CHAPTER NINETEEN: Keeping it Casual

"Here's your damn frappe" Allen hands Kanda his third vanilla frappe of the day and plop's himself down next to the Japanese on the couch in his (Kanda's) living room. He'd volunteered to just whip one up before he got off work that Saturday then bring it over to Kanda's apartment. Kanda had thought 'What the hell' because it wasn't a hassle and was to his advantage anyway. It was in fact, more convenient.

Kanda grunts as a thank you, and then proceeds to drinking his beverage, a moment passes before he glances at Allen, and sees the Englishman eyeing him.

"What?" asks the Japanese, one eyebrow raised as he questioningly looked at his companion.

Allen scratches the back of his head "Hypothetically speaking, or wait, maybe not hypothetically speaking, actually you know what I don't really know what to—"

"Get on with it bean" Kanda snaps impatiently

"Right ok, well—"he takes a deep breath "—is there any chance you'll let me... top?"

The Japanese looks annoyed now, with a tinge of confusion in his expression "I have let you do that, just last ni—"

"No I mean really top" Allen interrupts "Like... putting it in?"

Kanda's eyes widen "What!" he snarls

"So I take it that's a no"

"Yes! Or... No, I mean... Shit, bean, what kind of weird ass question is that?" he's sort of putting on a disgusted look, but it's still coming off as mostly shocked

Allen frowns "It's a valid question; it's not as if I'm a woman you know. I've got a dick a too."

Kanda rolls his eyes "You'd think after all this time I'd know that"

"I know you do, but I don't think you really understand what that means" insists the Englishman, and he furrows his eyebrows in frustration as he says it.

"All right, what does it mean then?" it's asked like he was challenging Allen

"It means that in order for me to feel like I haven't lost all of my masculinity, I want, no need to fill the male role once in a while. I'm bisexual Kanda, and I don't exactly identify myself with the female gender"

Kanda snorts "Gender's a social construct"

"Yes, one, which most people, including you, are more often than not inclined to conform to. Besides we have no choice but to acknowledge it. It does have a lot of basis you know, social constructs."

He's rambling .

"You just have to intellectually be aware that you shouldn't judge people by them, following them is no problem, I mean, the world would be pretty chaotic without social constructs."

"Uh-huh" Kanda sounds as if he's quickly losing interest in this but then—

"Dad warned me you'd say no" that sure did get his attention back

The Japanese gives him a patronizing look, which visibly pisses Allen off "Did he now?"

"Frankly I didn't really care much at first that I didn't top"

There is a pause, as if Kanda is waiting for the continuation of the statement, Allen just glares at him. He rolls his eyes and asks "...But?"

"But I've been thinking that I'm on the losing end of this arrangement." Allen huffs "If we're going to be sex friends we might as well do it right. And by right I mean it has to be...beneficial to both of us. Playing the girl will just get me tired of this, heck I know even girls get tired of arrangements like this at some point"

Kanda snorts "So you're saying we should mix things up"

Allen frowns "Ok, now you're making it look like I'm just suggesting a kink"

"In a sense, that is what you're doing, changing roles is a way of getting creative don't you think?"

"Fine, think whatever you want to think of it, I want to top" it was a ridiculous thing to get so determined about, but whatever the case, Allen was bent on this.

"Fine"

And for a moment there Allen's stunned, he didn't expect Kanda to give in so easily. He shakes his head, puts on the best half fake half real grin on his face then says "Thanks" to Kanda.

"I have to go then, I have a paper to write" he gets up, patting the Japanese on the shoulder and heads for that door.

"Hold on" the sound of Kanda's voice gets Allen to turn around

"Yes?"

"This is still casual" Kanda says it slowly, making it sound like it could pass both as a statement and a question

"Of course it is" Allen says quickly, too quickly maybe, though neither of them notice it.

"All right then" Kanda shrugs "Just checking"

Allen nods at his direction, and leaves.

...

"So I asked Kanda if I could put it in…" that was decidedly something Lavi wishes Allen hadn't said while he was eating a burger during his lunch break. Alas, Allen did say it, which is why Lavi is now currently choking on a piece of the said burger, demanding Allen hand him his canned orange juice. The Englishman hands him his drink, he glugs a lot of it down.

"Geez, Allen—" he says "—why have we suddenly gone from little to no information to too much information"

"I need someone to talk to Lavi!" Allen exclaims "And I can't exactly talk to Lenalee about gay sex"

"And what about me makes me seem like the right guy to talk with on these matters?" Lavi asks, still visibly taken aback

"Lavi..." it was one of those 'You're my best friend!' implying statements

"Fine" the doorman throws his arms up into the air in surrender, and then rolls his eyes "So you were talking about putting it in. Did Yuu agree to it?" clearly Lavi did not see that happening

"Strangely yes" Allen says, clearly bewildered by the fact

"Wow ok, so where's the problem? It almost sounds as if you guys are getting serious"

"Well we're not getting serious" the Englishman sighs "He made it very clear that it's still a casual thing"

Lavi nods slowly, looking thoughtful "Is it still casual?"

Allen pauses before he answers "It is, but—" he nibbles on his lower lip, and pauses again for a moment"—the thing about casual is, I've never been much good at it"

The redhead snorts, but it sounds forlorn, sympathetic even "That, you haven't been"

"And there in, lies my problem" the Englishman sighs "What do I do Lavi?"

"Well," the doorman scratches the back of his neck "are you having fun?"

Allen is startled for a second, not expecting the query "Honestly? Yes. But it's also really confusing as I've said"

"Still, you don't want to break it of do you?"

"Well, no—"

"Then don't! Have fun! Just remember you're allowed to see other people" Lavi smiles at Allen, it's one of his softer expressions

Allen pauses for a moment, as if he's thinking this through. "How do I go about that exactly?"

"Don't over think it Allen; just live your life as if you're not having evening rendezvous with someone. Think of sex with Kanda as... eating"

The Englishman looks at Lavi as if he's gone mad "...Eating?"

The redhead nods "Yes, eating. It's something you just need to do to satisfy carnal urges. Don't dwell on the nature of your relationship, that's usually how you can keep something casual."

Allen huffs "But I'm no good at not over-thinking stuff like that"

"Well you're going to have to try Allen" Lavi says "Otherwise, you should just break the whole thing off"

The Englishman responds with silence. He's pressing his lips together.

"Think it through dude, just... yeah" Lavi shrugs, then smiles

Allen smiles weakly in return, but doesn't say anything.

...

(A/N: I know, I know, I haven't updated this fic in a LONG while. Blame UNIVERSITY LIFE. This has been lying around unfinished since, well, FOREVER. I'm currently on sembreak now so I had the time to finish it.

Sorry if this instalment isn't that long, but in my opinion, there's quite a development in it. Because of Cross, Allen's starting to really think about this whole sex friends thing with Kanda. Anyway, I'm going to be updating this fic once or twice a month from now though, because I'd like to think some things through with this fic, it's actually supposed to end at chapter 30, it was my original plan, and I'm planning on sticking with that plan, but I don't want to rush it and end this in a half-assed manner.

Just so you all know, I've been reading all your reviews. And though I haven't replied (because I usually have no idea what to say, and am otherwise really quite shy (even if I do say so myself)) I'm really grateful for them.)