easy it was to remember different ways Remus talked. Maybe it was just because they were roommates, and classmates, and besides those, almost best friends. He had spent a lot of time with Remus. It was no wonder that he was able to recognize his mood from his voice even though the difference between tired Remus speaking and angry Remus speaking could be really tiny.

Maybe he should ask James, if he had never thought about Remus' different ways of talking. Or Peter. Surely they had noticed it too. Remus told so much with so little gestures. It was kind of fascinating, in fact, kind of mysterious.

"So, do you yourself have an idea, what you did wrong?" asked Sirius while realizing that he should have been teaching Remus how to get a girlfriend, and not thinking how interesting Remus was sometimes. Still, it was true. Remus' girlfriend was going to be one lucky girl.

"No."

"Not an idea? Not a single one?"

"No."

"Nor have I." Sirius felt frustrated. "Oh fuck. What did you say to her, by the way?"

"You were there, Pads."

"Yeah, but I don't remember it anymore."

Remus looked disbelieving. "You were there to tell me afterwards, what had gone wrong or right. Of course, the real reason you were there probably is that you are way too curious to live long - "

"No, that's - "

"- but I don't know it", Remus said determinedly. "I can't believe you are asking me what I said to her."

"What's the big deal with it?"

"This was your idea! I didn't want this! And now you aren't even interested enough to listen? What the heck were you doing there?"

"I guess", Sirius shrugged, "that I was thinking your smile."

"What?"

Remus looked shocked. Sirius was a little irritated, Remus really should have some common sense. It was not like the world was going to end, if Sirius was thinking his smile.

"Yes. Your smile. The thing your mouth does, when you're happy - "
"I wasn't happy there."
"Well, then I've taught you well. Your smile is astonishing."
"Er", said Remus. "Thank you, I guess."
"I can't understand, why Abbot refused."

Remus looked at him a little strange expression on his face. Sirius wondered, if he was supposed to ask what Remus was thinking, but he was really too busy thinking himself. This thing, getting Remus a girlfriend, wasn't going as well as he had hoped, but it would turn out to be better. Sirius would figure out something. In the end, Remus wouldn't surely be lonely.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! You maybe noticed that I'm not a fluent English speaker, so there might be quite a many grammar mistakes in the text. Any reviews are welcome, thank you :)