So I was in the mood for a crack fic and this happened. This story is not meant to be taken seriously...at all. This is what happens when a person has way too much time on their hands. And to anyone who is reading my other VK stories and is like "WTF? Shouldn't you finish those before starting a third story?" I say to you...yeah, I should. However, this story will probably be update and possibly finished soon because crack is just naturally produced in my blood stream so it won't be to hard to think up ideas for this story.

So, this story is based off of the latest chapter of Vampire Knight. Everyone seemed depressed that Zero has his whole "must kill all da pureblood vamps" idea so I decided to do something that will hopefully cheer some people up. Last night...morning...whatever time it was, this idea just came to me. What if Zero just kind of failed at trying to kill Yuuki? Like all the things that could possibly go wrong would go wrong. So this story was born. I hope you guys enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight.

Warning: This story contains OOCness from all characters, crackyness, a yaoi moment, and Zero (unsuccessfully) trying to kill Yuuki Kuran. You have been warned.

Attempt #1

Attempt #1: Kuran Manor

Zero Kiryu was sneaking through the dark, empty hallways of Kuran Manor like a ninja...a sexy, silver-haired ninja. His task was simple. He came here to finally kill Yuuki Kuran, his former best friend/love interest/blood donor who had recently turned into a pureblood vampire. Zero didn't care how kind and caring Yuuki had been, she was a vampire now and that made her a bad, badperson. He was planning on killing her last, after he got rid of all the other pureblood vampires. However, after the battle at Cross Academy, when Zero went back to his dorm room to pack his things, he found a note from Kaname that made him change his mind about everything.

Dear Zero,

I win. Haha.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kaname Kuran

P.S.

Yuuki put her red sweater in the washing machine with your white clothes, so your clothes might be a little...not white anymore. Do you mind dropping Yuuki's sweater off? kthnx.

Now all his white clothes were pink thanks to Yuuki. This was something that could never be forgiven...ever. He would miss Yuuki, though. They shared so many great memories. Yuuki was always so understanding...

"Zero, what's wrong? You ran out of the circus screaming." Yuuki knelt next to Zero, who was hiding behind one of the food stands in a fetal position. He looked up at Yuuki from his position on the ground, and then looked away blushing.

"It's just...too embarrassing. You wouldn't understand. You would laugh." Yuuki gave him a kind smile and put her hand on his shoulder, reassuringly.

"Zero, I could never find your pain funny. Tell me what's wrong."

"Well...I'm afraid of clowns."

"...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"It's not that funny, Yuuki! Shut up!"

Yuuki always understood him so well...

"Kaname-senpia is really sexy."

"What!?"

"Come on, Zero. Don't act as if you didn't notice. He has sexy, wavy hair. He has sexy, pretty eyes. He has a sexy, beautiful face. And have you seen his bu-"

"Okay, Yuuki, I get it. We all know Kaname Kuran is sexy!"

"...you think Kaname-senpia is sexy, Zero?"

And Yuuki always brought out the best in him...

"Zero, we'll always be friends, right? Even if I turned out to be one of the creatures you hate the most, became the fiancee of your most hated rival, and brought nothing but pain, despair, and blood-shed into your life?"

"Of course, Yuuki. It's not like I would go on some killing spree or something."

So many fond memories of Yuuki, but he couldn't back out of his plan now. She wasn't the same Yuuki anymore, not matter how much she acted exactly like the human Yuuki.

Zero arrived in front of the door at the end of a very long hallway. This was it. He sensed the presence of a pureblood on the other side of the door. Zero pulled out the Bloody Rose from his jacket and proceeded to kick down the door with his foot. He ran into the room with the Bloody Rose held out in front of him.

"I'm here to kill you, Yuu-Kaname?"

"Oh, hey Zero."

Kaname Kuran was sitting in front of the fireplace, knitting a sweater. He didn't look up until Zero had addressed and he gave the ex-human a smile. Suspicious. He wasn't acting like it was totally weird to have a ex-human vampire hunter breaking down your door in the middle of the night. Silence passed as the two men stared at each other. Finally, Zero let out a sigh and lowered his gun.

"Well...this is awkward. I kind of came here to kill Yuuki," he said.

"Yuuki is not here at the moment. Actually, I don't where Yuuki is, she's been missing for a week. The vampires who supported the council are out for our blood, but I'm sure there's nothing to worry about," replied Kaname. He looked around the room as if expecting Yuuki to suddenly appear out nowhere. He couldn't believe he lost her again.

More Awkward Silence.

"Listen, Kaname...about that whole 'cutting your hand off' thing, it was nothing personal. Well, okay, it kind of was, but I've been getting so much hate mail from your fangirls..." Kaname silenced him with a raised hand.

"No need to explain. I started receiving hate mail after the anime started airing."

Even More Awkward Silence.

"Well, since Yuuki isn't here I'm going to have to kill you," said Zero. Kaname nodded and rose from his chair.

"I understand, Zero. I have caused many problems in your life and you have more than enough reasons to want to-OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT BEHIND YOU?!," yelled Kaname, pointing a frightened finger behind Zero. Once Zero turned around in panic, Kaname jumped through the open window and escaped...sexily. When Zero realized nothing was behind him and turned around to resume his mission, Kaname was gone.

"Damn, fell for it again."

I'm sure Kaname will find Yuuki...eventually. I told you this story was cracky. When I update depends on how many reviews I get. Happy New Year. No matter how stupid this is please don't flame me. The next one will be better.