A/N: I don't own Bleach. I just read it and wish really hard that the shinigami from "Death Note" randomly show up and prove that they're ten times cooler with their little pens and notebooks, than the Gotei 13 is with their crappy fake tin swords.

Thanks for the awesome reviews guys. Only one thing...I hate having to defend a character only three chapters in. Yes, I know she's a perfect Mary-Sue. She's strong, sexy, titled, arrogant, incapable of controlling herself, likes to see bleeding, overly dramatic, has s&m dom and sub fantasies while mast...er....wait...um...block those last few out. Those don't sound kosher.

Kenpachi: *frowning* "Say what about the sub and dom fantasies?"

Takara: *waves hands about dramatically in what's supposed to be a mysterious manner and speaks in spooky voice* "You didn't read anything...."

Kenpachi: "Bulls**t I didn't. What kind of fantasies we talking about here? I myself love subs. Especially when covered in cheese and toasted, and served with freshly baked cookies and an ice cold coke."

Takara: *stares*

Kenpachi: "What's a dom? Some kind of salad?"

Takara: *still staring*

Kenpachi: "Blast it woman, tell me what a dom is!"

Yumichika: "Wow...Captain Kenpachi's dense."

Author: "Sorry, I've been awake too many hours (about fifty now), had too much coffee (I'm on my fourth pot!)and have started wondering what a fossilized lemur would look like (I want it to still have hair and eyeballs, but be all nasty and mummified looking at the same time). Plus, I really need to change the batteries in my keyboard. I keep finding typo's."

ooooooooooooooo

The Strong Ones

It was an eerily calm morning in Sereitei. The morning sun was halfway over the horizon, spilling a red and purple glow over the landscape, while a gentle breeze blew warmly down the streets and into one of the main training arena's. It was six-thirty, and already three divisions were waiting to be "assessed" by whoever the new captain was. Rumors about her had already spread, thanks to Unohana's selfish desire to work and not gossip, and divisions three and five's lack of knowledge all together. All they really knew about their new captain was that she was from either division zero or the kings guard, was a former Gotei 13 captain, and somehow outranked Yamamato-sama, even if he currently had the power to boss her around.

Gradually, over the next half hour, more of the divisions showed up, either fully or in little groups of people. By five minutes 'till seven, each and every division were lined up, and each were gradually getting more worried. At four 'till, she had still not shown up. At three 'till, restlessness began. At two 'till, General Yamamato appeared, looking a little more tense and weary than usual. At one 'till, nearly every shinigami present had decided that they had been the victim of a cruel joke that involved waking up early.

30 seconds 'till.

15.

10.

5.

4.

3.

2.

BOOM.

The force of Anubis landing sent shockwaves throughout the assembled shinigami, as well as more than a touch of fear. The ground literally shook beneath his paws, and unlike Captain Komamura, he did not look fluffy or friendly. Orange eyes glared out a jackal's face at the crowd, and a hard, visibly toned pitch black body stood at a fighting crouch. Even so, he was huge. The same thought passed through the minds of everyone under captain rank.

Was this the elite division zero/kings guard captain?

The answer became obvious quickly when a young woman hopped off his back and began walking toward them, captain's cloak billowing a little in the breeze, but not coming loose from her red sash. She smiled at them gently, and affected a gentle demeanor.

"Hello all!" she said cheerfully. Several of the gathered sweat dropped. "I'm Captain Takara Rumi, and this is my sword Anubis."

A few of the lower ranks fainted when she gestured to the sword standing menacingly behind her. This did not escape Takara's notice, and she reminded herself to calm down before continuing with another smile, this one full of cheer.

"Anubis will be handling fifth division."

Silence followed….then…

"You've got to be kidding! That's a sword, not a person!"

Takara looked over at the outspoken shinigami, noting quickly he was from her division, as well as an insignificant rank.

"Demoted." She said cheerfully. He blanched.

"But-but-"

"You will be helping whoever cleans the sewers in cleaning the sewers. I want them spotless and smelling like roses within the week."

"That's impossible!"

"Improbable, but not impossible. Nothing is impossible."

Another silence fell over the troops, and was quickly followed by laughter. The laughter took over steadily, and built until it filled the arena. Only the captains resisted it's pull, although Kuchiki had a suspicious gleam in his eye, much like secret amusement, and Kenpachi was grinning full out. Takara allowed the laughter to continue for a while longer, knowing full well they did not take her seriously.

Then she notched up her spiritual pressure. A few people shut up, while some of the stronger ones gradually lost their chuckles. It was still too many people laughing though, so she knocked it up even further. Half of each division fell to their knees, while others dropped to the ground entirely. The laughter stopped. Takara smiled and pulled back her coat to expose the Celtic cross shaped seal on her shoulder.

"This is the seal of the king's guard." She said, and began walking slowly across the field. Anubis smirked behind her. "It is only employed when one of the higher ranks enters soul society. Much like the seal for you during excursions to the human world, it inhibits power. At top capacity here, I am functioning at only 50 percent. At top capacity in the human world, I work on only ten."

She stopped right before the assembled crowd and again gestured to Anubis.

"Please notice how he has not once wavered or disappeared since the assembly here. Also, look around you. I have felled almost a quarter of shinigami here, by merely raising my reiatsu 20 percent." She then pointed to Captain Zaraki Kenpachi. "See his eye patch?" Her hand went to the choker around her throat. "This necklace is no different. Make no mistake in my feminine appearance. I am the creator of the fighting division, as well as the kenpachi number eleven." She turned and pointed at the bold lettering on her back. "Until your current Kenpachi rips this title from me, and earns it, I am the new monster you must fear."

Fear they did. It was positively rank in the air. Takara grinned, baring a menacing smile as terrible as any demons. "I expect every division to train for war. You will eat, breathe, sleep, drink, and consume thoughts of battle. Traitors once resided here. Trust no one. Obey the King."

That said she stood up a little straighter.

"Divisions three and five, you will stay here for full assessment, since you are under my command. All other divisions, return to duty."

Obedience was quick. Takara turned to look at Unohana.

"Could you perhaps spare a healer or two in case of accident?" She asked the calm woman. Unohana nodded.

"Of course Captain Takara."

She spared five.

Kenpachi walked back to his office, more than a little excited by this mornings meeting. All his mind could focus on was the sweet feel of the other kenpachi's reiatsu as she brought half of the Gotei 13 to it's knees. His subordinates either scattered to the training area, or wandered off to complete their morning duties. Yachiru, who had remained oddly silent during Takara's speech, as well as oddly still on his shoulder, finally deemed it appropriate to speak.

"Ne, Ken-chan?"

"Yah?" He answered back.

"Why do you suppose her eyes are red?"

He glanced at the pink-haired menace and grunted.

"Dunno."

"Ne, Ken-chan? Do you think she's tough?"

"Yes."

"Would you like to fight her?"

"Yes."

"She's pretty."

He stopped and turned his head to look at her. Yachiru just grinned.

"I saw you ogling her boobies when she was talking."

Kenpachi wanted to kick himself for getting distracted by a nice pair of boobs in front of his adopted daughter.

"She's got big boobies like Lieutenant big-booby, as well as the Ichigo's big-boobied nee-san. Do you like big boobies Ken-chan? I like big boobies. They're all soft and jiggly, and people can hide candy and stuff in them. I want big boobies when I get older so I can hide lots and lots of candy in them. Do you think the new big boobied captain can teach me how to grow big boobies? I asked Lieutenant big-booby the other day but she just laughed at-"

"Yachiru."

"Yes Ken-chan?"

"You don't need big boobs."

"But Ken-chan, where will I hide my candy when I get older?"

"In your pockets."

"But you like big boobies! Wouldn't you like me more if I had some?"

Kenpachi actually had to think rather hard on how to answer that. It was rather remarkable really. His lack of eyebrows scrunched together, his mouth fell into a grimace, and his hands actually fisted and rested on his hips. Several people passed by him and looked up in shock. He looked so…pensive. After a few moments Kenpachi had his answer.

"Oi, Yachiru."

"Yes?"

"Who's my favorite person in the world?"

"Me?"

"Yes, and if you're my favorite person without big boobies, then why would you want them? Wouldn't that make it unfair to all the other people?"

"All of them?"

"Yup. "

"…That's a lot of people Ken-chan. All us shinigami, all the humans, all the hollows…and um…All the cats, and all the dogs, and all the…"

Kenpachi began walking again, comforted by Yachiru's distraction with naming all the 'people' in existence instead of inappropriate places to hide candy. He still wanted to kick himself.

"Eh, Takara?"

"Yes Anubis?"

"My squad is funny looking, can we trade?"

"No Anubis."

"Damn it."

She wasn't too sure why they were whispering, in fact, she wasn't even too sure why they had started. Shortly after the rest of the Gotei 13 had left, leaving squads three and five with their new captains, Anubis had taken it upon himself to speak to her in whispers only. To do so without being heard he had to leave his half of the field, walk over, bend waaay down, and cause several battling pairs to lose focus and once again marvel over the fact that her sword was literally bigger than she, but much less frightening once one engaged him in conversation.

Currently Takara was supposed to be weaseling information out of Hinamori Momo, and Izuru Kira, their rather…odd lieutenants. Kira was vaguely helpful, mumbling something along the lines of "had no clue" and "captain was always smiling." Momo was impossibly useless, since her only sentence had been in Aizen's defense, which almost caused Takara to kill her. The only thing that held her back was the thought that no matter how weak or pitiful looking the girl was, the fact that she was lieutenant rank, and that there was a war going on. Plus, she was fairly positive Yama-kun might not like a temporary captain killing their own lieutenant. So naturally the weaseling wasn't going to well.

"So from what I understand Kira-san, there was absolutely no clue before the ryoka's appearance that the three captains were about to leave?" Takara asked, hoping she interpreted the mumbles correctly.

Kira nodded. "Not a single one." He glanced up for a second. "Oh, but there was the murder of Aizen. Not a real murder, but Aizen faked his death so perfectly that even Captain Unohana could not tell it was a fake body."

Momo actually spoke up. "He can cause illusions by a form of hypnosis through his zanpakutou. I'm sure he's just playing a prank right-"

Takara's hand found Momo's neck and began squeezing before she could stop herself. The much smaller girl was raised up a few feet in the air, and Takara had to take a few deep breaths to calm down, before abruptly dropping the girl back to the ground. The moment her body crumpled Momo began coughing and taking in deep breaths, trying to relieve the crushing pain in her throat. Takara glared down at her.

"Listen closely girl. I am no gently smiling Aizen, nor some delusion he dreamed up as a prank on this place." Takara hissed at her. "I am the cold, hard truth, and I will kill you if you spout more lies."

Momo stared up at her fearfully, and Takara bared her tooth in a snarl. Kira stared in amazement before quickly bending down to help Momo up. Takara glared at the both of them.

"Kira-san." She said. He looked up at her. "What is the power of your sword?"

"With each strike of my blade, my foes become heavier."

"…Good, I like that. You and I will duel now."

He swallowed in nervousness but stood, following her out on the field. Anubis quickly returned to his true form after barking out a few orders at his squad. His dual blades gleamed menacingly in the sunlight, connected by a chain between the two. The blades curved smoothly on one side, with a blood gutter running along the rim, while the other side was sharp and jagged looking, much like a saw. Kira stared, then stuttered out:

"W-what is the power of your sword Captain Takara?"

Takara smiled vaguely. "Anubis…judges people."

She charged.

Unohana Retsu hated fighting. She really did. She saw the necessity of it, but never understood why some enjoyed it. At least, not until now.

The 17 members from divisions three and five, as well as 8 from eleventh, were more than enough to make her want to toss in her healing powers and just…just…

Lovely images of ripping off Captain Kenpachi's head, then sticking it, and it's bells, on a stake in front of her office danced through her head, along with a nice little image of roasting the new captain on a giant spit, turned by Retsu as she cackled over her victory. Kill two…save a million headaches.

Now she understood why General Yamamato had been so worried after phoning the former captain. Next time he got injured, she was going to heal it the hard, painful, long, torturous way. It was the least she could do to thank him for increasing her workload by over double.

Unohana Retsu had never understood the need for violence before now, but the anger that burned through her, underneath her sweetly smiling façade, made her wonder how she had ever lived without it.

Madarame gave a yelp as the painkilling kido went away, leaving him with the intense, throbbing pain of an arm half ripped open and slowly healing.