Shadow: One slightly belated Christmas present for my wifey, Compy. Love and snuggles and death to you; I loathe this little horror with all my heart. Ryuk is a pain in the ass to write.

Notes: Misa x Light; Ryuk x Light – ish, and it's a bit weird and squicky and heavily, heavily implied and there's a bit of blood and um…mild violence? Exceedingly mild, mild violence?

…

I accept no responsibility for brain breakage. Read at your own risk. ^^

Pets

Since it was an accepted fact – though never yet quite a stated one - within the Yagami family that Light Yagami intended for Misa Amane to be his wife one day, sometime in the current future, when everything had calmed down a lot, Sachiko felt it was best to do some quality bonding with her soon-to-be-daughter-in-law. They'd gotten off on rather a strange foot Sachiko felt, and so it was best to strike when the iron was hot (or at least, very lukewarm) and establish a good mother-daughter relationship before things got too distant between them.

And so – baking. It was a good talent for a wife to know, and Sachiko didn't want her baby son being deprived of good, wholesome food because his wife didn't know any appropriate recipes. Misa, to her eternal credit in Sachiko's eyes, positively jumped at the offer to come over to the Yagami home and learn a thing or two from Light's mother, pleased to feel welcome in the family she had high hopes of joining.

She looked radiant that mid-morning she turned up on the Yagami house doorstep, long hair plaited neatly behind her head with only the mildest hint of makeup around her eyes. She'd brought a positively adorable apron – in Sachiko's opinion, at least -, a delicate, lacy sky-blue thing that complimented the white blouse and navy skirt she'd chosen as her apparel of the day. Very dressed-down, for a model, and yet very dressy all the same. Smart. Polite. Charming. Sachiko approved.

Misa and Light…they made a lovely couple, Sachiko had to admit, a perfect aesthetic match. Pretty, delicate Misa, with her fine bones and naturally fair hair, and Sachiko's handsome son. They would have beautiful children together when they finally properly settled down – smart too, if they inherited even a speck of Light's genes. Sachiko would be the envy of the entire neighbourhood – again -, blessed not only with near-to-perfect children, but grandchildren cast in the same divine mould as well. Misa would be a wonderful addition to the family.

"Could we try making a dessert first?" Misa asked the woman she hoped to soon have as a mother-in-law, once they were all ready and cleaned up. "Misa feels more confident with savoury things, and would like some practice with desserts."

"Of course!" Sachiko was utterly delighted with the younger woman's sentiments – Misa apparently was not a total disaster in the kitchen, was enthusiastic, was willing, and knew her own strengths and failings. "Is there anything you'd like to make in particular?"

There was a pause, Misa's head cocked to one side as she thought – but, in that pose, it almost looked like she was listening to something – "Apple crumble?"

It was a good choice. A good, simple starting point for someone unused to making sweet things, but not so simple that you could do it blindfolded.

"Very well." Sachiko smiled at the girl, motioning to the fruit bowl on the sideboard, which was very prominently full of apples. (They were there for Light – every time the boy came around they nearly all seemed to vanish.) "Could you peel those? I'll go measure out the flour and – oh." The woman herself paused, suddenly remembering the large batch of cookies she'd baked the other day at Sayu's bequest, and how she'd used the last of the flour and had always been intending to go buy some more – "I need to go to the shops to fetch some." She looked at Misa apologetically, the blonde looking quite stricken at putting Sachiko out in any way. "It's quite alright – I'll be there and back in ten minutes." Misa helped her put on her coat, and then Sachiko was out the door.

The woman really did do her very best, but the walk took her a little longer than expected and she was gone for double the time she said she would. When Sachiko got to Misa she was full of apologies, the girl obviously embarrassed and trying to wave them off.

"It was nothing, nothing!" Misa insisted. "Misa didn't mind!"

But then Sachiko noticed the fruit bowl, and stared at it in utter bewilderment. "Where did all the apples go?" She couldn't see any peeled fruit on the bench…

"Um…" Misa shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable. "I…threw them out. Misa thought they were rotten."

"Rotten?" Her elder companion looked doubtful. "But they looked fine…"

"Oh, the outside was fine," Misa assured her, "but when Misa cut into them their cores were quite, quite bad. The whole fruit was spoilt."

Sachiko frowned. "Well – and I only got them yesterday! I shall have to tell the greengrocer-"

"You should do that," Misa urged.

"And demand a full refund!"

"Yes!" More firm nodding.

"But…we can't make apple crumble."

"Oh." There was a long pause, and Sachiko really expected Misa to look more crestfallen than that but – ah…she supposed that being able to accept things was another point in the girl's favour. "…Can we make cake instead?"

Sachiko nodded and Misa smiled brightly, the two setting to work, Sachiko humming as she measured out the flour she'd bought in. And, if Misa should have hissed a low whisper at some point to the air, slapping it almost, with her pale hand, Sachiko pretended not to notice, because Misa was just that lovely a girl.

…Even if her strange hiss had soundedquite a lot like: "Go and bother Light!"

Ryuk moped. It was quite a disturbing sight, had anyone save for other shinigamis and Death Note bearers been able to see it, the gangly, overgrown monster crouched like some grandiose gargoyle on a telephone-wire post. But yes – Ryuk moped. After having eaten Sachiko's Yagami's apple supply there was no more fruit forthcoming, and now he didn't even have Misa to amuse him after being banished from the little human's presence. Light had bodily threatened Ryuk's hopes of ever seeing another apple again in his near-immortal existence should the shinigami disturb him while he was at work and so –

Ryuk moped.

Light Yagami used and abused people, and very few people were smart enough to figure that out. It was the young man's smile that did it, the brunet's easy grace and charm and damnably beautiful face that had people dropping things here, there and everywhere to assist whatever scheme Light had all planned out in his far-too-pretty little head.

Ryuk, ever-bored, ever-useless, would-much-prefer-to-be-playing-Mario-Kart Ryuk, generally went along with whatever Light suggested. It amused him, and if those twits up in the shinigami realm couldn't see what fun there was to be had from humans then there was no hope left for the realm whatsoever – its inhabitants' brains had all rotted away to join the rest of their stinking bodies. They called him a 'toy', Light Yagami's 'pet' – and perhaps Ryuk was Light Yagami's pet, but at least he was a pet with some tasty apples. (And there was munching, and crunching, and all the delicious juices as they ran down his chin -)

"Ryuk."

(And then there was Ryuk hiding under a table, rather pathetically, considering his legs stuck up at an awkward angle and his belt jingled and gave him away –

Like Light hadn't noticed him dive under the table anyway -)

Light was a scary human. Quite scary even by shinigami standards, and when Light finally died Ryuk seriously had considered asking the Shinigami King whether they could make the brunet an honorary member of the realm – and then Ryuk recalled said brunet would probably be awful pissy with him even whilst dead, because if Light was dead Ryuk was very much determined he was going to have been the one to kill him –

"Ryuk!" Light didn't like being ignored whilst Ryuk's mind went on a day-trip to wherever it was shinigamis' minds wandered off to - the hypothesis relying all too heavily on the assumption that shinigamis did, of course, actually possess minds. (Something he, of course, strongly doubted, having Ryuk as a prime example to display before the courts of sanity or lack thereof.)

Ryuk slunk out from underneath his table. He couldn't think what exactly it was that he'd done to irritate I-am-God-Yagami-sama, unless of course Misa had told her precious-precious-darling all about the baking endeavours that afternoon and how the apples had all gone AWOL down one supernatural gullet but Misa had promised not to tell and he was going to sneeze all over her pillow if she had –

"Ryuk…" Light's eyes turned to molten gold when he was in a bad temper, flat discs that blazed and shone and reduced even the most oblivious of idiots to whimpering mice. And Ryuk didn't like mice, because they squeaked and squealed and tried to eat his apples when he was asleep, and then they point-blank refused to be caught in the mouse-traps Light had brought in, and taunted him from their holes with mousey squeakings of mini mousey glee –

Light picked up a nearby book and flung it at the shinigami, and Ryuk was too stunned by the incoming object to even remember he could go incorporeal at whim.

The book hit him smack in the middle of his face.

Misa came out from where she'd been pampering herself in the shower dressed in a very short, exceedingly skimpy black bathrobe (and probably only that), towelling her hair dry as she entered the room where her boyfriend was sitting glowering at the nigh-mute television, and Ryuk sat sniffling to himself in the corner.

(Upon closer hearing, the idiot shinigami seemed to be mumbling something about apples? But – ah, that was nothing new.)

"Liiiiiight," Misa padded quickly across the floor to drape herself around the brunet, utterly unmindful of the fact her still-damp hair was pressing against the nape of the male's neck, "you look tense. Why are you tense? Let Misa make it better for you…"

Half-heartedly, Light batted some of the hair away. "Misa…"

The blonde ignored him, pressing kisses to his cheek, his forehead, his mouth. "Light," somewhat breathy then, Ryuk twitching in the corner, recognising the mating call and wanting to be very much anywhere else at that moment in time because Light had hit him once and Light promised death if he should be around when Misa – "please?"

Light acquiesced to the girl's soft plea, grip shifting, sliding around Misa's slim waist and pulling her closer still –

And Ryuk phased out of the wall, out of the house completely, and took to the air outside with an exceedingly huffy beat of his mottled black wings. Really, if the humans insisted on doing the squishy thing with their unnecessary body parts they could at least do it somewhere private – preferably their bedroom (where squishy things were meant to be conducted, Ryuk had learned of his observance of the human race), where the only games console of the house wasn't. Squishy things in the living-room, on the couch no less, obstructed Ryuk's valuable gaming time, and withheld him the opportunity to try and beat his top score on Mario Kart.

Ryuk returned, quite a few hours later, to find Misa gone, the television off, and Light staring rather broodingly into the artificial fireplace. Musk still hung heavy in the air but most of the fury had gone, a heavy pregnant feeling of tight, wound-up thought pressing against the four walls of the room. Light hadn't bothered to replace all his clothes, sitting dressed only in boxers and his unbuttoned shirt.

"Misa didn't help with you being 'tense' then?" If Ryuk were anyone else asking the question would've been deemed suicidal. As it was -

Light's reply was short, expression hidden by the shadow of his fringe. "She's asleep."

"And you're not."

"Kira has work to do."

"Kira sleeps." Ryuk couldn't help but chuckle (hyuk, hyuk, hyuk) when the mortal before him flinched slightly, as if stung by the reminder. "I've seen you." The shinigami saw the other's jaw shift in the odd light, clench in anger.

"Shut up, Ryuk."

Ryuk ignored the order, somewhat vengeful for the book incident of before. "Tell me Light, do gods usually think about being all god-like after they've just slept with their human girlfriends?"

"Shut up, Ryuk."

"Do you enjoy it?" Ryuk's head tilted unnaturally to one side, the shinigami looking as though his neck had been snapped. "I know humans have gotta do the squishy thing to make more humans, but you're always sulking and glowering afterwards. Do you do it solely to prove to yourself how much you don't like it?"

"Ryuk -!" Light finally turned to glare at him then, strangely-coloured eyes even hotter than before, more furious. If there was one thing Yagami Light loathed, it was someone poking fun at his supposed godhood. (And manhood, but Ryuk had left those jabs to the detective L, when the insomniac had been alive.)

"You are human, Yagami Light." Ryuk, for once, looked scarily like the death god he was, eyes nearly white with supernatural fire. He approached the other, Light glaring at him obstinately, unflinching when Ryuk drew a fine, sharp line down his bare chest with a pointed claw. Red immediately rose to fill the scratch, fine beads of crimson. "Do you think you won't bleed?"

"And yet I am already worshipped more than those who are long since dead." Light let out a brief snarl when Ryuk only laughed once more, the sound grating in the otherwise quiet room.

The shinigami pushed the other onto his back, Light propped up on his elbows and incensed. Ryuk continued to draw upon the other with his claws, leaving blood in his wake. "The detective -"

"L?"

"L. He had something he always said to you – that weird roman phrase – meme….something mori."

Light thought for a few moments, completely removed to the liquid now dribbling down his skin, before asking hesitantly, "Memento mori?"

"That's it. Memento mori."

"…'Remember death'…" Light scoffed. "It's hard to forget him when you've got one of his minions constantly lurking over your shoulder demanding apples."

Ryuk dug in a little deeper with his claw, and Light gasped, fresh scarlet bubbling up, up, because Ryuk's claw was buried in up to the knuckle, and Light felt it grate across bone –

"Hyuk." And Light's eyes changed colour, temper subsiding to be replaced by smoke and the heavy musk of before – "So is it Kira or Light Yagami that's the masochist?" He pulled out the claw, scratching the bone some more as he did, Light's hand coming up automatically to cover the hole in his chest, his aching rib.

The brunet fell backwards further without one of his arms to support him, flat against the cushions of the sofa. He looked irritated. "Congratulations, Ryuk – you learned a big word." When Yagami Light was lost for words, he hit out at anything.

Ryuk cackled to himself, the pet receiving little more than a pathetic verbal kicking because its master was at a loss. He raised his bloody hand, claws smearing red across the little god's smooth face.

Light pulled a face, the liquid drying and sticking uncomfortably to his kin, feeling the scrape of the shinigami's nail in the soft skin beneath his eyeball.

"Tell me, Ryuk," Light asked, changing the subject in the way he often did, somehow perfectly at ease beneath the other's leering mouth, beneath the one who could (and would, had the flying idiot have his unlikely way) kill him, "what happens if you make the eye deal with a blind person?"

"Dunno," Ryuk helpfully responded, ever-eloquent, "no-one's ever been blind and picked up the Death Note. Probably because they couldn't see it. Why?" He pressed down with his nail, grin spreading wider, and Light felt a low pain as his eye automatically tried to escape the pressure by bulging out of his socket. "You wanna be the first to try?"

Light gasped again, and all he could breathe in was dust and death, Ryuk's belts and chains jingling and clinking as the other leaned over him, feathers rotten and rank, oily when the human tried to clutch onto them to push the death god away. His breath was fetid, and his teeth were those of a shark.

"Get off." The words were an order, deadly, infuriated once more, and Ryuk pondered to himself for a few moments. They were the words of a master to a pet; the words Light no doubt banished Misa to the bedroom with, sending those beneath him out of sight. But Light was beneath him right now, bleeding – "Now."

"What would Kira do if I said no?"

"How does an infinity with no more apples sound?" Such a fragile thing power was, lending Light Yagami authority, giving him the appearance of it. A shinigami didn't need food to survive, but apples really did taste nice and –

Apples. Dignity. Apples. Dignity. Apples -

Ryuk decided to humour the little boy playing god – the mortal had to have at least a few more interesting years in him yet – and climbed off the scowling brunet, Light immediately going to the medicine cabinet in the kitchen. He ignored the scarlet blossoming through his human's shirt, cackling as the other started tending to his cuts.

Light glared at him, still angry, still furious. Still so very, very mortal. Ryuk leered back at him. "Apple?"

He was a demanding pet.