I really have no all-encompassing statements for this work of
fanfiction. It is self-explanatory, in its own right.
Standard disclaimers apply. Shin Seiki Evangelion is the property
of GAINAX, Project Eva, TV Tokyo, and various other international
companies involved in its production and distribution.
---------------------------------------------------------
Classified Information
By: Gramarye
---------------------------------------------------------
Hey.
How's it going?
Yeah. I thought so.
All the guys have been asking after you at school. Y'know, they're
wondering when you're coming home, and if they can come see you, and
stuff like that. I said I'd ask the nurses.
But they wouldn't tell me anything, though. Sorry, it's "classified
information", they said.
Classified information. My best friend is classified information. And
here I thought they only did that to things like big military exercises
and super-secret weapons and Angels and EVAs.
I suppose I should be grateful that I could come see you at all.
Yeah.
Since no one's really seen much of Shinji or Asuka or Rei--at least,
not for a while now--all the guys keep asking me questions about you.
A couple of the girls, too, but they're really careful about it. They
don't want to get Hikari too upset. I haven't seen her in a while,
either, but from what I've heard she comes to see you a lot. That's
nice of her.
Anyway, you'll have plenty of people to visit you. I'll tell some of
the guys to stop by if they can. When you start to feel better, you
can come and tell them all about it.
Maybe I'll be there to hear you, too.
Maybe.
I suppose I should tell the nurse that your IV bag is getting low.
Wouldn't want to run out of that stuff, would you? I had to get an IV
once, long time ago. Heh, I was screaming bloody murder when they
stuck the needle in. Just like a stupid little kid would do. It
didn't really hurt that much, but it still scared the hell out of me.
My parents still joke about it, sometimes.
Or I could change the water for those flowers over there. Who sent
them to you? Hikari? There's no note on them. That's strange.
I hope you get better soon. It's no fun anymore without you around.
Yeah.
So....
This is so weird. I can't believe I'm sitting here talking to you like
this. It might be better if you could talk back...it's not easy to
hold a one-sided conversation. At least, not when there's someone else
in the room.
What'd they do to get you to sign up, man?
You'd be the last person on Earth that I'd think of in an plugsuit. I
couldn't even have imagined it until a week ago.
Was it fun? I bet it was. It musta been so cool, to make it go
RRRRRGH! and STOMP STOMP STOMP! and BLAM-BLAM-BLAM BRRRDDDDDDDDT!
One of just four people on the entire planet who can make an EVA move.
It's like being back in elementary school and watching TV on Saturday
mornings and playing and fighting with your toy robots, only much,
much, MUCH bigger. And better. And cooler.
Just like every kid's favorite dream.
But not yours.
Which is why it's so horrible. You didn't even want to pilot at all,
and look what happened.
I couldn't believe it when I found out. Never in a million years would
I have expected something like this. And to tell you the truth, I
don't really know what to say. I don't know if I'm even supposed to
say anything. What would it be? 'I'm sorry you got hurt?' 'Here's
hoping you feel better soon?'
I tried practicing all the way over here, talking to myself in the
elevator on the way up--even though I got some strange looks from the
other people riding with me. But every time I thought something would
work, I said it out loud...and it just sounded so stupid.
So for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. Something
like this...I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, let alone my best
friend. I can't tell you how much I wish it was me, and not you, that
was in this position. You've got a little sister who practically
worships you, and she needs her big, strong older brother more than
anything right now. You *have* to get well. You have to get well for
her, even if you won't do it for me or Hikari or anyone else. Do you
hear me?
But you did your best. I mean, you tried to protect everyone. I bet
it killed you to do it, but you set your jaw and did it anyway.
I bet it was hell for you.
You got to do everything. To wear that plug suit, to sit in the entry
plug and know that you'd make thousands of tons of metal move and fight
and kill. What was it like?
I bet you didn't even like it. You didn't want to, and they made you.
They pulled out all the stops for you.
And now you're here, and I'm looking at you, and I'd give anything to
trade places with you.
Oh God, why did I say that. Why did I *say* that?
I know it sounds horrible. I mean, look at you. You tried so hard,
and you ended up here. You sacrified everything you had, and here I am
acting like such an ingrate.
If my parents were here, they'd say this was so typical of me. They
always tell me that my biggest problem is that I want what isn't mine.
But this is different. This isn't some little boy's fantasy, this
isn't about playing soldier, this isn't just another war game.
This was something that I know, deep down, should have been mine.
It should have been mine, can't you understand? MINE. *I* was
supposed to be the one, not *you*. *You* didn't even want it. You
can't imagine what I would have done to be one of THEM. So you go off
and get yourself hurt, and now I'm supposed to feel bad about it, but I
can't, no matter how hard I try. And now I have to stand here and feel
bad for you, and all I can think about is that I'm sorry it WAS you and
not me and it's not fair you can't do this to me why you why you and
not me special is that it why were you so goddamned special and i can't
believe i'm telling you this but it SHOULD havebeenmenotyounotyoushould
havebeenmedamnyoudamnyouanswermeyoubastardi'msogoddamnjealousicould--
"Aida-san, visiting hours are over. You'll have to leave."
--leave.
Yeah, I'll leave. Just give me a minute, okay?
I've gotta go now. I'll see you later, then.
Maybe. 'Cause I'm kinda busy right now. I have a lot of stuff to do.
So I might not be able to come see you, y'know.
But don't worry about me.
I think I'm gonna go home and take a shower. Nice hot shower. Long
shower. Then go to bed. I've got a headache, though, so I think
I'll take something to help me sleep. There's probably some old
prescription lying around the house somewhere, and I'm sure it'll be
okay if I took a couple. Just to help me get to sleep. I don't think
anyone would mind.
Yeah, it'll be okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.
G'night, man.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Gramarye
[email protected]
http://gramarye.freehosting.net/
November 17, 2001
fanfiction. It is self-explanatory, in its own right.
Standard disclaimers apply. Shin Seiki Evangelion is the property
of GAINAX, Project Eva, TV Tokyo, and various other international
companies involved in its production and distribution.
---------------------------------------------------------
Classified Information
By: Gramarye
---------------------------------------------------------
Hey.
How's it going?
Yeah. I thought so.
All the guys have been asking after you at school. Y'know, they're
wondering when you're coming home, and if they can come see you, and
stuff like that. I said I'd ask the nurses.
But they wouldn't tell me anything, though. Sorry, it's "classified
information", they said.
Classified information. My best friend is classified information. And
here I thought they only did that to things like big military exercises
and super-secret weapons and Angels and EVAs.
I suppose I should be grateful that I could come see you at all.
Yeah.
Since no one's really seen much of Shinji or Asuka or Rei--at least,
not for a while now--all the guys keep asking me questions about you.
A couple of the girls, too, but they're really careful about it. They
don't want to get Hikari too upset. I haven't seen her in a while,
either, but from what I've heard she comes to see you a lot. That's
nice of her.
Anyway, you'll have plenty of people to visit you. I'll tell some of
the guys to stop by if they can. When you start to feel better, you
can come and tell them all about it.
Maybe I'll be there to hear you, too.
Maybe.
I suppose I should tell the nurse that your IV bag is getting low.
Wouldn't want to run out of that stuff, would you? I had to get an IV
once, long time ago. Heh, I was screaming bloody murder when they
stuck the needle in. Just like a stupid little kid would do. It
didn't really hurt that much, but it still scared the hell out of me.
My parents still joke about it, sometimes.
Or I could change the water for those flowers over there. Who sent
them to you? Hikari? There's no note on them. That's strange.
I hope you get better soon. It's no fun anymore without you around.
Yeah.
So....
This is so weird. I can't believe I'm sitting here talking to you like
this. It might be better if you could talk back...it's not easy to
hold a one-sided conversation. At least, not when there's someone else
in the room.
What'd they do to get you to sign up, man?
You'd be the last person on Earth that I'd think of in an plugsuit. I
couldn't even have imagined it until a week ago.
Was it fun? I bet it was. It musta been so cool, to make it go
RRRRRGH! and STOMP STOMP STOMP! and BLAM-BLAM-BLAM BRRRDDDDDDDDT!
One of just four people on the entire planet who can make an EVA move.
It's like being back in elementary school and watching TV on Saturday
mornings and playing and fighting with your toy robots, only much,
much, MUCH bigger. And better. And cooler.
Just like every kid's favorite dream.
But not yours.
Which is why it's so horrible. You didn't even want to pilot at all,
and look what happened.
I couldn't believe it when I found out. Never in a million years would
I have expected something like this. And to tell you the truth, I
don't really know what to say. I don't know if I'm even supposed to
say anything. What would it be? 'I'm sorry you got hurt?' 'Here's
hoping you feel better soon?'
I tried practicing all the way over here, talking to myself in the
elevator on the way up--even though I got some strange looks from the
other people riding with me. But every time I thought something would
work, I said it out loud...and it just sounded so stupid.
So for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. Something
like this...I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, let alone my best
friend. I can't tell you how much I wish it was me, and not you, that
was in this position. You've got a little sister who practically
worships you, and she needs her big, strong older brother more than
anything right now. You *have* to get well. You have to get well for
her, even if you won't do it for me or Hikari or anyone else. Do you
hear me?
But you did your best. I mean, you tried to protect everyone. I bet
it killed you to do it, but you set your jaw and did it anyway.
I bet it was hell for you.
You got to do everything. To wear that plug suit, to sit in the entry
plug and know that you'd make thousands of tons of metal move and fight
and kill. What was it like?
I bet you didn't even like it. You didn't want to, and they made you.
They pulled out all the stops for you.
And now you're here, and I'm looking at you, and I'd give anything to
trade places with you.
Oh God, why did I say that. Why did I *say* that?
I know it sounds horrible. I mean, look at you. You tried so hard,
and you ended up here. You sacrified everything you had, and here I am
acting like such an ingrate.
If my parents were here, they'd say this was so typical of me. They
always tell me that my biggest problem is that I want what isn't mine.
But this is different. This isn't some little boy's fantasy, this
isn't about playing soldier, this isn't just another war game.
This was something that I know, deep down, should have been mine.
It should have been mine, can't you understand? MINE. *I* was
supposed to be the one, not *you*. *You* didn't even want it. You
can't imagine what I would have done to be one of THEM. So you go off
and get yourself hurt, and now I'm supposed to feel bad about it, but I
can't, no matter how hard I try. And now I have to stand here and feel
bad for you, and all I can think about is that I'm sorry it WAS you and
not me and it's not fair you can't do this to me why you why you and
not me special is that it why were you so goddamned special and i can't
believe i'm telling you this but it SHOULD havebeenmenotyounotyoushould
havebeenmedamnyoudamnyouanswermeyoubastardi'msogoddamnjealousicould--
"Aida-san, visiting hours are over. You'll have to leave."
--leave.
Yeah, I'll leave. Just give me a minute, okay?
I've gotta go now. I'll see you later, then.
Maybe. 'Cause I'm kinda busy right now. I have a lot of stuff to do.
So I might not be able to come see you, y'know.
But don't worry about me.
I think I'm gonna go home and take a shower. Nice hot shower. Long
shower. Then go to bed. I've got a headache, though, so I think
I'll take something to help me sleep. There's probably some old
prescription lying around the house somewhere, and I'm sure it'll be
okay if I took a couple. Just to help me get to sleep. I don't think
anyone would mind.
Yeah, it'll be okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.
G'night, man.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Gramarye
[email protected]
http://gramarye.freehosting.net/
November 17, 2001